Whoa, this week, and the past few weeks, have been really kicking my *kitten*. I haven’t been able to get my focus on physical wellbeing back on track, and my mental wellbeing feels like I finally found solid ground after several weeks of spiraling freefall. The solid ground is rock bottom, but I feel like now I at least have something I can actually step on and start climbing back up.

This whole thing is very odd, because it’s rooted in a fast path to exhaustion/burn-out, and the situation at work is very complicated, especially with my boss. For the drama queens out there: no, there is nothing sexual or romantic happening or ever happened, but the situation is very complex and very emotional in many other ways. We had a long talk about my workload on Friday, and while it was mostly good and he really tried to understand what I actually do (and failed hilariously at some parts), he managed to communicate some things that really shattered my perception of the mutual respect and appreciation our working relationship has been built on for the past five years. So, I still don’t know if it was wise or not, but I ended up writing a very long and very personal email about how some things he has said and done (and left unsaid and undone) have made me feel, and it ended up being very honest and very emotional. The message was sent after 1AM on a weekend night, and I got an answer before 7AM, and he’s supposed to be on vacation (This time commitment says something about the level of emotional complexity and involvement of everyone in this mess). He did say he’d continue writing in more detail next week (while on vacation), so I guess I have a pen pal now to continue this painful discussion with. It’s a good thing that it continues though, because he’s on vacation the upcoming week and I’m on vacation the next, so spending two weeks dwelling, obsessing and twisting this inside my own head without talking about it would not lead to anything positive. I really believe and trust that good things will come out of this whole mess once the air is cleared and we have figured out some solutions to managing my workload. Right now it just is a mess, I feel horrible and shattered, and I have to start building myself back up.

On the bright side: I had another appointment with my dietician, and we started working on improving the quality of my breakfast. My afternoon snack is now top-notch after our previous appointment, and I’m hoping I can improve my breakfast habits next. On top of that, I just signed up for an aerial acrobatics course that starts in March, so I have a new fun activity to look forward to.

@boehle and @Beka3695, I think I should move to support for the rest of February, to get to a better place mentally and finding my healthy habits again before committing to a weekly weigh-in. I plan on spending the next two weeks recovering myself and my happiness again, and being back in March wiser and more connected to myself than before.

Steps for the week:

Sun., 2/9 12,034
Mon., 2/10 6,521
Tues., 2/11 17,030
Wed., 2/12 20,812
Thurs., 2/13 14,688
Fri., 2/14 14,977
Sat., 2/15 11,406