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  • WifiresGettingFit
    WifiresGettingFit Posts: 1,773 Member
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    @motivatedsister Welcome to the group! So glad you joined! I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I've spent some time on TTC boards and my heart breaks for anyone having to go through a loss like that. I hope you get your rainbow baby. *HUGS*

    Just to add to the conversation about age, my aunt had her son at 41. Thought it wasn't without complications and it's definitely not the best example of a healthy pregnancy, it can happen. I don't know if anyone saw but they are saying Janet Jackson is pregnant and she's 49 almost 50. I don't know if I myself would risk it that late but even so, again it can happen. Though I think after a certain age? Is it 35? (I'm not sure.) You're automatically considered a high risk pregnancy.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,933 Member
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    @motivatedsister welcome to the group :)

    Thank you for telling us your story - A miscarriage sounds so sad, but at the same time it's know to know that you're certain you want a family. Apparently there IS new research showing that the "age" is more than 35 years old, it's just under review.

    I'm an old fashioned type person too haha. I built a house with my new husband (then boyfriend) and told him we had to be married before it was done or else he'd be paying a mortgage on a house while still living with his mom and dad hahahaha. I'm nice like that lol. Started building in October, engaged in December, married in July and moved in August lol. So I know for a fact a wedding doesn't have to take 1 - 2 years to plan unless you want it to hehehe.

    You're welcome to join in the spreadsheet challenge if you'd like :) Just fill in what you can.
  • NatashaLP2014
    NatashaLP2014 Posts: 82 Member
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    @motivatedsister welcome!

    I am also feeling the time crunch but in my case there are significant increases in risk after 35. When I was younger I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30 (had our first at 26) but with her CP and not sleeping for the first 3.5 years that plan went out the window.

    @VeryKatie We are looking into building an accessible home to make life easier and save my back. How did that work? Did you mortgage the original property and pay out of pocket to build or get a mortgage that covered everything up front? Or remortgage after the home was built? If you don't mind my asking!
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,933 Member
    edited May 2016
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    @NatashaLP2014

    This is going to be a long post lol! You have been warned. Annnnd... it'll probably be way too overly MUCH for what you were asking HAHAHA. But... well... I like this stuff, love talking about it SO much! So you get the whole thing hehehe.

    section 1 - the answer to the question you actually asked


    Honestly, our home building process was really simple. We went to a builder and picked a cookie cutter home to build, and paid a cash deposit of $31,000 (which was later considered as part of the down payment). $30,000 was the deposit on the home, and $1000 was deposit on the land. After that, it was treated as a regular home purchase, with the contractor being the seller and us being the buyers. A realtor even helped us the entire time. We didn't have to finance the home until it was built, deemed substantially complete by the bank's representative, and turned over to us from the builder. At this point, we paid the down payment LESS the deposit we made before and got a regular mortgage.

    If you already own a home, you could finance the $31000 (or however much it would be) against your current home, take a line of credit, or pay cash. Lots of options depending on how you like to manage your money. And then hopefully the rest will come after you've already sold your current home.

    So essentially, the property and house belong to the builder until it's complete. We didn't pay the full down payment or get a mortgage until a few days before we moved in. We were able to be involved in the finishing selection during the build (floors, cabinets, light fixtures, room options available from the builder, etc) so we still got what we wanted. Plus we were able to shop the really good sales for furniture since we had a long lead time! One key thing to note is to make sure it is a fixed price contract. In other words, they can't adjust the price of the home between the time you sign the contract and the time they turn over the house (of course they can add more money for design changes, but not for interest, labour, escalation, etc). Also, you can still "make an offer" on new build homes, you don't just have to accept their price. We bid $7,500 under the asking price from the builder and they still agreed. That being said, new homes don't get as much leeway as existing homes. Where you could bid $20,000 less than asking on an existing home, far less would be acceptable for a new home. We happened to build during a time of low demand and my realtor said that $7500 off was more than she'd ever seen on a new home. Usually it's more like $2000. These amounts depend on the market you are shopping in too.

    The only hard thing (IMO) about building is coordinating selling your current home. A builder rarely meets his estimated completion date for the home so that can leave you stuck in the middle - you might have sold your current house based on the date, then found out the contractor needs 3 more months to finish your house, leaving you homeless. For us, it was only 3 weeks (and I was simply not renewing my apartment lease so that part was easy). We ended up moving twice. Once out of the apartment and into my parents' basement, and then again 3 weeks later into the new house. So you'll want to have a back-up plan that doesn't involve a hotel. Because if they're 3 - 4 months late you might have eaten through the down payment :/ You also want to avoid owning two homes at once though. Two mortgages doesn't sound fun. But that is the case with ANY move when you already have a mortgage on your current home.

    One thing I remember my husband mentioning is that he wouldn't have been comfortable building a home without me. He liked that I used to design buildings and knew how the build would go (heck, I did secret design calculations on my house and kept that in my back pocket). It gave him a lot of comfort. I know a lot of people who are not in the construction industry and didn't have any problems, but it's something to think about.

    If you take the same route we did, I know that there are builders who build accessible homes. You might have a little more struggle finding one or fewer layout options or may need to choose a custom home builder. A custom home builder should still be able to structure the contract in the was we had ours though. And to be clear, ours was a standard contract, in fact, the most common way people do it in my city.


    Section 2 - answers to questions no-one asked

    Below is what I would watch out for if you choose to do it differently than we did. to be clear though, I didn't do it either of these ways so I might be wrong in parts of it, but these were my concerns anyway. And also - the things I've noted below are RISKS and would not necessarily happen to you. In fact, hopefully they're rare. But for me, it was important to consider them and they strongly pushed me into doing it the way we did. Plus both my brother and sister build houses using the same contract structure we did so I could ask them for tips.


    Other than the way in section 1, I am aware of two other ways of building a house:
    1) Own the property, and hire a general contractor (GC) to manage, design, and build the house.
    2) Own the property and choose to be the project manager myself and hire a general contractor do design and build the house.
    ... ok, and option 3) would be to just basically build the house myself but I'm not going there lol.

    Both options 1 and 2 have potential to be cheaper than the way we did it - management costs can make up a good portion of the non-material/labour costs of the home (lol I'm totally thinking "indirect costs" here... which just reminds me of work lol. Don't mind me, Mrs. Cost Estimator).

    Also for both options, you'll need a home builder's mortgage. This is a kind of mortgage you get where the bank's representative will come and do inspections and process the mortgage in pieces based on how far along the project is. So say the house 25% done, they'll award you around 25% of the mortgage so that you can pay the contractor. You start making payments on that portion of the mortgage right away. You hour may not be complete for a while yet though (like 9 months or something). But you are not making mortgage payments on the full mortgage of the completed house's value.

    For option 1)

    For example, if our house had burnt down while it was being constructed it would be my responsibility to have builder's insurance for that. Any claim I made, I would have to give that money to the contractor to rebuild. But - how can you be sure that you'll get enough money from the insurance claim? Other things that would be included in our responsibility if we owned the land during the build would be insurance for injuries, theft, etc.

    Also, for this option (and option 2) I would have to be so diligent in my contract review (meaning I'd definitely need an involved lawyer - more than just the typical house stuff) - when the build process is done this way, there are cases where the contractor may end up putting a lien on your house - if your financing runs out, or the payment plan isn't followed, or if they are making claims against you during the process as a few examples. This can cause super long delays (we're talking months to years).

    Also keep in mind you're making payments for the land during the entire build process, plus paying property tax (though on a low cost property since there are no buildings) for land you can't use yet.

    For option 2)

    If I had also decided to act as my own project manager (I would be even more involved in the process than option 1 which can save a lot of money), in addition to the risks for option 1, I would have had the risk of potentially needing to paying sub-contractors if the general contractor decides not to pay them (even if the GC doesn't pay because the sub did shoddy work). This kind of thing really scared me off from doing it this way (didn't need to be worried about bankruptcy, lawsuits, and court dates).

    I had an extra liability concern because I am an engineer (disclaimer - home building is not my area of expertise so please research anything I've said separately). If something went SUPER, SUPER wrong on the site, I was concerned I could have been fined, lost my designation (and job)... maybe gone to jail (that would be extremely unlikely though).

    So to me, the best option is to have the builder own the land and house during the build.


    TLDR?

    Hahahah oh man.

    ETA: Holy *kitten* this was a long post.
  • NatashaLP2014
    NatashaLP2014 Posts: 82 Member
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    @VeryKatie Thanks so much for the reply, that makes so much more sense than what I was trying to work out in my head! This is all 2-3 years down the road but I can't help trying to plan what I can!

    We would definitely go with the same option you did. I have no desire to micro-manage it in the other way. As for selling our current home, we'd probably do that sometime early in the process and rent afterward. We want to move into the city where our daughter's hospital and doctors are located which is currently a 5 hour drive (and two ferries) away from us. I think we won't have much of a problem finding a builder that has accessible options or building a more custom home.

    We already have two mortgages at the moment! A condo we bought together nearly 10 years ago which we rent out and our home with 3 bedrooms upstairs and a 1 bedroom suite downstairs(which we also rent out). We thought about keeping our home and renting out the upper floor as well but I think once we move out of this town I don't want to be a landlord.


  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,933 Member
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    Ahhh ok well if it's a rental property, more mortgages are fine! I meant if you're not renting them out hahaha.

    I'm surprised you read all that hahahahahha

    I can definitely understand wanting to move closer to your daughter's care facilities. 5 hours is a long way.
  • NatashaLP2014
    NatashaLP2014 Posts: 82 Member
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    @VeryKatie My husband even came over and read it over my shoulder!

    5 hours wouldn't be so bad if there were a road but our little town is blocked in by mountains and it takes two ferries to get to the city. Those ferries are getting more expensive while they continually cut back the services and number of sailings. As Becca gets older we have more and more appointments which requires time off work for my husband, hotel stays, gas, food and an annoying amount of planning. I worry sometimes that she isn't getting what she needs in a timely manner.

    Originally we planned to raise our family here because it's much less expensive and there is a great outdoor culture, but things change!
  • CharliWhitman
    CharliWhitman Posts: 19 Member
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    Hi there, I just joined :)

    I am 23 and I live in the UK, I am here trying to lose weight after a miscarriage in Feb this year. I want to be as healthy as possible for my next pregnancy, but I do have a lot to lose! I am 5'1 and I am currently 207lb, down 6lb currently since starting just under 2 weeks ago.

    I got down to 187lb last year, but put it all back on over the course of 8 months or so. I ended up pretty much where I started which is really disappointing, but I wasn't surprised! I do now have the motivation to keep going.

    I look forward to getting to know you all :)
  • WifiresGettingFit
    WifiresGettingFit Posts: 1,773 Member
    edited June 2016
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    @CharliWhitman Welcome to the group!! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! *HUGS* We are the same height and had a similar starting weight. I was at 201.2 at my highest - feel free to add me! Also, I don't know if you noticed yet but we have started our monthly challenge for June and you are more than welcome to join us! The sign up and logging tabs are in the spreadsheet at the top of the groups main page- Mays is also in there so make sure you're on the right one. We look forward to getting to know you! =)
  • motivatedsister
    motivatedsister Posts: 544 Member
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    @CharliWhitman sorry for your loss. I was pregnant earlier this year and unfortunately I had a miscarriage as well. We weren't trying but were excited, and after the loss I think it just made us both realize how much we wanted it and maybe we should start planning to actively try sooner rather than later.

    I had already started losing weight prior to the pregnancy for just general health/aesthetic reasons, and even though the doctor didn't mention my weight as a factor in the miscarriage it just made me realize that I didn't even want my weight to even be a possibility to have an effect on any future pregnancy....so I need to lose weight!

    We've got similar stats I'm short like you and just recently made it to ONEderland, but I really want to be at a healthy weight before we start trying again. He's really got the itch now...and I'm in my early 30s so I don't want to wait too much longer to get started because I know we both would love to have more than one. But for now I'm trying to really buckle down and lose the weight!
  • CharliWhitman
    CharliWhitman Posts: 19 Member
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    Thank you both :)

    I will take a look at the spreadsheets now @wifiresgettingfit

    We weren't trying, we just weren't preventing it either and hadn't been for a while. My periods are pretty irregular but I found that they got a lot better when I lost weight last year. So I'm hoping that happens again then time, which should make it a lot easier. I didn't even know that miscarriage was linked to obesity until recently, so I completely agree with you @motivatedsister about that.

    I lose weight pretty easily when I actually try, but most of the time I have about 0 willpower, and my boyfriend doesn't help! He is a big guy himself. Fingers crossed I can stick it out this time!
  • WifiresGettingFit
    WifiresGettingFit Posts: 1,773 Member
    edited June 2016
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    @CharliWhitman You're welcome! =)
    I've noticed a different in my periods as well as I've lost weight so here's hoping it just gets better!
    I have 0 willpower some days too and if I have a bad day, I just chalk it up to it's a part of the process. You can do it! We're here for you! =)
  • NatashaLP2014
    NatashaLP2014 Posts: 82 Member
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    @CharliWhitman Welcome to the group! You can definitely do it and hopefully your boyfriend will be a bit more helpful. Try to make everything as easy as you can on yourself so that when you run out of willpower it isn't hard to just stick to the plan. Personally the things that have helped me the most are: water bottle always at hand, planning out dinner meals for the week and keeping healthy snacks prepped in the fridge.

    My husband wasn't on board until a few months ago when he saw that I was losing weight without giving up the foods that I love. (What is life without chocolate and pizza at least once a week!?) I feel like learning to eat everything in moderation will help me greatly when it comes to pregnancy cravings and having a healthy weight gain during pregnancy.
  • CharliWhitman
    CharliWhitman Posts: 19 Member
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    @wifiresgettingfit I've heard that you should 'recharge' willpower every now and again anyway, but when I tend to have a bad day it goes really bad. One day last week for example I had a bacon sandwich, loaded fries and then pizza for dinner! Oh and a 600 calorie coffee cooler ha.

    @natashaLP2014 Thanks for your tips! I am pretty lazy with planning stuff, but considering the hours I work I really should try that.

    Ha at the moment I am just being mean to my boyfriend and not keeping anything bad in the house. If he picks up something like ice cream I guilt him into putting it down :P He is supportive of me losing weight but I hope that he will want to try and join me as well, however I can't force him. He has always been big and he really isn't bothered by it in the slightest (lucky him!).

  • WifiresGettingFit
    WifiresGettingFit Posts: 1,773 Member
    edited June 2016
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    @CharliWhitman I've seen a suggestion to take a deficit/dieting break every 6-8 weeks where you eat at maintenance for a week or two. I've already delayed my progress enough that I'm not interested in doing that but it might be helpful and would probably recharge the will power. What is a coffee cooler? Is it like an iced coffee? I'm not a coffee drinker so I'm drawing a blank here. haha

    I've also tried pre-planning my meals and I've yet to have one day go as planned. Other people do it without a hitch, it just doesn't work for me. (I may have to try it again though.) but I've noticed what helps for me is if I have a high protein breakfast. Usually greek yogurt with some fruit on top and i'm good to go until lunch. I do notice if I don't get a decent amount of protein in the morning, I want carbs and lots of them throughout the day. That might just be a me thing though. haha My boyfriend is a bigger guy and he is also on a weight loss journey but he can still eat more (which makes sense since he is 186 pounds heavier than me and a foot and 6 inches taller than me) so he could fit the ice cream in without a problem and probably have seconds. He doesn't weigh his food and pretty much eats how he wants and still loses one to two pounds a week. I on the other hand would not be losing anything because I will just eat and eat and eat. haha
  • NatashaLP2014
    NatashaLP2014 Posts: 82 Member
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    I made planning dinner easier by putting together a list of all the dinners that my husband and I like. Then each week I look at our grocery fliers, if meats or certain veggies are on sale (like bell peppers) then I put them on the grocery list and add the appropriate meal to my dinners for the week list. I like to plan higher calorie dinners (pizza or burgers) for Wednesday and Friday since those are my naturally more active days. Thursday I plan for something pre-made from the freezer like chili or fish baked in sauce that I just have to throw into the oven because I'm always busy. Monday and Tuesday I like to cook things with leftovers for my lunches like stir fry. Since my husband is now using MFP too it keeps us on the same page so that he can plan his lunches accordingly.

    We typically try new recipes once every other week, approximately. Some are great and get added, others are eh, and once or twice they've been inedible.

    This week for example: Sun- Chicken Tacos, Mon- Salmon Stir fry, Tues- BBQ drumsticks+roasted potatoes and yams, Wed- Burgers, Thurs- Chili, Fri- Coconut Cauliflower Curry (new recipe), Sat- Pizza

    It sounds like a lot of work, but our grocery shopping takes half the time, costs less and we throw out a lot less. Plus I hate the 'what do you want for dinner' back and forth conversation!

    So far I've lost 44 pounds and my husband has lost 25.
  • CharliWhitman
    CharliWhitman Posts: 19 Member
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    Well it was actually one of these... and it wasn't even that nice! It was actually just mint I think rather than coffee.

    CIvS1auVEAA5Fz5.jpg

    We work such different shifts most of the time so generally we don't eat together. I end up having just meat/fish with veg generally as my main meal. Which does get a bit boring. I did get some recipes the other day that I want to try, but usually don't like my own cooking! For breakfast I generally have cereal or eggs, or if I'm at work a cereal bar and fruit.

    Yeah my boyfriend has a lot more calories he can eat day to day than me, because I'm so short there isn't really any margin for error! But congrats, 44lb is impressive :)
  • WifiresGettingFit
    WifiresGettingFit Posts: 1,773 Member
    edited June 2016
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    I made planning dinner easier by putting together a list of all the dinners that my husband and I like. Then each week I look at our grocery fliers, if meats or certain veggies are on sale (like bell peppers) then I put them on the grocery list and add the appropriate meal to my dinners for the week list. I like to plan higher calorie dinners (pizza or burgers) for Wednesday and Friday since those are my naturally more active days. Thursday I plan for something pre-made from the freezer like chili or fish baked in sauce that I just have to throw into the oven because I'm always busy. Monday and Tuesday I like to cook things with leftovers for my lunches like stir fry. Since my husband is now using MFP too it keeps us on the same page so that he can plan his lunches accordingly.

    We typically try new recipes once every other week, approximately. Some are great and get added, others are eh, and once or twice they've been inedible.

    This week for example: Sun- Chicken Tacos, Mon- Salmon Stir fry, Tues- BBQ drumsticks+roasted potatoes and yams, Wed- Burgers, Thurs- Chili, Fri- Coconut Cauliflower Curry (new recipe), Sat- Pizza

    It sounds like a lot of work, but our grocery shopping takes half the time, costs less and we throw out a lot less. Plus I hate the 'what do you want for dinner' back and forth conversation!

    So far I've lost 44 pounds and my husband has lost 25.

    @NatashaLP2014 The bolded parts really clicked with me because my boyfriend and I have this back and forth conversation about everyday and I think sometimes we really just don't know what we want and we definitely need to get better at using the food we are buying as well so I'm gonna take your suggestions above and try planning again. It will at least take out the guess work and if it saves us money, that'll be nice too. Thanks for the sharing/insight! =)

    By the way, way to go on losing 44 pounds and your husband for 25 pounds, that's great!!! =)

    @CharliWhitman Yeah it looks like a mint chocolate chip milkshake - I'm not a huge fan of mint so I know I wouldn't like it. Now if it was a chocolate milkshake..whole different story. =P

  • CharliWhitman
    CharliWhitman Posts: 19 Member
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    Ha yes we also have very circular conversations about what we're having on the nights we are eating together! Then it's usually whatever I say goes, anything for a quiet life for him!

    @wifiresgettingfit Yeah it was, I love mint but it was pretty disappointing. Especially for 600 calories :P Next time I'll stick to the iced tea for 140 calories...



  • WifiresGettingFit
    WifiresGettingFit Posts: 1,773 Member
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    @CharliWhitman Sounds like a good plan! and now I'm wanting a milkshake. haha