Am I alone?

Phaedra2014
Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
in Motivation and Support
I don't have a set deadline for when I want to weigh X number of pounds. I am not a gym rat but I stay active every day. If I skip a day I don't feel guilty. I don't worry about whether I'll need a tummy tuck or or lifts here and there when I get to my target BMI. I don't adhere to any particular dietary regimen. I eat sensibly and control my portions. I am not concerned with looking good as much as being healthy.

I don't feel stress or pressure to achieve a target weight. I don't weigh myself everyday yet I've lost 25 pounds in not even 3 months. It's like a really cool ride for me and I don't really have a destination nor do I worry about it. I'll get there when I get there.

i read a lot of threads here and I've noticed so much guilt at not having stuck to the exact plan. A frenzy to lose weight by a certain date. Stress over what one's body will look like when this is done. Fear of what will be. Overexercising. Undereating. Some panic. Others seem to fret over calories, TDEE, and other acronyms.

Am I alone in not feeling stressed out and not feeling the need to micromanage every aspect of my weight loss? I care a lot, or I wouldn't have embarked on this lifestyle, but I'm just not in a rush.

Replies

  • BR3ANDA
    BR3ANDA Posts: 622 Member
    I am with you 100%!
  • needles85365
    needles85365 Posts: 491 Member
    This is my thoughts too. I know I'm getting healthier, when i have my cheat days (times really not days anymore). I get right back on track. I look great now and I don't want to go back to what I was ever again so I will make choices every time I put something in my mouth but won't feel guilty if I eat whatever I want.
  • DawnEH612
    DawnEH612 Posts: 574 Member
    you're not alone... I began my journey as a way to have a healthier relationship wth food. I had no real goal weight and no time frame or event I was planning for. I do, however, have goals... To not feel guilty for eating, celebrating, gaining and or losing weight, to do positive things to improve my quality and quantity of life, to let myself be imperfect and accepting of that imperfection...

    In learning how to have a healthier relationship with food I am learning how to have a healthier relationship with me... And that helps to take the pressure off of me, my issue was NOT a weight issue. it was a brain issue... I work on that everyday... So that one day I won't have to think about it anymore.... Like brushing my teeth or taking a shower, it just happens... That's the goal.

    Enjoy the journey!
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    Oh yay! I was beginning to feel a bit lonely :smile:

    I don't even use the phrases, "Today I was good" or "Today I was bad" in relation to food and what I ate. Today I was just me, like every other day.
  • Dawnea64
    Dawnea64 Posts: 7
    I hear you, it took time to put on the weight and it will take time to take it off and keep it off. Stress is the enemy that keeps the weight on. why stress over fat. I would rather weight myself once a week or a month would be better.
  • mjsamee
    mjsamee Posts: 215 Member
    I wish I could look at it that way!! I spent my entire teenage life in the high 100's and the rest of my life in the high 200's, when I went over 300 I was NOT doing it any longer, something snapped in me, I weigh myself daily sometimes multiple times since my scale is in my bathroom, I am a nervous eater and it is extremely important that I keep a close eye on myself and be very hard on myself if I get to leniant, I want this so bad~! I want to be atleast 150...its so hard I go up and down, I am doing it right, I have good days and bad, I do not deprive myself however its always on my mind...I feel extremely bad when I mess up...maybe I will one day get to this point like you guys are...but yeah I have to say you are on your own with this one....good luck and congrats that its working for you!!! :drinker:
  • roguestates
    roguestates Posts: 223
    You sound like you have a healthy approach, and that's awesome.

    While I do have some rough goals in my head, I have no deadlines and I'm trying to repair my relationship with food and with my body. I think it's hard for most people who have received very disordered eating messages all their lives.

    Hopefully more people will adopt your attitude, though. It really upsets me when I read some effed up things in the forums - like one person who was soliciting ways to punish themselves whenever they did ate something "bad"... It's like, is THIS the way you want to live for the rest of your life?
  • wgn4166
    wgn4166 Posts: 771 Member
    I am with you!!!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    I wish I could see things totally your way. LOL For the most part though, I am more concerned about ultimate health. I DO have specific goals ahead, but that's how I remain motivated. I don't really need to lose the rest of the weight in X amount of months, but I do have a specific target weight in mind that may or may not change as my body changes.

    I don't stress about the loose skin. I never have until someone asked me if I had it (I do) and then my mom and younger sister told me to have the excess skin cut off. I personally have decided I would rather do it the old fashioned way... and if I can't tighten it all up, guess what? I'm a mommy of 2... Whatever. LOL My husband loved me at almost 300lbs. He's going to love me even if I have a bit of saggy skin. lol

    I used to not log in on weekends, but as I get closer to my goal, I feel like I have to because I slack too much and that's starting to deter my weight loss. Do I feel guilty if I don't? Eh, not really.

    So, you aren't TOTALLY alone. LOL You have a healthy way of thinking about your weight loss. You don't obsess over it. You're letting it come by making healthy choices. We could all learn a little from you. You know stress causes the body to produce cortisol... excess cortisol results in belly fat (I believe... correct me if I am wrong because I am no expert... LOL). If we all relaxed a little, our bellies would be smaller! :D hehe
  • Agator82
    Agator82 Posts: 249 Member
    Its tough to argue with you except to say that for me I became obese with a BMI of 44 because I was 'bad'. The fact that I have not had the most healthy relationship with food is what I am currently trying to fix, weight loss is both the side effect and measuring stick.

    I will also say guilt is under rated. Guilt can work both ways either as a motivator or demotivator depending on the personality type. For me I feel not guilt as much as I do disappointment in losing a day or week of weight loss even though my bad days now are better than my good days before I started this process. The only guilt I really feel is on really really bad days such as when I have an entire pizza (a couple moths ago). That guilt stays with me to remind me of the experience of losing all self-control, and motivates me to do better in the future as that mistake cost me about a week of weight loss.

    I do weigh every day because it is a measure of success and more easily quantifiable measure than any other option. Additionally,since weight can fluctuate so much it gives me a way to track the overall trend as opposed to one day a week.

    Each of us has to find our own methods, I will agree that I feel a little bad for people who come on these forums stress about a red number even if i t is within 1 or 2 percent of their target, but maybe being that aggressive works for them, it would not for me. I would also say you attitude is probably more healthy, but don't look to me to join your club anytime soon.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    It's the constant stream of mental chatter that tends to play on a loop that I chose to eliminate from my weight loss journey. The one that nags and nags at the back of our heads, the one that criticizes then praises then criticizes then praises. The voice that interprets our eating and exercising in terms of good and bad. Ate a whole pizza? Bad day. Bad person. Almost killed yourself with that exercise program? Good person. Good day.

    Value judgements are what made me fail the first time I lost a huge amount of weight because I was not able to ever please the critic who had taken up residence in my head. It was just easier to put all the weight back on...and more...even if I had transformed myself into a very attractive, fit and healthy (physically) person. I won the physical battle, but not the mental one.

    This time I chose to not rent any space in my head to a critic. I trust my intuition. I trust my ability. I trust my choices and I trust that I will get to my destination and stay there for the long haul.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    I'm with you, although everyone here is losing weight for different reasons and some people really need to stay focused to get healthy. It also depends on what people are going through at any given moment.

    When I started on MFP, I had a pretty healthy eating routine that I tracked pretty well. Now I'm going through a nasty breakup, which sucks, but it has also led me to get a personal trainer, take a GMAT class and start applying to business schools. This is a lot of pressure (albeit, all good things) to pile on top of the breakup, so I'm giving myself a break on having a perfect food diary. I think being too focused on it would push me over the edge.

    I'm sure (or I hope anyway) that when this all blows over Ill get back to my regular food routine. In the interim, as long as I keep working out (which helps my stress levels), I'm not going to worry about it.
  • svetadoll
    svetadoll Posts: 12 Member
    It's the constant stream of mental chatter that tends to play on a loop that I chose to eliminate from my weight loss journey. The one that nags and nags at the back of our heads, the one that criticizes then praises then criticizes then praises. The voice that interprets our eating and exercising in terms of good and bad. Ate a whole pizza? Bad day. Bad person. Almost killed yourself with that exercise program? Good person. Good day.

    Value judgements are what made me fail the first time I lost a huge amount of weight because I was not able to ever please the critic who had taken up residence in my head. It was just easier to put all the weight back on...and more...even if I had transformed myself into a very attractive, fit and healthy (physically) person. I won the physical battle, but not the mental one.

    This time I chose to not rent any space in my head to a critic. I trust my intuition. I trust my ability. I trust my choices and I trust that I will get to my destination and stay there for the long haul.

    I like your outlook. Its about a healthy head space. I also agree with the whole good verses bad person thing.... i dont like seeing it that way. It creates an inward battle. And this journey can be tough as it is without adding the internal bullying. Thanks for sharing. And no, you're definitely not alone. :)
  • Lyssa62
    Lyssa62 Posts: 930 Member
    I'm with you too! I had to put the scale away and stop weighing myself every d*mn day. My clothes are feeling lose. I feel soooooooooo much better even with only walking 3 miles every other day (quick pace)..that's more than I normally would be doing. I'm eating way better than I ever have. I have to stop myself from getting on the discourage train and just keep focusing on what I am accomplishing. It took me YEARS to put this weight on I can't expect it to fall off in a matter of weeks.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    I weigh myself every day (numbers geek!), but apart from that, I agree with everything you've said. I particularly agree with eliminating the value judgements. I hate seeing so many words like "good", "bad", "naughty", "cheated" applied to food and eating.
  • Anthyitis
    Anthyitis Posts: 43 Member
    I still absolutely want to look good (to me), but I found it was more motivating to me to have a fitness related goal than a weight goal. After a couple of weeks of working out and attempting to watch what I eat, the scale hadn't budged much but I noticed that I could walk faster and farther without pain or extreme fatigue. Noticing that made me feel a heck of a lot better than smaller numbers on the scale ever did!

    I have two goals right now. Finish my first 5k on the 25th, and be able to run a mile without stopping.
  • greenbox06
    greenbox06 Posts: 101 Member
    I am with you. I don't have real weight goal set in my head. I put up there 80lbs and haven't weighed in for over a month. When I first joined MFP I had all of these goals. I found it stressful to keep weighing myself and getting discouraged when I didn't either meet my weekly small goal or when I "cheated" on my food. I just started to shop at different places for food like the farmers market and whole foods. I have found that my portion sizes and food I eat is generally healthy now. If I stray away from it for one meal who cares because I know that I generally eat healthy. Also with trowing out the overall timeline of when I should be 80lbs lighter has relieved a lot of stress. And if I get down 60lbs lighter hey I know that I will be that much healthier. I am not stressing about the 80 number anymore.


    Edit: See I didn't even realize that my goal was 85 lbs not 80lbs :laugh:
  • lowpro1983
    lowpro1983 Posts: 305 Member
    Everyone achieves their goals in a different manner. There's not ONE magic way that works for every one of us. I am somewhat laid back - I know that I will mess up, stumble, eat a piece of cake, not exercise every day, etc.....but some people might not be able to bounce back so easily. I have certain goals for myself, but I don't stress out and panic if I don't meet them. "Fall down 7 times, get up 8." I've realized that this isn't a "temporary" path...it's a "forever" one.

    For example, I have a friend who has just decided to get on the healthy train. The week that she started, she gained. So, within a week she expected to lose what she had gained PLUS what she originally wanted to lose. I just didn't think it was realistic...and I wasn' t going to lie to her. Told her to be patient and do the work...the rest will follow eventually.
  • jumadey
    jumadey Posts: 60 Member
    You're definitely not alone, I'm with you!

    I have a goal in mind but I don't torture or restrict myself in any way (you can definitely see that in my diary this weekend...!!). Generally I'm eating heathier, making smarter choices, and I've educated myself over the last couple of weeks to know that one "day-off" isn't going to derail the whole journey. I weigh myself twice a month but I let the mirror and how my clothes fit be the main judges. I think patience and arming yourself with the right tools (like MFP!) and knowledge is the key.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    It's the constant stream of mental chatter that tends to play on a loop that I chose to eliminate from my weight loss journey. The one that nags and nags at the back of our heads, the one that criticizes then praises then criticizes then praises. The voice that interprets our eating and exercising in terms of good and bad. Ate a whole pizza? Bad day. Bad person. Almost killed yourself with that exercise program? Good person. Good day.

    Value judgements are what made me fail the first time I lost a huge amount of weight because I was not able to ever please the critic who had taken up residence in my head. It was just easier to put all the weight back on...and more...even if I had transformed myself into a very attractive, fit and healthy (physically) person. I won the physical battle, but not the mental one.

    This time I chose to not rent any space in my head to a critic. I trust my intuition. I trust my ability. I trust my choices and I trust that I will get to my destination and stay there for the long haul.

    I like your outlook. Its about a healthy head space. I also agree with the whole good verses bad person thing.... i dont like seeing it that way. It creates an inward battle. And this journey can be tough as it is without adding the internal bullying. Thanks for sharing. And no, you're definitely not alone. :)

    I have to say I do have a goal, but not a time frame. I am trying to re-establish a healthy approach to activity and food and I would like to fit into my old clothes, but I figure by following a reasonable plan I will eventually reach my goal. So you are definitely not alone.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    nah there are tons of people here that just see this as the most awesome hobby ever.
  • Spartan_Maker
    Spartan_Maker Posts: 683 Member
    I'm a Phaedra fan.
  • Bambz90
    Bambz90 Posts: 3
    Your post has actually given me a lot of hope, because I am stressing over everything. The fact that you are so laid back and still losing a good amount of weight is making me feel like maybe I should calm down and not be so hard on myself.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    Your post has actually given me a lot of hope, because I am stressing over everything. The fact that you are so laid back and still losing a good amount of weight is making me feel like maybe I should calm down and not be so hard on myself.

    Let's be more laid back yet disciplined. I think several believe it's control that keeps them on track. It's not. Control derails. It becomes very hard to maintain control. Discipline on the other hand....that requires a shift in mindset. What is sustained weight loss after all? It's a paradigm shift.

    Spartan_Maker :blushing:
  • wheezybreezy
    wheezybreezy Posts: 313 Member
    I love this post! I've been really focused on changing my thoughts these past 3 weeks. The mental smackdown I was doling out to myself daily was interfering with my well-being. I had to chill out and focus on changing habits.

    I do weigh myself every day because I love numbers, but I only log it once a week. Right now, I'm trying not to obsess over every meal before I finish the one that I'm eating. This is more of a struggle than eating healthy and losing weight. It's so freeing to realize that what I eat is just a result of my choices- not a cheat, not a good job, etc. And when I DO lose weight, that weight loss will also be the result of healthy habits instead of chasing a number on the scale.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    It's so freeing to realize that what I eat is just a result of my choices- not a cheat, not a good job, etc. And when I DO lose weight, that weight loss will also be the result of healthy habits instead of chasing a number on the scale.

    That's an excellent way of looking at it. Defining ourselves or food in terms of good/bad and allowing that to determine whether we had a good/bad day is such a heavy load to carry. It serves no purpose.
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
    That's actually the exact perspective I had to adopt before I could be successful with weight loss. I realized that no matter how I felt, losing weight and changing my body was simply a matter of cause and effect. I put in certain foods and I lose weight; I put in other foods and I gain weight. Nothing is good or bad; they just do different things. So I never feel guilty about eating anything that's "bad," but rather just recognize that I probably won't lose much that week.

    Without the stress and guilt, it's incredibly easy to lose weight. I never could do it before because it just made me so damn anxious.
  • desirae1976
    desirae1976 Posts: 29 Member
    Love your baby pics! You must be very proud of those sweeties!
  • desirae1976
    desirae1976 Posts: 29 Member
    I am with you. I don't have real weight goal set in my head. I put up there 80lbs and haven't weighed in for over a month. When I first joined MFP I had all of these goals. I found it stressful to keep weighing myself and getting discouraged when I didn't either meet my weekly small goal or when I "cheated" on my food. I just started to shop at different places for food like the farmers market and whole foods. I have found that my portion sizes and food I eat is generally healthy now. If I stray away from it for one meal who cares because I know that I generally eat healthy. Also with trowing out the overall timeline of when I should be 80lbs lighter has relieved a lot of stress. And if I get down 60lbs lighter hey I know that I will be that much healthier. I am not stressing about the 80 number anymore.


    Edit: See I didn't even realize that my goal was 85 lbs not 80lbs :laugh:

    Baby compliment about this guy!

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