Haters?

inkdm0m
inkdm0m Posts: 21 Member
anyone experienced any jealousy issues from friends after wls? I'm going through some of that right now, it makes me sad!

Replies

  • tat2cookie
    tat2cookie Posts: 1,902 Member
    Yes. It sucks. She said that I'm cheating, she has lost some respect for me and that it's not fair that I got to take the easy way out.
  • ThinGwen
    ThinGwen Posts: 174 Member
    I think it's helpful to remember where they are coming from, and their hate is more about them then you. That being said, you can also, nicely, call them on their behavior, say that it hurts and is untrue. If they still continue to choose to be hateful, you can choose to limit your interactions with them. I know that I've been very jealous of people who lost weight. I don't think I've been hateful, but I can understand.
  • ki4eld
    ki4eld Posts: 1,215 Member
    Yep. That's why I started a blog on Blogger... to educate people and to call them out on negative attitudes based on crap info.

    And every one else, I just tell them to feck off.
  • sinderstorm
    sinderstorm Posts: 225 Member
    I've had to remind several people that I have had to work for every pound, and will have to work to keep it off every day, for the rest of my life. WLS is only a tool, and won't work unless you eat what you should, take your supplements, and move your butt.
  • anbrdr
    anbrdr Posts: 621 Member
    2Poufs wrote: »
    And every one else, I just tell them to feck off.

    You... I like you... :)

    Yeah, I think a lot of the time people really don't think about their words and the effects. I definitely understand the jealousy.. We are getting the rewards first. But what they don't think about is what we give up for that. The skin issues, the food we'll likely never have again, the cheat days/meals that we have to forgo, Dumping syndrome, the other random complications, the excessive amount of vitamins.

    This choice we made was not easy, by any definition.
  • Trayjay33
    Trayjay33 Posts: 122 Member
    inkdm0m wrote: »
    anyone experienced any jealousy issues from friends after wls? I'm going through some of that right now, it makes me sad!

    Yes, sometimes it had made me re-evaluate my definition of what a friend is. If someone is successful at something I would be happy for them not jealous. If that's the case I believe they were not a friend to begin with. If they can be jealous about my success in weight loss they will be jealous in my success in other areas of my life. I decided WLS was a good time to cut unhealthy eating habits, "friendships" and much more to start a rewarding life. I haven't regretted any of it.
  • mskimpel
    mskimpel Posts: 30 Member
    anbrdr wrote: »
    2Poufs wrote: »
    And every one else, I just tell them to feck off.

    You... I like you... :)

    Yeah, I think a lot of the time people really don't think about their words and the effects. I definitely understand the jealousy.. We are getting the rewards first. But what they don't think about is what we give up for that. The skin issues, the food we'll likely never have again, the cheat days/meals that we have to forgo, Dumping syndrome, the other random complications, the excessive amount of vitamins.

    This choice we made was not easy, by any definition.

  • mskimpel
    mskimpel Posts: 30 Member
    How true a statement that is . I figure they just don't understand what we are willing to go though to get healthy .
  • cmchandler74
    cmchandler74 Posts: 510 Member
    Trayjay33 wrote: »
    inkdm0m wrote: »
    anyone experienced any jealousy issues from friends after wls? I'm going through some of that right now, it makes me sad!

    Yes, sometimes it had made me re-evaluate my definition of what a friend is. If someone is successful at something I would be happy for them not jealous. If that's the case I believe they were not a friend to begin with.

    This pretty much sums it up. I guess I'm lucky in that I've had such a supportive response to everything that's happening with me. I've had one or two disapproving "well, surgery's not right FOR ME," but hey, it was for me and if they want to continue to bang their head against a wall for a few more years, that's not really my business and I'll sit over here and sip tea like Kermit. Most everyone has been super, super happy for me because they see how hard I'm working and they see the results I'm getting.
  • Trayjay33
    Trayjay33 Posts: 122 Member
    Trayjay33 wrote: »
    inkdm0m wrote: »
    anyone experienced any jealousy issues from friends after wls? I'm going through some of that right now, it makes me sad!

    Yes, sometimes it had made me re-evaluate my definition of what a friend is. If someone is successful at something I would be happy for them not jealous. If that's the case I believe they were not a friend to begin with.

    This pretty much sums it up. I guess I'm lucky in that I've had such a supportive response to everything that's happening with me. I've had one or two disapproving "well, surgery's not right FOR ME," but hey, it was for me and if they want to continue to bang their head against a wall for a few more years, that's not really my business and I'll sit over here and sip tea like Kermit. Most everyone has been super, super happy for me because they see how hard I'm working and they see the results I'm getting.

    That's awesome that you have a lot of supportive people around you. One of the questions I was asked pre-op was "Who will be supportive". At that time my family was all I could pinpoint. I have met some wonderful people post-op but surgery definitely let me see who wanted me to fail. Someone who I recently started to work with doesn't know I had WLS and is trying to eat exactly like me. She claims she is trying to lose weight and doesn't want to look like the greedy person. She has a very competitive personality and competes in everything. I would never tell her I had WLS or anything else personal about my life. I cannot understand why some people cannot just truly wish others well.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
    A couple of people I know actually told me they were jealous. They were still supportive and happy for me, though. I think their jealousy was because they were both struggling with weight issues and weren't doing anything about it. I have been lucky that I haven't had anyone in my life who was jealous and negative towards me.
  • chip305
    chip305 Posts: 63 Member
    I was totally shocked by the one person I have had that seems to have distanced herself from me. She is a very old friend that had sleeve surgery a couple years ago and was the one that encouraged me to check into it. She was very supportive in the beginning, until I became smaller than her. She has not kept with the program and has gained some of her weight back. Now whenever I reach out to her to get together or just talk she doesn't have time or just doesn't respond. I have to say that it is hurtful especially since she leaned on me during her divorce last year and I was always there for her. But, I can't change how she is feeling so I can only keep attempting to make contact.
  • joysie1970
    joysie1970 Posts: 415 Member
    The struggle is real, this is definitely just another side of WLS that some of us have to deal with unfortunately...one of my best friends is some one I have been struggling with lately. She makes rude and hurtful comments and try as I do to educate her, she always thinks I don't have to work as hard as she does, yet she see's my struggles. It's a double edged sword - I want to share my life with her and have her be happy for me yet I see it in her face, she isn't really. So happy to have found all of you - because I really think if you haven't been through it, it's sometimes very hard to understand. When around those who say something negative I try to never talk about the subject - it's just another part of my life (A BIG ONE ALBEIT, but one I save for only those who can appreciate and will celebrate with me).
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    I haven't had to deal with haters, but one of my best friends is gaining and I'm now smaller than her for the first time in decades. Along with the weight gain she's out of control diabetic, so her doctor told her he wanted her to have bariatric surgery, so we discussed the kinds and what my food and exercise is like, etc. But her husband is against it, so she's not doing it. The last few times we've seen each other it feels like she tries to sabotage me by offering sugary/high calorie/high fat food at her house. She knows I don't eat that way now. So I try to avoid her house and we meet for breakfast or lunch out. She like to pick the restaurants and goes for places like IHop that have very little if anything good for my food plan. She likes their crepes/waffles/pancakes/etc. So now I suggest we meet for coffee and if she wants a meal I pick the restaurant. I really do believe this is not intentional behavior on her part. I really think she's unaware of what she's trying to do. But I do limit my time with her because of this.
  • cmchandler74
    cmchandler74 Posts: 510 Member
    pawoodhull wrote: »
    But her husband is against it, so she's not doing it.

    That just makes me sad. I'm so glad I have a husband who has been so supportive throughout all this. He, too, struggles with his weight and has health issues (diabetes and high blood pressure), so he knows the importance of getting weight under control and the health benefits that come from it.

    And I agree, @pawoodhull, that your friend likely isn't trying to sabotage you on purpose. It sounds like she is sabotaging her own efforts and trying to drag you along for the ride.
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    pawoodhull wrote: »
    But her husband is against it, so she's not doing it.

    That just makes me sad. I'm so glad I have a husband who has been so supportive throughout all this. He, too, struggles with his weight and has health issues (diabetes and high blood pressure), so he knows the importance of getting weight under control and the health benefits that come from it.

    And I agree, @pawoodhull, that your friend likely isn't trying to sabotage you on purpose. It sounds like she is sabotaging her own efforts and trying to drag you along for the ride.

    That's a really good way of looking at it! Thanks for that perspective. Yeah, I'm sad for her too. She was so excited at the thought of WLS. He just doesn't want her to do it because he thinks she won't feed him the same way she does now and he doesn't want to make any changes in his lifestyle. Unfortunately she allows this. Like you, I am blessed to have a husband who totally supports this.
  • blairmundy
    blairmundy Posts: 219 Member
    pawoodhull wrote: »
    he thinks she won't feed him the same way she does now and he doesn't want to make any changes in his lifestyle.

    That's crazy! Not to mention that after my husband had his sleeve, I gained weight. He couldn't heat so he substituted cooking for eating and there was so much food everywhere. Then he'd feed me tons and make me answer questions about how it was. I called it 'vicarious eating' - lol! Glad we are out of that stage.
  • QuilterGirl3
    QuilterGirl3 Posts: 99 Member
    No haters in my life so far. I hit 54# lost this morning and people who didn't know I had surgery are starting to notice. All of the comments have been very positive. My husband and my parents/brother have been my biggest supporters. I have no time for haters. I would tell them to feck off, too.