It's not a weight issue, but a mental issue...

lohlgren
lohlgren Posts: 34 Member
You'd think I would get better at this, but it's a brain f***

8oz from a new wt goal. Basically, yay, I'm there! Wow, it was so easy. Eat at a deficit! (I lost 65 lbs years ago and have been at maintenance since. But just lost 7 lbs, a new low...awesome.)
I'm not new to weight loss, just new to MPF (tracking calories, macros).

Then within 24 hours of that new low, I had a hard workout and I was incredibly sore. Then a deep tissue massage and spent 2 days regretting I hadn't drunk more water, and I was in more pain. My weight shoots up 3 lbs. I searched and read the forums...ah, Glycogen, water, soreness...weight loss isn't linear, be patient, just keep logging...must be it!

But...but, I never got to see my goal! The confetti! The banners of Congratulations! The cheers!

Yesterday, I heard myself tell a fellow gym mate 'I hate feeling like such a failure'. I couldn't believe my own ears. I am the proverbial 20% who has lost weight and kept it off for years. And I'm fit- keeping up with the 30-somethings in my HIIT and core classes. But it's the disfunction, the belief that I will wake up obese tomorrow seems to never completely diminish. I appreciate being on this side (the fitter side) of the struggle, but am surprised, and exhausted that it still exists.

I don't have a question, just looking for intelligent insight, conversation and connection. I found this group a few months ago, read most everything, and it is seems to have the most sane, informed, and grounded people in it.

female, 56, 5'7"
highest weight 215 in early 40's,
maintenance at 151-156 for 11 years,
goal, 149
next goal, 145

Replies

  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,069 Member
    I think it's great that you're identifying these feelings.

    I may have more to add but for now, thanks for posting in our group.
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
    I'm not sure I have much to add, other than that it is so much harder when you are closer to goal. I lost 65 lbs and have been in what I call "accidental maintenance" for two years. I know what is keeping me from losing the 10-15 lbs. to reach my ultimate goal: eating too much. But it is really hard, and I struggle with the fear of giving up and going back, too.
  • mrp56839
    mrp56839 Posts: 159 Member
    edited February 2016
    I had a very similar conversation today with a friend about breaking points, what does it take to make people start a fitness journey and why do they fall apart. For me, the answer for all of them is "its a mental thing." He asked me what made me want to make the change in my lifestyle, and I asked, "this time or every time before when i failed?" I think it made him look at what he does in the gym differently. Any trainer can set someone up with a program and critique a squat (I hope), but that alone is probably not going to ensure much long term success. Dealing with the "mental" stuff (even if it's just acknowledging there is some), may be the key to a true lifestyle change..

    I guess I'll let you know if thats true when I finally achieve my own long term success!
  • lohlgren
    lohlgren Posts: 34 Member
    I agree and I imagine that trainers may not realize their job may be part therapist, or at least compassionate listeners. Acknowledgement. I think that's why I put this out so publicly. Acknowledging that even though I look like I've achieved all I wanted on the outside, that the internal, and apparently deeply buried message is still so negative. It must have been slightly cathartic, as I have felt a sense of calm about it since. Most of the people in my classes are women, including my instructor/trainer, and it amazes me how many have body issues when I see them as truly warriors, beautiful and incredibly strong.

    On the lighter side, we are a 'mutual admiration society' with sincere reminders of how well we're doing and to push ourselves to go heavier and harder. Along with a lot of laughter, it's a great community to work on these issues-internal and external.
  • SamandaIndia
    SamandaIndia Posts: 1,577 Member
    I hear you. I am the closest to my goal as I have been as an adult. I was feeling great having broken a plateau. I added light weights, squats, planks, pushups into routine. Also had a salty egg drop soup. 3lbs up this week back to plateau level. Hormones, stress etc also candidates but I keep beating myself up. Then I catch my over 25lb lighter body n face in the mirror, n try n cut myself a little slack.
  • macchiatto
    macchiatto Posts: 2,892 Member
    Thank you for sharing your story. I've been in this group off and on for a few years. I'm shifting to a recomp now. I am a 39y/o female, also 5'7" and a couple of years ago after getting to goal decided to aim for a new low. I have also found it harder in ways ... such a mind game.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,717 Member
    I'm at the highest weight I've ever been when not pregnant. Personally, I find weighing daily, but looking at progress via the one month and two month graphs, helps me to accept any blips as blips.

    My parents weigh daily too, and say things like 'I lost 1kg yesterday but I gained it right back'. I try to explain why this way of seeing it is incorrect and unhelpful, as it puts undue focus on a single day, and makes my mum, especially, feel repeatedly guilty, but they don't see what I mean.
  • _benjammin
    _benjammin Posts: 1,224 Member
    Oishii wrote: »
    I'm at the highest weight I've ever been when not pregnant. Personally, I find weighing daily, but looking at progress via the one month and two month graphs, helps me to accept any blips as blips.

    My parents weigh daily too, and say things like 'I lost 1kg yesterday but I gained it right back'. I try to explain why this way of seeing it is incorrect and unhelpful, as it puts undue focus on a single day, and makes my mum, especially, feel repeatedly guilty, but they don't see what I mean.

    I weigh daily too and look at rolling 7-day averages. I've seen it recommended for women to compare weekly averages every 4 weeks to identify normal weekly fluctuations per 28 days. If that makes sense....3 month example: Compare Week 1's: Jan 1-7 to Jan 29 - Feb 4 to Feb 26 - Mar 3, Week 2's: Jan 8-14, Feb 5-11, Mar 4-10, etc.
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,719 Member
    lohlgren wrote: »
    You'd think I would get better at this, but it's a brain f***

    8oz from a new wt goal. Basically, yay, I'm there! Wow, it was so easy. Eat at a deficit! (I lost 65 lbs years ago and have been at maintenance since. But just lost 7 lbs, a new low...awesome.)
    I'm not new to weight loss, just new to MPF (tracking calories, macros).

    Then within 24 hours of that new low, I had a hard workout and I was incredibly sore. Then a deep tissue massage and spent 2 days regretting I hadn't drunk more water, and I was in more pain. My weight shoots up 3 lbs. I searched and read the forums...ah, Glycogen, water, soreness...weight loss isn't linear, be patient, just keep logging...must be it!

    But...but, I never got to see my goal! The confetti! The banners of Congratulations! The cheers!

    Yesterday, I heard myself tell a fellow gym mate 'I hate feeling like such a failure'. I couldn't believe my own ears. I am the proverbial 20% who has lost weight and kept it off for years. And I'm fit- keeping up with the 30-somethings in my HIIT and core classes. But it's the disfunction, the belief that I will wake up obese tomorrow seems to never completely diminish. I appreciate being on this side (the fitter side) of the struggle, but am surprised, and exhausted that it still exists.

    I don't have a question, just looking for intelligent insight, conversation and connection. I found this group a few months ago, read most everything, and it is seems to have the most sane, informed, and grounded people in it.

    female, 56, 5'7"
    highest weight 215 in early 40's,
    maintenance at 151-156 for 11 years,
    goal, 149
    next goal, 145


    I don't have a lot to add besides the basic "I feel ya". I'm female, 33, 5'7"...currently 172, maintenance at 163-165 lbs for years (graduated high school 165 lbs, played sports year round, lifting, running, etc).

    I am working on getting to my first goal after having my last baby 9 months ago (and my round about low/fit weight). I am 7 lbs away. Most days I don't really care about the number on the scale, because I really do care more about how I look and my fitness goals. But this morning, I stepped on and felt a little defeated because I've not really lost this week, I'm up (started a new lifting program, plus I'm just a point where losing the lbs is slower).

    I hope to have a new weight loss goal after these 7 lbs, but I truly can't even image what it would be or what I would look like at a different number on the scale.

    Some days I think I'm pretty awesome, and look pretty good to be 33 years old and have 3 young kids, along with keeping up with all the full time job/home life duties. Other days, I feel like I'm running in quick sand. I have a great admiration for people who seem to stay the course. But then again, I also feel like I have stayed the course. I gained 24+ lbs in college (not to mention, a significant alcohol bloat, lol) and lost it and have kept it off minus times of being pregnant. But I never really give myself much credit.

    Anyway, I get it. I feel you.
  • tigerblue
    tigerblue Posts: 1,526 Member
    Ahhh there are so many things going on here--the expectations upon women to look good (especially in the south where our worth is often weighed by our appearance--yes still in 2016!), the media's very false image of beauty (extremely slim, or the even more difficult to achieve large bust, slim-hipped silhouette. That one is genetically impossible for some), need I go on? And we fall easily into these traps.

    I'm trying so hard to look at other aspects--how have I changed my nutrition/eating habits? Look how much fitter and stronger I am! Wow! I can run ____ miles now. (Slowly of course!) I can lift ___lbs. etc.

    My favorite accomplishment after one of my first "rounds" of strength training was to be able to complete a rope adventure/obstacle course with my teen son and husband! (I actually hated it because I have a real fear of heights and my husband says I squeezed the heck out of all those poor tree trunks trying to hang on for dear life, lol, but I am so proud I did it! Before strength training I would never have had the upper body strength to do it! And that was two years ago--I am so much stronger now.)

    But I still constantly struggle with just what you are saying, OP!