Coping With Feelings

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Replies

  • Carol_
    Carol_ Posts: 469 Member
    Carol_ wrote: »
    I overeat ( I mean over ATE<:: past tense) at every emotional event in my life. Sad, happy, sleepy..whatever! But..trying hard to break the cycle and it's hard to do. As I say.."food offers an awful lot of comfort..when you are sad or lonely or whatever."

    Hey Carol! Jewellz from 90 Days. A lot of times our bodies are saying" hey I am thirsty , we mistake it for food. Next time grab some nice cold H20: )

    Hey jewellz. I am never without something to drink. lol Usually you will see me with a diet cola, a water bottle and coffee..all at the same time.
  • Carol_
    Carol_ Posts: 469 Member
    Hope everyone is going to have a good Saturday. I woke up way too early. It is only 6:00 A.M. I'm cold. I'm tired and I am hungry. I am going to walk my dog, eat breakfast (Cheerios & almond milk) and go back to bed..before the sun comes up. I am NOT a morning person. :)
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    Hey all Friday was a pretty good day. Hubby and I do zumba on a Friday (he's really a star he knows I won't go on my own because of how self conscious I am so he comes to zumba and clubbercise classes where he's the only man, just cause I want to go), so I knew I would have a few extra calories to play with.

    I made Bolognaise sauce with loads of veggies and pureed it before adding it to the cooked mince. The kids loved it and didn't even realise there was veg in it. Considering how much my sister in law complains that they are fussy eaters I haven't hah to many problems with them. I had a couple of frozen pizzas in reserve but they weren't needed.

    Kmleaf glad you are starting to like veg now rather than just putting up with them. You are right something can seem small to someone else but be a big thing for you. When hubby and I met many years ago the only veg he ate was potatoes and tinned processed peas. Veg will never be his favourite food but he likes honey roast root veg and root veg mash, he also doesn't mind mushroom onion and peppers in most food now but he's still a carnivore at heart.

    Carol I'm not a morning person either so I'd have gone back to bed as well. The week hasn't been as bad as I was expecting. Resisting the sweets and crisps has been hard and I haven't always managed, but between taking the girls out, gym and wii fit I've mostly kept under goal or at least kept under maintenance calories.

    Today is going to be hard it's my rest day so no extra calories and not even sure what we are having food wise today. Daughter has a sleep over at a friends tonight and she's taking my eldest niece, which is causing the middle one to have a tantrum cause she wants to go as well but she is 4 years younger than they are. I'm thinking of having a 'party' for the youngest two tonight and having a few friends over who have younger children, but that will mean being way over on calories by the end of the night.
  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    I just got home from dinner out with the girls. I had never been to this establishment before and I knew it was more bar than restaurant so I was a little nervous. I had a great time and was able to make an acceptable food choice. I went with a chipotle black been veggie burger and side salad. I indulged with blue cheese dressing, but used it sparingly. Diet coke -no beer - although that didn't bother me at all. I guess I partied so hard when I was younger that it's out of my system now. I was also the driver so that worked out perfectly for the other two.

    The people watching was great. I live in Minnesota and this place was lakefront in a very popular area for both tourists and locals. We sat outside and it's set up so that you sit at a plank bar top, at the edge of the narrow patio, so you are facing the people walking by on the sidewalk on their way to the lake and docks. The only down side was that a couple of doors up was the ice cream shop so I watched about 50 ice cream cones walk by. I think people were carrying them but I was pretty focused on the cones. Actually, they looked good but not really that tempting.

    It was a good night. There is nothing that fills my soul better than spending some time with my best friends.

    Tomorrow is my weekly weight in day.

    Oh yeah, a nice "enjoy the journey" moment was when I realized that I needed to move my car seat forward a bit.

    Peace out.
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    Sounds like you had a great night out kmleaf. I love people watching, it's even better when you can make silly stories about why they are wearing what they are, or where they might be going.

    For me the invasion is over and for the first time every I was actually glad to see them go. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, I've always believed that family is the most important thing in the world. I don't even know why this visit has been such a trial, the kids haven't really been any worse behaved than normal, the youngest is old enough to do things this visit (she was still not quite toddling last time) and my sister in law really wasn't any bitchier than normal.

    I just seemed to have less patience this time, maybe it's because this time I wasn't just going to be in the house anyway, I now have gym, swimming and walks out with a walking buddy, or maybe it was because I had to change the menu to things my sister in law and the kids would eat, which we never had to do because we used to eat the same sort of things. Hubby says is because I'm finally seeing her in the cold light of day, instead of being tipsy for most of the time she's here, but I suspect he's being nasty cause he never liked her or thought she was good enough for my baby brother lol.

    Well the last two days I've ended up over calories. We had the party for the little ones on Saturday, and ended up going to a carvary for Sunday lunch and had dessert. So it's back on track now, I doubt I'll have lost any weight this week but if I haven't put on I'll be happy and I guess it will only happen a couple of times a year so the damage shouldn't be unmanageable.

    Hope everyone had a good weekend and hope the week coming is enjoyable.
  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    Do you think part of the reason that you found their stay to be more difficult was due to the topic of this discussion? Emotional eating. You knew you couldn't (or shouldn't) use food to cope with the stress? I mean, even if I really love the guests, it's still stressful.

    Anyway, it's over and you can get your life back to normal. At least until life throws a new stresser at you. But each time you make it through those times without using comfort food, then it must become easier and more "normal".

    Each time I have had good progress with weight loss, the catalyst for my falling off the wagon has been a stressful time in my life. I think you did great and you should celebrate your success - just don't celebrate with cake. :)
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    I never thought of that as being the problem but now that you've mentioned it and I've thought about it I suspect you are right kmleaf. Whenever they have come up before we have always had lots to eat and drink and I've grazed on food most of the day.

    This time I've been watching what I've been eating and haven't been grazing so maybe before I was emotionally eating and not being willing to this time had made it much more stressful.

    As you said this time I made it through without falling off the wagon although I may have slipped a little so it should get easier.

    My walking buddy is back from holiday and we had an 8 kilometer walk today which was great, especially as we can rant to each other about all the stuff going on in our lives. I was pretty happy with the distance, when we started I could barely make 1 kilometer and now we put slopes into our walks rather than them being flat.

    I need to find some way to reward myself without food being involved. I hate shopping, probably because of how big I am, but that seems to be what everyone suggests. I used to use books but hubby's called a halt to that since we now have more bookcases than cupboards. I'm allowed e books but they don't feel like a reward cause I can't actually hold them.

    Any suggestions on rewards will be gratefully examined, even if I don't use them someone else might.

  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    I really like how you mix up your workouts. I haven't added any exercise to my life yet but I am certainly more active than I was a few weeks ago when I started MFP. I must admit that I have been dragging my feet (literally, I guess) about that part. I've never found anything that I enjoy doing but I need to start something soon.

    I like jewelry so that's my main way of rewarding myself. Nothing too pricey, but earrings fit no matter the dress size.

    How about a spa day or just a manicure or facial?
    New hair style or highlights?
    Buy yourself some fresh flowers?
    I even think a new set of nice sheets is a treat....or new towels.
    New perfume.
    New glasses or sunglasses. I am due for an eye exam so I think I will do that for a milestone goal when I get there.

    I'll post more ideas if I think of new ones.

    Keep up the good work!
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    I like the jewellery idea, at the moment it seems that my treats are going out for a meal which is a little self defeating.

    I have to mix my workouts up or I would get bored so quick. This week is a little mixed up cause I'm going to try something new. Starting next week I'm looking at aqua fit and resistance for a Monday, walking on a Tuesday, Wednesday is clubbercise. Thursday gym for resistant and some cycling on the exercise bike (or whichever cardio I fancy on the day), Friday is zumba. Saturday is swimming and Sunday is rest day. I may not get to all of them as planned bit that's when the trusty wii fit comes into play.

    It's odd to think that about 3 month ago I only moved from the couch to do the day to day living things. Exercise was a swear words in our house lol.

    As much as I'd started losing weight in January I was convinced I would kill myself if I actually did some exercise. Is only been since about March that I got moving and that started off with a once a week walk and some wii fit since I'd finally hit the point where I wasn't too heavy for the board.

    I've only been going to the gym for the last month and I have to admit is been a positive experience. I was sure everyone would be laughing at me, or saying I shouldn't be there -the gym is for people who can still breath after jogging for 5 mins. Everyone who's actually taken any notice has been really supportive and the girls in the classes are fantastic, some even giving me their phone numbers in case hubby can't make it one week and I'm too nervous to go on my own.

    My weight loss had slowed down since I started exercising but I've been told I'm probably building muscle as well as losing fat. It doesn't help that I eat back most of the extra calories I gain. I do log everything I eat even though sometimes I just have to have that piece of chocolate or that bit of dessert. I must be making progress though, it used to be that bar of chocolate or the whole dessert lol.

    As for something you enjoy doing take a risk. I never would have thought I'd like clubbercise or zumba but I was determined to get my money's worth of gym membership which meant 2 classes a week. And there was no way on this earth I was going to do meta fit or body combat.
  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    My son came over for his weekly dinner at my place. It's taken a long time for me to get used to his new body even though I watched him shrink each week. He went from over 400 lbs to 160 lbs by diet and exercise. His personality has transformed also. Before he only wanted to stay at home and do online gaming and now he is always on the go. He bought a season pass for all the state parks and has been going on weekend hikes. I love seeing him embrace life like never before and he is so much happier.

    He is having surgery in two weeks to remove his excess skin and he is very excited about that but also very anxious. He has never experienced a hospital or medical procedures before - beyond vaccinations and check-ups. He knows that I will be there to help him through his recovery.

    It's kind of funny but about two months ago when he started setting up for this surgery he said that he didn't need me at all. He had a friend lined up to take him to the hospital and he would get someone else to bring him home. I think he felt like getting help from me at his age made him immature and I understand that. Last night his tune had changed. I guess the ride to the hospital fell through and his younger brother decided it was too much bother to go and stay with him his first night home from the hospital. I want to jump all over his brother but I promised him that I wouldn't and I have to respect that - they are grown men after all. Anyway, mom will be there for whatever he needs and he seemed relieved.

    Everything else in my life is just same old. I ordered some new clothes in the next size down. Some fit now and some will take 5 to 10 lbs before I am comfortable in them. I don't like anything snug across my tummy and I can look forward to wearing them in a few weeks.

    That's my life - kind of boring but I like it that way.
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    Boring is best :smiley: isn't it the Chinese who have the curse 'may you live in interesting times'?

    Glad your son is doing so well, and is so true that no matter how old you get your parents will always be there for you. I'm in my forties and I still call dad if something goes wrong and I need advice lol.

    Loose skin is something that worries me, I'm going to be losing nearly 200 lb by the time I'm finished and I'm not sure if I'd rather look like a rhino with all the loose skin or be overweight.

    I think it's very brave of you to order clothes that you know will need a little more weight loss to be comfortable, I still buy mine at my original size and have to take them back for a smaller size. I still don't feel like I've lost that much weight even thought I'm coming close to 50 lb. I think it's because I still have so much to lose. I try to make small goals so I don't get frightened by how long the journey is going to be but sometimes it's daunting and I feel overwhelmed.

    Thankfully I have a lot of support, despite having said I'm going to lose weight lots of times before, none of the people around say anything negative about my trying again. I'm hoping I can stick with it this time, 6 month is the longest I've every kept it up for so I'm hopeful I've finally gotten into a healthy mindset.

    I was a little disappointed this week, when I weighed in I hadn't lost any weight. Hubby just said considering the week we had he was pretty impressed that I hadn't put on weight, so I should be happy and consider that maintaining is a good thing, cause at least I haven't put on. I'm trying to be philosophical about it but I'm a little frightened that this might be it and I can't lose any more. I know it's stupid and even if I've hit a wall there will be a door in it that I'll be able to get through, as long as I'm patient. Problem is that patience isn't my strongest point.

    Hope everything goes well with your son's surgery. He can be your inspiration and a visual reminded of what you can achieve.
  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    Yes, yes, yes, be patient! I have had some pretty major weight losses in my past (I just haven't been able to keep it off). I know from experience that if you just stick with your program you will get past this and then what will follow will be a week of a bigger than normal loss. I can't promise it will be next week but have patience and I promise it will work. I don't often say this, but, listen to your husband. Ha ha, seriously, he is correct and giving you very good advice. He also sounds like an awesome supporter - even going to exercise class with you - that's a trooper and you are really doing great.

    Be patient with yourself. Learn to really love yourself (I'm working hard on this) and not just the parts you like. Be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend or a small child. You wouldn't say hurtful or discouraging things to them so only say kind and supportive things to yourself. I know it sounds corny, but if we can do that then I think we can make a life changing difference with our brains and our brains are very powerful.

    There is something that is different for me with this weight loss trip. I almost feel like I've been taken over by an alien or something. In the past, I have always been very impatient and anxious to lose the pounds. I was overly focused on whatever program I was following. This time I am much calmer and really don't care how long it takes me. I have the rest of my life because this is the way I am going to eat forever more and I am perfectly fine with that. Before, I was thinking about the end goal and what I would look like and what clothes I could wear. While those things still sound nice, I'm not obsessing about getting there quick so that I can begin my life. I have been losing my life while pining for that new life that I want. I'm not on a diet. I am enjoying the healthy fresh food (including those formerly evil veggies) and a new way to live this one and only life. I know what "diet high" feels like and I don't have that. Will this last? Who the hell knows, but I'm not going to spend any time worrying about that.

    The real test will be when I hit a high stress time in my life. That's always been my downfall.

    A year will pass regardless of how we spend our days but we have a choice about how we live that year. Let's live it being good to ourselves and see how we feel at the end.

    Enjoy the journey.

  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    I hope that didn't sound preachy and I don't certainly don't know all the answers. Heck, I don't even know all the questions. I HAVE had a few more years of learning though. :)

    I did think of something else that goes with the "be good to yourself" advice. Maybe you already do this, but I have been taking extra time getting ready in the morning. I make sure that I fix my hair and apply full make-up and wear jewelry. It's kind of a "fake it 'til you make it" plan and I have to say that I do feel much better about myself because of it. Plus, I look better - win, win.
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    Just to reassure you that didn't sound at all preachy :smiley:. It actually made sense and I guess I need to learn not to focus on the destination and enjoy the journey. You are right this isn't a diet, it's now a lifestyle and I need to realise that the weight loss is not going to happen overnight. It was reassuring to be told by someone impartial that I'm going to have weeks where I don't lose weight though.

    I like your idea of talking extra time to get ready of a morning. I tend to get up, get the youngest off to school, then do all the household chores before getting dressed. Then it ends up being a quick shower and drag some clothes on to get out of the door for coffee or walking or whatever is planned for the day, I never think about makeup or jewellery unless I'm going out for the night. I might start changing my routine and take time to pamper myself a little in the morning, the breakfast dishes can wait until lunch time I guess.
  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    I remember how hard it was to find time for yourself when your children are younger. I also remember how it sometimes felt like everyone was always needing/demanding your attention. It's not easy. I think that makes it even more important that we feel good about ourselves. That will affect our overall mood and that will affect how we interact with family and friends.

    Anyhoo, I'm glad you didn't think I was preaching and I'm glad it helped give you some perspective about this journey when you seemed a little discouraged. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself (and I mean really stop and think and feel) about what it felt like when you were at your starting weight. Before I started this I was literally waiting to die...at age 59. That's hard to admit, even to myself, but it's the truth. Living just felt hopeless. In just two months I have a much different outlook on life.

    I work with a woman that says she got inspired to lose weight because of my weight loss. While I am happy for her, I am also concerned about her. She hasn't said this openly, but I think she is competing with me. If what she tells me is true, she is basically starving herself to lose as quickly as she can. I don't want her to think I'm trying to tell her what to and if she views me as competition, she might think I'm trying to slow her progress. I have approached the topic by telling her how much I like her (I really do) and that I really want her to do this in a healthier way. Of course I have told her what a great tool MFP is for me and that she should check it out. She is pretty stubborn about doing it her way so I think I will just have to let her do her thing for now and help her pick up the pieces when she crashes. If you have any advice for me I would welcome it.
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    Sorry it took so long to get back we had a pretty hectic weekend and I've just had the time to check for posts.

    You are right sometimes it feels like I don't have much time to myself, although I have more now that I'm insisting on gym time for me.

    Sorry to hear about your friend at work, it's always a problem when someone starts competing with you over something that isn't a competition, and especially if they are putting themselves in danger over it.

    Have you thought about possibly getting her help to plan healthy meals and then you both making and reviewing them, you could use your previous dislike of vegetables as an excuse for asking for 'help'. She might feel in more of a partnership than competition with you if she realises that is not all plain sailing for you. If you also tell her how many times you lost and regained weight she might not see you as such a threat, which I think is the underlying reason people turn weight lose into a competition.

    You might be able turn the situation on her and invent a person who is starving themselves to lose weight and how worried you are about them (feel free to use me). That way the situation can be discussed without it being about her or making her think you are trying to sabotage her. Hopefully, by you talking about all the bad things that go with starving yourself, in relation to someone else, she will realise what she is doing isn't the right way to go.

    Unfortunately sometimes the only thing you can do is to be there to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. At least, if nothing works, she has a friend who is willing to do that.

    Good luck with the situation, and please keep us informed if any of it works.
  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    Thanks for all the good advice. I'm going to give this a little time. She came in on Monday and said that she ate more over the weekend. Her son is giving her some feedback about how little she has been consuming. She also told me that she downloaded the MFP app for her phone so I think she is moving in the right direction.

    I purposely don't talk about my weight loss journey at work. If someone asks me a question, then I will answer them but otherwise those conversations are best left for family and the closest of friends. I will talk with her if I feel that she needs intervention and you did give me some really good strategies.

    I had a really good loss last week - down 4.6. I know that will probably be followed by a couple of slower weeks but I'm fine with that also. Like I said before, this is forever and I don't care how long it takes. I did have to pull a few more things out of my closet. I dug out my old jeans and they fit just fine now.

    Happy days.
  • Storytella100
    Storytella100 Posts: 141 Member
    Hey guys thank you so much for being supportive of the group. You guys rock sorry I haven't been on just got really stressed out
  • kmleaf
    kmleaf Posts: 46 Member
    Aces, your back!! It's so good to see you back again. We were concerned about you. I also wanted an opportunity to thank you. You are the reason that I started to communicate and it's been very helpful for me so, THANK YOU!

    I'm sorry you have had a stressful time lately but don't disappear because that's what we are hear for - to be supportive when you need it most. I know from my own history that stress will send me to the fridge faster than anything else and it's also when I turn inward and tend to shut people out. That pattern has given me more than a few extra pounds so I need to change that. Is that what happens with you also?

    Is there anything you want to talk about?

    Did I already tell you how awesome it is that you came back? Ha ha, I'm kind of giddy seeing your post.
  • flitterfoot
    flitterfoot Posts: 54 Member
    Hey kmleaf I'm glad she's being sensible and congratulations on being able to get into your old jeans that's awesome.

    I finally plucked up the courage to go to the doctors for a general checkup, I've been feeling dizzy after exercising. She booked me in for a full fasting blood check on Friday morning to check my vitamin and calcium levels along with diabetes and cholesterol, she did say my blood pressure is great and so is my heart rate. I've been so worried that my blood pressure would be off the scale cause of my weight. She also said that if I end up with a lot of excess skin I should be able to get surgery. It's a bit of a relief but now in worried about the results of the blood tests lol I'm never happy :smiley:

    Glad you are back pocketaces we missed you. Don't stress over the weight loss it will only make it harder. Any change is better than none, even if all you do is start changing what you eat rather than the amount.

    On a slightly different note I've discovered this week I'm spending less on shopping. I'm saving about £50 a fortnight on our food since we stopped buying processed food and started buying fruit, veg and "proper" meat. Also noticed my meat intake had gone down and we eat mostly chicken instead of beef which probably helps save money.