First, I want to want to give you a big virtual (((HUG))). It must be incredibly hard to have gone thru all that in one short year. When I found myself very off track (due to family issues), i focused on small goals. Trying to wrap my head around more than one thing would've been crazy for me. Take it one day at a time, heck one meal at a time. But more importantly, talk to somebody about how you feel. Its ok to feel sad, to feel loss because you did suffer loss. If you have a good friend, pastor, therapist, share your feelings and give yourself time. Wishing the best for you!

I am so sorry for the loss of your little ones. (((hug)))

I think you should allow yourself to grieve for now. Focus on your mental and emotional well being. I would try to not use food to heal, but also not stress about my meal plan. This is also one instance where I'd put exercise before eating: stretching if it soothes you, running if clears your mind, weightlifting or kickboxing if it works through your anger.

And find someone to talk to if at all possible. Even if it means finding an online support group where you can share your feelings.

I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. My experience with such loss is the loss of two grandchildren who were miscarried. Through this I learned that there is no timeline for grief nor is there a particular way to grieve the loss of a child through miscarriage. Both of my daughters' experiences were different. One needed to grieve more privately, the other needed support from family and friends. She also sought out support groups, both in person and online, which were very helpful to her.

As others have said, now is time to heal - emotionally and physically. In term of your weight loss journey it can be put on hold. One thing to think about, however, when you feel the urge to stress eat is something that I believe @KnitOrMiss said in another thread. "If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer." There is a lot of wisdom in these words.

I wish healing for you and husband as you deal with the pain and loss you are experiencing.

I am also sorry about your losses. You need to grieve in your own time in your own way. Did you read this article from a few weeks back? I live in Japan and have see Jizo statues at temples -- they seem to soothe the soul! Maybe you just need to find your own way. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/06/well/family/the-japanese-art-of-grieving-a-miscarriage.html?_r=0

My condolences on your loses - my wife had 2 miscarriages on the way to having our beautiful daughter (now 14) so I can understand the grief and pain that you are feeling now!

As for how to recover, allow yourself to heal emotionally and physically, take the time to experience all of the emotions that your mind/body want to experience. As others have said, concentrate on small things like skipping a snack here, an extra glass of water there, parking farther from the door, using the stairs, etc. Over time, the small things will add up to big differences.

@crystalsan726 - I am so sorry for your losses, including that of hope, dreams, normalcy, and physical health, even aside from the overwhelming grief and struggles of faith and understanding.

I really have nothing specific to add other than you've had some incredible suggestions above, wise words, suggestions for spiritual and emotional comfort, and I never cease to be amazed at the depth of knowledge and wisdom in this group... I am wishing you nothing but ease and whole soul healing. I imagine is hard for you, too, managing the grief of your family during this time of grieving yourself. And the added amplification of multiple surgical complications compounds things by limiting your use of physical activity to power through the grief. Please remember to take time for yourself, too - even if that means asking someone to help with the girls/hubby/household just to give you a break if you need it, though it's likely not too much of an issue. As others have said, there is no timetable or limit on grief...and even the grief between your losses can vary wildly...

I hope you can take solace in knowing that you aren't alone. Grief and coping techniques probably change from the moment. It took me years to recover from my miscarriage, and then after that and then the birth of my daughter, followed by the emotional "Failure" roller coaster that is secondary infertility. Even now, decades later, a small trigger can let loose my stored grief, and I'm in the throes of it all over again... It happens less often and fades faster these days, but it is still there. As long as I breathe, it will always be there...


I do also very enthusiastically second what @cstehansen said - whenever I get in the worst of my ... dumpy/emotional/messy moments, I do my best to get outside myself and focus on helping someone else. One of my favorite writings that encapsulates this intention is this one: annewheaton.com/the-kindness-of-strangers/


@bametels - I was not the one with that awesome quote... If I did say it, I was quoting someone else (please forgive me if I neglected the reference). I would imagine that was likely @kirkor @Sunny_Bunny_ @Dragonwolf @FIT_Goat @baconslave or one of our other strong veterans who said this before. And I agree that there is a veritable ton of wisdom in those words, "If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer." I'm definitely a person who consumes knowledge the re-formats it for the easier consumption of others, but that quote belongs to another of our wise members.

I'm so very sorry. I have never been strong enough to stick with a plan during a time of grieving (I've had two miscarriages), but I would certainly focus on healing the heart and then the body. (Hugs)