I have not had an eating disorder, so I cannot truly understand how you feel. But I do want to say I admire you for sharing this and seeking advice and support.

My only suggestion is to come up with a strategy to use if you ever find yourself in that position again, where someone is insisting you eat something you know to be a trigger food. Maybe something along the lines of, "No thank you, and please don't ask me again," if they ask after you have already said no once.

Hi @AngInCanada I've never seen a mental health professional about my eating problems, and have therefore never been diagnosed, but I'm quite confident that if someone wanted to slap a label on me, Binge Eating Disorder would definitely apply. I always just considered myself a food addict.

I ate low carb (100g), low fat for 10 years to try and manage my diabetes, but was never successful at losing weight because my binges would constantly undo my efforts. It wasn't until I dropped my carbs further and upped my fats that I experienced a level of food sanity that I've never had in my life. I never imagined that I could actually enjoy going through a day without having to actively fight against those urges to shovel food in my face.

Congrats for getting back on track. I understand how hard it can be with outside influences. The only way I'm managing right now is by drawing a really hard line in the sand and thank god my husband is finally being supportive. I don't allow any trigger food in my house, otherwise it would end up in my mouth.

If I'm out and there are no low carb options, I don't eat. I'm complety unapologetic about my food choices and to be honest, I've simply learned to care more about myself than other people's feelings. I just don't care if I upset anyone. I'm very open about my weight loss and my food choices, and I admit, i get a little bitchy with people who don't respect my choices and try to tell me that one bite won't hurt. Those type of people learn very quickly to take their cake and go somewhere else to play. But I'd rather continue forward on my journey than be everyone's best friend.

Growing up ever since I could drive I did the same thing. Ordered 12" subway sandwich and eat the whole thing before going home for dinner. 5 arbys sandwiches in one sitting. Ordering two value meals at once so the person at the drive through would think I was bringing the other meal to someone else. Making cookie dough everyday when I got home from school and eating a full bowl.

I have always had constant thoughts about food. My ex boyfriend never got it never understood and always thought there was something wrong with me. Even when I was counting calories, on WW or whatever else I was doing I planned my life around food.

Eating Keto has been the only time I don't obsess. I can say no so much easier. I work with a girl that brings in cakes, cookies, snacks all week and I can say I they finally understand and after months of declining they stop asking, stop putting one on my desk to be polite. They finally understand that if I wanted one I would.

I appreciate your struggles and know that you are not alone!

I had a binge eating disorder for 17 years. My purge of choice was super strict restrictive diets, eating as little as I could get away with without starving... then binging once I'd lost 10-15 lbs, regaining it all, rinse, repeat.

After I turned 30 it was really out of control, and when someone had the courage to look me in the eye and tell me I needed help, I asked for help. I'm in Canada too, and I walked into a free crisis centre and told them I had an eating disorder. They hooked me up with a counsellor who did somatic experiencing therapy and she introduced me to intuitive eating. It was a complete life changer. For the first time in my life I was eating slowly and consciously, connecting my mind to my body, feeling how food made my body react (and subsequently identified a TON of food allergies that were making me sick all the time!). I was also dealing with the emotional pain at the root of the issue, and treated it through trauma therapy. As of this summer I'm happy to report I'm now 10 years binge free.

There's help out there... you just have to ask.

We can be very different from person to person.

Even after two years of eating <50 grams of carbs daily I still can not stop eating carbs once I start eating them especially when they are coming from processed food.

Milk no longer bothers my stomach but can cause some head and lung congestion however when I got off of Heavy Whipping Cream/coffee I find my carb cravings returning and I guess due to my lower fat intake.

Yesterday I had an ice cream (well the stuff from McD's) that comes in a cone. Then I had the second one after having two round eggs and two pieces of sausage and a black coffee. I could have eaten another 8 cones I am sure.

Like some of my friends and alcohol they have to not touch alcohol anymore or it is bad news all over again for them. It seems I am the same way especially with processed carbs and thankfully I never had a need to get carbs from alcohol or I would be a abuser of it like the males in my family tree that were not teetotalers.

I think I am going back to dairy for a while to pump up the fat that I love becauses bacon, eggs and creamy coffee was a mainstay in my health recovery for the past two years.

At 65 I do not think I will ever being in control of processed carbs as long as I toy with them.

For over a year I have maintained at 200 down from 250 while eating 2500 calories of LCFH daily without binging on processed carbs. In my case it really is the carbs at put me over the edge.

This past Wed evening in a meeting with a group of youth I stood on concrete for about 45 minutes wearing sandals because the speaker when on and on and I wanted to look supportive. The next day I was brain dead and felt like death warmed over. Went to Captain D's and ordered Wild Salmon. I forgot to replace the rice with broccoli. Feeling like crap I said screw it and ate the rice and the ROLL for the first time in two years. Then I stopped and had an ice cream cone for the first time in two years. I had four more cones since then plus two scoops of lemon ice.

I am OK as long I eat NO processed carbs it seems. They all contain sugar and chemicals that seem to do me in.

While I did shoot up 5 pounds they will be gone in a few days by leaving off all processed carbs.

In my case processed carbs are just fine as long as I do not put them in my MOUTH.

A simple but not easy solution.

So, wow. I put off reading all this for what, 4 days now, because I just didn't feel strong enough to read this without it triggering me. I'm so glad that I finally broke down and read it all though, because it all helps us to realize that no matter how isolating our binge/eating disorders/addictions are, WE SIMPLY AND TRULY ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.

Sometimes that alone is so hard to grasp. Harder to accept.

I remember as a child, somewhere under age 13 or so, feeling like no matter what I ate, I was NEVER EVER full. I always wanted more, usually in massive servings, and I really never understood it. We were always broke (a single mother household with 4 children - 2 boys/2 girls), and so any truly satiating foods were few, far between, considered a luxury, fought over, etc. I often joke that I grew up eating "white trash chic" and developed no taste buds or palate. If it was salty, fatty, sweet, etc., I was game, and I wanted it all.

In my late teens, pretty much the only jobs were in fast food places...I remember working at Wendy's and just always getting massive quantities of food, justifying it because I was "working hard," "it was half price," and "I was actually saving my parents money," "didn't have to admit to anyone what I was doing," etc.

In my early twenties, I had never really learned to cook. My mom (and stepdad) refused to let us help cook, but we had to do all the cleaning. Because of this, when I moved out on my own (18), I ate out all the time. Still working at Wendy's, I ate there all the time. By that point I was management, so I generally got at least one meal a day (under $10) free... I remember going up in uniform from size 8 to 10 to 12, and even to 14, but I think that last bit was when I started working for Taco Bell.

I was 23 when I got pregnant, 24 at delivery, and only once since then have I been below my 9-months pregnant (41 weeks, I think), in labor, at the hospital weight, which was 200 pounds exactly, and so is really easy to remember. After my daughter was born, even though I breastfed her exclusively, I couldn't lose weight. I had eaten nothing but fast food junk before I was pregnant, but couldn't eat anything with meat, fat, or sugar the majority of my pregnancy due to all day sickness (morning sickness is a LIE! lol)... I lost 50 or so pounds the first 5 months, and gained it all back by then end (between months 5 and 7 I started being able to eat some junk stuff again). Well, turns out I developed gallstones during my pregnancy and had my gallbladder out when my daughter was 7 weeks old. Everything really went downhill from there. I was perpetually exhausted, and I started relying on sugar, salt, and caffeine for the pick-me-ups to survive a young baby and working, etc.

Fad diets, weight loss, weight regain, then the snowball rolling downhill, picking up speed and size. By 2009, my early 30's, I was at my heaviest recorded weight of 319 pounds. I am firmly convinced that it was about 30 pounds higher than that, just from looking at pictures. But that's the highest in my medical charts. I was miserable, separated from my now ex-husband, I'd started online college in 2006 the same day I started my current job - so I was so morbidly obese I couldn't work out without perpetual injury, I was so depressed that I ate everything in site - a month's worth of snacky groceries (which probably would have fed a family of 4-6 normally, but not for ME) would be gone in far less than a week (I began calculating which bills I could get away with not paying to buy more junk to "survive," etc.), and I was beyond exhausted, so my reliance on all the pick-me-ups had become a necessity just to stay awake at my job.

I finally woke up some time in late 2011, and realized that if I was every going to have anything worth having, be someone worthy of my daughter's respect, of my own respect, that I had to do something. I was dead tired of just being miserable and wanting to die, etc. In 2009, my daughter was living mainly with me, and so just by the nature of her being there, we started exploring things together. By the end of 2011, I was down to 300. By June of 2012, I was down to 250, as my kiddo and I had gotten involved with Girl Scouts, and I finally just got myself moving... I was still a version of skinny fat where I'd lost weight, but a lot of muscle and kept a lot of fat. I was still eating a ton of junk, but I'd finally been working on things in my head and was heading a good direction.

I bounced around off and on getting back up to 275 in 2014, then participating in a weight loss challenge at work. I did okay, but it really got in my head. I started disorder eating all over again. I'd go to the store on lunch break so I could hide all my binge foods in my purse or leave them at work, and I just simply could not get away from it. I was still falling asleep at work if I wasn't constantly eating a bunch of junk. Through a series of conversations, medical appointments, and tests, I found a wealth of un-diagnosed conditions/issues that we began treating. Several different doctors later, and some research from me on this site, lead to me being told "eat low carb." Feeling impossible, I'd rejected that idea out of hand for YEARS as impossible, etc. Having found some groups here, I had a wake up call from a friend, and I started learning SO MUCH about LC that I finally started to think I would at least give it a test drive, etc.

Fast forward, I've been low carb since 1/15/15, keto after 2/18/15, falling off the low carb wagon in late 2015, getting back on it, encountering major health issues along the way, and so many other things. I'm currently looking for a more moderate plan to fit my needs. I love feeling keto while at work, but I can't do it full time. It combined with a number of issues have lead me to know that right now, for my body, it's too taxing, too much for my body to handle. I have ZERO shame in saying this. I still binge sometimes, but getting back on the wagon is easier. After the holidays and all, it doesn't become multi-day/multi-week "benders."

In addition to treating some medication conditions, I've researched and had friends research ways to overcome these literally compulsions of when foods where in my head, I couldn't do anything else until they were eaten - or if 1 serving was good, 25 servings were better... I'm listing a few articles that I've found helpful below about the way our brains are wired (similar and related to the other things in the posts), and while I don't subscribe to any "pimped" medication, I have followed a similar protocol of amino acids lately, and I feel like a mental weight is literally being lifted for me. It's early, so I can't say whether this is helping long term, but I'm loving the freedom I'm feeling...

http://carbsyndrome.com/is-your-brain-two-quarts-low/

http://www.foodrenegade.com/how-beat-sugar-cravings-glutamine/

https://www.afpafitness.com/research-articles/alcoholism-need-vitamins-become-well-2


I also am posting the link to another group here on MFP that some folks may or may not find helpful, but has lead me to a lot of mental milestones: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/726-binge-eating-support-group

Good luck to all of us, as we find our way through this mess called life!! Most of 2016 so far is shaping up to be a good year, healthwise. If only to kick the rest of life into gear now!

I just wanted to say how much I admire all of you not only for the powerful way you are addressing those challenges, but doing it transparently in the safety of this group. Your strength really comes through in your posts and it's inspiring.