Hmmm, good thread!! I am being kind to myself by reigning in my negative, self-defeating attitude. Nourishing myself with healthy, non addictive food and forgiving myself and pressing forward when I stumble. I have also splurged on new clothes, belt, seltzer waters, books to help me keep going on my journey, rest days from exercise without guilt when I really do hurt. My counselor and pastor have told me countless times that I am too hard on myself in general, so much so that it can prevent progress. So I try to keep my eyes wide open to "habits" that will get in the way of my success and deal with them. This is a new way of living for me and by golly, it is working!!! This is the longest period of time I have ever spent (6 1/2 months) focusing on improving my health with a healthy diet and exercise. In my mind, it is not "if" I will make my goal, but "when"!! Slow and steady wins the race.

HG93022 wrote: »

fruitydelicious- I, too, am very hard on myself.. so glad to read your reminder about taking days off exercise without guilt.. I have finally found a balance that works for me 3-4x per week.. I realize that will adjust up and down as my weight and schedule fluctuates- I look forward to it and being okay with it!

That is excellent!!! It is ok to push ourselves a little but not so much that we end up injuring ourselves!! I started exercising at 3x per week for 15 minutes. It has taken me 3 months to be strong enough to do my current 30 minutes 5x per week. You will get there!!!!!!

I always try the "pretend you're talking to a friend" thing. When I'm feeling really bad, I try to think of what I would say to a friend who was in the same situation as me. We're always so cruel to ourselves.

I used to be to hard on myself, now I'm to hard on other people Probably not a good person to ask lol.

I think that *not* being kind to ourselves in a healthy way, but trying to nurture ourselves in unhealthy ways (eating) is a big part of gaining excessive weight. I am hard on myself in some ways...I never feel like what I'm doing is as much as I COULD be doing, and I feel overwhelmed because I just can't manage to keep up with every day things that it seems normal people do seamlessly. But on the other hand, I have very little resistance when it comes to something I want. I have that snack that sounds good, and I buy the dvd set that I want, and I read when I don't feel like cleaning or being responsible. It is a big struggle to me to find a balance between doing the things I want and doing the things I feel I should do. I know that I LOVE food, and I just can't make myself eat stuff that tastes unappealing to me. So one thing I'm doing to nurture myself in a healthy way is that I bought a couple different healthy cookbooks...and every time I get groceries, I pick out one or two recipes to get the ingredients to make. That means I keep finding new things that I like, and I have variety, so food can still be a pleasant thing.

ewoksrule3 wrote: »

I think that *not* being kind to ourselves in a healthy way, but trying to nurture ourselves in unhealthy ways (eating) is a big part of gaining excessive weight. I am hard on myself in some ways...I never feel like what I'm doing is as much as I COULD be doing, and I feel overwhelmed because I just can't manage to keep up with every day things that it seems normal people do seamlessly. But on the other hand, I have very little resistance when it comes to something I want. I have that snack that sounds good, and I buy the dvd set that I want, and I read when I don't feel like cleaning or being responsible. It is a big struggle to me to find a balance between doing the things I want and doing the things I feel I should do. I know that I LOVE food, and I just can't make myself eat stuff that tastes unappealing to me. So one thing I'm doing to nurture myself in a healthy way is that I bought a couple different healthy cookbooks...and every time I get groceries, I pick out one or two recipes to get the ingredients to make. That means I keep finding new things that I like, and I have variety, so food can still be a pleasant thing.

So true, so true!! Good idea about the cookbooks and shopping too!! I am trying to decide which paleo diet cookbook I want to buy.... I might have to get a couple!!!

Taking a nap.
Saying no.
When perfectionism rears it's head, I say stop.

These are the things I am learning to do, when I can. I get panic attacks because of all the things I must attend to, or so I think. So what the laundry gets done Sunday instead of Saturday?

I'm decluttering my space so that I feel that since of calm when I enter my home. Esp. my bedroom. Use to the be the dumping ground, now it's getting closure to being a calm, cool, tranquil, serene place where I physically say "ah" and thereby I do not feel the urge to eat.

I was listening to a podcast the other day about self appreciation. It basically advised to do one thing every day to appreciate yourself. The example they gave is to look at yourself in the mirror and say something affirming like "you're stunning" or "you're more beautiful than a number on a scale" - even if you don't quite mean it or believe it yet. It feels a bit stupid and narcississtic at first, but I'm finding it's starting to work!

So many good responses here! Self-care is so hard. Long-term change is only possible as an expression of self love, and I try to remind myself of this. If I think to myself, don't eat that doughnut, heifer! That type of restriction clearly isn't healthy or maintainable. If I think, I really care about my health, so I'm gonna pass on that doughnut, it's so much more kind. Check negative self talk: I wouldn't talk to my best friend that way, why would I say that to myself?

Taking a walk

HG93022 wrote: »

My therapist says that it is possible that I am having a hard time with people at work not saying please when they ask me (or direct me) to do something for them, because it may be that right now in life I am not being kind to myself... In the past, I would probably treat myself (aka be kind to myself) with eating a sweet treat. What are ways that YOU are kind to YOURSELF?!

Such a great question! I believe being kind to ourselves, and I'll go even further than that and say 'loving ourselves', is the most important foundation every weight loss journey should start with. Because we eat to give ourselves love that we haven't received otherwise. It will sound crazy, but the part of me us that binges, eats when I'm not hungry, punishes myself, gets angry, hates myself, etc, is the part that craves love more than anything. It's like a small 4 years old child that throws tantrums because haven't received what it wants. Would you as loving mother, being in harmony with yourself and knowing your child's needs, start to shout and deprive that child even more? Or maybe you would give it a hug and said: ''I hear you. I love you.'' My most recent and most radical practice of kindness been just that - I put hands on my heart and say to myself 'I love you'. I do it even if initially I don't want to, don't believe it's true, etc. It's not narcissistic, nor indulging in oneself. It's simply sending myself some love. I make it daily practice - eg, set a timer and do it for 5 minutes. Make a habit of it. This practice will most likely reveal lots of surfacing emotional issues, so I guess it is important to take it easy and go gently.

great thread.. helpful to see others gain awareness into our common eating triggers... I so treat myself with food.. and Im now learning how to treat myself in other ways. Its odd when u go to buy yourself clothes and you stop yourself because its too expensive or doesn't look up to a perfect standard so u become insecure.. etc or subconsciously I feel like I don't deserve them, but Ill have had no problems racking up the same thirty a nice shirt costs for a binge. Ive been hiding trauma and anxiety with food for a long time.. and I learnt it young .. the child that didn't deserve love and protection now eats. I still catch myself reaching for food when I feel overwhelmed.. it calms me. So kindness.. first recognizing that little girl and loving her. she and I were and are doing the best we can.. compassion.. a few bubble baths, and really noticing the moments in the day were I find something beautiful, feel joy, or just good that don't involve food. For example today I treated myself by taking time away from "to dos" and made a winterland cross country ski a priority.. It was so nice to give myself that.