I’ve been the same my entire life. I’ve never had a serious relationship because of my severe self esteem issues, and the only dates I’ve been on were from okcupid about 4 years ago (one date and that was over pretty quick) and then within the past couple of months I’ve been trying out tinder. Had a pretty bad experience last month on my first date but I have another one tomorrow (different guy) so I’m hoping it actually doesn’t end in disaster.

The difference this time is I actually used photos from the waist up instead of just face pics, and i was open with him about my size when texting. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow though!

It is tough to find confidence when you feel like you have to change to be accepted. It is a scary thing to put yourself out there and of course, rejection can always be painful. That being said, be honest with yourself and who you are talking to. Just be yourself and something great may come from it. Me and my wife actually met through our youtube weightloss channels back in 2009. We were subbed to each other and commented on each others videos enough until I one day sent her a message. Here we are now almost 10 years later. I've moved three states over, we are married, and have two children. Of course, we have gotten comfortable and gained all our weight back and here we are again on another journey. Take it slow, but try and break out your shell just a little bit. It's a scary world, but it can be very rewarding.

I met my husband online but (and I am dating myself here), it was back when we had instant messenger. It was basically online texting: you had a username and a profile and people could type things of interest into a search engine and find people. One night in college, I got a message from a guy at a college in another state. We started talking and about 3 months in, we exchanged pictures. We kept talking for a year or so and then tried talking on the phone. Our friendship was texts and calls for 8 years. They day before I turned 26, I finally drove and met him in person. We were both awkward and decided to just be friends (and actually were). I moved into the same state as him after grad school at 28. We started dating soon after, moved in together at 30, got engaged and married at 31. We will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary this year, but I obviously am a big proponent of starting a relationship just getting to know one another! (Maybe don’t wait 8 years like us, but I least knew we liked each other without the physical stuff!) I was at my heaviest when we got married but he has always tried his best to make me feel beautiful, which everyone deserves!

I’m currently single but meet someone an online site and we dated for 3 years. I think like some other folks said, having photos that are accurate to what you look like is important as it weeds out folks who may not be interested based on your weight. It can be really scary to put yourself out into the world as no one wants to be rejected or feel like they aren’t wanted but just create a profile on a site and see what happens. Sometimes I’m chatting with people a lot on it and sometimes I don’t look at it for months. Sometimes there are crappy people out there who may judge you on your body but I think that happens even if your skinny! I have lots of friends who are average weight and everyone had at least one weird online dating story. Like losing weight, dating is just another step in a journey and you may someone who supports you forward!

I went on my Tinder date yesterday and it was pretty awkward, and afterwards when I went to send a message saying thanks, I saw that he had already unmatched us. I wasn't nearly as upset about this one as I was with my first Tinder date because the chemistry definitely wasn't there and we clearly weren't a match.

The fact that I'm not upset is kind of giving me hope, weirdly enough. It's made me realize that I could continue going on dates and if they don't go well, I won't spiral into a pit of self-pity, which is ultimately what I'm afraid of.

I think I'm going to give okcupid another shot, since it will help weed out people who have drastically different views than I do. So far Tinder hasn't really given me what I'm looking for.

I filled out a profile several years ago for e-harmony, who promised to find your perfect match. My results told me I was unmatchable lol

I hadn't heard of Tinder or OKCupid - tells you I'm way behind the times on the dating sites front! I knew of e-harmony and Christian Mingle; what else is out there?

I live in a really rural area (my town has less than 1,000 people in it, and I think there's might be something like 30,000 people in the whole county!) And it IS WV - I love this state and its home and I want to live here, but I acknowledge that when it comes to technology, we tend to be behind the times! And sadly, with the jobs situation being what it is, most of the folks my age that could left the state to find work (it took me 13 years to get back home and it was only because I was able to get a position close to home)

@fatoldladyonamission Thank you so much for saying this! You're very lucky to have someone who loves you and stays with you through thick and thin (no pun intended???). Honestly, stories like that give me hope that I will find someone who is not just looking at my physical appearance. I'm going to keep trying until I find that person!

@evilfairies when you find that person, I hope he has an older brother you can send my way

I hope the ones that are single keep trying .... I met my husband in a newspaper ad called Upstate Singles , I had 6 just god awful dates LOL then I met Eddie , that was 27 years ago , we have been married come march 14th 26 years , I was big then , I am big now , He is about 6 foot 1 and weighs like 190 , He never cared I was fat and I had a daughter , He had a daughter so the 4 of us got together , now we have a son together , who is now 15 , and my daughter is 28 , his daughter is 35 with 3 girls . I kept looking and trying , if I would have stopped on that first Bad Date , I would have missed out on Eddie !!

BUT don't let anyone put you down or make fun or try to control you , don't let loneliness make you pick someone who is abusive . My Husband has never made fun of me or hurt me like that, I am very lucky . I have seen very Thin women being controlled , by their men , and they put up with it because he was very good looking or well off . Don't ever put up with that. Being alone would be better , then being abused !

I know a Ted? Does that count? lol He's not available, though

For some reason I've always seen myself ending up with someone named Andy, or Mike, or Ben. Those are the 3 names that most scream "nice guy" to me haha, not that I'd turn any Teds down!

@bmeadows380 Haha I will certainly do my best!

@theowlbox You know, I had never really thought about it that way! And thinking back, I might actually be too picky, even though I've always considered myself to be pretty open-minded. For example, I "pass" on people who live with their parents or don't have a car. Maybe I'll start giving them a chance too, who knows!

@evilfairies

I think not having a car or living with his parents should at least put up a warning flag to look a little closer, anyway In that situation, I'd definitely want to know what kind of job he has and where he lived. Could be he lived in the city where he just didn't need a car - that would be fine. Are his parents older and is he contributing to the household through helping to pay bills and buy groceries and do the housework, or does he just sit and play video games all day?

Its good to be somewhat picky! romance just for the sake of romance can end really badly, and love is a 2 way street - if the guy is just looking for a girl for his own ends, physical or for someone to be his mom and take care of him and who can't be trusted to manage the finances and contribute to the relationship in a productive manner, then you really are better off single! You want a husband and a mate and a partner - not an overgrown kid!


@rabidhamster87

I'm from a very conservative, Christian background, and I know what you mean about the divorce thing. In the area where I grew up, people tend to have the knee-jerk reaction that the man is always the villain in any marriage that goes south, so that if the man is divorced, he's divorced for a very good reason, but the woman is always treated as the innocent victim. Which doesn't make a lick of sense, truthfully, because I know of 3 marriages personally where the man was not the reason for the divorce! The 1st one, the wife cheated on him blatantly, the 2nd, the wife got pregnant by the mans' best friend within the 1st year of their marriage, and the 3rd, the wife just decided she didn't want to be married to him anymore or raise the kids, so she just walked out and told him the kids were his.

The guys I work with have said that if a person is divorced and still single in their 30's and 40's or older, there's a very good reason for it; what I have to step back and remember is that that very good reason may not be because of the guy!

After all, I'm 38 and still single and have never dated before......course I'm beginning to think there is a reason for that, and it's not just because I'm obese........

@bmeadows380 the only reason you’re single is because you haven’t yet met a man good enough for you. It’s nothing to do with weight or anything else, as @losingles says above there are men that will love you for you and just want you to be happy, you’ll find the right one, it’s just that it never happens when you expect or want it to.