@bmeadows380.

I frequently struggle with the negative side of perfectionism. This sometimes leads me to feel if I can't get it all, then why bother. If I can't finish, why start. If I can't get 100% result, why try. The work I do has repetitive and predictable periods of busy times, higher stress, and that excessively busy schedule usually robs me of time for self-care when it runs on too long.

There are times when I am absolutely overwhelmed with fatalism and negative thoughts and exhaustion. I have to work hard to deliberately neutralize negative thinking as much as possible. For every negative thought, I will force myself to counteract it with a positive one.

That's why I am absolutely confident that whatever it was that you think kicked in for you last January is still there and available to be released again. It might have been a sense of hope, a sense of anger, a sense of fear, or possibly a personal combination of all these things, but whatever emotional cocktail spurred the motivation in you and at the time also connected with an initial action/process you could begin to implement is all still there in you.

So, tell us, what was it that clicked back in January? Describe it. What were you doing and thinking at the time. What made you take a risk, take a step out of your comfort zone to try something different? What was the first thing you did?

PloddingTurtle wrote: »

@bmeadows380.

I frequently struggle with the negative side of perfectionism. This sometimes leads me to feel if I can't get it all, then why bother. If I can't finish, why start. If I can't get 100% result, why try. The work I do has repetitive and predictable periods of busy times, higher stress, and that excessively busy schedule usually robs me of time for self-care when it runs on too long.

There are times when I am absolutely overwhelmed with fatalism and negative thoughts and exhaustion. I have to work hard to deliberately neutralize negative thinking as much as possible. For every negative thought, I will force myself to counteract it with a positive one.

That's why I am absolutely confident that whatever it was that you think kicked in for you last January is still there and available to be released again. It might have been a sense of hope, a sense of anger, a sense of fear, or possibly a personal combination of all these things, but whatever emotional cocktail spurred the motivation in you and at the time also connected with an initial action/process you could begin to implement is all still there in you.

So, tell us, what was it that clicked back in January? Describe it. What were you doing and thinking at the time. What made you take a risk, take a step out of your comfort zone to try something different? What was the first thing you did?

@PloddingTurtle

I appreciate your thoughts, and apologize for being late in responding. A huge part of my problems is that I've been so incredibly busy in the last several months to almost a year now between work and my private life, and there's been some big, big changes in my life, so between the major changes and all the running around, I know I'm exhausted and running on fumes mentally, physically, and emotionally. The problem is I really don't know what to do about it!

Last January, my best friend and roommate of 11 years moved out. I had made myself sick for days before finally confronting her about some issues that had been building for years but that had taken a turn for the worst, mainly resulting in some misunderstandings because she had just quit communicating with me and had another friend that was encouraging her in some very unhealthy mental pathways. Unfortunately, while I had hoped that we had finally managed to clear the air and I had hoped we had opened the communication path again, she was dealing with deep depression herself and since I disagreed with her beliefs and this friend was encouraging her in those beliefs, she felt she needed to move out, that she was taking advantage (and she was, I know it, and a lot of folks had told me I needed to confront her for a long time). I came back from Christmas to find her half moved out - she didn't tell me until she was nearly done. She was my best friend, but now, a year and a half later, I have a hard time getting her to talk to me. She thinks she's doing me a favor by staying away from me as she has a very, very low opinion of herself and thinks that she's caustic to everyone around her and isolates herself, but I can't get her to understand that I value her friendship and her.

then I changed positions within my company because I was desperate to find something fulfilling and worthwhile - I was so very tired of feeling stupid and as a failure. My bosses always seemed to be satisfied with my work, but I always felt like a fraud because I was leaning heavily on the electricians and technicians for their experience and expertise when I was supposed to be the leader. But the new position required that I move, so I spent last summer packing myself up and moving my stuff to my parents' garage over several weekends; I was running back and forth from July to October, 4 hours one way, while trying to get the old place ready to move. I moved myself almost completely except for one trip my parents made for me with the wagon for items I couldn't handle myself. Then the place I was moving into needed a TON of work, so my parents' worked on it during the week while I came down on weekends to do what I could. We had to gut the place and rebuild it from the inside out. So I was still working full time while trying to juggle all this upheaval.

Finally, I was able to be completely moved down in October, but the work didn't stop: I was living in a camper and a out building while we worked to finish up the house enough that I could move in, which happened in January. There is still so much to be done, too! March was filled with storms and I spent several days at work, 14 hours a day, 7 days a week dispatching for storms, and I'm still running north 4 hours to the company HQ several times for training or meetings. When spring came, I was working outside, trying to get the yard in shape, get my garden boxes built and planted, cleaning out overgrown flower beds, and mowing my lawn here AND back at the old house 4 hours away. In May, I was tagged for out of town work for 2 weeks for work, but since I'm the temporary pianist at my church, I'd go up on Monday, 4 hours away, come home on Wednesday, then go back up on Thursday. I had a cabin rented for Memorial Weekend and had hoped to get some rest then, but the closing for my house ended up being scheduled for that Friday though I wasn't told until Thursday, which meant rushing to get to the lawyer's and then to the cabin. Then right after, it was BACK up to the offsite work location 4 hours away for another week of testing.

My Dad is a very touchy person to deal with on the best of times - there is a lot of tension in my family because we have to walk on egg shells around him emotionally and be careful what we say or do. The doctor had changed his medication and it wasn't working as well, so he was in an emotional downward spiral for quite some time, and it didn't help that he had taken in a homeless kid and still seems to practically obsess over this kid. My Dad also sits and dwells on things and can not ever let any perceived slight go, which does not help his emotional state at all, and he gets upset when he can't have things he wants - such as a new camper, or a new truck, or this or that. My parents live on a shoestring budget because Dad is disabled due to breaking his back 8 years ago and because of his bad hips and his bad heart, but sometimes he's like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum because he can't have what he wants, never mind that there is just no fiscal way they could possibly afford his little fantasies. He gets upset and then takes it out on the family, especially my mom, which causes friction with her as well and just creates a lot of tension. Thankfully, mom put him back on what was left of his old medication and his moods have evened out in the last couple of weeks, and she's bringing it up with his doctor about the new medication, so hopefully that's been nipped back, but he's still not an easy person to deal with, even on his best days - and now we found that he needs to have a heart catherization. I try to be understanding, because i know part of his problems are these intense, horribly migraines that he gets every single day, but its still frustrating to deal with!

Then I lost one of my kitties 2 weeks ago due to a fast growing tumor - the poor thing was fine one week, but by the next was wheezing so badly he couldn't breath at all, and with the tumor being in his neck in the larynx, there was not a good change for a positive outcome, so I had to have him put down.

I also am struggling in the new job. I have a new supervisor who is turning out to be pretty "anal" and it doesn't help that I'm 4 hours away from my coworkers. We are all busy and they try their best to help when they can, but they are swamped with their own work. I've told my supervisor I feel lost, but nothing seems to come of it, so all the old feelings I was trying to escape are still there. I want to live where I am now, but there aren't many job opportunities and I really don't know what I would feel confidence and fulfillment in anyway - I've been out of high school 20 years and out of college 14, and I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up! I can't really afford to go back to school, and I don't have any interest in the kinds of programs that tend to be put into online degrees anyway, and I can't work in day classes.

*sigh*

I'm usually a mildly introverted person, and I do need time to myself to recharge, but too much time to myself, especially when I'm tired, leads to way too much critical thinking; no one is more hard on me than me! And the older I get, the more I desire to socialize, but the nature of my job and just the fact that I'm socially awkward means I don't fit in very well in most circles. I don't know anyone other than the former roommate that I have interests and hobbies in common with - I love fantasy and storylines and characters and would love to get into RPGs, and I love talking Bible doctrine and theology and history, but there aren't very many folks who have those sorts of interests in my community. The folks who would be interested in the fantasy and RPGs are usually not very sympathetic or understanding of my Christian values and the limits that puts on where I'm willing to go in a fantasy world or game setting and what kind of content I would be comfortable exploring, but at the same time, the folks who would be interested in my love of Christian doctrine, apologetics, and history are not usually very understanding of my love of fantasy, so finding people who can intersect both interests is pretty rare (the former roommate was the only person I have met who could blend both interests).

I'm taking a trip to a Christian fantasy writer's conference in July and while I'm not a writer (I'd love to be, but can't ever get a story going), I'm hoping that I'll be able to find a few new friends with similar interests as I have. And I was able to plan an impromptu camping trip for next week away from Dad and the family - just me and my sister - and I hope I can get some rest there, both mentally and physically.

Meanwhile, in answer to your question, I really don't know what clicked in January of 2017 to get me started on losing weight again. The same thing had clicked in 2012, and I lost 90 lbs, but after about 10 months, I slowed down and it stopped - and over the next 3years, I gained it all back. The thyroid cancer didn't' help, I know, but I can't blame all the weight gain on it; I fell back into back eating habits. I tried to get started again time after time as calorie counting is what had worked, but each time I failed and fell off the wagon after only a day or two.

I was disgusted with myself and even moreso with each failure, but for some reason, the try in January worked and I'm up to about 105 lbs off - but I'm stuck once more. I haven't started gaining back again, but that is a stark fear! I've tried to repeat what I did then, but have had no success at it. I just feel hungry all the time, no matter how I try to change up my meals, and I can't seem to get decent meals in at all because of the hunger and my lower calorie limit. Getting regular exercise in just isn't working - I'm so busy with work and life I can't fit it in, and I'm even not able to fit in things that should be taking precedence over exercise! And it doesn't help that i hate exercise with a passion. I know that all the yard work I've been doing is exercise, but all that extra activity seems to only serve to make me hungrier and even more tired.

Let's see: the first thing I did was read the 8 week blood sugar diet book and tried it - though I found out really quick, within 3 days, that there was no way I could eat only 800 calories a day. I also switched to a more Mediterranean diet style and cut out the boxed stuff, opting for fresh or frozen as much as I could. I just focused on nutritionally good foods, whole foods, and not on macro nutrients - I didn't care about fat, carbs, or protein levels, just making sure I was within my calorie range. AT the time, I think I had a 2200 calorie limit. Now I'm trying to stay at 1500 with no success. I know that I'm not doing well on the whole foods route because I've been out of town so much for work lately - its resulted in a lot of out to eating. And when I am home, I'm bad for just scrounging instead of cooking because I simply don't have the time to cook - too much to do while its still daylight, and by the time I get in, I'm so exhausted I can't scare up the energy to cook. I've been so exhausted I have a hard time scaring up the energy to do basic housework, let alone cook. I don't eat with my parents because my mother, though she tries to be sympathetic to my diet plan, makes it plan she doesn't like having to measure and tends to just estimate everything or forgets to tell me certain ingredients. she's made it clear in her passive aggressive way that she doesn't like having to be so strict with what's she cooking, and she doesn't like the little changes I need to make to get the calorie counts down, so I usually just don't eat there.

I think the key to all this is that I"m tired; very tired. But I don't have the money or the time to be able to take a nice long sabbatical. I can't take extended time off from work because I'm single and have no other means to pay the bills.

anyway, sorry for unloading on you all!

Hi guys! Just wanted to check and let you know I’m still here. I’ve been very, very busy the past couple of months and my weight loss has been stalled for about a month. It seems that this happened last summer as well and I can’t to figure it out. I’m so close to leaving the 300’s behind, but I can’t seem to get the scale to move. I’m very stressed with work and that likely has something to do with it.

I’ve decided that I’m applying for a PhD program in the spring which I am very excited about, but it will mean that I’m going to move back in with my parents to avoid taking out more student loans. It will be stressful for a while, but it’s ultimately going to result in me having the career I want.

I hope you are all doing well. Sorry I’ve been MIA lately.

sounds like some exciting times ahead for you, Melly, and some strategic moves for the future. I understand completely about the stall out - I've been stalled since January and it really, really stinks. I can't figure mine out, either, though I know I'm very stressed out lately. I'm fighting the mental hunger game right now - my body is not really hungry, but my mind is starving all the time and wants to eat all the time, and nothing satisfies me; I just have this drive to eat. It's making me crazy!

I've already contacted my doctor about it and we're going to discuss possible aids I might be able to use to get back on track at my next appointment with her.

At least I haven't gained - I'm bouncing around the same 5 lbs (though this week is going to go back up a bit as I bombed really badly during vacation last week and family reunion - ) unfortunately live in a family of really good cooks!)

Most of my co-workers don't use a gym. Those that do lean towards facilities that have pools (city-owned, or university, or YMCA) and all the fees are comparable. I registered at the Y with my prescription to exercise since that gives me 30 days free. I can continue to do some research on facilities over the next month while I ease into the "going to the gym" habit. They gave me an ID badge with my pic on it (ugly pic!) and I got a tour of the facilities. Tomorrow, I will drive there straight after work for my first stroll on a treadmill. My exercise gear is ready to go at the apartment door.

Do I remove my FitBit pedometer and do a manual entry of my treadmill escapade, or do I let the pedometer pick up and record the steps?

I wish there was a facility with a pool in my area, but the closest to me is 45 minutes to an hour. What really frustrates me, too, is that I see in the newspaper all these advertisements all the time for really interesting and fun-sounding activities, like a bird watching class where the students go out on nature walks, or water aerobics classes - all sorts of things that interest me, but every single one is always scheduled for during the daytime hours! My state has several initiatives going to try to get people more active and to take their health seriously since we are ranked very, very poorly, but they never gear these programs toward the folks who have daytime jobs!

PloddingTurtle wrote: »

I'm not sure of the difference between the threads identified as "progress report" or "check in", so if I'm posting in the wrong 'un, somebody let me know. Sorry this is so long, but I'm kind of excited, and it all just poured out of my fingers.

@PloddingTurtle

Sorry for the confusion! I'm the one who created the progress report thread. Basically, the way I see it, the progress report thread is for using the little form in the opening to update us all on your goals, latest achievements and where you currently stand in your strategy - a way to track what's going on.

I see this check in thread as being looser in interpretation - its a place to touch base with everyone and talk about how you've been doing both on the diet front and just in general; a place to do just as you did and go into detail on new things that you are going to try, perhaps ask questions about possibilities, and just a place to come in and make friends and keep up with each other and encourage each other; does that sound about right?

well I am just gutted , I am gaining weight , started 426 I am up to 431 , I am doing the IF woe , my blood sugars are awesome , i am taking no lantus at all anymore , just my metformin . but why am i gaining ??? my calorie intake is less then what I can have everyday , I eat 2000 a day and it is always 200 to 300 calories lower . I try to move as much as i can , but I know I need to work out more , is that why??? I eat no more then 20 carbs a day sometimes way less . my check in is ......sad

cnavarro002 wrote: »

@tammyfranks2 I'm sorry. I'm up 1.6 today too despite my exercise and staying within my calories. I blame it on the heat (I need to blame something!). Don't despair. Keep doing what you are doing. Every single good choice makes a difference in the long run. Maybe it won't immediately show on the scale, but your numbers (blood sugar, etc.) are looking great, that's something to celebrate!

thank you yes it's the heat ..it's the hormones ...it's my kids LOL

PloddingTurtle wrote: »

Hi, @tammyfranks2.

My vote is heat/humidity. It has more of an effect than most people realize. Keep up the good fight and ignore the number for a while.

I'm fighting a gaining week too. My calories are below my daily limit. I'm now exercising daily, so that's a factor (sore muscles), and it's been hot-hot-hot, so my joints are all inflamed too. On Monday, I registered a 4 lb gain over the previous week. The next day (an unofficial weigh-in) it was up another 6 lbs. Dumb scale.

yeah just the other day (4 days) i was down 2 pounds now up 5 pounds crazy crazy

@bmeadows380 What are you eating? Is it high in sodium? What meds are you taking? Do they tend to cause bloating or water retention? What kind of drinks do you drink? It amazes me how many drinks have hidden sodium in them!



i log everything , like even mustard or pickles and they are basically 0 in everything LOL but i need to maybe weigh stuff better , i do use my scale to weigh like new foods , so maybe i am slipping a bit . i don't drink weight loss drinks at all , not atkins or whey , I did when I started but none now , I only drink tea or coffee , water or diet drinks . I am on hormone meds , I know they make me hold fluid longer . I am even doing IF , which is why I know I don't have to take my lantus anymore . so not stopping the fasting .

Thank You to all . I needed this to rant and to get back on track !! need to watch my eating and work out and try not to weigh myself , except once a week.

It is good to see everyone! I have been gone on a work excursion and I leave technology behind so it’s good to be back to MFP. I had this last trip set up well before I started my weight loss journey, so I have now cleared my schedule until at least thru December so I will be able to put a lot of focus on weight loss.
I hope everyone is doing well!