Week 1 Weigh-in
Sunday

PW: 255.7 lbs
CW: 255.3 lbs

I'm hoping that since I'll be less busy once school is out next week, that I'll have some extra time to work on health and fitness Right now, I'm just struggling a little with balancing it all.

Cyncia85 weigh in (late) for 12/4

PW = 185.8
CW = 185.8

@jessicakrall8 @Pupowl
Can you move me to support please. My mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly yesterday. She has always been mine my kids person. I don’t know when I’ll feel like weighing in.

Good Monday morning

Sunday steps
7522

Funny, I spent an hour of raking leaves yesterday and my Fitbit counted it as swimming. I have to sit for the next hour or so. I forgot to charge it last night so it is chargin now. I don't want to take any steps that aren't counted. LOL

Hello Shape Shifters. Just wanted to post an update here since I haven't checked in for a few days. I have not been doing so great mentally. Since Tinus had his little episode, I have had a lot of stress and anxiety about leaving him alone even though he has been totally fine and happy since then. This is not a new thing for me either; I never like leaving the house, especially not if I have to go somewhere by car or going far away to visit family. But now I also struggle with going for my morning walks. I don't feel like pushing through that because I will just worry the whole time, want to go home and be unable to enjoy my walks. I also haven't done workouts at home instead because I simply hate sweating in my living room, it's boring and I didn't want to. Instead I decided to order a walking pad.
I have been looking at treadmills for months and considered getting one, but they are so expensive, so bulky/heavy and I don't care for all the extra features. I just need something to walk on. So over the weekend I was looking around again and I found a walking pad that was very high rated and currently discounted. I guess people use them a lot with a standing desk, but it also has a bar you can put up to hold or mount a tablet or something which I appreciate because my balance on treadmills isn't great. Anyway, I plan to use the pad in the mornings while watching a movie/show/whatever and get the bulk of my steps done before having breakfast after 10:00. I am sure this stress is not going to last forever and I will do my best to still go for walks in nature, but I just want to have an alternative. It is also nice to have when the weather is crappy which happens fairly often this time of year so I am looking forward to get the pad. I will update when it is here.
I took the money for it out of my savings account, so I need to refill that balance again. I normally don't do anything for the holidays, but on the 29th I am going out for lunch with my mom, her partner and her brother. I already bought all the presents for them thankfully. I will do my best to only buy things for Tinus or stuff that I really need. In theory I should be able to save plenty every month, but somehow my money just flies away so it is good to keep a closer eye on it and be a little more careful until my savings is back where I want it.
I know this time of year is great for most people, but I am dealing with some soulcrushing loneliness which hasn't been fun. Life kind of sucks if you have to go through it alone. I see my dad a few hours every 3-4 weeks and my mom for a few days every 2 months. That is the extend of my social life. I go weeks without talking to another person and I think Tinus is the only reason I haven't gone completely insane yet. While my little village has a lot of activities, it is either geared at kids or for people over 50. Young, disabled people like me have nowhere to go. It is a bit sad. Thankfully I don't always feel this way, but the past few weeks it has been bad.
It hasn't been easy to keep my diet clean either, not helped by the fact that my grocery store keeps being out of frozen vegetables. I have been checking almost every day for a week now and I only got two bags of cauliflower. It has thrown me off plan a bit. I am still hanging in there though; some good days, some bad days. Weight hasn't gone up by any crazy amounts, so I am not unhappy about it considering everything that is going on right now. I am still committed to losing weight and I am sure things will look up again soon. Thank you for reading

Steps
12/9: 12,041

I took a rest day from the gym, but did go for a nice walk with my boys, stopping at the park for them to swing for a few minutes.


I have realized that my salads that I eat pretty much daily are starting to sneak up in calories. I'm adding to many things to them, which makes them delicious, but also higher in calories. So I'm going to focus on that for the next few days, to see if I can find a better balance between taste and calories.

Step Goal: 10000
Thu 12/5: 5693
Fri 12/6: 5173
Sat 12/7: 12147

Dec Wk2 Weigh-in:
CW: 162.6
DEC/Wk1: 167lbs
Week2: -4.4lbs Loss
This week was such a struggle between TOM coming and me trying to get back on the wagon

@DaffyGirl88 Thank you for your nice reply! It did help to write it out, though I sometimes struggle with posting because I assume people won't care or don't want to read it all. I also try not to share too much personal stuff because once it is online, it is staying online! I think a lot of people got quite the wake up call during Covid. Sadly for a lot of people that is just their normal. I am glad you found such an amazing group and made friends. I honestly wasn't familiar with walking pads either. The one I found was just listed as a treadmill since we don't have different words for them in Dutch. I hope it will be nice to use.
@PatriceFitnessPal Thank you for the long post! The thingy with Tinus was almost 2 weeks ago so it was posted in the November thread. I know it is a silly fear to have, but I can't help worrying something is going to happen in the time I am not home. I am not really close with family except my parents. I already have a weekly phonecall with my mom on Sundays. That is something she wants, I don't really care. It is often a very one sided chat where she recounts what she did every day with very little room for me to talk. When I do manage to share things, I often feel like she brushes me off so I rather not bring up anything serious. I have already looked for social groups here, but unfortunately haven't found any that I can join because of the age thing (or in case of the choir, them meeting so late in the evening). I am also not interested in starting something myself since I don't want to deal with that responsibilty nor do I have the energy to set it up/run it. The only thing I still have on my radar for the future is to go back to the gym. That is currently too expensive though. I hope I don't come off as "well, looks like she doesn't actually want anything" since I am shooting down your suggestions in a way. I have already considered a lot of things and I just don't think there is a solution for it at the moment. I do really appreciate your thoughts on it though and that you are trying to help! I think a lot of people struggle in winter. We just naturally want to slow down. I think it is totally fine to adjust your schedule compared to the summer. Any activity is great and a beach walk sounds lovely. I hope your family members are doing well. They are lucky to have you!

Steps
12/10: 8,671

I skipped the gym again yesterday. It was one of those nights where I just didn't want to. I relaxed on the couch and went to bed early, instead. Unfortunately, that means I'm up today at 330. I did do a 30 minute walk outside.

I haven't worn jeans in a long time, partly because none of mine fit anymore. So I decided to try some on. I was a bit disappointed when I found that they still don't fit. So, while a bit disappointing, it was a good reminder that I still have work to do. It's not time to relax yet. I realized, while typing this, the irony of this statement immediately after the previous one, on how I skipped the gym last night. Oops. I'll get my booty to the gym tonight.