How do you talk about fitness with judgmental friends?
Options
Replies
-
I feel your pain and would love to share progress. Feel free to add me.
0 -
This is such a great topic !! It's like i'm not allowed to say i need to toned up or loose 10 pounds. So i shut up about it and i go on MFP. I pretty much gave up on sharing this part of my life with my family, friends and colleagues.0
-
wow! is it possible we have the same friends? i have had some similar experiences.0
-
Hello. I am not skinny yet but I will get there.
Honestly girls, why would you put up with "friends" like that. They are not friends. Your changes really make them show their true color. Everyone knows that being fat is a consequence of being lazy and eating too much. I definitely in my huge stage now because of it. And anyone who make an excuses for themselves are not honest with themselves.
Your achievement is a Hard work, you know it and they know it, but they do not really want to put effort in it or stop EATING. You being slim constantly remind them about their body and mind laziness and they hate it, so they get angry at you.
You know every one would like feel good about them self, however not everyone actually prepared to do something, to lift up the butt from the sofa and eat less and stop drinking wine, so they make other people, like you feel uncomfortable and guilty about you doing things. It is a form of manipulation.
Do not let any one to make you an adequate. It is THEIR problem, not yours. Make new friends, who would have similar point of view and appreciate how much work you actually do to be this slim.
Good luck.0 -
We are in the same boat.
We just need to get new friends who share our passions and goals.0 -
What's sad is that this is the society we live in. We're supposed to acknowledge that women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes (which they are,) and at the same time those of us who aren't necessarily obese or super skinny are supposed to hide our body image struggles and struggles with trying to lose fat and get the body we want for ourselves.
I have honestly just stopped talking to people about it. I'm not looking for attention (but a little support would be nice) so I don't even mention it anymore. My friends and family regularly make fun of me and ask me why I count my calories and watch what I eat; they all have their struggles with being overweight, but my struggle is different. Anymore, I just let it roll off me when they make fun of me for drinking a Miller 64 when we go out rather than a cocktail or normal beer when we have our nights out. (Iliving in a region where morbid obesity is the norm...I've gotten used to being treated like a weirdo.)
At the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy. If you want to be vocal about this stuff, you're either going to have to choose different friends to talk to, or expect the negative feedback. You can try to reason with them, but unless they are in the same situation as you, they're not gong to know your story or understand your goals.0 -
Being skinny-fat is a blessing and a curse. It's great that my usual size is a 2 (although vanity sizing can be deceptive) and I look good; however, it belies how unhealthy one can be. For instance, one summer ago, my cholesterol was a little high, and my shoulders weak enough to be susceptible to tearing.
After seeing a physiotherapist for two months with little improvement, I decided to see a personal trainer. Since November, at the most CASUAL and SLIGHTESTS mention of how I might feel fatigued, I get: "That's because you're trainer working you too hard. I don't even know why you're dieting because you're already skinny." Or when I choose healthier options at restaurants "you're not eating enough".
Sigh... I can only attribute this to their own insecurities (an obvious statement no doubt) and perhaps a hint of envy at my dedication. But all this comes with many sacrifices that I have to make: personal training is EXPENSIVE, and I have to budget around it. In fact, I recently had to dive into my savings OUCH OUCH OUCH.
Ultimately, this healthy lifestyle is worth it because my blood work results last month were EXEMPLARY.
At this point, I really am not fixated on the weight loss because I am already concerned about the alterations that need to get done on my clothing. In truth, some of the before and after pictures are kind of appalling, in that all I see are sticks, skins, and bones. My friends do not believe me but I don't want to be too skinny. At 5.2, I'd be content at 110 lbs. Done.
However, I am not going to regress either or stop trying because I have not reached my full potential yet. Every week, my trainer has augmented my weights, and every week I have gained strength. In fact, I was pretty astounded to see a colleague of mine who commented "you look stronger": that in itself is an inspiration.
Anyway, glad I discovered this group and had a chance to vent.0 -
Unfortunately I keep my fitness & food choices out of everyone's life. Most don't want to hear it anyways lol. So I chit chat with my mfp friends a lot.0
-
Wow I'm so happy I found you ladies! I've been struggling with these same issues for a while. I'm new to mpf and looking for some friends with similar goals and obstacles. Every job I have ever had I've been regarded as being too skinny. Co-workers and customers alike tell me how I need to eat more and instead of eating carrots I should be eating cupcakes.
My goal is to continue to become a better version of myself everyday.
BTW all of you ladies look friggin amazing!0 -
SKINNYFAT2FABULOUS wrote: »Wow I can totally relate. I agree with others in that you just have to watch what you say around people. Double standards of course because no doubt we are expected to listen constantly to how "fat they are"... You'll find people who you can be honest with, either on here or in your own life.
I've just learnt to keep things to myself. One thing I have found works is saying how I'm trying to get strong not skinny and that "I hate how weak I am". People can't argue with that because they know how weak I am, which is a standard trait of skinny fat girls (I have a BMI of under 18 but BF of 25%!). Before they can even get in there with a jibe of "but you have no weight to lose" I say I don't want to lose weight, I want to increase muscle, or that I know I'm slim but I'm not fit and I want to be able to run 10k. It's harder for someone to criticise when you take your goals away from astecthics. Whether that's entirely true for you they need not know! I mean for me saying that I want to lose the fat on my hips and thighs would get me no end of abuse, so I just miss that bit out
I totally get what your saying, and many of these other responses so far too.
It's not like any of my friends are even overweight, maybe not as slim as me, but they aren't fat either! they just "feel" fat next to me. So it's like a double whammy of annoying when I didn;t call myself fat, I only said I wanted to get fit or toned, and then not only do I get accused of complaining I'm fat (which I didn't) now I get to listen to THEM complain they are fat (which they aren't either!) lol. Even if I emphasize "healthy" and "fit" all they heard is "I think I'm fat and I want to get super skinny, and that means you are super fat".
Guess I just expect that my best "friends" would rather be supportive, but I guess not. It sucks, I wanna be able to talk about whats going on with me, and have people to hold me accountable so I achieve my goals and don't get lazy, but instead I have to do it all in secret.
oh well
I seriously finally for once in my life feel like I fit in with people!! I'm skinnyfat too and whever I say I want to start working out my friends who are always trying to lose weight just tell me I don't need to work out, when I say I want to be more fit and have a nice butt and abs and bigger legs they just go off on a rant about how I'm a lucky "skinny b*tch". For some reason I guess its ok to joke about skinny people but if you were to say that to a fat person it would be another world war.
Luckily I have my fiance who I can talk about this stuff with, but in all honesty it hurts that I have to hide my fitness journey to my friends so I can avoid the comments. I remember once I told my friend I was going to try to start eating salads and she went off on a rant that she just doesn't even know me anymore and that my boyfriend (now fiance) has changed me - like seriously?? Apparently trying to be healthy is a bad thing to some people if its a skinny person trying to better themselves.
I now know I can't really talk about this with my friends since I know how they'll react, but if they're on the subject I do sometime throw in comments but I NEVER mention being skinnyfat since the word fat coming from me sends them off on a rant. I try to dodge the bullet by saying how I want to have bigger legs and an *kitten*, thats my only reason that flies with them cause God forbid I actually tell them I'd like to decrease my bodyfat percentage.
By no means am I happy that you're going through this struggle as well, but misery loves company so I do have to admit I'm slightly comforted by the fact that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. I hate the double standard between skinny and fat people.
Oh and lastly - when I was about 20 years old I was about 110 lbs (I'm 5'8" so I was a twig) and someone at work saw me grabbing a bunch of junk food (which I used to eat all the time) and said to me "wow everyone upstairs would be surprised that you actually eat!"....Funny yes, but why is it OK to poke fun at a skinny person cause I guarantee if I was a fat person buying healthy snacks nobody would've said anything like "i'm surprised you actually eat healthy".
K had to vent since I've finally found a group who understands me.
This is life right now lol
I'm 24, 5'7" and 110lbs. and I'm so tired of having my arms pinched. But it's not like I can say anything about their body because that would be rude...0 -
lately my responses have been along the lines of this: just because I don't have the exact same issues with my body that you do with yours, that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to have issues with my body at all. I have plenty of things about my body that I'm self conscious about, like my broad-but-bony shoulders and my skeletal hands. Probably because people comment on them all the time! Just because it isn't a belly or cellulite or arm fat doesn't mean I'm not self conscious, and it's not okay for you to shut down and shame my feelings just because they differ from yours.
And just because I'm skinny, that doesn't mean that I'm healthy. If my BMI is 17, but I get winded after climbing one flight of stairs, my heart rate is sky-high, my skin is pale and dull, no amount of concealer can cover up the bags under my eyes, my nails are weak and brittle, etc...does that sound healthy to you?? I agree with some of the other commenters that making it less about looks and more about general health and "feeling better" can shut down some of the skinny shaming. I have straight up told some people that I am actually trying to gain weight, but in a healthy way. Sometimes that goes over well, sometimes it doesn't, but at least that shuts down the people who assume I have an ED.
Don't you just love those "You're so skinny, I hate you" comments? Like...is that really supposed to be a compliment?? You literally just told me that you hate me because of something I have no control over. I've had several friends over the years, especially in college, who have suffered from eating disorders, and it made me even more self conscious. I couldn't help but think "These girls are miserable and starving themselves because they want to look more like me." I still couldn't gain weight, so I starting wearing baggier clothes and hiding my body because I felt so guilty that I was thin and making other people feel bad about themselves. How messed up is that?? Luckily my friends have recovered now and I stopped feeling that way eventually.
Having said all of this...it is important to remember that people who have been skinnyfat our entire lives will NEVER understand what it is like to be overweight. No matter what I am going through or how unhealthy I may be, I still fit in more with society's idea of "pretty" than an overweight person would, and that's a privilege I try to keep in mind when someone is being insensitive about my weight or health. The person I am talking to may have struggled with an eating disorder, or been made fun of by strangers while out running for being too fat, or had someone on Tinder tell them "no fatties allowed," etc. I have my own issues to deal with, and it's still NOT OKAY for people to shame and belittle them, but I try to be grateful that I at least I don't have to deal with those types of attitudes. I think that's where some of the insensitivity comes from; they just want us to check our privilege and acknowledge that there will always be certain aspects of life that will be easier for a skinny person. The danger comes when they assume that EVERYTHING is easier for a skinny person, which we all know is not true.
Anyway, back to my chipotle burrito...1 -
I’m so glad you posted this because I get this all the time0
-
Same thing happens to me. I guess people who are not trying to be fit and healthy just don’t want to hear it. Now, I only talk fitness with other like minded people. I’m grateful for my one coworker/friend who is on the same path as me. We talk all the time and share success stories. We are about the same age and experiencing the same obstacles, menopause, etc. I can also talk to my husband. He is a firefighter, so we have the same goals about staying fit and healthy. 0
