Thank you for sharing how you feel.
Firstly I would like to say congratulations on ypur great weigh loss. That's inspiring to us all! Maintenance must be bliss? I can't wait to get their
Reading how much exercise you do .. That's a lot in one day. Why now lessen your amount of time & do something else. Take up a hobby ( needle craft, painting etc) or if exercise is really your love something like Pilates ( less intensity). You may just be feeling physically tired. Or the winter weather may be the cause. Or both.
If it helps. Give us a daily update of how u feel
The old proverb
" a friend in need is a friend in deed"

I hear you. I had the same thing happen to me this past summer with working all day, then doing hard exercising in the evening, then a light meal, TV, going to bed early, and getting lots of sleep. I lost 40 pounds, but I can remember thinking is this all there is?
New year and new mind set. Now, I've started back up with playing in a community band, using several cookbooks which I alternate weekly, and backed off a little on exercising but still watching the calories.

Also, when was your last physical? It might be something as simple as a low thyroid level robbing your energy (been there).

I think the road trip to see your grandkids may be just what the Dr orders!

I think it's probably a mix of things. Is there anything you've been dying to do but putting off? Perhaps making plans to accomplish that will get you over the hump.

I'm late to the game on this one, but I think at some point a lot of people have had to deal with some type of depression. There is a long standing thread in the general forum and a lot of people voice their views, what helps them, how they cope, etc. And despite how obnoxious the main forums can be, people have been respectful enough to just leave it alone and not pass any judgement.

I've had to deal with short term depression and anxiety issues, until we finally figured out that I was actually dealing with PTSD. There was a (thankfully) relatively short period where it took me to very dark places, and greatly affected my life. It was beyond toxic.

Though I usually have no day to day issues, on occasion the PTSD rears it's head a little, and I stay prepared to fight it off the best I can. That brief period of it being really difficult is one I'm now thankful for, as it finally made me realize and understand part of what some deal with daily, and has given me a much greater respect for them and the struggles. I am involved in a veterans programs that helps vets deal with a number of social issues and various different mental health struggles, and probably will be for life.


If anyone here is ever in a dark place and feels they can't speak openly, feel free to PM me if you need an ear, or help in any other form. After what I went through I realized how much it helped to have people that sincerely cared and helped in many ways. For me, just having an ear at times calmed me greatly, and removed the isolation.

Robert

I've been firefighting for 25 years, and have done some ugly recoveries on SCBA, SCUBA, rope and on the highway. While it doesn't compare to combat, I've had some dark periods myself. It's good to see another person willing to help people new to the dark side of service.

Kirk

Farback wrote: »

Robert

I've been firefighting for 25 years, and have done some ugly recoveries on SCBA, SCUBA, rope and on the highway. While it doesn't compare to combat, I've had some dark periods myself. It's good to see another person willing to help people new to the dark side of service.

Kirk

Farback,

Thanks for the sentiments, however I do need to clarify my previous post. Though I am a veteran and have been involved in hostile deployments, neither myself or any doctors involved have reason to believe that my PTSD is related to the military deployments. I had several non usual deaths in my family to include a brother, daughter, and mother. They are things that could happen to anyone, but hopefully don't.

However, having spoken with a number of vets who have been exposed to more combat trauma, as well as others who have not, it's still somewhat a mystery to me and much of the medical community as to why certain people just process it and others do not. In my case I made it past all the actual tragic events for many years, yet somehow when dealing with a super high stress job finding out that my father was most likely terminally ill finally triggered the PTSD symptoms and made them surface.

Through a number of outpatient groups that I attended I found this is not unusual. Essentially it comes down to things not fully processed building up, and at some point if it builds up too much something has to give or the body will more or less go into self defense mode.


I'd imagine for many first responders such as yourself that the "survivors guilt" factor might also come into the picture. Though the personal relationships with the injured or dead usually wouldn't exist, the feeling of not being able to prevent it would be somewhat inevitable regardless. Many areas now train first responders in specialized grief control and how to process it. Quite a few in the mental health fields have similar training, and often are required to check up with others to assess their stress and grief levels, since they deal with so much "baggage" from their patients and often can't avoid the somewhat personal connection.

But thanks for what you do, and look out for yourself and others around you. There are a lot of resources, and for people in professions such as yours I think it would be wise to use them to full extent needed. I know for me, having been through a lot in my life I just assumed I wouldn't be vulnerable to something like PTSD.

Until it happened, and it hit like a freight train.

But depression isn't sadness. Being depressed is clinical. Being sad is a mood.

"Sucking it up" has its time and place, though.

Yeah, most of us who do this can turn our emotions off like a switch and get the most unpleasant things imaginable done. There is a price to pay later for this wonderful life skill. I find I'm able to handle anything after 25 years of it, but I've seen many young people have serious troubles. In today's world, the first time they see a dead body is with us, and it's usually an ugly death.

You are so right. Dead bodies was bad enough, my worst nightmare was with my own child. While not necessarily life threatening, harrowing none the less. Eight year old daughter was hit with a line drive while pitching. Both permanent front teeth hit the ground. I rinsed them off, put them back in place, took her to my office and did some wiring. Needless to say, once I was sure she was ok and safely in bed at home, I went in another room and lost it. In retrospect, struggling with maintenance seems a little silly. It is however, still depressing.

Back when I was Deputy Chief I get a phone call from my 15 YO daughter telling me she's been in an accident and was thrown through the back window of the car, but is OK. Warp 9 to the scene, checked her out for minor lacerations, thankfully. Then I had to do spinal immobilization on the trapped driver till the ambulance and fire got there. He was somewhat surprised when someone came to the window and told him Robin's Dad was looking after him.
He was a decent kid who made a bad decision.

@robertw486 , I agree...it was the culture of our times that we were told to "suck it up" and take care of business....even us girls. I still keep tight wraps on my emotions. There have been so many advances and hopefully, it will all translate into healthier understanding of the effects our mental health has on our overall well-being.