Not allowing kids at wedding
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Marig0ld
Posts: 671 Member
My fiance and I have decided to do this, because it trimmed our guest list to 150+ down to 135. It makes it a lot more comfortable for the venue/budget that we want. Rude or not rude? Discuss!
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Replies
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I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I think it's rude because my daughter is very shy, very quiet, and very well behaved....she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore. On the other hand, when there are children like my nephew and niece (whom I adore) who never shut up, which is why I don't like going to movies with them, then it's understandable.0
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It is your wedding, but if you have close family members with pretty young kids, and travel is involved, they may opt not to come because they don't feel comfortable leaving the younger ones home. It is your day and if you are ok with that, then do what you have to do.0
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It also depends on the setting/style. If it is an evening affair, with cocktails/dancing/etc. then it is much more understandable that children wouldn't necessarily be a good idea. But if it is an afternoon park/bbq/casual thing, then it will just look like you did it to save money, which will likely hurt feelings.
You can never please everyone, but if you make your wishes known in a respectful and gracious way, that's the best you can do.0 -
It's your day. We invited only the minors of our wedding party and our nieces and nephews. My cousin (who wasn't a part of the wedding party) showed up with his kids because his sitter fell through at the last minute. We were fine with it.
On a side note I was invited to a wedding where my invite had included a "guest" and since my (now husband) was working I replied that I'd bring my daughter for his place (she was almost 2). I was told children weren't allowed, so I didn't go since I didn't have a sitter, so much for that +guest.0 -
It also depends on the setting/style. If it is an evening affair, with cocktails/dancing/etc. then it is much more understandable that children wouldn't necessarily be a good idea. But if it is an afternoon park/bbq/casual thing, then it will just look like you did it to save money, which will likely hurt feelings.
You can never please everyone, but if you make your wishes known in a respectful and gracious way, that's the best you can do.
We're planning a late afternoon ceremony and evening reception, so yes I think it may be easier to say "no kids." Some people will be traveling so I may see if I can get a baby-sitter.0 -
Definitely not rude. It's totally YOUR day, YOUR way. Friends of mine have opted no children and it was not because of financial reasons... they just didn't want little kids there.
There really is no pleasing everyone though - but I say this is the one day you are supposed to be concerned with pleasing yourself and your spouse to be above all others.
Congrats!0 -
this is the one day you are supposed to be concerned with pleasing yourself and your spouse to be above all others.
I agree, but the method you use in delivering your wishes makes all the difference in the world. If you want to preserve your relationships with your loved ones, avoid making it sound like a demand, and communicate gently that people can't bring their progeny. Otherwise, you risk being labeled a Bridezilla...:flowerforyou:0 -
I agree with everyone. It's YOUR day and if you don't want kids there, then you don't want kids there. It may be a nice gesture to look in to a babysitting service or whatnot for those that have young kids, but if your family feels slighted that you are saying no kids, then you don't need that kind of pessimism at your celebration.
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I know someone who stopped talking to their cousin (it's been 16-years now) for having a "Black Tie Affair" wedding and stipulated no kids.
He took it as a personal affront.
There will always be those people who look for reasons to be offended, but it's your money/your day so do what makes you happy. 0 -
It's only rude if someone mistakenly thinks that the request is about them. As others have said, the request is really about what the couple wants. Who's the ceremony for anyway? For some people it really isn't about the couple at all, and it's really for the community/family. That would annoy the crap out of me, but it's not my life either 0
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It's fine, but realize that many of the adults that you invite who have children may not attend now because they can't bring their kids.
I don't think it's a problem to have kids at a wedding. It's supposed to be a big celebration. Kids often stick together and amuse themselves anyway.0 -
she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW0 -
she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW
I think anyone with a little bit of logic inferred she meant spank her kids.
Just because you don't believe in spankings doesn't mean the rest of us don't. My daughter is 2 and a half years old, and the most well behaved child you've ever seen. Yes, I spank her. However, since she knows when I say something I mean it, she RARELY gets spankings.
Consider this - "There is no such thing as bad kids or dogs. Just bad parents and owners."
All of you people with bratty and/or crappy kids (under age 10-12) you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Call me judgmental, but its true.0 -
We have a separate thread about spanking right? If we don't we really should. Can't remember if that was here or just in the main forums..
Anyway if the couple wants no kids that's their decision. Anyone who wants to dictate how someone else's wedding should be is incredibly rude, even if it's the couples own families.
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!0 -
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!
My thoughts exactly!0 -
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!
My thoughts exactly!
Out of town wedding, no kids allowed, held in the same building the rooms are in = insane crazy wedding0 -
Agreed, it's your day, your choice. Don't pay attention to those that feel the decision is about them, at the same time don't be offended by those that won't come because of the 'no kid clause'.
I got married in Vegas and some of my family had an issue with this...it was my day and my choice. They didn't come nor call on our day, and it's someone who should have made the effort.
I don't mind childless events, that means I get to get out without my kids!! They also have fun when they can go so it's a win-win for us, so long as we have a sitter around.0 -
The statement alone was gross. It was a very crude way to speak about a child, regardless of anyone's opinions on spanking. In most cases after three kids and almost twenty years of parenting I think spanking is usually ineffective and almost always a short term solution, and if one takes the time there is usually a much smarter way to discipline your child without making them afraid to step out of line.she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW
I think anyone with a little bit of logic inferred she meant spank her kids.
Just because you don't believe in spankings doesn't mean the rest of us don't. My daughter is 2 and a half years old, and the most well behaved child you've ever seen. Yes, I spank her. However, since she knows when I say something I mean it, she RARELY gets spankings.
Consider this - "There is no such thing as bad kids or dogs. Just bad parents and owners."
All of you people with bratty and/or crappy kids (under age 10-12) you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Call me judgmental, but its true.
Not to mention many children develop at different times, at 1-2 you may not even realize that your child has a developmental problem that causes or exacerbates their behavior issue.
And if you're still relying on spanking when your kids are 10-12 you (general you) really don't have much of an argument in favor of spanking. Its also funny that you would use a quote like that (about the dog) since most people who beat their dogs just have fearful (or mean) dogs. I rescued a dog that was beat, when it did something naughty it would piss on my floor out of fear. Yep. Bad (pre)owner.We have a separate thread about spanking right? If we don't we really should. Can't remember if that was here or just in the main forums..
No worries, I was just popping in to put my calories in, I am off for the day in a few minutes. I will not derail this thread any further. I am not 100% anti spanking, but I think speaking that way about a child is gross. Which is what I was commenting on. (not spanking per say)
To get back to the OP. Do what you like, its your wedding.0 -
its not your problem how she speaks to her kid. anyway it just a phrase so chill out and have a beer
The statement alone was gross. It was a very crude way to speak about a child, regardless of anyone's opinions on spanking. In most cases after three kids and almost twenty years of parenting I think spanking is usually ineffective and almost always a short term solution, and if one takes the time there is usually a much smarter way to discipline your child without making them afraid to step out of line.she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW
I think anyone with a little bit of logic inferred she meant spank her kids.
Just because you don't believe in spankings doesn't mean the rest of us don't. My daughter is 2 and a half years old, and the most well behaved child you've ever seen. Yes, I spank her. However, since she knows when I say something I mean it, she RARELY gets spankings.
Consider this - "There is no such thing as bad kids or dogs. Just bad parents and owners."
All of you people with bratty and/or crappy kids (under age 10-12) you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Call me judgmental, but its true.
Not to mention many children develop at different times, at 1-2 you may not even realize that your child has a developmental problem that causes or exacerbates their behavior issue.
And if you're still relying on spanking when your kids are 10-12 you (general you) really don't have much of an argument in favor of spanking. Its also funny that you would use a quote like that (about the dog) since most people who beat their dogs just have fearful (or mean) dogs. I rescued a dog that was beat, when it did something naughty it would piss on my floor out of fear. Yep. Bad (pre)owner.We have a separate thread about spanking right? If we don't we really should. Can't remember if that was here or just in the main forums..
No worries, I was just popping in to put my calories in, I am off for the day in a few minutes. I will not derail this thread any further. I am not 100% anti spanking, but I think speaking that way about a child is gross. Which is what I was commenting on. (not spanking per say)
To get back to the OP. Do what you like, its your wedding.0 -
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!
My thoughts exactly!
Out of town wedding, no kids allowed, held in the same building the rooms are in = insane crazy wedding
I dunno, i've been to a couple 'casual, backyard, people bring a tent and party til they pass out or throw up' kind of weddings too. I like to play dress up so the hotel party sounds fun too.
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