Can you remind us of what you have been doing? Have you been doing a full metabolism reset (if so, for how long) or just increasing calories? If so, what level have you been eating at and what are your stats? Not sure if you are wanting further help about your numbers or if you are just saying that you are going to stop the process. For some people, it can be a very hard process - this especially depends on your dieting history - and of course it is hard mentally. I know you haven't posted in the forums in awhile - I wish you would have posted during your struggles and maybe we could have helped assess your numbers a bit.

Ok, I remember now. I went back and found your original post below.

"so I'm new to this group a little background info, Lost a lot of weight went from 196Ibs to currently as of today 110Ibs lowest being 100Ibs .. usual story low calories lots of cardio
this time last year I was running a minimum of 5k everyday, since then I've transformed my mindset and now do minimal cardio and strength train 3 days a week.
Ive pretty much done no intentional cardio in a few months now because of starting a new job , moving house and barely having time to get to the gym for strength training, (my gym pretty much sucks and opens very strange hours that don't coordinate with working people )
anyway I went through a great stage where i was gaining strength in my squat and deadlift consistently then bam restrictive mind frame came back into play
by no means do i starve myself when i restrict i just eat really low calorie foods plenty of veg, salad etc , since i started my journey i had what you would refer to as a treat meal once every week i strongly believed it helped me reach my weight loss goals and kept my on track for the week but Im still allowing this meal to give me allowance for undereating during the week
my calories come in at 1200-1400 calories typically during the week some days i get guilty and push myself to eat extra i have my goal at 1650
I am not in denial that i have developed disordered eating thoughts when it comes to food and I have my first appointment to see a therapist on the 12th of this month , what worries me most is that I have not had a menstrual cycle in about 4 months now and after having tests done my GP has confirmed my body had stopped producing estrogen
she explains this is basically because my body is constantly unsure of whether or not I am going to restrict it again and has shut down what is not as an important to survive

of course over christmas I did eat more than i typically would which probably is reason being for me sitting at a higher level weight than what I am used to

Im just unsure where to go from here, Im determined i want to get my body up and running again , part of the low estrogen levels is that I suffer from mood swings, irritability , fatigue and depression. I also haven't been able to be intimate with my partner for months either because lack of libido and painful intercourse
the part that scares me is that I am already at the higher end of my comfortable weight zone i would like to maintain 105-110

the last 2 days i have pushed myself to eat closer to the 1650 calories i have my goal set at , should i take it easier and work my calories back up or will i try and be consistent on eating the 1650 (again keeping in mind my average over the last week would be higher than normal)

I really want to shave that extra 5 Ibs off and get my in a comfortable weight zone again but i know restricting calories is possibly the worse thing i could do right now"

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So what is your weight up to now...you say you have gained 20 lbs? When you started increasing your cals, you were at 110 lbs. Our advice to you was that you didn't need to lose any weight as you were already at the low end of a healthy BMI. There were parts of your body that you wanted to tighten, so we suggested for you to raise your calories to maintenance and lift heavy weights and focus on body recomposition ( I know you were already doing some weight training, which is great). Your body had stopped producing estrogen as confirmed by your doctor and you had lost your period completely - all signs of extreme restrictive dieting. Your body needed nutrients, not further restriction for weight loss (you were already so tiny!) So just give us an update on what you have currently been doing the past several weeks and what all your numbers are now. Have you continued seeing your therapist?

First- 120lbs on a 5'2" frame is NOT large. I'm 5'4" and 140 and people are shocked. I wear a size US 6/8. I want to get down to 125 lbs. Normal for someone hour height is 105-135. So your weight is fine. The puffiness may be salt? Another medical condition? If you drink enough water and life Heavy and eat your TDEE (even or minus 15%) you will be more than fine. You're what- maybe a size US 4? That is TINY. I think you just need to tighten and tone and not worry about the number on the scale. You typically don't gain weight in your feet in normal range which tells me you have edema for some reason. What's the doctor say? I think mentally you have to look at this from a healthier point of view. You aren't going to eat to 196lbs again. Eat healthy foods to TDEE and lift heavy. Everything else will fall into place.

Is your food diary accurate? Some days you eat as low as 1,000cal and other days 10,000-15,000/cal?

Can you please tell us what ED you are referring to? I know it's not ED that males suffer from. Is that your short hand for edema? Or do you have ectoderma dysplasia? Emotional disturbia? Ehlers-Danlos? Knowing this may also help in figuring out what is going on and how your body may react to different stressors as well

MACnificence wrote: »

No I've never ate 10,000-15,000 calories ? I don't know where in my food diary that is

I got these numbers directly from your own food diary. Look back into March and you will see them:
March 24 Totals 6,383
March 30 Totals 8,227
March 31 Totals 9,333
April 1 Totals 15,306
April 2 Totals 16,307
April 3 Totals 15,974
April 4 Totals 9,059
April 7 Totals 9,038

There are more entries like this as well, but I stopped copying and pasting. Could it be that you aren't logging your food accurately? Because other days your entries are quite low, even as low as 600. Maybe not accurate logging has been part of the reason your weight is increasing, as well as not logging on Sundays. If you are eating a ton on Sundays and not tracking, it could lead to a gain. I'm not telling you have to start logging on Sundays, but your looking for answers, and this is all of I've got.

I thing that most people in this group realize, and you probably do to, that an eating disorder such as anorexia, bulimia and binge eating are super complex disorders. I think you'll be hard pressed to figure it out by chatting with people online, although its good to put out feelers and try to get some input and support.

I hope you can keep seeing your therapist and maybe find an online support group for people trying to overcome eating disorders. Make your doctor listen to you more. Tell her your feeling depressed and anxious about the weight gain, and that's it's causing you immense stress. Sometimes doctors just nod and listen without listening, so make sure she hears the sincerity. I doubt she is going to help you figure out how to lose more weight, but she might be able to help with your stress and anxiety in the large gaps between times that you see your therapist. I had a really great cognitive behavioral therapist who helped me overcome a lot of anxiety and self-esteem issues, so I wouldn't give up on therapy just yet. Sorry to hear that you can't get into see her as much as you need to. Just because the helplines didn't work the first time, doesn't mean they won't work a second time so I would try things a few times before throwing in the towel on them.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders, Inc.®
http://www.anad.org/eating-disorders-get-help/join-our-discussion/
Eating Disorders Helpline & Email

The ANAD Eating Disorders Helpline 630-577.1330 is open Monday-Friday, 9:00 am-5:00 pm, Central Time.

ANAD also has a special email address, anadhelp@anad.org which may be used by those who prefer email instead of phoning.

https://www.facebook.com/ANADHelp?ref=mf

I'm not familiar with eating disorders. But as MandaLeigh mentioned above there are a lot of resources available and definitely make your therapist listen to you.

I would say focus on being healthy- inside and out. Putting hours stats in shows you should eat 1919 each day for TDEE and to lose eat at 1631. I would say eat just the 1631 (regardless of exercise- as in don't eat back calories as it is factored in on my calculations which are from Scooby). And workout 30-45 min 3-4 times a week. Focus on that and the weight will shift. The stress doesn't help- it increases cortisol levels. Do you eat a lot of sodium? What I am confused on is the feet/ankle and arms swellings. You are not going to see weight gain there at all at your height and weight. So that is definitely edema and fluid retention. Do you drink enough water? Are you on any meds?

MACnificence wrote: »

These numbers aren't in my diary at all. I looked at these dates and mine are all under 1600 calories for them days ?

No, I did check out one of the days (March 24th I believe) and it was 6000 some odd calories. However, it looks like you logged 47 bananas for breakfast where I'm pretty sure you meant 47 grams of banana.

Hello MACnificance,
I have been following this thread with interest and haven't got involved until now. I really think a therapist would be more beneficial for you than a coach because they can help you to explore your issues with food. I'm a professional coach and I work with people by getting them to look at where they are now and where they want to be. A therapist would help you by getting you to go back to when it started, what happened and why.

I wish you all the best with it and I hope you get all of the help you need.

Grace