What do you say when told not to lose any more weight?
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Bob314159
Posts: 1,178 Member
A few days go I ran into a couple I have not seen for over a year. They were amazed at how I look [I probably lost 70 lbs since I saw them last and over a hundred since I saw them more often 3 years ago]. They asked how I would maintain my weight and I said I had more to lose [I need to lose at least 30 more, and more likely 40]
They then got very upset and acted like I was crazy to think that. I've heard stories like this before - but first time it's happened to me. They are both normal weight. What goes on in peoples heads?
I said I was on low carb, [not ketogenic] and the husband is son low carb for diabetes.
They then got very upset and acted like I was crazy to think that. I've heard stories like this before - but first time it's happened to me. They are both normal weight. What goes on in peoples heads?
I said I was on low carb, [not ketogenic] and the husband is son low carb for diabetes.
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It's not their choice.
They notice the big loss because you haven't seen them in a long time. Maybe they don't remember how big you were to begin with.
I have friends who discourage me from getting smaller. I tell them I'm doing this for me and ignore them. I know what I'm doing. I have a good plan. They don't get a say in what I do.3 -
I'm not stuck with their opinion and probably won't see then for another year. I just found it weird since they are normal weight themselves.0
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How about:
"I'd like to read that article. Do you recall the name of the lead author or the journal in which it was published?"0 -
I've had a few people say this stuff to me. I just point out that actually I'm at the top end of what's considered healthy for my height and could technically lose about 20 more pounds before there would be serious cause for concern. I don't plan to as I'm ok where I'm at but I could quite safely!1
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I generally say "well, my goal is really about fat loss more than actual weight loss at this point. They aren't quite the same"4
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I've gotten quite good and not engaging in conversations about my weight.
When some one says, "Wow you look great", I say, "Thank you. How are your children?"
When some one says, "How did you lose it", I say, "I ate less. I really like you shoes. Are they as comfortable as they look"?10 -
My aunt told me I was soooo skinny now and shouldn't lose more when I was a size 16. She was a size 8 at the time...
I almost think it's an unconscious effort to protect their status as the thin ones.14 -
I tell them 'my doctor is fine with my goal'. that usually shuts people right up.9
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Some people like to have their "fat" friends to help them feel better about themselves. Some also get uncomfortable when others are working to improve themselves in any way as they see that they are not. This also happens with people who go back to school and these same type of "friends" will do little things to sabotage them. I don't even think it is always intentional or conscious. I think it is just a defense mechanism sometimes.6
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Most people struggle with change - they last saw you 70 lbs heavier, it's a lot for them to take in all at once, and maybe you totally blew their mind with the thought that you were going to change MORE. Plus, obesity is a huge problem so people as a general rule think about what is average, not what is really a healthy weight - those are not the same thing anymore, sadly.
When people tell me I don't need to lose more weight, I just tell them I'm just trying to lose some fluff, they usually just laugh at that and it's an accurate description of my goals.
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I tell them that I'm actually trying to gain weight, just not the kind that most Americans seem to hoard like old newspapers these days. I need more adipose tissue like I need HIV.3
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Just ignore people who say thing like that. I get that at work a lot because now I'm thinner than most of the others. I think a lot of it stems from jealousy.3
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Gallowmere1984 wrote: »I tell them that I'm actually trying to gain weight, just not the kind that most Americans seem to hoard like old newspapers these days. I need more adipose tissue like I need HIV.
"...more adipose tissue like I need HIV" awesome.
Yeah...no one is telling me to stop losing yet. Seems like an ok problem to have
but seriously I think often that's their way of trying to compliment us. "Wow you look great...you don't need to lose more". It's a hollow compliment. 1 -
There is a point when the compliments on weight loss stop and the negative comments start.
I am at 130lbs and would like to lose just 5lb more, but I could probably stand to lose 15lb more and it would be fine as I am only 5'4".
Yesterday my Mother in Law (a previous cheerleader for my weight loss) said 'My goodness, your bum has completely disappeared'. I replied 'Thank you, that is nice of you to say'. Her response was 'It's not a good thing!!'.
Really!!??1 -
I wonder if it's just a shock for some people. They see you lost a lot of weight, and think you must be "done." A friend said something along those lines to me the other day, and I said something like "well, I still want to lose 25 more lbs." When she was "shocked", I told her I was 150 lbs (I'm 5'3) and she said, "Oh, well that makes sense. I'm 147 (she just had a baby & is a similar height to me) and I want to lose about 20 lbs." I think they don't relate it to themselves. They just think, "wow, you shrank, go you!" and because you are smaller now than you used to be, they think this is your new size. I am rambling. Does that make any sense?3
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When I told my inlaws that I was on this WOE, my father in law was concerned I would lose too much weight. The last time I was at my ideal weight in 2008, he used to tell me that I was too skinny and he was worried for my health. I just flat out told him that I was actually at my ideal weight and they were just used to seeing me fat. ON the flip side, this summer, they remarked on my weight gain and worried about that too.
I don't think he said it maliciously, and they are supportive going out of their way to cook LC, but not necessarily HF when we visit.
It's weird that people feel like they can comment on other people's weight - it's not ever something I would do unless I was speaking with a close friend and the topic came up.1 -
I think most of the time it's just that people aren't used to seeing you smaller. People generally don't do well with change and because they're used to seeing you bigger, in contrast, it might appear that you're getting "too thin". I always just smiled and nodded when people said I was getting "too thin". It's my body and really none of their business.1
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I wonder if it's just a shock for some people. They see you lost a lot of weight, and think you must be "done." A friend said something along those lines to me the other day, and I said something like "well, I still want to lose 25 more lbs." When she was "shocked", I told her I was 150 lbs (I'm 5'3) and she said, "Oh, well that makes sense. I'm 147 (she just had a baby & is a similar height to me) and I want to lose about 20 lbs." I think they don't relate it to themselves. They just think, "wow, you shrank, go you!" and because you are smaller now than you used to be, they think this is your new size. I am rambling. Does that make any sense?
@redimock - this makes perfect sense to me. It's all about perspective. Many times it just takes a piece of info (like your comparison) or time to put it into place for someone else.
Plus, if you're like me and have been very obese since your 20's (now 40), most folks who know me never knew me when I weighed far less - or they've forgotten due to how long I've been heavy.
I just have to remember that the idea weight for someone who has been at the upper range of obese or beyond for 5 years will likely be completely different than someone who's never been obese. Fat cells empty, but they don't die (have to be medically removed, like liposuction, etc.). So we'll always have the fluff barrier (that wants to be refilled to be useful, sadly, and will always fight back against us)...and never be "what we were in our teens, etc." Bodies change, regardless, too...0 -
P.S. I can't fathom ever getting to this point myself, where people want me to stop, but that is what it is.
Related to the above, medical science is actually in the process of drafting new "formerly obese" BMI calculations to adjust for the reality of being formerly obese. I don't know that it will ever hit mainstream, but it is what it is.
I'm not saying we can't get to healthy weights, just very unlikely to be at the low end of any range without extreme interventions (killer workouts, intense plans, surgery, etc.).1 -
That's so interesting @KnitOrMiss about the new bmi calculations for formerly obese patients.
I've been a yo-yo dieter most of my life and have done some real damage to my metabolism. One doctor put me on Phentermine years ago when I weighed 40 pounds less than I do now and I lost a ton of weight really fast because I just wasn't hungry. It was actually a chore to eat. But, of course you can't stay on that drug forever and the weight just rebounded +.
I was mentioning this to my new doctor and there's a lot of info out there too about how much harder it is to lose weight when a person has been in starvation mode and has done metabolic damage to their bodies either through dieting or some type of real world catastrophe like war or famine - a body clings to every calorie for life even when the "crisis" is over.2
