Family Disagrees With Diet
cr8ivewonder
Posts: 44 Member
Is anyone else struggling to keep their mouth closed at family events? My parents are the hardest critics of me and what I eat. I went 8 weeks doing keto, in public-out for lunches, at work, with my BF-without a single question. My parents were the first to tease me, encourage me to eat "normal", etc.
Last night I took my kiddo there for dinner. Mom made roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, red lobster biscuits, cauliflower (for me) and caesar salad (for me). They had two types of cake for dessert. I ate the beef, cauliflower and salad and was content. I didn't take dessert.
I watched as my parents took 1 slice of each, going back THREE times for more slices. They polished off half a cake each. When I told them I don't like to eat sugar because then I crave more sugar, they told me I was "going whacko" and becoming a "new age hippie"...while they kept taking more and more dessert. It was gross to me. Then they told me how unhealthy I am. Unbelievable.
I think this will continue to be a struggle for me, as many of our family events are focused around food. My parents equate love to food. If my son doesn't eat 2 pieces of cake, he doesn't love them for the effort in making it, you know what I mean? This is the first time they've accommodated me with food. Last time was lasagna and potato salad. I told them I don't eat carbs, and they said I could have a few bites of each. Ugh.
Last night I took my kiddo there for dinner. Mom made roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, red lobster biscuits, cauliflower (for me) and caesar salad (for me). They had two types of cake for dessert. I ate the beef, cauliflower and salad and was content. I didn't take dessert.
I watched as my parents took 1 slice of each, going back THREE times for more slices. They polished off half a cake each. When I told them I don't like to eat sugar because then I crave more sugar, they told me I was "going whacko" and becoming a "new age hippie"...while they kept taking more and more dessert. It was gross to me. Then they told me how unhealthy I am. Unbelievable.
I think this will continue to be a struggle for me, as many of our family events are focused around food. My parents equate love to food. If my son doesn't eat 2 pieces of cake, he doesn't love them for the effort in making it, you know what I mean? This is the first time they've accommodated me with food. Last time was lasagna and potato salad. I told them I don't eat carbs, and they said I could have a few bites of each. Ugh.
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My guy loves to tease me about what he jokes is my "whacked out diet," but then I catch him telling other people about cutting down carbs when he thinks I'm not around or not listening. He's lost almost 2 full pants sizes, despite having a little blood in his Pepsi stream. Still won't give up bread or some carbs, but obviously something is going well for him, regardless.
Luckily, I don't live too close to my family, though I'm pretty vocal about the dietary changes I've made. I don't know about eating in front of them, as I've not done that recently at all. However, I'm kinda...up front about it, and just ignoring the naysayers, I guess?
And I've always been that person who could knock out a whole CARBY THING in a setting, sweet or savory, so I get how the addictive nature of it seems normal...and after all if the whole nation eats that way, it can't be that wrong, right? And it's not fair to have to stop eating ALL THE THINGS I LOVE, etc. I made every single one of those arguments. I still backslide, but I'm doing better.
Kudos on you for eating what was on plan and leaving the rest be...
STICKS TONGUE OUT GENE SIMMONS STYLE at the lasagna and potato salad! The fact that they made accommodations, even if they ridiculed you for it is progress. Sounds like the ridiculing was out of fear and guilt, because they know on some level, you're right, they just don't want to accept it, because then it means ... dun dun DUN ... that they're wrong!3 -
Ugh, I'm sorry. Thankfully my family has been supportive. I think some of my friends think I'm a little nuts but they're at least polite about it, and they can't argue with results.
I lost the weight I initially wanted to lose, my blood work is great, my joint pain mostly cleared up, and since my PCP, cardiologist and MS specialist are all supportive, it's hard for anyone else to argue too much at this point. I've been eating this way for 15 months though.
I agree it's good they're making accommodations for you now. Hopefully that is progress and they'll come around!
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it's time to sit them down and tell them how they are making you feel.3 -
Lasagna and potato salad don't even go together. THEY have a whacked out diet.17
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There are a number of really good movies about LCHF eating on You Tube and other sources. Maybe schedule some tube time with them and have them hear it from an outside source.2
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I'm imagining them shoving spoon after spoon of cake into their mouths smugly telling you how unhealthy you eat...
That's some serious denial! You can't argue against that. I wouldn't bother.
Just let your experience speak for itself.10 -
Lasagna and potato salad don't even go together. THEY have a whacked out diet.
LOL. I was thinking the same. OP, it's good your family is accommodating you with cauliflower and salad.
I'm not one to discuss diet with others. Ever. If I can help it. I eat the way I eat (70% fat) and no one ever notices or at least never comments. I always find a way to plan ahead and when having a meal with others, it's meat and vegetables with no fanfare over adding lots of fat because I had that during my other meals of the day. I save carbs for the "meal with others" and it has never caused me a problem (I'm not diabetic, IR, PCOS or anything of that nature).
Lasagna and potato salad in one meal would be a challenge though to not overdo the carbs.2 -
Lasagna and potato salad don't even go together. THEY have a whacked out diet.
That was my first thought too! lol
Seriously though I just usually ignore people in these situations and let the results speak for themselves. lol. My super carb eating cousin was telling me how unhealthy my diet was and I was like hmmm...my labs are good. I've lost like 30 pounds. My RA isn't flaring as bad. Seems good to me.3 -
Are your parents overweight? I find I get no support and some negative comments from family members who are heavy themselves. I don't know why they feel the need to criticize, but I suspect they don't want to watch me lose weight while they don't. It's just a theory. I'd never ask them.3
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Lasagna and potato salad don't even go together. THEY have a whacked out diet.
That was my first thought too! lol
Seriously though I just usually ignore people in these situations and let the results speak for themselves. lol. My super carb eating cousin was telling me how unhealthy my diet was and I was like hmmm...my labs are good. I've lost like 30 pounds. My RA isn't flaring as bad. Seems good to me.
The bold-so much. I didn't lose my weight via keto but have certainly maintained the loss eating keto with a lot of fat. Folks who know how I eat thought I would gain back all my loss but that hasn't happened. AND I have found maintenance easier than it was before when I ate higher carb/lower fat.
"Public" weight loss is difficult. I don't think I ever said to anyone, "I'm on a diet" when I was on a diet. Today, I never announce "This is how I eat and I can't eat that". I just eat what I eat and say nothing about my choices or the choices of anyone else. When I have those rare occasions where someone wants to insist I have a piece of cake, if no thank you doesn't work, the second suggestion to have a piece is met with something like, "So where are you playing golf this weekend and what's your tee time"? Or "Those are cute shoes. Where'd you find them"? Or "Have you checked out the new H-Mart yet"? Works every time.1 -
If they think the SAD is healthy and we should follow the government guidelines, just show them this page. It shows the rates of diabetes by age group by year from 1980-2014. This is relevant because the government first introduced the dietary guidelines in the US in 1980. Each version has pushed the amount of meat down and the amount of grains up.
This page can't be dismissed as some weirdo that just happens to agree with you, either. This is the CDC.
https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/statistics/prev/national/figbyage.htm
The harder they push us away from meat and dairy and toward grains, the more we obese and diabetic we become as a nation. Unfortunately, the world (for the most part) has followed the US in these guidelines.
As for my family, we are pretty good. Family gatherings are frequently around food and between one of my brothers and his family who are vegan and me, we rarely do any of the food things at restaurants.
I will eat veggies and can go without meat for a meal. The problem is most of these stupid vegan places serve a bunch of frankenfood they are trying to make seem like meat. If they would just make REAL food, I could make it work.
Fortunately, my brother has finally realized the vegan rolls (filled with HFCS) and the fake burgers (filled with ?????) with a side of Fritos is not healthy and is now trying to eat real food.
We don't push each other to the other's way of eating, and our whole family is respectful (except my sister-in-law) of our individual choices in terms of our WOE. I don't believe diet is a one size fits all except to say, if it was made in a factory, it's not food. No one gets healthy by eating all that processed carbage or added sugar.2 -
Hmm.
Is bacon fat from pigs raised indoors on hormones and antibiotics "made in a factory?" It's not just carbage that's processed... (though a lot of meat has dextrose, "pure" cane sugar, etc. added).
If you can swing it, whether you eat meat by the pinch or pound, best to save the eating-out $$ and spend it on pricey groceries whose labels you can read.
Otherwise, maybe a few history lessons about the fervent flat-earthers, rabid vaccine doubters, and other ostriches who refused to see things that are now bloody obvious even to corpses.2 -
I get this a lot too. I've had some say "you can't live without carbs" "it will cause kidney failure" "your hair will fall out" etc....
I brush it off. I am the only one in my family who works in the medical field, I'm a registered nurse. Yet they are all more knowledgeable when it comes to what's "healthy".
I could argue with facts and science, but I don't waste my breath. Some people will judge anything they consider "different". Oh well, just gotta keep on keepin' on!
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Lasagna and potato salad don't even go together. THEY have a whacked out diet.
That was my first thought too! lol
Seriously though I just usually ignore people in these situations and let the results speak for themselves. lol. My super carb eating cousin was telling me how unhealthy my diet was and I was like hmmm...my labs are good. I've lost like 30 pounds. My RA isn't flaring as bad. Seems good to me.
So true. My family bugged me a bit about eating normal when I first started losing. Now? Two years later and (mostly) maintaining, no one says anything, and a few have actually cut back on carbs.
Letting results speak for themselves definitely works long term. Just getting past the first few months is hard. LOL 1 -
I just wanted to add, I think many act that way because they feel judged. Their way of eating is not good enough for you/us anymore. Some get defensive. 3
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cr8ivewonder wrote: »Is anyone else struggling to keep their mouth closed at family events? My parents are the hardest critics of me and what I eat. I went 8 weeks doing keto, in public-out for lunches, at work, with my BF-without a single question. My parents were the first to tease me, encourage me to eat "normal", etc.
Last night I took my kiddo there for dinner. Mom made roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, red lobster biscuits, cauliflower (for me) and caesar salad (for me). They had two types of cake for dessert. I ate the beef, cauliflower and salad and was content. I didn't take dessert.
I watched as my parents took 1 slice of each, going back THREE times for more slices. They polished off half a cake each. When I told them I don't like to eat sugar because then I crave more sugar, they told me I was "going whacko" and becoming a "new age hippie"...while they kept taking more and more dessert. It was gross to me. Then they told me how unhealthy I am. Unbelievable.
I think this will continue to be a struggle for me, as many of our family events are focused around food. My parents equate love to food. If my son doesn't eat 2 pieces of cake, he doesn't love them for the effort in making it, you know what I mean? This is the first time they've accommodated me with food. Last time was lasagna and potato salad. I told them I don't eat carbs, and they said I could have a few bites of each. Ugh.
Just refuse to eat at their house in the future, they can eat what they want, you can eat what you want and you don't have to worry about them sugar loading your child.
If you "have"to have a comeback, tell them you are eating this way so you will be healthy enough to take care of them when they are having diabetes and heart conditions. But honestly it isn't worth the effort to fight them, so just don't eat with them anymore.
And really lasagna and potato salad??? Thinking of that makes me gag.2 -
Every family is different but, im not one to discuss what I'm doing I just do it. I recognize this has worked well for me in my life in a number of areas, and also caused some kerfuffle at times as well. You're going to have to figure out how to navigate this yourself but remember. You don't owe anyone any explination. You owe yourself the best.2
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I was recently re-reading H.H. Munro (better known as "Saki.") In one story, a young man is lamenting the way his mother insists on reading his mail in spite of his complaints. His friend: "You haven't used the right kind of argument, I expect. If every time one of your letters was opened you lay on your back on the dining table<...>and had a fit<...>you would get a far more respectful hearing for future protests."
Just an idea, of course.1 -
Every family is different but, im not one to discuss what I'm doing I just do it. I recognize this has worked well for me in my life in a number of areas, and also caused some kerfuffle at times as well. You're going to have to figure out how to navigate this yourself but remember. You don't owe anyone any explination. You owe yourself the best.
@mmultanen Kerfuffle is really one of the best words ever1 -
Is it possible they may be a bit jealous? Maybe they need/want to lose weight? But cant quite cut out all that sugar yet, or dont know how or what to do? Sounds pretty harsh coming from your parents. I could only imagine if i was to sit down and eat half a cake etc etc that i would be a bit jealous of someone else having all that control and willpower and knowledge to say no!2
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My mom has struggled with weight issues her entire life. Dad has some pudge, but is no means obese. That very well could be it. My sister took up crossfit, and my mom told her how gross she is going to look when she has muscles.2
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OP, you've gotten some good advice here... sometimes you just won't be able to get through and/or the arguments aren't worth it. Figure out the best way for you to do you and cause as little friction as possible. i.e., eat before you go so it is much easier to say no.
I love all the comments about lasagna and potato salad "not going together". My SO figures I'm the ONLY one that thinks that way whenever I'm horrified at suggestions of something like.... rice with roast chicken & gravy, or toast with a pancake breakfast, potatoes with sweet & sour lol... So glad that having foods go together is normal! (Although officially I knew it was, I appreciate the validation all the same!!)2 -
My family talked very badly about my diet - now they want to know exactly what I'm doing so they can copy me. Then I started going to the gym and they have very negative things to say. Pretty soon they'll be doing that too. Haters gonna hate. You'd think they'd be happy for you but misery loves company.4
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kimberwolf71 wrote: »OP, you've gotten some good advice here... sometimes you just won't be able to get through and/or the arguments aren't worth it. Figure out the best way for you to do you and cause as little friction as possible. i.e., eat before you go so it is much easier to say no.
I love all the comments about lasagna and potato salad "not going together". My SO figures I'm the ONLY one that thinks that way whenever I'm horrified at suggestions of something like.... rice with roast chicken & gravy, or toast with a pancake breakfast, potatoes with sweet & sour lol... So glad that having foods go together is normal! (Although officially I knew it was, I appreciate the validation all the same!!)
Some foods just belong together like steak with a side of bunless bacon cheeseburger.10 -
Parents often see themselves as having failed to be good parents to their kid and wind up acting out this way.
Keep the faith with your WOE and @Rainqueen77 results with her family may become your story.
Humans tend to think "If it is Different then it must be Bad".3 -
Thanks everyone. I makes me feel better to know others have been in similar situations. I am heading away on a trip this weekend with my family, so I will just prepare with lots of snacks and keto on.3
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cr8ivewonder wrote: »Is anyone else struggling to keep their mouth closed at family events? My parents are the hardest critics of me and what I eat. I went 8 weeks doing keto, in public-out for lunches, at work, with my BF-without a single question. My parents were the first to tease me, encourage me to eat "normal", etc.
Last night I took my kiddo there for dinner. Mom made roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, red lobster biscuits, cauliflower (for me) and caesar salad (for me). They had two types of cake for dessert. I ate the beef, cauliflower and salad and was content. I didn't take dessert.
I watched as my parents took 1 slice of each, going back THREE times for more slices. They polished off half a cake each. When I told them I don't like to eat sugar because then I crave more sugar, they told me I was "going whacko" and becoming a "new age hippie"...while they kept taking more and more dessert. It was gross to me. Then they told me how unhealthy I am. Unbelievable.
I think this will continue to be a struggle for me, as many of our family events are focused around food. My parents equate love to food. If my son doesn't eat 2 pieces of cake, he doesn't love them for the effort in making it, you know what I mean? This is the first time they've accommodated me with food. Last time was lasagna and potato salad. I told them I don't eat carbs, and they said I could have a few bites of each. Ugh.
The good news is, they DID try and make something you could eat. That's progress. Keep on keeping on, and they will eventually see that you're healthier for it. If you get angry now, they will be less likely to try it in the future.
My suggestion? "Let them eat cake!"4 -
Also, I have to be gluten free, because I've been diagnosed as intolerant. Even ended up in the ER with a hole in my colon.
I had family members bring by literature explaining that gluten free was terrible for you. Dropped it off...at my house...with my daughter.
When we go out to eat with them, they always want to go to Italian restaurants, or fish camps. I go, and order gluten free, low carb. They never say anything, but I can FEEL the disapproval. Oh well, I feel SO much better and it's just not worth it to me.
I do know how you feel though. Hugs!1 -
I'm also gluten-free for migraines, I'm kind of amazed at the number of Italian places that are starting to have more gluten-free stuff...not only typical gluten-free pasta options, but offering no breading on many of the meats and such...I know some people are annoyed by the gluten-free trend, but I for one find it amazing and love that there are more options now!!!4
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Are your parents overweight? I find I get no support and some negative comments from family members who are heavy themselves. I don't know why they feel the need to criticize, but I suspect they don't want to watch me lose weight while they don't. It's just a theory. I'd never ask them.
My sister is like this. I lost 100lbs on Weight Watchers a few years ago and went from the 'fat' sister to the smallest. I got lax on the tracking and gained about 25 lbs back and decided after a vacation with my husband and son to start eating keto and my sister keeps telling me I am going to have a heart attack and how do I plan on eating this way for the rest of my life. She is an angry person in general and I feel like she just wants to keep me down. Good thing my husband decided to go keto with me. I like when he tells her to shut up and let me eat my steak and mashed cauliflower in peace4
