Dating
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Good luck! And think of it this way.. Quite a few men love a woman with some meat on her bones!! hehe Something to hold onto!0
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YES YES YES to all of this!!! I tried online dating and had a blast. I've always been self-conscious about being what I refer to as a "curvy girl" (which is what I told my online dates I am) but have never had anyone not want to go out with me again because of that!
My exbf also really made me feel like I wasn't good enough at this weight... but I've since found the love of my life (at a bar, of all places!) who literally thinks I'm the most gorgeous girl on the planet. Oh, and btw, he is pretty buff- but that doesn't mean I have to be
Online date guy #1 may not be "the one" but have fun with it, try some new things and impress yourself with your ability to flirt shamelessly
If he likes what he sees, why burst his bubble by telling him you think you're chubby?
Enjoy being wined and dined- I hope you will feel super confident and attractive, and proud of yourself for getting out there! Go girl!0 -
I'm loving what I just read in this thread! As a veteran online dater who happened to have met her current husband on a dating website, I say go and have fun! I found more often than not, even though I was a "curvy girl" in my 30s then too, I was MUCH more likely to be the one to decline a second date than the men I met were. Even the hunky gym junkies. I say that to second the commenter who said that YOU are the one interviewing HIM! You never know--he may be terrified you aren't going to like his physical appearance. Just go with the flow and enjoy the evening for what it is.0
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So how'd it go?!?!?!0
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Yes, I'm keen to know too. Not that I'm nosy or anything.
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Update please!! Even if he was awful there is a lot to be gained by getting out there.
I decided to 'get out there' a while back by going on Tinder, flirting a bit and saying yes to every date offered. I met a couple of losers, that's true, but about a month into my adventure, I also found a husband!0 -
I am hoping you had a great time!0
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SlimBride2Be wrote: »Update please!! Even if he was awful there is a lot to be gained by getting out there.
I decided to 'get out there' a while back by going on Tinder, flirting a bit and saying yes to every date offered. I met a couple of losers, that's true, but about a month into my adventure, I also found a husband!
Yup. I always say "I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince." I was just too busy in my bubble of graduate school to get out there and meet people the old fashioned way... spent a lot of time at bars during those years, but the guys I met there were only looking for one thing and/or were not my caliber... so I went on POF and went out on a lot of first dates (and broke a lot of hearts, apparently), and then I decided to give D a chance. Ended up starting a family with him. 0 -
I love you guys!
I realized through this that I am my own worst enemy. In retrospect, a big reason I was so nervous is that I totally built him up in my head...I thought I was off to go have a date with Don Draper. Upon meeting him, he looked like his pictures in a much more realistic way...which calmed my nerves (the whiskey helped too). I was happy that he was NOT the perfect specimen I had built him up to be, so I felt more comfortable about my appearance and we had a successful first date...AND some smoochin'...AND discussion of future dates.
But now the other reason I'm my own worst enemy. I've really lightened up on my drinking since trying to get healthy, and last night I had a few glasses of whiskey on an empty stomach because I skipped dinner due to nerves. This resulted in a post date late night run to taco bell and I went binge crazy. I'm trying hard not to feel guilty (the hang over and good first date haze helps ease the guilt too), but using it more as a learning experience and see how my body reacts to the gluttony. If you've slipped up and went face first into some carbage, do you always show a gain? I weighed myself this morning and I actually lost a little...I'm afraid my body hasn't caught up to the crap I threw into it and I'm going to be looking at a 5lbs gain in a day or so.
Thank you all again...you really helped me keep a level head and go into this with a positive outlook.
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Nikoba, most gains will be water & glycogen and will fall back off in a few days. No worries as long as you get back on track (and don't make a habit of it)!0
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No! definitely not a habit! I hate that I did it, but don't want to beat myself up over it either. It was more like a alcohol induced mistake...going forward I will make sure that I prepare myself better for evenings when I know cocktails will be flowing.0
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No! definitely not a habit! I hate that I did it, but don't want to beat myself up over it either. It was more like a alcohol induced mistake...going forward I will make sure that I prepare myself better for evenings when I know cocktails will be flowing.
Right, I'm just saying that once won't kill you. 0 -
When I went off plan in April, I didn't really gain--maybe a pound of two--but it took me a week or two to see any additional loss (as in lower than before the carby mishaps).
On another note, WOOHOOO!!! I'm so glad your date went well!!!
Remember, EVERYONE is fighting their own battles, has their own securities, etc. Nobody is perfect, and when we build people up like that in our minds we are doing a disservice to ourselves as well as to them. Perfection does not exist in the real world--only the illusion of perfection.0 -
I've had two incidents of binging now, but I've gotten back on track immediately thereafter both times. It's making me recognize my weaknesses and how I need to tackle them.
@Mami1976D ...you make a great point. I don't know why I turned him into this "perfect" being that was out of my league and wasn't good enough for when I've never even met him. My self esteem is definitely an issue I struggle with. And it doesn't help that I can be a bit neurotic and over analytical when it comes to my life and my role in it. I can turn into a female Woody Allen, it's disgusting. I'd like to get into yoga so I can focus on myself in a positive way, get out of my head, and learn how to calm the F down.
But yeah...I'm glad last night went the way that it did. It was nice to just get that first hurdle out of the way and ease into dating with a little more confidence now.0 -
I've had two incidents of binging now, but I've gotten back on track immediately thereafter both times. It's making me recognize my weaknesses and how I need to tackle them.
@Mami1976D ...you make a great point. I don't know why I turned him into this "perfect" being that was out of my league and wasn't good enough for when I've never even met him. My self esteem is definitely an issue I struggle with. And it doesn't help that I can be a bit neurotic and over analytical when it comes to my life and my role in it. I can turn into a female Woody Allen, it's disgusting. I'd like to get into yoga so I can focus on myself in a positive way, get out of my head, and learn how to calm the F down.
But yeah...I'm glad last night went the way that it did. It was nice to just get that first hurdle out of the way and ease into dating with a little more confidence now.
When things are important and emotional triggers, they tend to make us neurotic. I've talked myself out of going to events I killed to get invited to attend because of illogical social anxiety. I'd crazy myself out of thinking it was okay.0 -
@nikoba So... good news! I am so happy it all went great.
When I slipped into carbage I always gained weight but maybe your body/mind is too busy processing the feel good factor of the date and will forget it this time!
::flowerforyou::0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »Drinks set for Thursday evening...we shall see. The last time I dated I was 170lbs & 28 y/o rather than 220lbs and 37 y/o...confidence wasn't an issue then, but 60 pounds and some gray hairs later, ugh, I'm nervous. I'm trying to think of it as a job interview...even if I don't get the job, it's good practice. And hopefully if this guy turns out to be just a friend (which is still a win), at least I got the first date since the break up milestone out of the way. Now to figure out what to wear Thanks again for all the positive perspective...I need it and will probably read through all these again on Thursday for a boost.
It's a job interview for HIM! You should be more concerned about whether or not you will like him rather than whether or not he will be attracted to you. That's my $0.02. If something like your weight is a deal breaker for a guy, he isn't the one.
Agreed! I tell my girls to learn to love themselves and find a boy (they're teens) who agrees. OP if he acts negatively towards you, that's because he has an issue, not you. It sounds like that won't be the case, though. Good luck!0 -
Men are visual creatures so I'm guessing he's likes what he saw in the pictures or he wouldn't have asked you out. Go and have fun. Be confident in who you are and what you have accomplished. Confidence is attractive and sexy.0
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I love you guys!
This resulted in a post date late night run to taco bell and I went binge crazy. I'm trying hard not to feel guilty (the hang over and good first date haze helps ease the guilt too), but using it more as a learning experience and see how my body reacts to the gluttony. If you've slipped up and went face first into some carbage, do you always show a gain? I weighed myself this morning and I actually lost a little...I'm afraid my body hasn't caught up to the crap I threw into it and I'm going to be looking at a 5lbs gain in a day or so.
Nope, I don't always show a gain the next day...especially if drinking. The alcohol dehydrates you even further than just low carb/keto does. I often DO bump up a pound or two the following day as my bod rehydrates, plus some.
One binge-fest at Taco Bell is NOT going to undo what you've accomplished unless you make it a habit. If you get right back to your plan at the next meal, all will be well. And if it makes you feel any better, my post first date go-to was...a Domino's thin crust pizza. ;-)
I'm so happy for you that you had such a great time and you're past the "OMG...this is so SCARY!" part. If there was chemistry, I hope that date #2 is imminent.
My POF catch and I will be celebrating date #7 (in less than 2 1/2 weeks) this evening.
He's grilling ribeyes for me. :-)0 -
Hi Nikoba, I'm an "Old" pro when it comes to online dating, so I would like to share some "motherly" advice. I know, I can't help myself, having been on a few near disasters myself, so hopefully, my comments might help you or others to learn from my successes and failures while searching for love online.
I'm glad your date went well. Hopefully, he turns out to be a great guy and you have lots of fun. So, It goes without saying that you are young and beautiful, and well, just be careful, there are predators out there. I know you've got enough to worry about, there's just one that sometimes we overlook in an effort for us to be liked. I know we all tell our kids to beware of stranger danger, but sometimes we don't use the rule ourselves. Just because you have emailed or talked on the phone a few times, doesn't "qualify" someone as trustworthy. Yes, you can weed out anyone who don't have common interests, or have the wrong color eyes, whatever your criteria is for finding a friend or mate, but here's the truth-- some people lie and the dangerous ones are good at it. Shocker, I know.
I love a few drinks, but it is never a good idea to mix alcohol and a new situation on the first few dates. Since you are dieting, one drink is going to hit you harder than you'd expect, and two might be even worse. That effects not only your judgment and awareness about noshing afterwards, but also how you portray yourself, what you say, think and do. On first meetings, people are assessing everything about each other.
One other word about drinking and eating with someone you don't really know. Be aware of whatever you are drinking. Leave to the restroom only when you have an empty drink. Do not leave food or a drink unattended. It is sad, to suspect the worst from someone you just met, but err on the side of caution. Although, there are some warnings posted on dating sites, The following are true: Do not get into his car on the first date. Do not go home with him on the first date. It may sound old fashioned, but meeting someone online, as a total stranger - as opposed to meeting someone you meet through mutual friends is a bit different. Stay in a populated area, know where your keys are and be able to drive yourself home, which comes under the first topic, don't drink to much on the first few dates. When you write, "It was an alcohol induced mistake", there are worst one's out there, and yea, it can cost you more than a few extra calories. Never beat yourself up over a mistake, but you can live and learn and grow wiser from them. Meanwhile, have fun, enjoy new friendships, but stay safe.0
