Hey gang,
I'm up late so I thought I'd start a thread with tomorrow's date as a present to Nancy.

Today was a crazy emotional day, par for the course on this roller coaster ride week. I drove to Cambridge (yes, I pahked my cah in Hahvahd Yahd) to pick up a mobility scooter from a lovely woman whose husband only used it a few times and decided he didn't like it, too unstable (he has Parkinson's). Six hours of driving later, I now have a Pride Go Go Travel Scooter in the back of my car and the freedom to go almost anywhere I want without worrying about whether my joints are going to give out on me. It was a happy/sad experience... Happy for the new opportunities that having a scooter will bring; sad in that after ten years of fighting Still's Disease and "making due" with increasingly difficult mobility issues, I finally decided enough was enough and admitted that yeah, this disease has defeated me. I haven't managed to stop it and the damage it's done by sheer force of will. When I go to Virginia in a few weeks, I won't be sitting in the condo while everyone else goes to Colonial Williamsburg and Busch Gardens. I'll be right there with them. And when we go to Virginia Beach, I can scoot around the shops, but then use my crutches to boogie board again. REALLY looking forward to the fun, and packing LOTS of ice packs for the recovery, LOL!

I've also been writing out my case to our Y Aquatics director for why I should be allowed to participate in this year's Peaks to Portland race in mid July. (Swimmers take a ferry to Peak's Island in Casco Bay, then we swim the 2.4 miles to Portland's East End beach (with lots of kayak followers). I've wanted to do this race for several years, but I can't meet the qualifying time. I'm a strong swimmer and can swim for ages, but I just can't swim quickly enough any more. Before Still's, I used to swim 100 lengths/hour; now I swim 50 or 60, mostly because of shoulder and knee joint issues. Anyway, as I was swimming last night, four of the lanes were blocked off by the Peak's to Portland training, and I was once again lamenting that I wouldn't be in this race, when it occurred to me that maybe there's a disabled person's category that would include a different qualifying time. VERY EXCITING thought. Anyway, I emailed the director, explained my disability, and asked if the qualifier could be waived and I could participate. She wrote back explaining that the race was "closed" (all participant slots had been claimed for this year) but would run it by the aquatics team, and she would love to help me find a way to participate next year. Because of course I can't take no for an answer I wrote back a long letter about Carpe Diem and how when you have a progressive debilitating disease, your abilities can change at any time, Ten years ago I was climbing mountains on the weekends; two years later, I couldn't climb, but I could do simple flat terrain hikes; two years later I could only walk with a cane, then a walker; two years later, I'm on crutches full time; today I bought my first scooter. I told her I know I can swim this race this year. Next year? I don't know. I would definitely want to help set up accommodations for persons with disabilities, but I honestly don't know where my body will be and whether I'll be able to do it. While that feels a bit exaggerated, I suppose I really DON'T know. So dammit, let me swim! How hard can it be? You waive the timing, I swim, Jim follows in a kayak, if I start to drown, he ties me to the bow and drags me to shore, LOL. So... I sent two emails back and asked her to rethink her decision and to run all that I'd written by her team. Keep your fingers crossed.

Finally emotional craziness has been trying to sort out issues with Jim. On the one hand, I appreciate when he realizes he's done something stupid and is trying to make up for it. He does a TON of chores (laundry, dishes, dusting, etc.) and is super attentive. Unfortunately, it really, really breaks down my resolve to NOT just let this go. I love him, he's my best friend, he's hysterically funny and smart and kind, etc. But we have a HUGE hurdle/issue that we've had for a number of years, and it really needs to be addressed by some counseling and some long term changes. I suppose the good news is that he called his shrink and asked for a referral to someone who does couples counseling (I called someone too. We're trying to find someone local who takes our insurance), which is actually pretty awesome on his part. Normally he would say he's going to do it, then do nothing. So, progress! I'm sure you're all on pins and needles, LOL. After 18 years together, this isn't going to resolve quickly, I'm sure of that one thing.

Wow... stopped typing for a second and suddenly I'm absolutely exhausted, so let me wrap this up with another 2000 words, hahahaaaaaaa! Foodwise was pretty indulgent today. I've been wanting to go to this little Greek taverna in Cambridge for ages, and we did that today, and I went a little nuts on reliving my many, many weeks spent in northern Greece through moussaka, spanikopita, tastziki, tabouleh, and so on (sorry about butchering the spelling here). Thank god my sleeve kept me pretty much in check on portions, but I did bring home a lot of leftovers and nibble all evening. I think I'm okay though. I've been way under calories quite a bit this week because of the swimming, so one day of indulgence shouldn't be too great a setback. Tomorrow I'll do some protein shakes and lots of water for breakfast and lunch. When I got on the scale this morning and saw 407 (and thanks everyone for cheering!), I was shocked, and it made me, yet again, remember that I don't have to do this "diet" perfectly, that I can have some indulgences and still lose weight, as long as I don't make them the norm.

Oh, yawn yawn, eyes closing, I need to get to bed. Thanks for reading this far if you made it. Hope everyone has a great friday!
K.