MadisonMolly2017 wrote: »

SModa61 wrote: »

@MadisonMolly2017 Everything you wrote is spot on. Fortunately, I will say that my sister did not send a "volume" of edibles and I am thankful for that. But it is true that she does not comprehend my issues vs hers. Food is not something she thinks about, so I don't think it occurs to her.

Another point I will share in comparing food and alcohol is that a food-o-holic actually has a different situation than the alcoholic. The alcoholic has the option of full abstention and can avoid alcohol and therefore can eliminate it as a trigger. On the other hand, the food-o-holic, must eat to survive and therefore faces this challenge and potential trigger multiple times a day. I remember learning that, and realizing how true and challenging healthy eating can be for some of us.

Bravo for dumping the "hostile foods". I have certainly done that successfully at times, and less successfully other times.

I agree re: differences alcohol & food.
Now that I’m feeling better... the point of the book is we have to be “on guard” and take some actions that others will judge. The cake incident was one time I did that. No more compliant ok I’ll eat it- she bought it.

And I keep remembering obesity/overweight is a “chronic relapsing disease” - so yes we do need to be on guard.

My friend is lifelong attractive normal-thin who had no issues with food. She, too, has no idea.

I can’t change her - or anyone, but I CAN decide what I will eat & what I won’t

@MadisonMolly2017 I typed a whole reply on my phone, yet don't see it here. I must not have hit "post"

I am understanding your distinction ie the willingness to take public action and accept the reaction. Hubby and I have certainly disposed of "gifted" foods, though always in the privacy of our home and no one is aware. As for public actions, we just recently stayed with MIL and we got through by being stubborn about sticking with eating what we told her we would eat during our visit (I even brought single serve containers of greek yogurt with an ice pack in my suitcase). Despite our instructions, she kept referring to the "goodies" she wanted to make for us and we jointly kept shutting her down. She is old world italian and I'm sure we disappointed her, but it is confusing that, once we told her what we could and were willing to eat, she was still mentioning all these other foods (extra side dishes, blueberry scones, biscotti......). She would say "i know you won't want it but I was going to make xxxxx". Why even mention it then?

Did I exercise for at least 20 minutes? Yes
Did I stay within my calorie budget for the day? Almost
Did I keep track of everything I ate and drank? Yes

Yes, yes, yes.
2 passes left

znaoiec wrote: »

Yes, yes and yes

I am already getting nervous about the holidays and staying on track. I will take Rick's advice and approach it with "reasonable flex"

@MadisonMolly2017 I appreciated your post.
I like "We are living in a hostile environment." So true.
My husband normally does the grocery shopping for which I am very grateful. When I do go into the grocery, I am sometimes overwhelmed by what is on the shelves and wonder about the people who are eating these things. Obviously there is a market or they would not be there.

I too throw out food. My husband hates this and I often do it behind his back. He is never tempted by anything so he would rather keep it and ignore it. And what happens is that the only person eating it is me! I am no saint but I would rather be the person making the choice rather than having the food calling out to me over and over from the kitchen making the choice for me.

@znaoiec i completely agree & resonate. My husband does our grocery shopping which has vastly reduced the food cues I am exposed to. I am forever grateful. He also purchases to a list.

A few times I have asked him to hide a food as I attempted
To eat it in moderate portions. In the end, we stopped
Buying them as I was the only one eating them.

We were taught not to waste food. However the food industry has no doubt seen the study where Americans were asked to rate how tasty a food was. Bottom line: the more salt, sugar, and/or fat the food item has, the higher the rating.

I actually use that when. Food is calling me.
Ice cream: sugar✅Salt✅Fat✅
Chocolate chip cookie ✅✅✅
French bread salt✅
French bread with butter ✅✅
French Toast with butter ✅✅
French toast with powdered sugar ✅✅✅

I can resist ✅ foods easily
✅✅ glfoods are a bit more Difficult
✅✅✅ or Triple Threat as I call them are the ones I keep out of the house

Finally, if a new food calls to me, I’ll go thru the sugar salt fat list. Once I see it’s all 3, I just don’t even try it if have my husband buy it

Thank you for your response. I know many disagree with this approach on MFP. But I am at peace with the fact I was 76-86 pounds overweight most of my adult life with two obese parents, so I didn’t see normal eating until I married my husband.

Best to you!
Maddie

Yes x 3 Here!

Exercise - Yes.Calories under budget -Yes. Tracking - Yes!

@Smoda61, @madisonMolly2017, @Znaoiec
I just wanted to thank all of you sharing all that you did in your posts tonight. I do read everyones posts. I may not get to them that exact day, but I do go back at a later time and read them. I am reading these today, yet were posted on yesterday.
The quote of food not being love is so true! Depending what your traditions and heritage are this does mean love for some and it is wrong! I have a dear friend who lives across the street from me and she is Italian and her hubby is Mexican. They were doomed because Mexicans and Italians both like to cook and they love people to eat their food, its the way they love you, and if you say no, you are insulting them! Now her husband doesnt have weight issues and does exercise all the time. My friend on the other hand from age of a little girl has ALWAYS been overweight. One of her daughters is super thin and not sure she is really practicing healthy eating or actually has anorexia or buliema. When her daughter was younger in high school she was not this thin, nor was she ever really overweight, but just hormone changes that happen as a teenager. She was one of my daughter's close friends and we were and still are close to this family. Her other daughter who played with my son because they were same age is heavier like her Mom was at a young age! My friend has tried through years all the diets and was at one point several years ago walking with a group of ladies who were attending WW and walking together every day, as they were the " stay at home Mom's "on the block. I worked so couldn't join them. She would loose some, but not to a point any of us really noticed anything and she loves her sweets and she ate lots of them! She also loves getting together for the holidays at her house and days before all the ladies in family come to her home. The cousins play together, the husbands hang out, and the kitchen is filled with all the strong Italian women, Aunts, Mothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, Grandmas, etc..all cooking all day and often looks like a resturant in the kitchen or assembly line of sorts. I remember when we first became friends I didn't know much about Italian culture. I was at home making pasta and didn't realize I had run out of my Prego pasta sauce. We often borrowed food items, spices, butter, sugar, you name it from each other. it was much easier than going for a run to the store and we didn't feel weird asking each other for items and knew if we had the item we would gladly share it! I asked her if she had any Prego sauce or whatever brand she used. She laughed and said Gina we don't use bottled pasta sauce! We make our own and they cook it all day and its better than any sauce you buy from a bottle, they say because its made with love too and that makes it taste better!
I got quite a schooling on Italian food and cooking through the years! My friend also has a family tradition each year going apple picking with the whole gang of families. She then makes numerous apple cakes that are so yummy! She gives them to friends and also sends them to work with her hubby. Everyone who eats them loves them! This year I ate one piece of it, logged it into MFP and only ate one piece and not the whole cake like usual. They also have a saying in their family that if someone makes you a food item and gives it to you in their dish that must be returned, you must return it with a baked food item back and not give it back just cleaned and empty. I am not sure why this is, but seems to me then you would always be making things back and forth then! She knows I have NO love of cooking except for sweets, and my hubby does cooking for our family because he truly enjoys it and is much better at it then me! I jokingly said to her ...well you know I will be returning your glass dish that you baked the apple cake in cleaned and empty! She laughs and says yes I know Gina!
My friend through years found out she was diabetic, no surprise to me! She then had some more health problems, high blood preassure and cholesterol too. She FINALLY decided I need to change this way of thinking and I need to eat to live, but not live to eat! She now is close to the same weight as me and has lost about 70 pounds. I see her out walking by herself, with her daughters, and with her hubby. I see her cutting grass and she looks amazing! I try and encourage her every time I see her walking outside. I will yell across the street ( I got a big loud mouth ) You go girl, keep it up, looking good! I told her I have never seen you this thin. She laughs and says that makes two of us! She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and I am so proud of her and she has been told she might be able to drop some of the meds she has been on. I know my friend is making positive changes for life now and not just a diet to go on because I want to fit in a dress for a wedding! I know my writing tends to be long ( I am a story teller by nature ) but the point is that I appreciate you all posting these frustrations and how you handle them! Not all of us can relate to them, but we probably know someone who could. I do read all posts, but don't always comment on something I read, but your posts compelled me to respond. Thank you girls and I appreciate learning your struggles and also how you chose to overcome them!
Thanks again, Gina

MadisonMolly2017 wrote: »

ginadomaszewicz wrote: »

@Smoda61, @madisonMolly2017, @Znaoiec
I just wanted to thank all of you sharing all that you did in your posts tonight. I do read everyones posts. I may not get to them that exact day, but I do go back at a later time and read them. I am reading these today, yet were posted on yesterday.
The quote of food not being love is so true! Depending what your traditions and heritage are this does mean love for some and it is wrong! I have a dear friend who lives across the street from me and she is Italian and her hubby is Mexican. They were doomed because Mexicans and Italians both like to cook and they love people to eat their food, its the way they love you, and if you say no, you are insulting them! Now her husband doesnt have weight issues and does exercise all the time. My friend on the other hand from age of a little girl has ALWAYS been overweight. One of her daughters is super thin and not sure she is really practicing healthy eating or actually has anorexia or buliema. When her daughter was younger in high school she was not this thin, nor was she ever really overweight, but just hormone changes that happen as a teenager. She was one of my daughter's close friends and we were and still are close to this family. Her other daughter who played with my son because they were same age is heavier like her Mom was at a young age! My friend has tried through years all the diets and was at one point several years ago walking with a group of ladies who were attending WW and walking together every day, as they were the " stay at home Mom's "on the block. I worked so couldn't join them. She would loose some, but not to a point any of us really noticed anything and she loves her sweets and she ate lots of them! She also loves getting together for the holidays at her house and days before all the ladies in family come to her home. The cousins play together, the husbands hang out, and the kitchen is filled with all the strong Italian women, Aunts, Mothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, Grandmas, etc..all cooking all day and often looks like a resturant in the kitchen or assembly line of sorts. I remember when we first became friends I didn't know much about Italian culture. I was at home making pasta and didn't realize I had run out of my Prego pasta sauce. We often borrowed food items, spices, butter, sugar, you name it from each other. it was much easier than going for a run to the store and we didn't feel weird asking each other for items and knew if we had the item we would gladly share it! I asked her if she had any Prego sauce or whatever brand she used. She laughed and said Gina we don't use bottled pasta sauce! We make our own and they cook it all day and its better than any sauce you buy from a bottle, they say because its made with love too and that makes it taste better!
I got quite a schooling on Italian food and cooking through the years! My friend also has a family tradition each year going apple picking with the whole gang of families. She then makes numerous apple cakes that are so yummy! She gives them to friends and also sends them to work with her hubby. Everyone who eats them loves them! This year I ate one piece of it, logged it into MFP and only ate one piece and not the whole cake like usual. They also have a saying in their family that if someone makes you a food item and gives it to you in their dish that must be returned, you must return it with a baked food item back and not give it back just cleaned and empty. I am not sure why this is, but seems to me then you would always be making things back and forth then! She knows I have NO love of cooking except for sweets, and my hubby does cooking for our family because he truly enjoys it and is much better at it then me! I jokingly said to her ...well you know I will be returning your glass dish that you baked the apple cake in cleaned and empty! She laughs and says yes I know Gina!
My friend through years found out she was diabetic, no surprise to me! She then had some more health problems, high blood preassure and cholesterol too. She FINALLY decided I need to change this way of thinking and I need to eat to live, but not live to eat! She now is close to the same weight as me and has lost about 70 pounds. I see her out walking by herself, with her daughters, and with her hubby. I see her cutting grass and she looks amazing! I try and encourage her every time I see her walking outside. I will yell across the street ( I got a big loud mouth ) You go girl, keep it up, looking good! I told her I have never seen you this thin. She laughs and says that makes two of us! She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and I am so proud of her and she has been told she might be able to drop some of the meds she has been on. I know my friend is making positive changes for life now and not just a diet to go on because I want to fit in a dress for a wedding! I know my writing tends to be long ( I am a story teller by nature ) but the point is that I appreciate you all posting these frustrations and how you handle them! Not all of us can relate to them, but we probably know someone who could. I do read all posts, but don't always comment on something I read, but your posts compelled me to respond. Thank you girls and I appreciate learning your struggles and also how you chose to overcome them!
Thanks again, Gina

Thank you @ginadomaszewicz !

You, my dear, are a born storyteller! The images were so clear in my mind!

Thank you very much for the kind words. I am trying to start a blog and am hoping one day in future to write a book. I had a very traumatic life and was abused growing up and am hoping I can be a positive force to others who have gone through this thing. You don't have to let that trauma define you! You can take it and use it for good, forgive who abused you, not for them, but for yourself, and hopefully my journey to healing will help others. If it does then that makes my very painfull past worth it all! Big hugs to you, as you really made me feel good about my writing as I often do hear I write way too much.

MadisonMolly2017 wrote: »

ginadomaszewicz wrote: »

MadisonMolly2017 wrote: »

ginadomaszewicz wrote: »

@Smoda61, @madisonMolly2017, @Znaoiec
I just wanted to thank all of you sharing all that you did in your posts tonight. I do read everyones posts. I may not get to them that exact day, but I do go back at a later time and read them. I am reading these today, yet were posted on yesterday.
The quote of food not being love is so true! Depending what your traditions and heritage are this does mean love for some and it is wrong! I have a dear friend who lives across the street from me and she is Italian and her hubby is Mexican. They were doomed because Mexicans and Italians both like to cook and they love people to eat their food, its the way they love you, and if you say no, you are insulting them! Now her husband doesnt have weight issues and does exercise all the time. My friend on the other hand from age of a little girl has ALWAYS been overweight. One of her daughters is super thin and not sure she is really practicing healthy eating or actually has anorexia or buliema. When her daughter was younger in high school she was not this thin, nor was she ever really overweight, but just hormone changes that happen as a teenager. She was one of my daughter's close friends and we were and still are close to this family. Her other daughter who played with my son because they were same age is heavier like her Mom was at a young age! My friend has tried through years all the diets and was at one point several years ago walking with a group of ladies who were attending WW and walking together every day, as they were the " stay at home Mom's "on the block. I worked so couldn't join them. She would loose some, but not to a point any of us really noticed anything and she loves her sweets and she ate lots of them! She also loves getting together for the holidays at her house and days before all the ladies in family come to her home. The cousins play together, the husbands hang out, and the kitchen is filled with all the strong Italian women, Aunts, Mothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, Grandmas, etc..all cooking all day and often looks like a resturant in the kitchen or assembly line of sorts. I remember when we first became friends I didn't know much about Italian culture. I was at home making pasta and didn't realize I had run out of my Prego pasta sauce. We often borrowed food items, spices, butter, sugar, you name it from each other. it was much easier than going for a run to the store and we didn't feel weird asking each other for items and knew if we had the item we would gladly share it! I asked her if she had any Prego sauce or whatever brand she used. She laughed and said Gina we don't use bottled pasta sauce! We make our own and they cook it all day and its better than any sauce you buy from a bottle, they say because its made with love too and that makes it taste better!
I got quite a schooling on Italian food and cooking through the years! My friend also has a family tradition each year going apple picking with the whole gang of families. She then makes numerous apple cakes that are so yummy! She gives them to friends and also sends them to work with her hubby. Everyone who eats them loves them! This year I ate one piece of it, logged it into MFP and only ate one piece and not the whole cake like usual. They also have a saying in their family that if someone makes you a food item and gives it to you in their dish that must be returned, you must return it with a baked food item back and not give it back just cleaned and empty. I am not sure why this is, but seems to me then you would always be making things back and forth then! She knows I have NO love of cooking except for sweets, and my hubby does cooking for our family because he truly enjoys it and is much better at it then me! I jokingly said to her ...well you know I will be returning your glass dish that you baked the apple cake in cleaned and empty! She laughs and says yes I know Gina!
My friend through years found out she was diabetic, no surprise to me! She then had some more health problems, high blood preassure and cholesterol too. She FINALLY decided I need to change this way of thinking and I need to eat to live, but not live to eat! She now is close to the same weight as me and has lost about 70 pounds. I see her out walking by herself, with her daughters, and with her hubby. I see her cutting grass and she looks amazing! I try and encourage her every time I see her walking outside. I will yell across the street ( I got a big loud mouth ) You go girl, keep it up, looking good! I told her I have never seen you this thin. She laughs and says that makes two of us! She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and I am so proud of her and she has been told she might be able to drop some of the meds she has been on. I know my friend is making positive changes for life now and not just a diet to go on because I want to fit in a dress for a wedding! I know my writing tends to be long ( I am a story teller by nature ) but the point is that I appreciate you all posting these frustrations and how you handle them! Not all of us can relate to them, but we probably know someone who could. I do read all posts, but don't always comment on something I read, but your posts compelled me to respond. Thank you girls and I appreciate learning your struggles and also how you chose to overcome them!
Thanks again, Gina

Thank you @ginadomaszewicz !

You, my dear, are a born storyteller! The images were so clear in my mind!

Thank you very much for the kind words. I am trying to start a blog and am hoping one day in future to write a book. I had a very traumatic life and was abused growing up and am hoping I can be a positive force to others who have gone through this thing. You don't have to let that trauma define you! You can take it and use it for good, forgive who abused you, not for them, but for yourself, and hopefully my journey to healing will help others. If it does then that makes my very painfull past worth it all! Big hugs to you, as you really made me feel good about my writing as I often do hear I write way too much.

Hey @ginadomaszewicz ! You’ve got to ignore those folks! Believe me, one of my superpowers is recognizing talents of all kinds. Really.

Also, seriously, why not begin your book now? Copy today & yesterday’s posts. Download Scrivrner.

15 minutes a day❣️

Hugs,
Maddie

Thanks Maddie so much and I might just start it sooner than planned! I am right now just using a journal at moment to write things down as they come to me. I have an Aunt who has just published 4 children's books available on Amazon. Her name is Noreen Anne
Please check them out if you have little Grandkids or kids ( not sure your age ) She has given me some great advice on writing and how she got to where she did. She also thinks I have talent and I know she isn't lying to me because its not in her nature to lie! I do value her opinion as she is a published author right? She must know what she is talking about! HAHA