Dating
nikoba
Posts: 291 Member
I've decided to put myself out there and try dating again. I'm also taking it a leap further, and trying online dating...as I'm the only single one out of my group of friends and it's hard to meet new people when most social events take place at someone's home rather than out and about.
That being said, I feel I was truthful about my appearance in my profile and included both a face and full body shot of myself taken within the year. There's someone who I've been chatting with who is charming and handsome and has an above average body type, but isn't like a gym rat. He suggested that we meet for drinks soon...and I'm terrified.
Part of the reason my last relationship ended was due to him no longer finding me attractive due to my weight gain. I'm officially 16lbs lighter as of this morning, but do not see a difference in my body (I physically 'feel' better and healthier, just nothing aesthetic yet). Am I shooting myself in the foot if I tactfully remind this guy I'm a chubby girl so he's not disappointed when he sees me in real life or does that just scream insecurity?
That being said, I feel I was truthful about my appearance in my profile and included both a face and full body shot of myself taken within the year. There's someone who I've been chatting with who is charming and handsome and has an above average body type, but isn't like a gym rat. He suggested that we meet for drinks soon...and I'm terrified.
Part of the reason my last relationship ended was due to him no longer finding me attractive due to my weight gain. I'm officially 16lbs lighter as of this morning, but do not see a difference in my body (I physically 'feel' better and healthier, just nothing aesthetic yet). Am I shooting myself in the foot if I tactfully remind this guy I'm a chubby girl so he's not disappointed when he sees me in real life or does that just scream insecurity?
0
Replies
-
Like you said, he's seen your pictures, so he knows what to expect. However, you should scream confidence! You've lost 16 lbs and you're working on a healthier life! That's pretty fantastic if you ask me! He's lucky to get a date with you.0
-
I share pics with friends weekly!
Seems like both of you know what the other looks like and are quite happy
If you are worried just send a new pic of you doing something, no big deal.
Congrats on your progress!
Yay You!0 -
As a guy that has been married for many years and am clueless on such matters I would question you telling/talking too much about weight and the like. The picture is worth a 1000 words we are told.
Like Fat4Fuel2 states you should scream confidence.
After 8 successful months and one false start on LCHF my confidence is high. For the first time in my life (now 64) I know my weight is fully within my control as well as my general health. Sure I could die today but I know daily I am lowering my health risks, feel better and look better per others.0 -
Let me just chime in here and say that I've jumped into the "fishpond" myself within the last month. Had some of the same slightly unnerving feelings about the first meetings, but reminded myself that my profile and pics were honest and that I am headed in the right direction, even if I'm not exactly where I want to be yet.
And let me just say...I'm having more fun than I can remember having in a VERY long time and have met two incredibly amazing guys that have reminded me that there are men that like CURVES on their women, too. ;-)
Now, the "problem" seems to be that I may have to choose between the two of them at some point...lol!!
So, get on with your bad, confident self and meet for those drinks! He may not be "the ONE," but it's kind of a numbers game...you might have to go out on a few of these "meet and greet" things before you find someone to connect with. In the meantime, you become more comfortable and confident in the process and you portray that when you meet, which works in your favor.
Good luck!!!!!!
0 -
News flash: guys like toys. Skinny women often lack toys. The whole skinny body image thing -- that didn't come from men. It's a weird fashion magazine artifact. Find a guy who likes you as you are, and play hard to get. (Guys also like to compete to win those toys.)0
-
Too bad you're so young. You look very dateable to me... :-)0
-
Relax. Be yourself. But don't dwell on feeling inadequate. Of course it is normal to worry about if he will like you or not, that is normal for everybody.
0 -
Meet up with him, don''t stress! I met a nice guy recently who during our first meeting said "Thank god a woman with some shape!"0
-
Thank you all so much...I haven't been on anything resembling a date in 9 years. So between that fact and 60 extra pounds on my body, it's all quite unnerving. You all are awesome for putting it into a positive perspective for me!0
-
If you guys "connect", it doesn't matter what you look like physically. I think you dodged a bullet with the superficial dude who was only interested in your weight. I mean, it's nice to be appreciated and to be able to "show off" for your partner...but it's also nice to be having a chubby day (week...month...year...) and have your partner making rawr noises at you as you bend over to pick something up.
Just sayin'!
Love yourself. Makes it easier for others to love you.
-T.
0 -
My opinion is that he certainly looked at your photos before going any further with you and if your pics are an accurate reflection of your appearance, he will not be surprised.
If the subject comes up in any way, I would not dwell on it and would definitely not even talk about "the past" or "being heavier" (assuming you've had some visible weight loss?) only because if he is a fitness-minded guy, I would be afraid he might think I'm just doing some short-term fad dieting or something. I would keep conversation relating to that subject light, and positive.
And just like everyone else said, go into it with confidence. There's no reason to think anything other than that he liked what he saw in your pics and what he's learned about your personality so far too. And if he's not a second date, well that's ok. You can still have a good time getting to know someone new even if doesn't turn into anything else. Just make that the goal, going out to get to know a new potential friend and have fun.
Best of luck! But you won't need it!0 -
Don't feel like you need to justify the way you look to him ...that does scream insecure and it's unnecessary. He knows what you look like, and he wants to meet you! I am sorry your last guy stopped finding you attractive, that is never fun
but now you have a chance getting to know someone who likes you for you, inside and out. Plus, 16lbs is an accomplishment and you should be proud! Relax, get to know him as a person, and most importantly have fun! 0 -
He has seen your picture and wants to see you. Who's to say he looks exactly like his picture ? Go have some fun. I'm proud of you. I want to know how it turns out. It's been 9 years since my marriage ended. I'm just now starting to think it's time to get out there. Maybe you'll give me some confidence to try.0
-
Only just found this thread....and having talked to you on here, I know he'll be lucky to have you! Whether you're 16lbs up or down, your positive outlook and sunny personality will shine through.
After a while away from it, you're bound to be nervous. But what's to say that he's not nervous about making a good impression on you too? And if he isn't bothered? Then he's not worth your time.
0 -
I hope you go and have a magnificent time while making a new friend!0
-
This is how I look at dating and "looks". The body is basically your wrapping paper...and to some people that paper is all that matters. But there are amazing men out there who realize there is much more to a person than the wrapping.
Don't let that worry be your focus right now. You are on the right path and you are getting healthy! You seem like a fabulous and fun lady!!! Be yourself. You were honest with your pictures...just have fun. Whether it turns out to be something or not....it could be a great story.
And I agree with InADarkRoom....if he isn't worried about impressing you he isn't worth your time!!!
0 -
Drinks set for Thursday evening...we shall see. The last time I dated I was 170lbs & 28 y/o rather than 220lbs and 37 y/o...confidence wasn't an issue then, but 60 pounds and some gray hairs later, ugh, I'm nervous. I'm trying to think of it as a job interview...even if I don't get the job, it's good practice. And hopefully if this guy turns out to be just a friend (which is still a win), at least I got the first date since the break up milestone out of the way. Now to figure out what to wear Thanks again for all the positive perspective...I need it and will probably read through all these again on Thursday for a boost. 0
-
Drinks set for Thursday evening...we shall see. The last time I dated I was 170lbs & 28 y/o rather than 220lbs and 37 y/o...confidence wasn't an issue then, but 60 pounds and some gray hairs later, ugh, I'm nervous. I'm trying to think of it as a job interview...even if I don't get the job, it's good practice. And hopefully if this guy turns out to be just a friend (which is still a win), at least I got the first date since the break up milestone out of the way. Now to figure out what to wear Thanks again for all the positive perspective...I need it and will probably read through all these again on Thursday for a boost.
You got this! What a great attitude!0 -
Drinks set for Thursday evening...we shall see. The last time I dated I was 170lbs & 28 y/o rather than 220lbs and 37 y/o...confidence wasn't an issue then, but 60 pounds and some gray hairs later, ugh, I'm nervous. I'm trying to think of it as a job interview...even if I don't get the job, it's good practice. And hopefully if this guy turns out to be just a friend (which is still a win), at least I got the first date since the break up milestone out of the way. Now to figure out what to wear Thanks again for all the positive perspective...I need it and will probably read through all these again on Thursday for a boost.
It's a job interview for HIM! You should be more concerned about whether or not you will like him rather than whether or not he will be attracted to you. That's my $0.02. If something like your weight is a deal breaker for a guy, he isn't the one.0 -
I can tell you that due to circumstances in my life, I was grew to be far more confident and felt sexier at 35 and 300 pounds than I ever felt at 20 and 150... Yeah, literally twice the woman and more than twice as confident. Bring your A game, be yourself, and rock it. If he isn't interested, trust me, you are not the issue there. It is chemistry and whatever his BS baggage is, because we all know how awesome you are.
I was married for almost 17 years, the last 4-5 of it was more just the "wrap-up" period. The last anniversary I celebrated was my 12th. I was TERRIFIED to even try dating - and I can't even say AGAIN, as I got married young and never really "dated."
I randomly reconnected with a former crush due to odd life circumstances, and we're now together, but I cannot understand that "dating" has come to be these days - and more so that I never understood it back when! It's like some weird kind of social experiment in a language I don't understand. Thankfully there are people out there with intelligence, too...
Best of luck!0 -
Good luck! And think of it this way.. Quite a few men love a woman with some meat on her bones!! hehe Something to hold onto!0
-
YES YES YES to all of this!!! I tried online dating and had a blast. I've always been self-conscious about being what I refer to as a "curvy girl" (which is what I told my online dates I am) but have never had anyone not want to go out with me again because of that!
My exbf also really made me feel like I wasn't good enough at this weight... but I've since found the love of my life (at a bar, of all places!) who literally thinks I'm the most gorgeous girl on the planet. Oh, and btw, he is pretty buff- but that doesn't mean I have to be
Online date guy #1 may not be "the one" but have fun with it, try some new things and impress yourself with your ability to flirt shamelessly
If he likes what he sees, why burst his bubble by telling him you think you're chubby?
Enjoy being wined and dined- I hope you will feel super confident and attractive, and proud of yourself for getting out there! Go girl!0 -
I'm loving what I just read in this thread! As a veteran online dater who happened to have met her current husband on a dating website, I say go and have fun! I found more often than not, even though I was a "curvy girl" in my 30s then too, I was MUCH more likely to be the one to decline a second date than the men I met were. Even the hunky gym junkies. I say that to second the commenter who said that YOU are the one interviewing HIM! You never know--he may be terrified you aren't going to like his physical appearance. Just go with the flow and enjoy the evening for what it is.0
-
So how'd it go?!?!?!0
-
Yes, I'm keen to know too. Not that I'm nosy or anything.
0 -
Update please!! Even if he was awful there is a lot to be gained by getting out there.
I decided to 'get out there' a while back by going on Tinder, flirting a bit and saying yes to every date offered. I met a couple of losers, that's true, but about a month into my adventure, I also found a husband!0 -
I am hoping you had a great time!0
-
SlimBride2Be wrote: »Update please!! Even if he was awful there is a lot to be gained by getting out there.
I decided to 'get out there' a while back by going on Tinder, flirting a bit and saying yes to every date offered. I met a couple of losers, that's true, but about a month into my adventure, I also found a husband!
Yup. I always say "I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince." I was just too busy in my bubble of graduate school to get out there and meet people the old fashioned way... spent a lot of time at bars during those years, but the guys I met there were only looking for one thing and/or were not my caliber... so I went on POF and went out on a lot of first dates (and broke a lot of hearts, apparently), and then I decided to give D a chance. Ended up starting a family with him. 0 -
I love you guys!
I realized through this that I am my own worst enemy. In retrospect, a big reason I was so nervous is that I totally built him up in my head...I thought I was off to go have a date with Don Draper. Upon meeting him, he looked like his pictures in a much more realistic way...which calmed my nerves (the whiskey helped too). I was happy that he was NOT the perfect specimen I had built him up to be, so I felt more comfortable about my appearance and we had a successful first date...AND some smoochin'...AND discussion of future dates.
But now the other reason I'm my own worst enemy. I've really lightened up on my drinking since trying to get healthy, and last night I had a few glasses of whiskey on an empty stomach because I skipped dinner due to nerves. This resulted in a post date late night run to taco bell and I went binge crazy. I'm trying hard not to feel guilty (the hang over and good first date haze helps ease the guilt too), but using it more as a learning experience and see how my body reacts to the gluttony. If you've slipped up and went face first into some carbage, do you always show a gain? I weighed myself this morning and I actually lost a little...I'm afraid my body hasn't caught up to the crap I threw into it and I'm going to be looking at a 5lbs gain in a day or so.
Thank you all again...you really helped me keep a level head and go into this with a positive outlook.
0 -
Nikoba, most gains will be water & glycogen and will fall back off in a few days. No worries as long as you get back on track (and don't make a habit of it)!0
This discussion has been closed.