New to this community and looking for support (to give and receive!)
mrtangie
Posts: 1
Hi, All! This is my first post..ever.. and the first time I'm actually going to tell my journey thus far to anyone. It's going to be long, and to anyone who actually reads it.. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I was always the skinny girl with the 'nice body and pretty face'. I went into university at 5'3" and 108 lbs; never exercised and enjoyed food. I was able to keep my weight around 108 lbs up until my 4th year (just 2 years ago). My friend introduced me to weight lifting and I became obsessed! I did started lifting heavy weights 4-5 days a week for 2 hours at a time, which inevitably increased my appetite. Then went to a trip to SF for a week and ate EVERYTHING, and came back at 117 lbs (yeah.. I ate THAT much). The same friend who introduced me to weight lifting introduced me to counting macros. And this is where it all went down hill. Not only did i become insanely obsessed with every little calorie that I put in my body, but I became fixated on having that toned *kitten* body I saw all over Instagram. I restricted myself to only 1400 calories a day while still working out 4-5 days a week, 2 hours each time. After 6 months, my weight only went down to 114 lb, and I was in the best shape of my life with a tiny waist and a nice perky *kitten*-- but I didn't see any of it in the mirror. I stopped counting macros around Christmas of 2013 and started enjoying CARBS again, but then I developed a binge eating disorder. At first it was just maybe 300 calories too much, and today its about 2,000 calories too much, and now my weight is at 127 lbs. Now its at a point where I actually hide what I eat from people, so no one in my life even knows that I have this problem, and I'm way too embarrassed to confess to anyone. They all just see how much weight I've gained and are too afraid to ask what happened. And I prevent myself from going to places where I might see my high school friends since I'm 20 lbs heavier than the last time they saw me.
When my binge eating started, my will to go exercise decreased significantly. I forced myself to go back to the gym and work out but its just not enjoyable or rewarding anymore. I've tried other forms of exercise such as hot yoga, cycling, and running, but being active just isn't my thing anymore. And it doesn't help that I have a full-time desk job now, too. I'm literally just always eating even if I plan out all of my meals and snacks.
So now I'm desperate to lose all of the weight I've gained, and I believe that having a group/community with individuals going through the same sort of journey will be beneficial. I can't go through this alone anymore, and if I can help someone, then I think it'll help me too.
I was always the skinny girl with the 'nice body and pretty face'. I went into university at 5'3" and 108 lbs; never exercised and enjoyed food. I was able to keep my weight around 108 lbs up until my 4th year (just 2 years ago). My friend introduced me to weight lifting and I became obsessed! I did started lifting heavy weights 4-5 days a week for 2 hours at a time, which inevitably increased my appetite. Then went to a trip to SF for a week and ate EVERYTHING, and came back at 117 lbs (yeah.. I ate THAT much). The same friend who introduced me to weight lifting introduced me to counting macros. And this is where it all went down hill. Not only did i become insanely obsessed with every little calorie that I put in my body, but I became fixated on having that toned *kitten* body I saw all over Instagram. I restricted myself to only 1400 calories a day while still working out 4-5 days a week, 2 hours each time. After 6 months, my weight only went down to 114 lb, and I was in the best shape of my life with a tiny waist and a nice perky *kitten*-- but I didn't see any of it in the mirror. I stopped counting macros around Christmas of 2013 and started enjoying CARBS again, but then I developed a binge eating disorder. At first it was just maybe 300 calories too much, and today its about 2,000 calories too much, and now my weight is at 127 lbs. Now its at a point where I actually hide what I eat from people, so no one in my life even knows that I have this problem, and I'm way too embarrassed to confess to anyone. They all just see how much weight I've gained and are too afraid to ask what happened. And I prevent myself from going to places where I might see my high school friends since I'm 20 lbs heavier than the last time they saw me.
When my binge eating started, my will to go exercise decreased significantly. I forced myself to go back to the gym and work out but its just not enjoyable or rewarding anymore. I've tried other forms of exercise such as hot yoga, cycling, and running, but being active just isn't my thing anymore. And it doesn't help that I have a full-time desk job now, too. I'm literally just always eating even if I plan out all of my meals and snacks.
So now I'm desperate to lose all of the weight I've gained, and I believe that having a group/community with individuals going through the same sort of journey will be beneficial. I can't go through this alone anymore, and if I can help someone, then I think it'll help me too.
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Do you have any idea what caused you to start binge eating? I have no doubt that you were in good shape.
You're like me in the respect that when I start something a little isn't enough, it's never ending, almost an obsession, then being your best is never good enough?
Did you burn out?
Baby steps, slow and steady will win the race ;-) I don't know how to tell you to stop eating. This you will have to do on your own, and you took the first step by coming here. I understand that you feel shame. However, take this slowly...........You want to become healthier not just lose weight.
Personally I Have become accountable to myself. This is not to say I won't have set backs. If I eat too much, hey, I'll only lose 1 pound this week instead of 2....Be kind to yourself, treat yourself as you would a friend.
Interesting, when you stated no one asked you what happened. I had one person that literally asked me. I explained and he said, "What are you going to do about it." yep.......But I thought him asking was far better than any gossip.
You CAN do this. Baby steps.
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I swear I posted something so similar to your post when I joined this site - a few months ago, an attempt that went nowhere! I definitely know what it's like to hide food binges from people. I'd be interested in giving and getting support even though much of our stories is probably different. I have another thread in this group, I'm going to try committing my food daily to everyone here, in the hopes that that and the grace of God (or whatever you call her
) will help keep me on track 0
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