Single because....?
Belle8312
Posts: 2,151 Member
Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. So I just thought I would ask why everyone is single. I know why I am, I know it's because I have gained a lot of weight and don't really feel confident in my own skin. I was active duty military and got out 2 years ago. I started a job after that working anywhere from 12-16 hours a day and over the course of 18 months, gained a little over 20 pounds - and needed to lose about 20 before that. I don't have any confidence in myself anymore and have finally decided to do something about it.
While I am sick of being single, I know that I won't be able to find anyone until I am happy and content with myself.
So that's what I am working on right now. What about everyone else?
While I am sick of being single, I know that I won't be able to find anyone until I am happy and content with myself.
So that's what I am working on right now. What about everyone else?
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One reason for sure is like you, I do NOT feel good about my body. The last time I was single I was 40 lbs lighter. And 10 years younger... So my confidence is really down.
Also I think that I miss being close like I was with my ex, so I've really been struggling to handle the 'new' stuff, where you're uncomfortable and don't know the person and have to act all nice and stuff. I know I've given up on a couple of potential long-term guys in the last year just because I couldn't deal with a stranger.
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I am single for a couple of reasons: first, because I am a full time grad student in voice performance and have to work three part time jobs to keep enough money in the bank, so I don't really have time to find someone, and second, because it seems I won't be settling anywhere long term for quite some time. I am moving to Seattle in May after I graduate with my master's degree, where I will work and apply for doctoral programs, and considering that I am applying to five different programs in five different states, who knows where I will end up? Plus, there is the consideration of where I will be working after I earn a DMA. Jobs are difficult to come by, and it's easier to remain single and unfettered if it means that I have to move across the country yet again to find the right position.
Not complaining, though. I want to perform and I want to teach -- earning a doctorate seems to be the easiest way to achieve the best of both worlds, and I do value my education highly. If I meet someone who can fit in with that, then great! If not, well, I think it's best to keep my life as full, vibrant and happy as possible on my own.0 -
I gained tons of weight around 2006 living with an amazing cook/fiancee. He got cancer and we lived off of hospital food and stress for a year. Gained more weight. Then I was at the highest weight of my life. After he passed away my weight went back down naturally somehow?? I was never one for exercise. Now, about 7 years later I gained it all back. Slower metabolism. Some job stress. Feel like I'm going to be single forever. Drinking more. Beer beer beer. Lowered confidence in dating. Like some mentioned above, don't "feel like dealing" with "new people". I can't stand small talk. Even if I do start talking to someone (for example met online) it goes from "how was your day/what did you do today" to silence/nothing. It seems that guys my age don't ask girls out on dates anymore. I've been single for an embarassingly long time for only being 31 years old. It's sad because I'm the only daughter. It's just my brother and I. I feel like my dad is never going to walk me down the aisle and he's starting to have some health problems...of course my brother is happily married with 1 son and a daughter on the way.0
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I have always been single! That's a long time, considering i'm 32 now.. A lot of people wouldn't be ok with that, but I am. There have been opportunities, but i've always distanced myself. Until I am happy in my own skin, and in love with myself, I don't think the time will be right to allow someone else to love me. Have definitely made amazing progress in the last year or so though, so who knows, 2015 may be my year
All that, and the fact that I constantly move around probably doesn't help! Always travelling around this big, wide world. Hopefully somewhere (or someone) will grab me [not literally haha] enough to make me settle one day
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I have almost always been single with a couple short stints with a boyfriend but nothing truely long term. Also the majority of them have been long distance at that so I am stuck in the single mode. I am very active. From March to November I usually play softball 2-3 times a week, I also am training for half marathons, and work 40-60 hours a week so my time is limited. Hard for me imagining someone to pair with unless they are someone I meet while doing that but most the guys become friends/buddies pretty quick since I am a tom boy.
I also lost a bunch of weight and gained it back for many reason so don't feel confident as I did 2 years ago. Which I probably project more then I think I do.0 -
I'm just now starting to consider dating again, but honestly, it's hard to find anyone that I'm actually attracted to who also seems interested in me romantically.
Apparently I'm either very oblivious when it comes to flirting or the guys I meet just aren't interested. I also don't feel very confident in my own skin when I'm heavier and have had a few bad relationships that made me just want out of the whole dating scene for a couple of years.
It's weird, I didn't date much in high school/college and not at all from 20-29, so even though I'm in my 30s, I feel very much like I don't have a clue what I'm doing in that scene.
I whole heartedly agree with
I've never once had a guy ask me out or even ask for my number when I am above 220lbs and a huge part of that is probably what I project about my confidenceMissingMinnesota wrote: »I also lost a bunch of weight and gained it back for many reason so don't feel confident as I did 2 years ago. Which I probably project more then I think I do.![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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There are a few reasons I am still single. Like others have said, I too fall into the category of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. If I can't be comfortable with myself, I can't expect someone else to be. I do feel though that I have passed up some great opportunities because of how I feel about myself though. There have been men that would date me but I hold back or distance myself because I don't feel good about myself.
Another reason I'm single is that I have no idea where or how to find someone. I can't see myself doing online dating because I can't seen to put myself out there. What do I say, how do I write a great profile, etc. I don't really know how to approach men in public or in a flirting manner. If a man flirted with me, I probably wouldn't have a clue that he was doing it. lol0 -
I am single partly because I have spent the better part of my adult life as a single mom. With three active kids it left little time for a personal life. They are all now adults and I have had 3 even remotely serious relationships, including my current involvement.
I can honestly say that if he wanted to change my "single" status I would seriously consider saying Yes. That is quite a statement coming from someone who has always proclaimed that I would NEVER do that again.0 -
After a nasty fall in my early 20's, I messed up my back pretty bad so I avoided physical activity when I could. I am not the going out drinking at bars or dancing at clubs type. I'm more of the sitting infront of a computer geek/nerd kind. This of course, along with lack of exercise and bad eating habits, I nearly hit 500 lbs and was that weight for most of my 20's. I missed on my dating opportunities during this time and though it was depressing and all, I'm not upset or bitter. I was invisible to women and honestly, I wouldn't date me then, why would they?
Now into my 30's I have slowly been changing my health and weight. I've be forced to be more outgoing, and hitting the gym is a big part of that, but it hasn't really translated to dating quite yet. Also I work nights including weekends so that makes it difficult.
People that meet me in person for the first time and don't know me say because of my size I give off a grumpy, unapproachable "don't F with me vibe" but in reality, I'm a bit shy and a slight introvert. It takes a while for me to open up to new people and I know that doesn't help in meeting women.
This is also very true for me just replace the "man" with "woman".If a man flirted with me, I probably wouldn't have a clue that he was doing it. lol
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This too...Also I work nights including weekends so that makes it difficult.
And this..I'm a bit shy and a slight introvert. It takes a while for me to open up to new people and I know that doesn't help...0 -
Basically, MY type is the wrong type!
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I'm happily single after removing myself from a very toxic and emotionally bankrupt boyfriend. I've never had an issue meeting people, however I am a tad picky just because I know what I want.... and well, I don't believe in "settling"... 0
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I am single because almost 2 years ago, I decided to take some time for me, rediscover and learn to love myself. I was in 10 years of bad relationships, so it was time for me to learn to live on my own and figure out what I want.
Still working on that, but 2015 could be the year I decide to date again 0 -
I'm single because I want to focus on myself and earn the body that I've always wanted but have never tried hard enough for. I'm also single because I guess I'm kind of picky & I won't settle for a relationship that isn't great. Life is about being great! (& I've already tried not great- it does't work for me haha) 0
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I'm single because I enjoy being single, although I'm not opposed to being in a relationship, and I generally prefer to be alone while I wait for the right person to come along rather than date just for the sake of being in a couple.
I also believe life can be prosperous and great with or without a mate.
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I'm single because well...I'm not really sure why. Have had a year-long relationship that ended 6 months ago for reasons that I'm not entirely sure of (and neither is she though fortunately we're still really good friends). Have had several great starts to relationships that inexplicably ended after an awesome first or second date. I'm doing my best not to second-guess myself on these and just chalk it up to "wasn't meant to be", but I have to admit to being confused with the "you're an awesome guy and I've had a lot of fun with you but <insert generic reason it won't work out here>" spiels I've gotten. Some of them seemed to have something to do with the fact I have a grandson and spend a lot of time with him (even though they know that going in), others...<shrugs shoulders>. Anyhow, didn't mean to ride this off the rails here...
Anyhow, at the end of the day I'm great with either being single or not at this point, my life and schedule are very full and I'm not just going to date someone just for the sake of not being single anymore (great point @sewerchick93). For the first time in my life (sad that I'm 42 and just saying this now) I'm secure with who I am and comfortable in my own skin. I no longer need someone to "complete" me, though I'd love to have someone that could partner with me in something new. 0 -
I went through a stage where I was very self conscious and I think I settled for all of my ex's because of that. I have come to realize there are men out there who are good men who like bigger women and I don't have to settle. But I'm single now because I have done a lot of damage to my self confidence not in my size, but because of the choices in men I allowed myself to settle for. now that I'm more happy with myself I want to work on me and find the right person. As much as I hate being single right now, I don't want the creeps anymore.0
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I'm single because I'm in the middle of a divorce, I've been separated 6 months, and in that time I haven't met someone that makes me excited to spend time with them.
I've met people I enjoy spending time with (although I'm a pretty amiable sort that's not difficult to achieve), but have yet to find someone who I'm excited about and with whom I just want to share little snippets of my day.
It might happen, it might not. I'm not going to worry overmuch about it just now.
It's just WEIRD dating right now. That's the thing. I only went on a handful of dates before being with my ex - and we were together for 10 years. So going on dates and dating? It's a different world.0 -
Too picky??? but for good reason rest assured.0
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sewerchick93 wrote: »I'm single because I enjoy being single, although I'm not opposed to being in a relationship, and I generally prefer to be alone while I wait for the right person to come along rather than date just for the sake of being in a couple.
I also believe life can be prosperous and great with or without a mate.
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sewerchick93 wrote: »I'm single because I enjoy being single, although I'm not opposed to being in a relationship, and I generally prefer to be alone while I wait for the right person to come along rather than date just for the sake of being in a couple.
Bollocks! You're single because I don't live near you!
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I became single because my ex-husband and I were too much alike....I like men, and, as it turns out, so does he. I stayed single because I took seriously the job of raising 3 children as a single parent. Now that those "children" are 17, 19, and 21, it may be time to work on changing that status.0
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I don't know why ..... its not because I want to be that's for sure. I like to have sex .. and this sucks. lolololol #forrealthough #itsnotfunnyanymore0
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I'm single because I'm fat. That's the only reason I can come up with. I have a great network of friends, a career and a bubbly personality (most of the time lol). I'm not the most outgoing wild person, but I'm not the one in the corner afraid to talk either. I'm always the friend advising people about their relationships and listening to guy friends pine over women. No one's knocking down my door , never have. Guys I'm into aren't into me and the rare guy who shows interest isn't for me. I can't think of any other reason why I'm single.
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Hi guys! Im single for a LOT of reasons. First, I have two kids and one is bipolar and what man wants to deal with that. I also help my mom who is elderly and needs a lot of assistance. I work nights and weekends and live an isolated life. Also, and most importantly, I feel am not good enough, not only because am fat but who would want to be with me when they can have young, skinny and gorgeous with no kids. Guys are into me tho...the wrong ones lol. When the right one came along, i pushed him away because i dont feel worthy of anyone good like that. 0
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Early traumatic marriage and divorce/too fat and shy/complete homebody who just doesn't put herself out there.
I've worked through the first one, am now just overweight and shy, and I need to put myself out there.0 -
I'm single because I'm fat. That's the only reason I can come up with. I have a great network of friends, a career and a bubbly personality (most of the time lol). I'm not the most outgoing wild person, but I'm not the one in the corner afraid to talk either. I'm always the friend advising people about their relationships and listening to guy friends pine over women. No one's knocking down my door , never have. Guys I'm into aren't into me and the rare guy who shows interest isn't for me. I can't think of any other reason why I'm single.
SAME HERE WORD FOR WORD!!!! @lologyrl "I'm single because I'm fat." That truly broke my heart reading that!! I believe that there ARE people who don't mind someone being overweight or fat...and some people who like it and/or prefer it. (I'm just very wary of the "fat fetish" guys. #icant) But with that being said, at least for me personally, I feel that the majority of guys want the thin girl. I don't think I'm unattractive, but I don't get hit on at bars (unless it's by 60+ year old ex-cons.) LIKE, AT ALL. Never. It's always the painfully obvious GORGEOUS bombshells they go for. And before I gained all this weight I had braces during my adult years. So that I assume was the downfall at that time. Before that I wasn't ready as my fiance had passed away. I also seem to attract the married ones. I don't get it... ::deskflip::0 -
sweetcurlz67 wrote: »Too picky??? but for good reason rest assured.I'm single because I'm fat. That's the only reason I can come up with. I have a great network of friends, a career and a bubbly personality (most of the time lol). I'm not the most outgoing wild person, but I'm not the one in the corner afraid to talk either. I'm always the friend advising people about their relationships and listening to guy friends pine over women. No one's knocking down my door , never have. Guys I'm into aren't into me and the rare guy who shows interest isn't for me. I can't think of any other reason why I'm single.
I feel the same way too! Just call me the invisible girl.0 -
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I'm single because I just got a divorce. It was finalized in November and I am just now starting to feel like maybe I would like to start dating. But I am also overweight and I know that I need to get healthier, physically and emotionally. I am working on that and MFP is helping keep me accountable! I'm new here by the way, feel free to add me if you want a weight loss partner!0
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