@BigChangeNeeded
I often feel a bit pathetic when I see other people achieve things like that too. Makes me feel inadequate somehow like I am weak for not finding such strength and determination. The thing is though everyones circumstances are unique. For example all my strength and determination get mostly used up in choosing to live another day. If I did not find that a battle then there would be more strength and determination available for other things. I agree with Audrey all we can do is keep working on it.

My day has been rubbish too. My nieghbours vile ex kicked her door down and police came and took statements and told me I might have to go to court and testify I heard a big crash and screaming. Then I felt really bad because when I heard it I thought her kid had knocked shelves over. There is often screaming and shouting related to kids temper tantrums. I thought that it what was going on again. I did not here the man. I had no idea until Police showed up that he had kicked her door down. also my stomache has been in knots again. I am living on imodium. It has been 3 weeks now of intermittent extreme stomach upset. It is not even in reaction to anything I know i have an issue with. I had omlet for breakfast and chicken with veg for lunch then was really ill. This beyond My normal IBS. I am going to have to go to doctor and do not much fancy having tubes shoved in either end to investigate what is wrong. It is bound to involve embarrassment and unpleasantness finding the cause. But I am worried enough now that I can not put off doctor involvement any longer. I shal probably be dead before NHs figure it out.

Still here and still alive just about
Looks like I probably have ulcerative colitis or some other inflammatory bowel disease is doctors best guess so far still waiting on test results. I need to avoid high fiber foods and eliminate dairy apparently until it settle down. Yesterday all I ate was a pot of yogurt a milk shake and a few birthday champagne truffles which probably explained why I ended up bleeding. Would have been good to know a bit earlier that dairy was worst food I could eat in my condition. I have intermittently avoided it in past because it gives me gas sometimes and used to make acne flare up when younger. I thought with not being able to stomach solids that milk would be ok now but I was very wrong. She also thinks it could be celiac disease but says that was not on last test request list so may test for that next if other tests are negative. Then she told me to eat wheat because it needs to be in my system for test to work properly. I think I will pass on that idea at least until system settles down. She also insisted I have to keep eating no matter how ill I am. So I got some gluten free bread rolls and had one with a banana earlier. That seems not to have caused a reaction so hopefully will settle soon.