I can't say I necessarily struggled with the fear of getting attention from the opposite sex, but getting attention was an adjustment for sure, especially being seen as attractive or sexy, because I didn't feel that way for so long. . It's definitely new territory along with so much other new territory that comes with losing weight and shifting into the "normal" zone. It's was confusing to me to be seen in this different light and in some cases I was resentful, because I felt like, hey, I am still ME, and NOW you are paying attention to me? I I understand how it can make you feel uncomfortable when the attention is unwanted, I have felt that way too, but over time I have really learned to be confident and strong and I don't let anyone's unwelcome advances get under my skin. There are so many things to learn on this journey, and so many different phases we go through, and for a lot of women, this is one of them. There is just SO much change all around. It can take a while to get our footing, but things will fall into place and you will be more comfortable and strong when it comes to dealing with the attention. Give yourself time, and don't be hard on yourself. There is no schedule or instructions when it comes to dealing with so many issues on this journey, but boy I could have used both!

Tink: Very different situation. Personal security is a serious issue.

Thaeda: That's surprising, you are quite "Flirt-Worthy".

Tink, If this occurred more than one time, call the police! This might be related to your weight loss, it might not be. Stalking is not the same as "normal" advances from the opposite sex. This is a personal safety issue as DJRonnieLINY mentioned. Please take care of yourself.

Tink - Have you thought of getting a palm sized pepper spray to take on your walks? It might give you peace of mind in case this happens again.

Thaeda - I know the feeling, I almost feel more invisible than I did before!

So here goes from my humble perspective. 1st and formost Tink your worhty of the attention, you have come a long way and part of the journey is confronting the things that scared us that now have made us strong. 2nd as far as the stalker goes. As a retired LE person I will tell you that yes this is very serious. You should carry Pepper Spray a Wistle and take your phone with you to call 911 if necessary. You can also take some self defense classes to add to your exercise routines it will be a double win in that corner. The Surgery takes care of the Physical changes but you do need to address the Psychological changes too. Take care of your mental and or Spirutal health.
Ill keep this from being a lecture but hang in there and believe in yourself and all of us are changing. Change is good! Just make sure you cover all aspects of your life. Be nice to yourself and allow yourself to have fun.

@Stephanie - I'd say you were "flirt worthy" too but since you live so close I'd hate to give the wrong impression should you see me riding my bike nearby. lol

TN_Tinker wrote: »

I start a self-defense class on Oct. 5 and am going to a therapist on Friday. rscpjim you are so right.

This is excellent, Tink!

I don't know if this is overkill, but sometimes people don't take scary situations seriously, because "it won't happen to me." If this is serious, be prepared.

Before you walk:

• Walk with a friend?
• Carry a walking stick.
• Carry a sock full of coins.
• Get a pepper spray.
• Practice using them. Know what to do. Be ready to use them immediately. Hesitation makes them useless.

Before he gets too close:

• Take a picture of him and email it to a friend.
• Open your pepper spray, have it ready in your hand.
• Put your key chain in your fist, with the keys sticking out between your clenched fingers.
• Dial 911 & be ready to push "send" fast.

If he's getting too close:

• Walk down the middle of the street -or- Turn around -or- Jaywalk -or- Cross to the other side of the street and wait for him to pass you by -- If he follows you, watch out!
• Yell at him to back off.
• Call 911 and tell him police are coming.
• Go to an occupied house and pound on the door and ask them to call 911.
• Be very ready to save yourself.

If he attacks:

• Spray his eyes.
• Yell at him! Yell to the world. Let your dog know this is bad.
• Fight, act crazy, run - whatever your instinct tells you is right!

Good to know self defense, but don't let it make you think you're invulnerable. He may know it too. Be aware. Be vigilant. Don't carry a knife - too easy for them to get it away from you.

Don't be shy. Don't worry about being polite. You've got nothing to lose, and a lot to save. Don't think about acting. Practice. Be ready to act without thinking first.

Been there, done that (before I lost weight). Don't want you to ever...

Awesome advice Paula! I will walk downtown during the lunch hour on my own, but stick to open and occupied areas. I will walk my neighborhood, but same thing, open areas with heavily traveled streets. Walking any trail I always have at least one other adult with me. I won't even walk the trails with the grandkids unless there's another adult along. Be smart, stay safe.

if you ever have to use the 9mm, aim for the torso. it's the largest target and the easiest to hit when you're scared. don't try to "shoot to wound" by trying to hit an arm or leg, you'll only miss. and yes, you will be scared; if you're not, well.....

I've struggled with being touched and talked to (social anxiety) for a big chunk of my adult life. I know that I've worn my weight as a shield. As I've lost weight, not only have more people felt free to comment on my appearance (not negatively, just "hey, you're looking good!") but they *touch* me more. It's disconcerting and very uncomfortable. My husband has always been physically affectionate, but now I feel like that's increased, too. No one has done anything inappropriate (I would be very afraid if I felt someone was following me like what happened to you!), but it still takes a lot of getting used to. It can be hard to know when I should respect and enforce my boundaries, and when I should stretch myself to get a little closer to "normal" in how I relate physically with others.

Not a doctor but this was a frequent and popluar topic at the group meetings I attended during this process.

Each of us have our own personal resons why we gained weight. Treating the root cause is just as important as gaining the new "tool" our surgeon created. Social anxiety was a common root cause.