It's kind of a simple math thing, too, when we start in the Morbidly Obese range... We are far more surface area from which to lose weight, so we could literally lose 1 inch of fat depth over our entire body and feel like we aren't any smaller when in reality, that could be 30-40 pounds!!!

This is when I focus on health GAINS. Because as long as my health improves, no matter how small the improvement, the weight has to catch up eventually, because it's almost impossible to keep getting healthier and not see some changes in metabolism and weight/fat loss, you know?

I just had to start looking at all of the numbers as just data. I weigh how much? Just a number. I've lost how much? Just a number. I lost/gained how many inches? Just a number. I've logged in/logged my food how many days? Just a number. I've worked out how many minutes? How many calories? Just a number.

I still get a little emotional about some numbers, like I just recently had to remind myself that even though I'm chipping away at a 40 pound regain since 2015, I've maintained 40 pounds GONE PERMANENTLY above that number since 2012.

But the guilt or total demolition of any hope/positive thoughts/motivation by a gain on the scale? I've mostly defeated that... I know it's not possible for me to have gained 3 pounds of straight fat overnight, etc. So it becomes a "whatever" thing. On my more womanly emotional days (random and calendar/event based), these things still get me down, but ... then I remember what those pictures used to look like!!!


Also, I had a really motivating "Ugh, I hate how I look in pictures" situation.

In the same year, about a decade ago or so, my best friend died young due to an underlying health situation. She had 4 children, 2 over 18, 2 under 18, and 2 stepchildren just younger than her younger 2. She was in the process of adopting a baby, too. She and I had talked a couple times about doing the "couples" version of the Biggest Loser when it came to town... She hated how she looked and hated being in pictures. Because she died in her early 30's, and had been heavy since having children, and cell phone cameras weren't as good a decade ago, her children and widower were left with almost no pictures. Like 3-4 pictures between all of them, if I remember. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

6-9 months later, my MIL died, also young, suddenly (viral infection). She was 49. She was also in the obese/morbidly obese range. BUT, she was so different. She wasn't a huge fan of her weight, and she made some efforts to lose weight, but she fully embraced living her life, being in ALL THE PICTURES and silly videos. She realized that no matter how we want to look in our heads/plan to look, that our loved ones LOVE us as we are, right now, in this moment. Their memories have us looking exactly as we do... And if we die, leaving them no photographed memories, their physical/mental memories they are left with - THOSE SHOW US EXACTLY AS WE ARE...no matter what we want or plan or hate/love... But my MIL, she left her family and friends with EVERYTHING she could...


These two things really changed my entire perspective... I hate that either of these things happened, but I think that I choose to honor both their memories by changing myself, and by choosing to always be in the picture, video, silly moment, or memory every time. I still get some anxiety going to events that aren't family related, mostly due to appearance and not being comfortable, but I deal with it as best I can... I hope this helps someone.... It really helped me.