Poll: "You've lost enough"
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No you aren't the only one. There has been considerable inflation in folks minds what "normal" or "skinny" looks like. Average guys in World War II army were 5'8" weighing 140ish LB and being 125ish LB would not be too light for that height. I have shrunk a bit in height from my 5'9"+ but am comfortable in the current 156-157ish range.
Yeah I don't want to hear comments about being too big or too small as Rachel says but just ignore it.0 -
Rachel0778 wrote: »
I agree my response is confrontational. It definitely is easier to go the route you mentioned, but I think that comments about my body are inappropriate and prefer to make that clear right away.
Especially as a female in the US, we are constantly being through media messaging and people around us that we're too big, too small, too muscular, too thin, etc. I prefer to be a part of the counter-culture that says that this constant messaging is *kitten*. Even if a person is well meaning, their comment is inappropriate and so I respond to get the message across that is not something that I am in any way okay with.
Actually, sometimes it's an assessment, not a judgement. It may be an inaccurate assessment, but it's an assessment all the same. If you think giving Aunt Dottie an "MYOB" is a good way to go, have at it.0 -
Rachel0778 wrote: »
I agree my response is confrontational. It definitely is easier to go the route you mentioned, but I think that comments about my body are inappropriate and prefer to make that clear right away.
Especially as a female in the US, we are constantly being through media messaging and people around us that we're too big, too small, too muscular, too thin, etc. I prefer to be a part of the counter-culture that says that this constant messaging is *kitten*. Even if a person is well meaning, their comment is inappropriate and so I respond to get the message across that is not something that I am in any way okay with.
Actually, sometimes it's an assessment, not a judgement. It may be an inaccurate assessment, but it's an assessment all the same. If you think giving Aunt Dottie an "MYOB" is a good way to go, have at it.
I also don't think it's appropriate for people to assess my body without my consent(Aunt Dottie included). My family dynamic is likely different than yours, but I see no problem with telling a family member if I feel a comment is inappropriate. I phrase things differently if it's a rando on the street or my aunt, but I do speak up. Especially with the number of young female cousins in my family, I don't feel that conversations about my body or it's aesthetic are appropriate dinner conversation topics.0 -
I think that is pretty normal. It happened to me. I just said thanks and get it moving. It does get annoying after a while. I guess people get deflated because they don't have the people's support and encouragement to reach their goal. The cheering squad thins a bit. But once you reach goal people will get used to the new you.
Good point Cliff! I didn't think about the loss of a cheering squad. That reason makes sense.0 -
steve0mania wrote: »Back in the day (i.e., when I first lost weight), I had a friend/colleague who used to go around telling people "don't worry, he doesn't have cancer." He thought it was funny, but I found it very annoying (and we're both cancer docs!).
I think the real point is that it's the change that throws folks off. I've been below my WW goal weight for seven years now. I haven't gotten a comment like that in a looooong time.
I don't really question why people make these comments, tho I'm a little surprised by the insensitivity of a cancer doc making comments like that (I assume he didn't make them in front of patients at least). What I don't get is why people are made sad or deflated by them. I get irritated/annoyed and indifferent, but sad baffles me. Cliff's suggestion that their cheering squad is thinning lends some light ...0 -
As I recall, most (all?) of these comments were from overweight people. I just shrugged it off. It was just one bit of noise I had to block out to get to goal. And I think we have to block out a LOT of noise to make this work.
The other aspect of this that gets me goes like this- when is it ok to comment on someone's weight? And if they are commenting about how thin I am, what are their motives?
I get into this because this is what gets me, at 285 lbs I was in serious trouble. I had one friend who ever expressed concern for my health. So where were these folks who seem concerned that I'm "too skinny" then? Huh?
And yet, could we have heard them? And if we did, would we have taken their concern to heart or gotten angry or hurt? It's almost like we (I) wanted to believe others didn't see me as nearly as fat as I was. Who was I kidding?0 -
Rachel0778 wrote: »I get slightly annoyed at any judgmental statement about my body. My body=my aesthetic choice. My token response was "well it's a good thing I don't have to conform to your physical ideals". Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world without body judgment (or where people kept it to themselves)?
This is one approach, but I find it leads to a more confrontational outcome. Easier to just thank them and suggest you'll discuss it with your health care provider at your next appointment. Sometimes it's just easier (and more correct) to attribute the statements to ignorance instead of malice.
I couldn't agree more! I don't think twice about somebody saying not to lose more. When I was at my low last fall, people assumed I was where I wanted to be. I just let them. I'm pretty indifferent about others opinion about my healthy weight and I don't want to make them feel bad. I'm sure they're just trying to be supportive! But tell me I need to lose more, and tempers will flare!
Crazy emotions! 0 -
Lin you're right I wouldn't have done anything
As to your point why people find the "too skinny" comments discouraging- 1) trying to make changes for the better and expecting some encouragement 2) always on the lookout for reasons to be discouraged and working to take any comment and turn it to something bad.
And an aside, remember I was 285 once, fat people can be very thin skinned.0 -
Right now, I can only dream of a day when this is an issue I have to deal with. But I have never asked that sort of question if memory serves correctly.1
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I think for a lot of people, it's a way to express how far they think you've come in losing weight, and in that context, it's a measure of support. As mentioned by several others, we are conditioned to notice change, and so people evaluate you in the context of what you were rather than in the context of what your doctor or a BMI range might suggest.
Certainly I did get the "are you still losing weight"? comments, but I viewed them in the framework above. I simply told people "Yeah, I'm trying to get to what my doctor tells me I should weigh." People seem to accept that. I don't view it (generally) as a comment about how I look as much as a comment about how much I'd changed.
I lost 135 pounds overall. I didn't hear any "you've lost too much" a year after hitting goal. Why? Because that was the new normal; it wasn't a change any more.0 -
jbrack381us wrote: »Right now, I can only dream of a day when this is an issue I have to deal with.
Me too. But that day will come. Patience and perseverance0 -
Rachel0778 wrote: »Rachel0778 wrote: »I get slightly annoyed at any judgmental statement about my body. My body=my aesthetic choice. My token response was "well it's a good thing I don't have to conform to your physical ideals". Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world without body judgment (or where people kept it to themselves)?
This is one approach, but I find it leads to a more confrontational outcome. Easier to just thank them and suggest you'll discuss it with your health care provider at your next appointment. Sometimes it's just easier (and more correct) to attribute the statements to ignorance instead of malice.
I agree my response is confrontational. It definitely is easier to go the route you mentioned, but I think that comments about my body are inappropriate and prefer to make that clear right away.
Especially as a female in the US, we are constantly being through media messaging and people around us that we're too big, too small, too muscular, too thin, etc. I prefer to be a part of the counter-culture that says that this constant messaging is *kitten*. Even if a person is well meaning, their comment is inappropriate and so I respond to get the message across that is not something that I am in any way okay with.
The thing is, I doubt confrontation actually changes anyone's mind. They probably just shrug and think you're a *kitten*. It might be more productive to have a non-confrontational (but still principled) discussion about it. I mean, you could just say, "Its really not appropriate to make comments about my body." Gets the point across without stabbing people.0 -
Lin you're right I wouldn't have done anything
As to your point why people find the "too skinny" comments discouraging- 1) trying to make changes for the better and expecting some encouragement 2) always on the lookout for reasons to be discouraged and working to take any comment and turn it to something bad.
And an aside, remember I was 285 once, fat people can be very thin skinned.
Interesting thoughts about why they'd be discouraged.
As for your weight, I was 267 when I joined WW (and not quite my all time high), so I get thin skinned, but interestingly, the woman in my meeting who talked about this was one who might overhear "why is she here?" from others at the meeting. She looks "normal' weight
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jbrack381us wrote: »Right now, I can only dream of a day when this is an issue I have to deal with. But I have never asked that sort of question if memory serves correctly.
I'm dreaming of this day too! I had it briefly, when I was at my lowest (last fall). Working to get back there!0 -
I've been getting these comments now that I'm in the 160's...I will take them all day, every day and respond that I'm so glad they noticed and I'm feeling great. I know that one day soon, the nice compliments will dry up because they'll get used to seeing me thinner.
For now though, I just love that people notice!
(for the record, only 1 person was concerned, a woman, who thought I might have cancer...)0 -
KATGIRLNC1972 wrote: »I've been getting these comments now that I'm in the 160's...I will take them all day, every day and respond that I'm so glad they noticed and I'm feeling great. I know that one day soon, the nice compliments will dry up because they'll get used to seeing me thinner.
For now though, I just love that people notice!
(for the record, only 1 person was concerned, a woman, who thought I might have cancer...)
An awesome NSV! Congrats!!!
And glad you aren't sick
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No where near any sadness here. I get it some even got the have you lost more weight ? at a meeting this morning. Geeeze I've still got over 100 more lbs to go. What on earth will people think when I will have lost over 200 lbs. Right now I just say thank you and move on. I certainly don't look sickly even at 69 years old. So no sad feelings here but then I don't go to weekly meetings I'm an on line member only. Doesn't matter though I don't get their being sad down or anything like that.1
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I totally agree about the cancer doc comment being off base. I have B-cell lymphoma albeit indolent at the moment. I sometimes wonder if I would have to turn in my lifetime WW card if I lost weight due to cancer etc. Have toyed with that thought.1
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Rachel0778 wrote: »Rachel0778 wrote: »I get slightly annoyed at any judgmental statement about my body. My body=my aesthetic choice. My token response was "well it's a good thing I don't have to conform to your physical ideals". Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world without body judgment (or where people kept it to themselves)?
This is one approach, but I find it leads to a more confrontational outcome. Easier to just thank them and suggest you'll discuss it with your health care provider at your next appointment. Sometimes it's just easier (and more correct) to attribute the statements to ignorance instead of malice.
I agree my response is confrontational. It definitely is easier to go the route you mentioned, but I think that comments about my body are inappropriate and prefer to make that clear right away.
Especially as a female in the US, we are constantly being through media messaging and people around us that we're too big, too small, too muscular, too thin, etc. I prefer to be a part of the counter-culture that says that this constant messaging is *kitten*. Even if a person is well meaning, their comment is inappropriate and so I respond to get the message across that is not something that I am in any way okay with.
The thing is, I doubt confrontation actually changes anyone's mind. They probably just shrug and think you're a *kitten*. It might be more productive to have a non-confrontational (but still principled) discussion about it. I mean, you could just say, "Its really not appropriate to make comments about my body." Gets the point across without stabbing people.
I don't think pointing out that I don't have to conform to someone's physical ideals is the same as stabbing them or being overly aggressive. I do think it is something that will make someone stop to think about what they just said. Maybe it's being interpreted differently online because I can't convey tone, etc. but I don't think that is at all a *kitten* thing to say. (although if a rando thinks I'm being a *kitten* for responding back to their comment I'm really not overly concerned). And depending on who says it responding back with what you said is certainly an option too.0
