Diet sabatoge??
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Kellielvsfam
Posts: 31 Member
I am pretty sure i know whats going on with my daughter in law.I would just appreciate some unbiased input.I'm explaining this with an open heat/mind.No exagheration,simply the way things have happened.I welcome completely honest input here.
Ok so,i was very close with my daughter in law up until a few months ago.I started to notice some difference in her "usual patterns"of how she was.
I RARELY fix my long curly hair anymore,nor wear makeup.She knows way too much about me.So,she knew i was trying to make my 270lb self feel better that day.Not one word from her,usually she would always tell me how nice i looked,we had gone out to dinner as a family,same thing not one nice word,like she used to..I'm thinking,did i do something to offend her,that i was unaware of?Not that i need feedback from everyone ,when i try to look nice,but her and i always supported one another.Anyway time goes on,i'm being sent cookies/candy with my grandson,when he comes to stay the weekend.I mean ALOT!!First time,i was like ok....shes just being nice,even though she knows i wanted to get this weight off,i tried not to go there in my mind..Fast frwd to christmas.She was sitting on my couch and just out of the blue she says,do you ever feel bigger?I'm like,you mean bloated?She says,no just bigger,you know your bigger than you were this time last year......I was so shocked at first,i just stared at her w/mouth open...I just said,i guess i do.whats your point.Oh,i just feel bigger too..huh?
The next weekend and yesterday ,she does it again,sends chocolates,cookies.
I just straight up told her,my neighbor apprecated them.I don't care to bite my tongue anymore.She was down to a 12 early last summer.I guarantee she is back in 18-20 now.I feel like,she doesnt want me to succeed because she isn't...I had my husband do this many years ago,when i would go up to a size 12,i would start to diet.He was insecure in our marriage,so was i.He would bring in donuts,cookies..etc.So,i feel like dejavue here.After reading,please leave me some input.Thanks for reading
Ok so,i was very close with my daughter in law up until a few months ago.I started to notice some difference in her "usual patterns"of how she was.
I RARELY fix my long curly hair anymore,nor wear makeup.She knows way too much about me.So,she knew i was trying to make my 270lb self feel better that day.Not one word from her,usually she would always tell me how nice i looked,we had gone out to dinner as a family,same thing not one nice word,like she used to..I'm thinking,did i do something to offend her,that i was unaware of?Not that i need feedback from everyone ,when i try to look nice,but her and i always supported one another.Anyway time goes on,i'm being sent cookies/candy with my grandson,when he comes to stay the weekend.I mean ALOT!!First time,i was like ok....shes just being nice,even though she knows i wanted to get this weight off,i tried not to go there in my mind..Fast frwd to christmas.She was sitting on my couch and just out of the blue she says,do you ever feel bigger?I'm like,you mean bloated?She says,no just bigger,you know your bigger than you were this time last year......I was so shocked at first,i just stared at her w/mouth open...I just said,i guess i do.whats your point.Oh,i just feel bigger too..huh?
The next weekend and yesterday ,she does it again,sends chocolates,cookies.
I just straight up told her,my neighbor apprecated them.I don't care to bite my tongue anymore.She was down to a 12 early last summer.I guarantee she is back in 18-20 now.I feel like,she doesnt want me to succeed because she isn't...I had my husband do this many years ago,when i would go up to a size 12,i would start to diet.He was insecure in our marriage,so was i.He would bring in donuts,cookies..etc.So,i feel like dejavue here.After reading,please leave me some input.Thanks for reading
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Replies
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Talk to her. Ask her what her motivation is. While it may be an uncomfortable conversation; if you two supported each other so much....it is necessary.1
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I think this sort of thing happens a lot! People feel like they are losing control if they see you getting something good going on. Its sad but true. Just keep doing what is right for you and ignore the comments. Soon she might just be able to get on track herself from your example, but even if she doesn't you,have to do what is good for yourself.0
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If you haven't ask her to not send candy and cookies I would do that in a nice way. That way there's a clear understanding that you don't want them sent. Then I would invite her to go for a walk in a park maybe take your grandchild if age appropriate. Start including her to do healthy things maybe walking in the mall. This way it could give ya'll bonding time and let her see you are not trying to leave her behind. The exercise could be healthy for the both of you and maybe she will get motivated to.
As an over weight person we are insecure at times maybe she is. Bottom line this is hard enough as it is without people trying to sabotage your progress. Do whatever you need to do to be successful with your weight loss. Don't let anybody stop you.1 -
To me, it sounds as if she is struggling and any sabotage is unintentional. Perhaps she bought that food for her son and didn't want it around the house if he wasn't going to be there, because she knew she'd eat it. She didn't send it to you but rather with him (and maybe she feels you are strong enough to not eat it if you don't want it, whereas she feels incapable). If you were once close, give her the benefit of the doubt.
Perhaps she didn't compliment you because she was feeling really down about herself that day and couldn't see beyond her own pain. I take her comment about feeling bigger as an attempt to share how she was feeling and wondering if you'd relate. Going from a 12 to an 18-20 is a clear sign she's having issues unrelated to your relationship and the comment was not about you but rather about her own weight gain.
I recommend not discussing these specific incidents with her but rather letting them go. Instead, maybe you could reach out to see if there's something you can do to support her. Tell her you love her and can see she's struggling. There might be nothing you can do, but it wouldn't hurt to offer a hand; whereas talking about your own hurt feelings, whether you've misunderstood or misjudged the situations or are correct about them, could cause harm to your relationship. Hope you sort it out.5 -
I agree w RunRachelle, it sounds like she's having her own troubles and may be looking to you for support this time. It doesn't sound like she is in a good enough place to be complimentary to anyone. Is her husband doing the same to her that yours husband did to you? Maybe hes asking for the cookies and its her way of not indulging. As you know, it is hard to be successful without support, so tell her you would love to have her over for a healthy treat making session. Maybe that will give her a chance to talk about what is going on so you two can be close again. At the very least you can brainstorm where she can better share her goodies besides your house. Good luck, think positive.1
