Can't tell if I'm upset or emotional from dieting.
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ritualsilence83
Posts: 26 Member
My boyfriend of almost two years lied to me for the first time ever. He's never lied, honest to a fault so I've trusted him more then ever even when I've seen questionable pictures.
He was the one that said I have cellulite and should really stop procrastinating and really give it my all and finally get the body I want.
I've been at the gym at least 3x a week, and eating good for a few months but really staying with in my calories for the past 3wks.
I bought a run app that he was interested in, I went to download it on his device so we could use it together and that's when I found he had been using chat roulette. In our whole relationship I've never touched his tablet or phone, email or facebook.
When questioned he denied it. Then 15min later approached me with a story.
I feel hurt because in my eyes porn is fake people and OK but Web camming and interacting with a real person is along the lines of cheating.
If it was tinder (a casual sex app) I'd have sent him packing.
Later in the night he started complaining about me working out all the time, he refuses to join me. I suspect he used the app in a way to act out because he's lonely I'm gone for 3hrs a week more so then I use to.
He thinks I'm over reacting being upset but I feel like my feelings were hurt and I feel so betrayed that he lied. In the past he'd have no problem telling me if a girl was hot or flirted with him or what not. He's poured his heart out about his love for his ex and more. Normally one would get hurt or jealous but instead I value his honesty and opening up to me. Denying what I see then giving me a story 15min later seems more like he had time to think.
Please give me your opinion, am I over reacting to something small that maybe my diet is carrying away with my emotions or is this something that you feel is valid and I should be upset?
He was the one that said I have cellulite and should really stop procrastinating and really give it my all and finally get the body I want.
I've been at the gym at least 3x a week, and eating good for a few months but really staying with in my calories for the past 3wks.
I bought a run app that he was interested in, I went to download it on his device so we could use it together and that's when I found he had been using chat roulette. In our whole relationship I've never touched his tablet or phone, email or facebook.
When questioned he denied it. Then 15min later approached me with a story.
I feel hurt because in my eyes porn is fake people and OK but Web camming and interacting with a real person is along the lines of cheating.
If it was tinder (a casual sex app) I'd have sent him packing.
Later in the night he started complaining about me working out all the time, he refuses to join me. I suspect he used the app in a way to act out because he's lonely I'm gone for 3hrs a week more so then I use to.
He thinks I'm over reacting being upset but I feel like my feelings were hurt and I feel so betrayed that he lied. In the past he'd have no problem telling me if a girl was hot or flirted with him or what not. He's poured his heart out about his love for his ex and more. Normally one would get hurt or jealous but instead I value his honesty and opening up to me. Denying what I see then giving me a story 15min later seems more like he had time to think.
Please give me your opinion, am I over reacting to something small that maybe my diet is carrying away with my emotions or is this something that you feel is valid and I should be upset?
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Well, first if all, I am not going to judge your relationship, but if you have seen questionable pics before, maybe he isn't as honest with you as you think?
That said, it could be that he is feeling insecure that you are looking better and working on yourself. Seems like he could say something like "you have cellulite" and you take the criticism and start going to the gym, which I hope you are doing more for you than for him.
Anyway, maybe it's something, maybe it's nothing, but see how he reacts in the coming weeks and if he criticizes you more, or you find more questionable behavior, it might be time to give your relationship a new look.
Congratulations on getting into better shape. Yes, you may be emotional if you use food for comfort, but you are not stupid. you saw what you saw, he lied. you have the right to be upset.0 -
I'm trying to break the habit of sugar. When I was upset, happy, bored, or any excuse I could I'd run out and buy a container of ice cream or a pack of oreos and down it in an hour.
Last night being upset but wanting portion control I bought some single packs of candy but that added up fast. Today to kill my sugar craving I've been en gorging on fruit.
Not having a huge friend circle just being able to vent above took a weight off me.
He feels I'm being irrational, I think he's just upset that I spoke my mind to him and held my ground rather the ignore, look away, and avoid. I wanted a second opinion because there are times where I feel I'm just but looking back on a situation I see I was actually wrong. And most of the time I apologie. To know that I'm not being over emotional makes me feel better.
I've been employed as a landscaper for the past 4 years and love the company that I work for. Being 32 I realize that if I want to keep with it and not get hurt I need to take care of myself and lose about 40lbs. Since working out I feel better, have a better quality of sleep and wake up easier, I feel more solid and not like mush, and have been taking yoga which has done wonders for my back.
I feel so much better about myself that when this situation happened I felt sad and upset at first, but when I tried to think of the positive my first thought was 'if we split up I'd have more time to workout'.0 -
What the hell kind of guy tells you that you have cellulite and that you should hit the gym?! If my S.O. did that I'd tell him what-for and pack my bags.
Trust mama, the way you're describing this situation really paints him as someone who is not even remotely a mature person. And I know you're looking for encouragement and all, but I'd personally have left this crap a long time ago. You're worth what you say you're worth, and people will treat you accordingly. If someone treats you like crap, that's partially on you to stand up and say "HELL NO." An *kitten* is an *kitten*, but you don't have to put up with it.
Oh, and by the way, there is someone out there that won't pull this immature crap on you. It's really low and sad and stupid. If he's an adult and misses you then he would have said, "Hey, I miss you, let's do something." He wouldn't be wankin' it on camera with other chicks. HAIL-NO.
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ghostpeeny wrote: »What the hell kind of guy tells you that you have cellulite and that you should hit the gym?! If my S.O. did that I'd tell him what-for and pack my bags.
Trust mama, the way you're describing this situation really paints him as someone who is not even remotely a mature person. And I know you're looking for encouragement and all, but I'd personally have left this crap a long time ago. You're worth what you say you're worth, and people will treat you accordingly. If someone treats you like crap, that's partially on you to stand up and say "HELL NO." An *kitten* is an *kitten*, but you don't have to put up with it.
Oh, and by the way, there is someone out there that won't pull this immature crap on you. It's really low and sad and stupid. If he's an adult and misses you then he would have said, "Hey, I miss you, let's do something." He wouldn't be wankin' it on camera with other chicks. HAIL-NO.
I completely agree with this ... someone who loves you doesn't dismiss your feelings and tell you you're being irrational.0 -
I didn't know what is chat roulette so I had to read the Wikipedia. It seems to me it's a bunch of horny boys wanting to chat with girls but since it's random they probably just find each other instead?
I don't think your boyfriend is looking to cheat on you. I think deep down he is lonely and is seeking an outlet for his social needs. Besides you does he any any friends he hangs out with regularly? What I'm saying is that this is probably not about you but his own issues.
Look at it this way - you're here on MFP forum discussing your relationship with strangers. Maybe this chat app serves the same purpose for him.0 -
err just finished reading the rest of the wiki on this roulette app -- seems like it's even more of a porn app than a chat app. IMO this makes this issue even more innocuous. Boys been looking at porn since the beginning of time. Your boyfriend was probably embarrassed you caught him.0
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While I am communicating with strangers for personal reasons I am not doing it for nor am receiving sexual gratification. I'm not bothered by porn because to me porn isn't real people but Web caming is. I don't mind him talking to people male/female but I do have an issue with dating sites and sites like that where one assumes the users are single and avilable.
I do think it was him acting out. He doesn't work or have a large friend group. He mostly hangs out with his cousin and all the cousins friends that mostly comprise of 20yo girls who beg him to buy beer and he(32) gladly obliges. He doesn't have a bad life but he does say it's lonely having just me and 1 other has his true friends he can connect to. The other close friend is busy with working to supply his drug and alcohol addiction so we really haven't heard from him since new years.
The way he addressed my body issue seemed innocent. He takes pics of us often when we're walking the dog and he's shown me a few times as you flip through them you can see my face lose and gain weight through time. It's kinda cool. I had told him in the past several times over that the truth helps me alter my work out to see change, I just couldn't understand why he'd be able to tell me that but couldn't tell the truth about the app.
As it is just a wanking app I'm upset but not as much as if it were that app to meet and have set with people near you. I did tell him that he can watch all the freaky porn he wants but I won't put up with Web caming with real people. He agreed that it wasn't a good idea and if I had done it he'd have been pissed. Once I said the phrase "how would you feel if I was Web caming with hot young men when I wanted to get off" and his eyes went wide like he suddenly understood why I was upset when I put it that way.
Kinda ironic how this started because I wanted to share my running trainer app with him so we could have something more to do together.0 -
ritualsilence83, I wasn't going to respond to your post because others have given their opinions, many of them very wise. However, when I read, "he doesn't work," I had to post. Why doesn't he work? Is he wealthy? He has too much time on his hands; is he being lazy, sending you to the gym and not going with you? Why did he mention your cellulite, as if you hadn't noticed yourself? Is there something missing in this scenario that you haven't mentioned? How long have you two been together?
If he spends his time hanging out with his cousins (those are friends), then he can spend time with you, too. Does he need to work out? If not, perhaps he can meet you after your workout and you can both go to a restaurant that serves healthy meals. Quality time together is what's important, and it sounds like that's what he's missing. However, you mentioned you spend 4 hours at the gym, but that's not a lot of time in his life.
I'm glad he got the idea when you asked him how he'd feel if you did the same. I'm interested to find out if it works.
By the way, buying beer for a minor can lead to a jail sentence.
Linda0 -
He's not wealthy, he lives with his family and they provide for him. In his eyes he doesn't need to work until he feels like moving out. I live on my own and support myself and have told him I refuse to advance our relationship until he does have a job.
He doesn't need to work out. Amazingly he has a bad diet, drinks beer and looks amazing! He's not fat, he has this deep cuts on his hips he just has good genes I guess. I do mud runs and have been trying to get him more active with me so we have more common activities.
I honestly hadn't noticed my cellulite, I'm covered head to toe in stretch marks so don't nit pick my body. I know I'll have extra skin and what not and I've just been focusing on how my cloths are starting to feel baggy like they are a day worn when really they are fresh from the dryer.
We have been together just under two years. As he doesn't work I refuse to pay his way for things so we have a date night not too often. We do walk the dog and explore new woods often, the winter is difficult because being stuck in doors he just watches what he wants or plays his game and we really don't have much interaction. Almost like we fell into a too comfortable zone. We do need more us time, and he needs to better communicate his feelings rather then passively aggressively.0 -
Sending encouragement: It 's hard to walk away.
You, and all of us, can choose to offer our hearts to those who support us.
When we make excuses for someone's behavior, we could choose to use that energy to laugh with someone else who "has our back." See the signs and walk away from a romantic relationship, or a friendship, that has the negative behaviors your current boyfriend has.
Being without a boyfriend is okay. I gives us time to grow/heal and be ready to accept a kind and mature mate.
Criteria: Employed, living independently, kind (says nice things), compassionate, has goals ...
Glad that he shows himself to be who he is - do you know there are emotionally healthy and physically healthy men out there? Also, relieved you are not married to him.0
