My tale of woe. Looking for a little support/understanding
grandlinegirl
Posts: 49 Member
Hi everyone. My name is Amy and I just turned 27. I happened to weigh myself today and at 5'3", I am currently at my heaviest - 250lb. I am feeling really down and hopeless and I'm not sure where to go from here.
I'm sorry in advance for the woe is me tale I'm about to lay on you guys.
A few years ago I was doing really well. I got motivated, I started eating better and I started losing weight. I exercised regularly and lost 40 pounds! I had never done such a thing and I was so proud of myself. Everyone noticed the change and I received so many compliments...
And then came the injury...
I have tendinitis. Really bad, chronic tendinitis. I've seen doctors and specialists. I was told the only thing that could help is physical therapy but there was no way I could afford it. I work part time with no benefits and no health plan. I've been living with it for 3 years now and it's worse than ever. When I get home from work (as a cashier), I can barely walk. I was given a special boot to wear and it does help but I can't wear it constantly.
I was also diagnosed with PCOS with insulin resistance. I'm already on an anti-diabetic medication because of it and I am on my way to diabetes if something doesn't change.
Working out is really hard. When I lost all that weight before, I was doing the Leslie Sansone walk stuff but my ankle can't keep up with it. Slow walking is okay but that doesn't accomplish much. Treadmills hurt. Exercise equipment in general hurts. I can swim. I love to swim but I can't afford it. I live in a small town and there are two places with a pool. One costs $60 a month and the other $40, which is still out of my price range. The weather here is really bad and swimming/being outside isn't an option from late Sept - June.
Now, diet. Hah! I've seen nutritionists and dietitians. None of them have understood me and my issues. None have been able to help.
I am addicted to food and I am a binge eater. I've reached out for help before but I can't afford a therapist and in my small town nobody is really experienced with it. Traveling isn't an option because I don't drive.
Not only am I a food addict/binge eater but I think I might be a supertaster. There's very little food I can tolerate. I can't eat salad/crunchy veggies. If I eat veggies, they have to be cooked to mush and eaten with something else (ie. pulverized in a food processor and put into a sauce or eaten with a bite of something else like meat or potatoes) - otherwise they make me gag. I've tried smoothies but they always turn out gritty and I've never found one I liked the taste of, and I don't really have time to make them anyway. I find things bitter and unpleasant that others don't and it's not just a little bit. It's to the point that I can't eat it. There's certain textures I can't handle. Things that are hard/crunchy are a no-no, same with sauces and creams. I can think of only a handful of things I can eat comfortably.
There's also the problem that I overeat and binge. For example, when I'm eating dinner I can eat 3-4 chicken breasts myself, plus sides, plus dessert and still be hungry. I've tried all the tricks. Drinking water to fill up, eating multiple times a day instead of only a few, increasing protein but then the food addiction kicks in and I can't fight it.
I guess I'm just frustrated with everything. I've reached out for help but nobody understands/can help. I really want to get down to a healthy weight/bmi by the time I turn 30 but I really don't think that's going to happen
Thanks for anyone that took the time to read this
I'm sorry in advance for the woe is me tale I'm about to lay on you guys.
A few years ago I was doing really well. I got motivated, I started eating better and I started losing weight. I exercised regularly and lost 40 pounds! I had never done such a thing and I was so proud of myself. Everyone noticed the change and I received so many compliments...
And then came the injury...
I have tendinitis. Really bad, chronic tendinitis. I've seen doctors and specialists. I was told the only thing that could help is physical therapy but there was no way I could afford it. I work part time with no benefits and no health plan. I've been living with it for 3 years now and it's worse than ever. When I get home from work (as a cashier), I can barely walk. I was given a special boot to wear and it does help but I can't wear it constantly.
I was also diagnosed with PCOS with insulin resistance. I'm already on an anti-diabetic medication because of it and I am on my way to diabetes if something doesn't change.
Working out is really hard. When I lost all that weight before, I was doing the Leslie Sansone walk stuff but my ankle can't keep up with it. Slow walking is okay but that doesn't accomplish much. Treadmills hurt. Exercise equipment in general hurts. I can swim. I love to swim but I can't afford it. I live in a small town and there are two places with a pool. One costs $60 a month and the other $40, which is still out of my price range. The weather here is really bad and swimming/being outside isn't an option from late Sept - June.
Now, diet. Hah! I've seen nutritionists and dietitians. None of them have understood me and my issues. None have been able to help.
I am addicted to food and I am a binge eater. I've reached out for help before but I can't afford a therapist and in my small town nobody is really experienced with it. Traveling isn't an option because I don't drive.
Not only am I a food addict/binge eater but I think I might be a supertaster. There's very little food I can tolerate. I can't eat salad/crunchy veggies. If I eat veggies, they have to be cooked to mush and eaten with something else (ie. pulverized in a food processor and put into a sauce or eaten with a bite of something else like meat or potatoes) - otherwise they make me gag. I've tried smoothies but they always turn out gritty and I've never found one I liked the taste of, and I don't really have time to make them anyway. I find things bitter and unpleasant that others don't and it's not just a little bit. It's to the point that I can't eat it. There's certain textures I can't handle. Things that are hard/crunchy are a no-no, same with sauces and creams. I can think of only a handful of things I can eat comfortably.
There's also the problem that I overeat and binge. For example, when I'm eating dinner I can eat 3-4 chicken breasts myself, plus sides, plus dessert and still be hungry. I've tried all the tricks. Drinking water to fill up, eating multiple times a day instead of only a few, increasing protein but then the food addiction kicks in and I can't fight it.
I guess I'm just frustrated with everything. I've reached out for help but nobody understands/can help. I really want to get down to a healthy weight/bmi by the time I turn 30 but I really don't think that's going to happen
Thanks for anyone that took the time to read this 0
Replies
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Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you're going through such a horrible time. It sounds like if you didn't have the tendinitis you'd have the exercise part in control. Have you looked into Overeaters Anonymous? I've looked into it but haven't been able to bring myself to check out a meeting yet. They have recorded online meetings, and there is a group on MFP that is about OA that may be of some help. You're definitely not alone in this fight.0
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lamlam2013 wrote: »Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you're going through such a horrible time. It sounds like if you didn't have the tendinitis you'd have the exercise part in control. Have you looked into Overeaters Anonymous? I've looked into it but haven't been able to bring myself to check out a meeting yet. They have recorded online meetings, and there is a group on MFP that is about OA that may be of some help. You're definitely not alone in this fight.
I will check it out for sure, thank you.
I'm glad I found this place. It's comforting to know I'm not alone
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I have struggled with binge eating since I was 9 yrs old (that's as far as I can remember doing this anyway).
I am 32 now and I found this group about 7 months ago i think. Since then, i have started to talk about my problem with some close friends and family- which I had never done before. I have made huge strides since joining this group - and my binges are much, much smaller and more infrequent than they were a year ago.
Also, I was doing great physically last year and then had two injuries that set me back. I have not gotten back to regular, productive exercising yet, but I am grateful to have focused on making progress with eating healthier.
SO - while I don't have a flawless path or any specific advice, I hope this offers a little bit of hope that having this group changed my life in many ways, and I hope it will for you too.0 -
It does, thank you very much. I don't feel quite as alone since joining this group.
Good luck on your journey 0 -
you are definetly not alone, we all here and fighting against the binge every day, some are doing well some are failing but that's life and we can move on and doing much better every day.
here i feel like I am not alone because with friends , family they can't really understand ..
hope this year will bring you confort and sucess against the binge0 -
I used to be a runner. A lot easier to do at 140 pounds than at 220 pounds, so I feel you on the exercise thing. My dr. wants me to lose 50 pounds (I'm 5'1"), and she says the key to this is dietary control. I know this. Not so easy who binges. Anyway, friend me if you want. We are not alone0
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Okay, first of all, know that the "eating everything and still feeling hungry" stuff - that is mostly the insulin resistance talking. I don't know how much you've educated yourself on IR, but essentially, hunger or eating triggers insulin production. Then, when the body goes to find the insulin to process the food, it's like a bad game of marco polo. Our bodies eventually give up and make more insulin, which makes you hungrier, and it still can't find even the new insulin efficiently to process the food. And with the presence of excess insulin, it triggers the body to store everything directly as fat for later usage, because it's convinced there is more needed and more coming, and on and on and on. It is a crazy cycle.
And the only known successful treatment I've discovered for insulin resistance is to drop the carbs lower, so that you don't need the insulin to process your food. Insulin is primarily used for processing carbs. Protein and fats are processed in different ways that don't use insulin - or don't encounter the same type of location/processing difficulties. So keeping blood sugars level and avoiding insulin responses whenever possible help this issue, but they also make you more sensitive to the same carbs (sugar, starches, or the good carbs, doesn't matter - my body sees a fruit and a piece of sweets and a starchy side and a grain as the same). Running the body off of fats helps regulate blood sugar (only carbs or fats are fuel, protein is building blocks), but if you end up binging on carbs later, it makes everything all crazy.
My IR is what cause my PCOS and likely my hypothyroidism, too. I also have chronic injuries and pelvic organ prolapse, both of which severely limit what I'm able to do physically. I've found that solid nutrition, regardless of limitations in preferences and aversion, and supplements help me to get through this. While I don't have the textural issues or super-tasting responses you do, I do have foods that literally trigger my gag reflexes for seemingly no reason...
Personally, I would suggest a PCOS group here that shares a lot of good info: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/3070-p-c-o-sis
If you do decide to attempt to low your carbs within your food aversions, there is a great low carb group that can help, too. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/394-low-carber-daily-forum-the-lcd-group
And know that there are ways to absorb supplements into the body that don't require swallowing pills and such if you can't manage that either. Let me know if you want to have more discussion surrounding the more specifics of your food limitations, as well as anything else, and just to see if you can figure out how to be the healthiest you can within those constraints. I do find, honestly, though, that as I go on, my own personal food aversions and such are .... morphing, for lack of a better explanations. I can't say that this would happen for you, but as you change your baseline internal systems, your taste buds do adjust, but not being a super-taster, I'm not sure how that would play in...
Whatever happens, don't give up, find folks here or somewhere you can talk with... Talking, even if others don't fully understand, helps so much.
Also check into NEDA (www.neda.org, I think), that is an eat disorder organization. It can tell you what free or reduced programs are in your area, provide you a counselor and coach for free, and many other things, too.... It isn't all in your head, and it seems overwhelming and impossible now, but the chance of possibility of hope is in there somewhere.
(HUGS)0 -
Hey,
I am feeling with you sounds like a horrible struggle! I am also still struggleing but what has helped me a bit so far and what I am still trying is an approach called : " Appetite Awareness Traininng (AAT)". You can find it as aself help book eg on amazon, the author is called Linda Craighead. It gives a solid training programme how to relearn to listen to stomach fulness and to get back to normal eating (and in the later part also to weight loss). It is more about eating what you want but in small portions at first (so that might help with your small list of possible food you like). However, after having read the post about insuline resistance above if thats your issue the book might not help (or not help without any dietary adjustments on top)....it is more about setting you psychologicaly free at first.
Good luck to you!0
