Abstinence...what does it mean to you?
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Sara13CH
Posts: 85 Member
HI there,
I am a newbie to OA, yet I have work other 12 step programs. I would like to know what abstinence means in OA. It is not as black and white as I am used to. If you could share what it means that would be really helpful. Thanks!
I am a newbie to OA, yet I have work other 12 step programs. I would like to know what abstinence means in OA. It is not as black and white as I am used to. If you could share what it means that would be really helpful. Thanks!
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I have listened to many OA speakers and each has an abstinence that looks different from the others. The only uniformity is with the Grey Sheet OA members who have a very strict definition that eliminates certain foods, requires weighing and measuring everything, planning ahead for the day and sharing the day's food plan.
In regular OA there are many approaches including refraining from binging or purging, calling food into a sponsor daily, eliminating things like refined sugar and white flour, eliminating trigger foods (foods that you can't eat in moderation)
I've heard the phrase "sober eating" and the concept appeals to me.
I plan my food for the day and stick to the plan, no matter what. I don't eat at social events unless I have specifically planned the exact thing I will eat. There are foods I don't keep in my house. I tend to eat the same meals a lot because it's easier to plan and avoid obsessing over food. I've stopped eating for recreation. I meet my friends for a walk rather than a meal. 2 -
In a nutshell, abstinence for me is applying a sane plan that addresses my food behaviors, which I accomplish through the 12 steps and tools of recovery. I’m diabetic, so I need to consume more than. Counting, weighing and measuring food adds to my obsession, so I no longer do that. Checking in with my sponsor 3-5 times a day doesn’t work for me because I have a life and it isn’t being on the phone. Once I realized what works and doesn’t, my sponsor and I have developed a great relationship.
So, you are correct, it isn’t black and white. My abstinence may look completely different than yours. When I work with sponsees, the first thing I tell them is #1, I’m not a nutritionist, so I’m not an expert on what you should be eating, #2, I’m not a phycologist, so I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, #3, I’m not perfect, so don’t expect that I have all of the answers. Once we get through that, we discuss historical eating behaviors and triggers, whether it be trigger foods and/or moods, such as stress, anger, happiness, etc.. I truly care about those that I work with because this is a life journey.
Hope this sheds a bit more light, welcome to the group!
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Thank you for your replies. That really helps me.0
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I think for me abstinence means avoiding wheat as that seems to be my trigger. I notice when I have eaten wheat that is the day that I binge eat.0
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The beauty of OA is there is no right way to do it. I struggled with that when I first entered OA. I had this complete, and utter desire to be the perfect member of OA. I've now come to realize there is no right way. We read an amazing excerpt from the book "Abstinence" at my last meeting and it was a beautiful "story" about what the writer's definition of abstinence was, and how everyone's definition is different - and that's ok. For me abstinence is the 3-0-1 plan. 3 meals a day, with nothing in between, 1 day at a time. Another part of my abstinence in writing down EVERYTHING I eat. So at this time, that is my definition of abstinence - and today will be my 6th day of abstinence - and it feels great. I hope I can keep it going this time. Have a great day!0
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I like it that abstinence is what we choose it to be. For me it's 3 meals and no snacks and no trigger foods. I've been on vacation and have been allowing myself trigger foods but have been eating them in moderation. That is not my plan, though, and tomorrow I'm back to day 1. After all, it is one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time).0
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I abstain from compulsively overeating on a daily basis and for me that means that I have my 3 meals and 2 snacks. I strive for a perfect abstinence using an imperfect food plan. I have been told multiple times and even took a RMR test to find my caloric goal for gaining / maintaining / losing weight - so I know the score and do the deal with my HP on a daily basis.1
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There is a definition in the literature and I think it is not eating compulsively and being at or aiming for a normal weight. I know some who consider abstinence not bingeing. For me it is one of the specific food plans in The Dignity of Choice (an OA pamphlet) plus added cheese at 330 and oat bran before I got to bed. In order to do that I work the steps and the tools including calling my sponsor everyday, telephoning three people, writing in a journal, etc. It takes some time but I need the support. If I could have done it myself I would have already done it.1
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Recovery leads to abstinence and recovery is why I'm in OA.1
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Thanks, everyone for sharing your abstinence! It just shows that we all have our specific needs that leads us to recovery!0
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I just re entered OA last Saturday. I needed to truly feel the powerlessness before I could make myself go.
I have made my abstinence very simple for now.
I abstain from compulsive overeating, gluten and sugar. It includes a plan of eating.
My plan of eating is three meals and two snacks. A meal being 1 plate of food.
I am abstaining from diet obsession, because I distract myself following the latest, greatest plan. I am abstaining from daily weighing. I will weigh once a week for now, maybe less later.0 -
My abstinance is from compulsive overeating. I keep away from processed sugar and store bought bread because these things seem to activate overeating in me. I'm having three healthy meals a day and a snack. I also expect to keep up 3 30 minute walks a week, not expecting power walks, but its part of looking after myself again like I used to do and so stop denying that I have been ignoring my health completely. I found it was selfish to ignore my health by overeating and not getting out for walks.1
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Happy New Year to you all. I have lost 2 pounds in 3 days by admitting "I am powerless over wheat" as this is my trigger.
instead of eating the usual 3,000 calories a day and being "out of control" like a runaway train, by keeping a food diary, I have cut my calories down to 1,500 by avoiding wheat totally.
So i lost 2 pounds in 3 days! No exercise, and STILL managed to eat some chocolate AND cheese....
I have been ill with flu and then tonsillitis because of I am run down and overweight. This 2 pounds loss was the boost I needed.
HOPE is a big thing. The HOPE that I can continue avoiding wheat for the next 3 days... Then another 3 days...
AS well as walking, HOUSEWORK burns a lot of calories. There was a TV program about it.0 -
FOR ME NO WHEAT MEANS = NO CRAZY CRAVINGS, SLOW NORMAL HUNGER, NO EXCESSIVE APPETITE, NOT BEING OUT OF CONTROL.. FEELING CALM AND NOT ANGRY OR ANXIOUS... AMAZING DIFFERENCES THAT MEANS I DONT HAVE TO USE ANY WILLPOWER...
Planning ahead for work has been the key for me... not going to the canteen and taking my own food and snacks has been the way to go...0 -
Abstinence to me is following a food plan. So many of us have different needs and I like that we have the freedom to figure out those needs on our own. For me, I am sugar and white flour free since Jan 4th of this year after a long and difficult relapse. I feel amazing. But abstinence is really just the beginning of what OA brings. You need to be abstinent to enjoy all of the gifts of the program but the spiritual connection with a higher power and working the steps, are two more legs of a three legged stool.
If you haven't already discovered them, check out www.avision4you.info. They have tremendous recovery although they never talk about food. I listen to their special edition meetings and am totally awed by the recovery. I want what they have so I am doing what they do.
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^^^ yes, abstinence is like kindergarten. The real game is recovery. Also check out the OA Hour of Power.
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Thanks wanderinjack, I looked at the website for Hour of Power and I think it sounds similar in spirit to avision4you. Just with different accents : ). Both groups say they are recovered and both use the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. I will listen to one of yours tonight. Is there one you especially recommend? I do go to 3 face to face meetings every week. And one Alanon which is also very helpful. I listen to as many recordings as I can including convention recordings. Every bit helps.1
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Yes, it's very similar to vision4you just at a better time for me being on pst. Check out the step talks by a guy named "Zeb."0
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For me I try to abstain from compulsively eating anything. I pray for guidance in the morning and I also pray before I eat anything!!! Specifically I choose my foods wisely, then ask that my higher power bless this food to the nourishment of my body, I then savor each bite and ask myself "am I satisfied?" If I am, I stop eating.
I believe if I had done this years ago, I would not be in the situation I am today, but I didn't, so I need to do this for the rest of my life.
p.s. I'm happy to do this, it's a better way of life for me and it makes me feel good. The biggest thing for me is to remember progress not perfection, I will never be perfect and there's always room for improvement.1 -
Very busy last week so I didn't check back but I will listen to Zeb in particular tonight. Thanks, wanderinjack. I am coming through the birthdays of both my kids this week where I sat at table with them while they ate foods I can no longer eat. I am finding that writing out a 5 item gratitude list every morning makes a difference in my mindset for the day and helps me to live in a house where I am not controlling some of the food (only my food) and a workplace where people bring food in as a way to clean out their homes after holidays. Amazingly, I am still abstinent. I am feeling very grateful today. I am practicing several actions and tools to hang on to this gift, including attending meetings, working the steps and reading the Big Book. What do other compulsive eaters do to stay abstinent?1
