Rude friends
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I'd take the tac of reminding them that aging is a privilege denied to many and aren't you so damn lucky to be able to be alive and in good health and able to worry about such things as fine lines. Perspective, rude people need it
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To me these kinds of people aren't rude so much as clueless. Civilized people don't comment on someone's appearance unless they're asked or have something positive to say.2
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I'm 42. When I was fat people thought I was about 30. They didn't believe me when I told them I had grown children and now a grandchild. Now that I'm 90lbs lighter I look 42. People don't question my age anymore. I don't actually give one fig what they think either way.2
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Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
I was making a pastoral call on my doctor's mother at the hospital when he came in today to see her. I mentioned I was getting close to the goals he had set for me before I left. He said it was unusual for patients to actually listen to their doctors, and he was really impressed at my progress. I did not have the heart to tell him in front of his mother that I had made that progress by ignoring his advice.
Sometimes you have to nod and smile pleasantly. You say, "Thanks!" and go back to the office to have a coffee with HWC to celebrate a NSV.
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AlexandraCarlyle wrote: »If it hurts - you have every right to tell them so. "Well thank you for being so insensitive; I'm losing weight because I want to. Just like you're staying fat because YOU want to.....Such comments are a classic angle from those who are usually envious. So if you like, I can tell you how to be less pudgy, how does that sound?"
Personal remarks are both thoughtless and tactless, and are bound to hurt your pride, but yes, I have often found that if you point out to people that their comments feel barbed, it's come about that in actual fact, there's a small streak of envy....
I think this is perfect.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with thoughtless people. Congratulations on your success so far!!!0 -
Looking younger is not the same thing as looking better. People sometimes look worse after plastic surgery when they do it just to look younger. There are a LOT of people that actually look better as they get older. I personally think that most of the time a slimmer, older face is more attractive and healthier, than a younger, pudgier face.
Sometimes good friends can be a little too honest. I would probably give them the benefit of the doubt that it was meant as constructive criticism, but nicely let them know that it stung a little. If your skin hasn't tightened up after a while (it probably will) there are always products and things that can help if it still bothers you.2 -
...Or sometimes, you can pass off their comments with humour. This obviously depends on how you really feel, but perhaps something like "Oh, really? Well do you have a stapler handy? I can fix that right now!" Or "Yes, my face may look thinner, but you should see my butt! I can crack nuts between those cheeks!" or even "Yes, my cosmetic surgeon tells me I need plenty of room for the polyfiller and araldite to get a grip...."
Or even, try suddenly contorting your face, doing facial exercises and then saying, "Are they working yet....?"4 -
AlexandraCarlyle wrote: »...Or sometimes, you can pass off their comments with humour. This obviously depends on how you really feel, but perhaps something like "Oh, really? Well do you have a stapler handy? I can fix that right now!" Or "Yes, my face may look thinner, but you should see my butt! I can crack nuts between those cheeks!" or even "Yes, my cosmetic surgeon tells me I need plenty of room for the polyfiller and araldite to get a grip...."
Or even, try suddenly contorting your face, doing facial exercises and then saying, "Are they working yet....?"
You just triggered the "Is that better?" scene where the Edgar suit is speaking to Edgar's wife, when she says his skin is loose, in Men In Black. LOL.2 -
LOL!! Oh Lordy, yeah, I remember that....! That's made my day!!2
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"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been..."
Barefoot Children by Jimmy Buffett6 -
I always want to say the snarky thing back to someone like that but whenever I do I inevitably feel like the most horrible person in the world.
Maybe you could try "Are you purposely trying to hurt my feelings?"
I used that one a while back and received an immediate apology along with an acknowledgement that while they didn't mean for their comment to sound the way that it did that they could totally understand why I took it that way.3 -
Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »Think about older actors/actresses that just seem young. Like Betty White for example, she's 80 or something and I have no idea if she ever had any work done, but even if she did, she has plenty of wrinkles but overall she just seems youthful.
Betty White is 95. Just saying. Love that old lady to pieces, I've always been a fan of her work. Almost cried when they stopped doing "Hot in Cleveland".4 -
retirehappy wrote: »Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »Think about older actors/actresses that just seem young. Like Betty White for example, she's 80 or something and I have no idea if she ever had any work done, but even if she did, she has plenty of wrinkles but overall she just seems youthful.
Betty White is 95. Just saying. Love that old lady to pieces, I've always been a fan of her work. Almost cried when they stopped doing "Hot in Cleveland".
See! That's what I mean! She's so youthful!3 -
Y'all are just flat out awesome. I think this just became my favorite thread today.0
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I was making a pastoral call on my doctor's mother at the hospital when he came in today to see her. I mentioned I was getting close to the goals he had set for me before I left. He said it was unusual for patients to actually listen to their doctors, and he was really impressed at my progress. I did not have the heart to tell him in front of his mother that I had made that progress by ignoring his advice.
Sometimes you have to nod and smile pleasantly. You say, "Thanks!" and go back to the office to have a coffee with HWC to celebrate a NSV.
I was thinking perhaps you could have told your doctor that you were getting close to the goals he set for you NOT by following his advice but by finding a healthier way to do it. The longer he keeps believing he's right, the more patients he misleads and ultimately kills.
There's a nice blunt statement for ya'.
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Human pride is a funny thing; challenging what someone thinks is "right" can either encourage them to view things differently, or it can drive their beliefs into them like a tick. I've found more people dig in deeper when challenged, even if you have science, numbers, and facts on your side. It's unfortunate, but true.2
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canadjineh wrote: »
I was thinking perhaps you could have told your doctor that you were getting close to the goals he set for you NOT by following his advice but by finding a healthier way to do it. The longer he keeps believing he's right, the more patients he misleads and ultimately kills.
There's a nice blunt statement for ya'.
My doctor is a total grouch, and he has the worst bedside manner. It is almost like a SNL skit, and there is an amusing quality to it. He is blunt to a fault. His opinion is that new meds need some field trials on the patients of another doctor. I like the guy, but you are going to get ultra traditional advice from him.
I may ask for the blood work to be done before the next appointment and talk to him about what I have been doing. I talked to his nurse about it at the last appointment. She said they never see people with an A1C come down like mine has, and she wanted to know what I was doing to lose weight.
I wanted to respect the fact that we were both in the hospital room because his mother (in her 90's) was having problems. I did not want to be doing much personal business. You stay on task, etc.3 -
canadjineh wrote: »
I was thinking perhaps you could have told your doctor that you were getting close to the goals he set for you NOT by following his advice but by finding a healthier way to do it. The longer he keeps believing he's right, the more patients he misleads and ultimately kills.
There's a nice blunt statement for ya'.
My doctor is a total grouch, and he has the worst bedside manner. It is almost like a SNL skit, and there is an amusing quality to it. He is blunt to a fault. His opinion is that new meds need some field trials on the patients of another doctor. I like the guy, but you are going to get ultra traditional advice from him.
I may ask for the blood work to be done before the next appointment and talk to him about what I have been doing. I talked to his nurse about it at the last appointment. She said they never see people with an A1C come down like mine has, and she wanted to know what I was doing to lose weight.
I wanted to respect the fact that we were both in the hospital room because his mother (in her 90's) was having problems. I did not want to be doing much personal business. You stay on task, etc.
Sounds like the best plan. Put the DARNED proof in his hands, then ask him to dispute it...
And agree 1000% about not starting a discussion/disagreement while at the hospital because of his mother.
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Thank you all for your insight on what to say to rude people. Have some fun ideas now.0
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Or better yet, carry a custard-and-whipped cream in your bag, surreptitiously, like...then, when they come out with the banal, brainless and tactless remark.....whup!0
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Sometimes I wish I had one of those to carry with me. Unfortunately, I'd pollute the environment with that thing wayyy too often.
This might be a little more environmentally friendly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRG-RBZBTZI 3 -
"I have a whole bag of 'shhhh!' with your name on it..." What a great line to steal!0
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baconslave wrote: »
Sometimes I wish I had one of those to carry with me. Unfortunately, I'd pollute the environment with that thing wayyy too often.
This might be a little more environmentally friendly.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRG-RBZBTZI
HAHAHA - I think I just peed my pants!1 -
baconslave wrote: »
Sometimes I wish I had one of those to carry with me. Unfortunately, I'd pollute the environment with that thing wayyy too often.
This might be a little more environmentally friendly.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRG-RBZBTZI
HAHAHA - I think I just peed my pants!
You lost weight !
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baconslave wrote: »
Sometimes I wish I had one of those to carry with me. Unfortunately, I'd pollute the environment with that thing wayyy too often.
This might be a little more environmentally friendly.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRG-RBZBTZI
I used to LOVE doing that to my students when I was teaching! I do it to my kids now and they have no idea where I got it from... I guess I should let them watch that soon. 1
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