I'm back and trying to start again. Sigh.
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KetoGirl83
Posts: 546 Member
So the Christmas "relaxed eating" was followed by January's holiday's "relaxed eating" and by the stressed out "relaxed eating" and by the I just want to eat something I like and by the what the hell, I'll have a couple of mars bars.
Or, as my mind sees it, had a binge, hated myself, had another, lied about it, hated myself some more, on and off for 3 months now. It's exhausting and has shot my immune system so I've been sick twice since New Year's when I had never been sick once since changing my woe. And to help with things my A1c got up one full point.
I hate that my body thrives on meat and I just can't see it as food. After all this time I still think of steak and bacon and whatever as medicine. "Food" is what I can't eat, fruit, yogurt, oj, icecream, chocolate, bread, pasta...
I managed to stay away from flour but that's it, my one tiny "victory". And that's only because I know that if I give in to that I'll gain all the weight back and I'll have diabetes out of control again and I just can't face being my whale self again.
Sigh. Sometimes knowing you have an addiction is nor enough to control it.
::flowerforyou::
Or, as my mind sees it, had a binge, hated myself, had another, lied about it, hated myself some more, on and off for 3 months now. It's exhausting and has shot my immune system so I've been sick twice since New Year's when I had never been sick once since changing my woe. And to help with things my A1c got up one full point.
I hate that my body thrives on meat and I just can't see it as food. After all this time I still think of steak and bacon and whatever as medicine. "Food" is what I can't eat, fruit, yogurt, oj, icecream, chocolate, bread, pasta...
I managed to stay away from flour but that's it, my one tiny "victory". And that's only because I know that if I give in to that I'll gain all the weight back and I'll have diabetes out of control again and I just can't face being my whale self again.
Sigh. Sometimes knowing you have an addiction is nor enough to control it.
::flowerforyou::
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Those are tough cards to hold. I can understand the difficulty in eating any food you feel you need but just don't want to eat.
One point increase in A1c = around 35 BG points. It's not tiny, but it's not huge. Once you're back on Keto, your BG should drop both from fewer carbs and lower stress. You can look forward to progress you can see and feel!
(If it's any consolation, I've sprayed "Drano" on the ice cream in our freezer in school bus yellow engine paint 1000 times in my mind's eye. Eventually, the little *kitten* stopped screaming.)
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All you can do is choose.
Addiction is a tough cookie to crumble.
But the results can be amazing!
Don't give up on your dreams.4 -
@Midnightgypsy0 I know, I keep telling myself that. I feel like a spoiled brat wishing the world was "fair" (meaning, eat whatever I want and be slim and healthy).
::flowerforyou::0 -
Set up a bunch of friends on MFP. Helps to have a positive reinforcement crew on board with you...3
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Some people can moderate and have cheat days. For others a cheat day is the the start of a binge or a slippery slope. It depends on how you want to describe it. I am thinking there is nothing so wrong with thinking of what you eat as medicine.2
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(If it's any consolation, I've sprayed "Drano" on the ice cream in our freezer in school bus yellow engine paint 1000 times in my mind's eye. Eventually, the little *kitten* stopped screaming.) .
I can't remember who it was who said "I've found it helpful to buy a small bag of cookies and then after one or two spray the rest with Raid and throw the bag away. But be careful; Raid doesn't taste as bad as you might think."
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mandycat223 wrote: »
(If it's any consolation, I've sprayed "Drano" on the ice cream in our freezer in school bus yellow engine paint 1000 times in my mind's eye. Eventually, the little *kitten* stopped screaming.) .
I can't remember who it was who said "I've found it helpful to buy a small bag of cookies and then after one or two spray the rest with Raid and throw the bag away. But be careful; Raid doesn't taste as bad as you might think."
Nice to have you back! As as a diabetic, I understand the feeling of not being able to eat even regular healthy foods like fruit and quinoa let alone about piece of bread! But health trumps everything! I refuse to allow what i eat destroy my quality of life. We're here with you on this journey and cheering you on!2 -
Aloha! You are not alone with the three month backslide, I've just gotten back on track, March 1st, and it appears several of my friends have been going through it. Man those holidays are a real *kitten*, no?
A supportive base of friends, who mutually (give and take) are an active part of your journey is invaluable. It's what kept me coming back. And seeing all my buddies losing really ground my gears, knowing what I was doing was self sabotage.
I believe in you.
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Maybe one of the talks on this summit would be helpful?
http://sweetfreedomsummit.com1 -
Welcome back! I've been off the wagon for stretches before myself. It can be such a vicious cycle.
Thankfully I do like meat but there are times I've gotten so bored with keto, and resentful that my body can't handle carbs nearly as well as many people's... such a mental game. Hope you find your way back to a happy place again. Glad you are back. 2 -
mandycat223 wrote: »
I can't remember who it was who said "I've found it helpful ta buy a small bag of cookies and then after one or two spray the rest with Raid and throw the bag away. But be careful; Raid doesn't taste as bad as you might think."
Bwaahahahaa!
Gato-raid, bleccch; Raid, Mmmm?3 -
christmas knocked me off too - I've been back now for two weeks (fourish if you count those funny starting weeks when you eat well then sneak an oreo) I feel so much better ! You will too once you get back into the swing of it!
Sorry you are finding it rough3 -
Welcome back! Don't feel bad about it. You remembered what used to work better for your body. Many, many fall off the Wagon for good. Finding a balance that nurtures both body and soul is a challenge for me too.4
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Welcome Back. I'm still not fully back on board after 3 months of trying, there are goods and bad days and probably always will be.
Good on you for coming back, I hope you find what works best for you.3 -
Welcome back. Friends are where it's at. I understand completely what you say about meat. I like it, but not as much as I like a wide variety of fruit and veg. TBH my brain still doesn't compute 'BAD FOR ME' when I see a big pile of mixed veg that didn't grow under the ground. I'm not sure if it ever will. If it did, that would help!0
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Thank you all so much for your support! One day at a time does it.
::flowerforyou::2 -
Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »Maybe one of the talks on this summit would be helpful?
http://sweetfreedomsummit.com
That looks awesome! Thank you for sharing! Registered and going to check the goodies as soon as I'm home!
::flowerforyou::1 -
The diabetes part really sucks. I was within one test of being dxd diabetic, but keto saved me from that. I'm with 2t9nty in thinking of food as medicine. We really are what we eat, and what makes us well is good medicine. What doesn't is bad medicine (poison - literally).
Something I have been doing to help me keep on track (cause I've recently been hearing a lot of coaxing from the grocery aisles I refuse to go down) is watching a keto or low carb video each day. When DH has a day off, we watch one together. This has helped me maintain my focus. The reminders that the wrong food has made me sick is powerful medicine, too.
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