Feeling a little cross
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smuller73
Posts: 71 Member
So yesterday I reached my 2nd weight target. The one that I gave myself after I reached the original one and thought I could do with losing a little more, so yay for me. I'm was all happy and feeling good about myself. So lunchtime today, in walks the lady from the cafe/restaurant next door delivering lunch for one of the lawyers at my office. Looks me up and down and says in front of everyone "Your too thin now, you've lost too much weight". Why do people feel it necessary to make judgments about how people look? Found myself telling everyone I'm not losing anymore and am happy how I am (not entirely true as I need to start working out a little more and get fitter) but was annoyed that I had to justify myself. I have worked hard to lose this 30kgs and have had nothing but positive responses up until now. I know I shouldn't feel bad as she probably didn't realize that it would hurt me, but I do feel really cross about it. Feel like losing another 3 or 4 kgs just to spite her lol jk
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I hate that. My husband keeps telling me I'd better not lose as much weight as my mom did a few years ago, because when he first met her he thought she was hot, and now she's too skinny. That makes me mad, because I fully intend to get to the approximate size she is now. And she is still curvy, so it's not like she got down to skin and bones. So aggravating. People need to keep their remarks to themselves. Except the good ones, of course.
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I get your frustration. I remember those comments from my own weight loss. I KNEW my weight was at a healthy place. I KNEW I hadn't lost too much.
I also realized over time that for me, as I was losing weight it was coming off faster in some place (my face) and slower in others (butt and belly). They could see my face. I could see my butt and belly. It took a while for it all to balance out, and then folks stopped commenting.
But meanwhile, it was frustrating!0 -
I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but it seems like these kind of comments only come from people that are heavy and not trying or interested in losing weight themselves. Not all the time, but very often. I think it's often related to an emotional response that comes from seeing someone else do what you perceive to be either impossible or extremely difficult.
Think about it... How many of us had a goal weight in mind when we started that got lowered as we really got on a roll and started having better success than we expected? It's very common. This woe, has made what we thought wasn't possible or at least not likely, very possible! I just think those who's negative response comes from that emotional place of defeat, are feeling a slightly bruised ego from their own inability to have been able to achieve even that first goal. Much less surpassing it! And in so many cases not even being able to make a good start.
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What a *kitten*! Absolutely no ones place to comment on another persons weight! She was obviously feeling jealous/threatened by you though 0
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That was just female dog btw nothing too strong 0
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I'm not sure why but I find people have a hard time when others have success or want to change. I know a lot of people are supportive of my changes but at the same time it just shows how people like to be comfortable and always stay the same.0
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I'm not there yet, but I'm thinking about what would be an appropriate response to something like that. I found this thread, which gave me a few chuckles. Congrats on your success!
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/676313/comebacks-for-you-are-losing-too-much-weight/p10 -
Oh I forgot to say Congratulations on your success! I hope you will find your next goal just as successful!0
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I only had a second to view a couple but I loved "I haven't lost anything. I've gained a healthy, stronger body"
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That's as rude as telling someone they need to lose weight! My best friend's mom says that to her all the time. She had weight loss surgery a year ago and her mom was not at all supportive. Now that she's lost 70% of the weight she wanted to lose, her mom is still not supportive and keeps telling her she looks too thin. It's just another way for her to take a dig at her and make her feel bad about herself, which is one of the reasons she's always struggled with self-esteem and eating problems. My mom does similar things, no matter what I do to improve myself or my life, she'll focus on the negative side of things instead of the positive. It's unfortunate when our own family members aren't supportive, and I think a lot of people struggle with that, whether it's a spouse, parent, sibling or even a grown child.0
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To be honest, when mother says someone s getting too thin she honestly does mean it as a compliment. It s a sort of "wow I can't believe you've lost so much - amazing" sort of comment. She is from the generation of "you can never be too thin or too rich" so I overlook it.
Plus, for overweight people, fat is their normal. Slim people probably do seem down right tiny and bony because it isn't their norm.0 -
I think another thing is that when people are used to seeing a person as "one way" and then they drastically lose (or gain) weight people have a hard time catching up to the "new" way the person looks.
A friend of mine lost about 85 pounds in a short amount of time (keto!) and people were commenting how she was losing too much, getting too thin, etc. But now, 2 years later, people hardly even notice and actually forget the way she used to look. This is her new "normal" and I think people finally caught up to that. (BTW, she looks amazing now, but at the beginning I was thinking she lost too much also, though I never actually voiced it. Now, I realize that was actually just her healthy weight all along.)0 -
@nvmomketo I wish that's the way my friend's mom meant it, but unfortunately she's quite cruel with the things that she says. Her mom is still mad at her for having the surgery, despite the insistence from her entire family (parents & sister) that she shouldn't do it. Any time she has any slightly negative affect, i.e. feeling too full after a small meal, her mom will remind her that she shouldn't have had surgery (as if a bit of an upset tummy negates losing over 100 lbs). Thank goodness her husband has been her rock through all of this.0
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People suck...that's what it comes down to. They suck when they are driving, they suck when they stop in front of you in the mall suddenly, they suck when they text on their phone while you're talking to them and they suck when they make judgemental comments that come from their own insecurities.
It's up to us to not give them any power and not spend even a second caring about what they said. I've heard the same comment before I just smile and say "nope, not quite done yet" and move on reminding myself that people suck 0 -
People suck...that's what it comes down to. They suck when they are driving, they suck when they stop in front of you in the mall suddenly, they suck when they text on their phone while you're talking to them and they suck when they make judgemental comments that come from their own insecurities.
It's up to us to not give them any power and not spend even a second caring about what they said. I've heard the same comment before I just smile and say "nope, not quite done yet" and move on reminding myself that people suck
Amen!0 -
People suck...that's what it comes down to. They suck when they are driving, they suck when they stop in front of you in the mall suddenly, they suck when they text on their phone while you're talking to them and they suck when they make judgemental comments that come from their own insecurities.
It's up to us to not give them any power and not spend even a second caring about what they said. I've heard the same comment before I just smile and say "nope, not quite done yet" and move on reminding myself that people suck
Yep, they do! And they will always be around to pass judgement on others! Try to let it roll on off of you and keep on keepin on!0 -
When it happened to me, it was uncomfortable. I don't think I said anything back. I felt ashamed that I was "so thin". Little did she know I still had 25 lbs to reach my goal. I hadn't remembered it to now.
Now I think twice when I want to voice my unasked opinion.0 -
But its different being a mother. I voice my concern ONCE and then I put it in my prayer list. I don't want to hurt my children by having them develop an insecurity by my many "concerns".0
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I have had more of an issue with people telling me to not lose anymore weight. My goal is to reach 175, but I'd like to get down to 165. I'm still 12 pounds from reaching 175, but when I verbalize this to friends and sometimes family ("I'd like to lose 10 more pounds.") , they're like, "Why do you need to lose more? You look great as it is! If you loose any more you'll be a skeleton!" I believe that is my "you're too skinny" comment in disguise.
It's a bit of a backwards compliment, they think I look good, but they don't think I should continue to lose weight and reach my goal. I don't take it too personally, but I do use it as an opportunity to share with that person that I believe I'm worth it, spending time reaching goals and becoming a better and healthier version of myself. And I usually also use that as a chance to encourage them to consider themselves worthy of that same investment.0 -
I am over it now, but was quite upset at the time. Maybe people will get used to me looking this way soon and there'll be no need to comment anymore. Will get my repertoire of answer backs together so I am prepared next time . 0
