I hate that. My husband keeps telling me I'd better not lose as much weight as my mom did a few years ago, because when he first met her he thought she was hot, and now she's too skinny. That makes me mad, because I fully intend to get to the approximate size she is now. And she is still curvy, so it's not like she got down to skin and bones. So aggravating. People need to keep their remarks to themselves. Except the good ones, of course.

I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but it seems like these kind of comments only come from people that are heavy and not trying or interested in losing weight themselves. Not all the time, but very often. I think it's often related to an emotional response that comes from seeing someone else do what you perceive to be either impossible or extremely difficult.
Think about it... How many of us had a goal weight in mind when we started that got lowered as we really got on a roll and started having better success than we expected? It's very common. This woe, has made what we thought wasn't possible or at least not likely, very possible! I just think those who's negative response comes from that emotional place of defeat, are feeling a slightly bruised ego from their own inability to have been able to achieve even that first goal. Much less surpassing it! And in so many cases not even being able to make a good start.

That was just female dog btw nothing too strong

I'm not there yet, but I'm thinking about what would be an appropriate response to something like that. I found this thread, which gave me a few chuckles. Congrats on your success!
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/676313/comebacks-for-you-are-losing-too-much-weight/p1

I only had a second to view a couple but I loved "I haven't lost anything. I've gained a healthy, stronger body"

To be honest, when mother says someone s getting too thin she honestly does mean it as a compliment. It s a sort of "wow I can't believe you've lost so much - amazing" sort of comment. She is from the generation of "you can never be too thin or too rich" so I overlook it.

Plus, for overweight people, fat is their normal. Slim people probably do seem down right tiny and bony because it isn't their norm.

@nvmomketo I wish that's the way my friend's mom meant it, but unfortunately she's quite cruel with the things that she says. Her mom is still mad at her for having the surgery, despite the insistence from her entire family (parents & sister) that she shouldn't do it. Any time she has any slightly negative affect, i.e. feeling too full after a small meal, her mom will remind her that she shouldn't have had surgery (as if a bit of an upset tummy negates losing over 100 lbs). Thank goodness her husband has been her rock through all of this.

Smoked33 wrote: »

People suck...that's what it comes down to. They suck when they are driving, they suck when they stop in front of you in the mall suddenly, they suck when they text on their phone while you're talking to them and they suck when they make judgemental comments that come from their own insecurities.

It's up to us to not give them any power and not spend even a second caring about what they said. I've heard the same comment before I just smile and say "nope, not quite done yet" and move on reminding myself that people suck

Amen!

When it happened to me, it was uncomfortable. I don't think I said anything back. I felt ashamed that I was "so thin". Little did she know I still had 25 lbs to reach my goal. I hadn't remembered it to now.

Now I think twice when I want to voice my unasked opinion.

I have had more of an issue with people telling me to not lose anymore weight. My goal is to reach 175, but I'd like to get down to 165. I'm still 12 pounds from reaching 175, but when I verbalize this to friends and sometimes family ("I'd like to lose 10 more pounds.") , they're like, "Why do you need to lose more? You look great as it is! If you loose any more you'll be a skeleton!" I believe that is my "you're too skinny" comment in disguise.

It's a bit of a backwards compliment, they think I look good, but they don't think I should continue to lose weight and reach my goal. I don't take it too personally, but I do use it as an opportunity to share with that person that I believe I'm worth it, spending time reaching goals and becoming a better and healthier version of myself. And I usually also use that as a chance to encourage them to consider themselves worthy of that same investment.

Some people are just crass and don't know basic etiquette or when to keep their mouths shut.
Her opinion is irrelevant, just look in the mirror at your fabulous self and ignore her.

(or remind her how inappropriate it is to make uninvited personal contents about people. Particularly those she doesn't know. Particularly when she is representing her business. Sheesh, some people!!

Smoked33 wrote: »

People suck...that's what it comes down to. They suck when they are driving, they suck when they stop in front of you in the mall suddenly, they suck when they text on their phone while you're talking to them and they suck when they make judgemental comments that come from their own insecurities.

It's up to us to not give them any power and not spend even a second caring about what they said. I've heard the same comment before I just smile and say "nope, not quite done yet" and move on reminding myself that people suck

Yep. This. And just to add the word "can". People CAN suck. But most of them don't. It's just that the sucky ones stand out.

I agree though in questioning why people feel it's ok to say we've lost too much weight. It's a judgement about us. They wouldn't never to our face say we chose the wrong colour eyeshadow, or our yellow socks are an eye sore against our black dress pants and brown shoes... why is it acceptable for them to tell us we're too thin?

MY personal comeback is:

Well lucky for me, YOUR opinion of me has absolutely nothing to do with MY opinion of me.

Our admin assistants at work both asked me had I lost weight and was I trying to. Being less overweight than either of them, before I started this journey, 10 kilos ago, it has to be scary for them to see an even smaller version of me. It challenges their own normal. They shared their concern that I should stop loosing weight at about -6kgs. Genuine anorexia fear. I know the issue is their perception as I am just getting to a healthy bmi now. They had me in the one of the crew in their "normal" weight range which is overweight to obese. My new normal challenges theirs. I just thanked them for caring and being concerned and assured them my doctor was supervising me and that I would stop loosing so quickly soon when I get to a weight Dr and I will help me be healthier (what they care about). Hope that helps.

@PaleoInScotland some mums / people find fault in everything. That expressed perfectionism and criticism imo is only a small portion of how their internal dialogue which critically judges their own actions. I look on critics with more empathy knowing that it is not about me, but about them.

Everyone has different opinions of what looks attractive (and healthy, even if it's wrong!). Somestimes its generational or even cultural. My MIL genuinely thinks fat people are healthier than thin people, comments like "my cousin was your size and lost 50 lbs, she's ugly now" come out all the time when she sees me now. It annoys me when she says it (of course) but I try not to let it bother me because it's just the way she views things.

Congrats on your success!

PaleoInScotland wrote: »

@SamandaIndia you're so right about that internal judgement. My mom and I share all the same insecurities, though she hasn't had to struggle with weight like me, those genes come from my dad's side of the family. She blames her insecurities on her mom; I could easily do the same, except for the fact that I accept that I am responsible for myself and how I handle my baggage. I wish I could be as gracious as you, but I do admit, when my mom starts complaining about all the things her mom did to her, sometimes, "Yes, my mom did that too" slips out of my mouth before I can stop myself. I'll try and think of you next time and bite my tongue

Very kind of you. My best friend argues with her dad. Fundamental differences on racism and other hot buttons. Her husband asked does it really matter if your dad thinks the grass is blue? So now everytime she starts feeling upset by a comment she thinks "the grass is blue" breathes deeply and thinks "blue oceans". Works for me and also has led to some funny sms between her and I when we get stuck in tough momments. "Grass is blue momment" Good luck!!