Not allowing kids at wedding
Marig0ld
Posts: 671 Member
My fiance and I have decided to do this, because it trimmed our guest list to 150+ down to 135. It makes it a lot more comfortable for the venue/budget that we want. Rude or not rude? Discuss!
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I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I think it's rude because my daughter is very shy, very quiet, and very well behaved....she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore. On the other hand, when there are children like my nephew and niece (whom I adore) who never shut up, which is why I don't like going to movies with them, then it's understandable.0
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It is your wedding, but if you have close family members with pretty young kids, and travel is involved, they may opt not to come because they don't feel comfortable leaving the younger ones home. It is your day and if you are ok with that, then do what you have to do.0
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It also depends on the setting/style. If it is an evening affair, with cocktails/dancing/etc. then it is much more understandable that children wouldn't necessarily be a good idea. But if it is an afternoon park/bbq/casual thing, then it will just look like you did it to save money, which will likely hurt feelings.
You can never please everyone, but if you make your wishes known in a respectful and gracious way, that's the best you can do.0 -
It's your day. We invited only the minors of our wedding party and our nieces and nephews. My cousin (who wasn't a part of the wedding party) showed up with his kids because his sitter fell through at the last minute. We were fine with it.
On a side note I was invited to a wedding where my invite had included a "guest" and since my (now husband) was working I replied that I'd bring my daughter for his place (she was almost 2). I was told children weren't allowed, so I didn't go since I didn't have a sitter, so much for that +guest.0 -
It also depends on the setting/style. If it is an evening affair, with cocktails/dancing/etc. then it is much more understandable that children wouldn't necessarily be a good idea. But if it is an afternoon park/bbq/casual thing, then it will just look like you did it to save money, which will likely hurt feelings.
You can never please everyone, but if you make your wishes known in a respectful and gracious way, that's the best you can do.
We're planning a late afternoon ceremony and evening reception, so yes I think it may be easier to say "no kids." Some people will be traveling so I may see if I can get a baby-sitter.0 -
Definitely not rude. It's totally YOUR day, YOUR way. Friends of mine have opted no children and it was not because of financial reasons... they just didn't want little kids there.
There really is no pleasing everyone though - but I say this is the one day you are supposed to be concerned with pleasing yourself and your spouse to be above all others.
Congrats!0 -
this is the one day you are supposed to be concerned with pleasing yourself and your spouse to be above all others.
I agree, but the method you use in delivering your wishes makes all the difference in the world. If you want to preserve your relationships with your loved ones, avoid making it sound like a demand, and communicate gently that people can't bring their progeny. Otherwise, you risk being labeled a Bridezilla...:flowerforyou:0 -
I agree with everyone. It's YOUR day and if you don't want kids there, then you don't want kids there. It may be a nice gesture to look in to a babysitting service or whatnot for those that have young kids, but if your family feels slighted that you are saying no kids, then you don't need that kind of pessimism at your celebration.
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I know someone who stopped talking to their cousin (it's been 16-years now) for having a "Black Tie Affair" wedding and stipulated no kids.
He took it as a personal affront.
There will always be those people who look for reasons to be offended, but it's your money/your day so do what makes you happy. 0 -
It's only rude if someone mistakenly thinks that the request is about them. As others have said, the request is really about what the couple wants. Who's the ceremony for anyway? For some people it really isn't about the couple at all, and it's really for the community/family. That would annoy the crap out of me, but it's not my life either 0
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It's fine, but realize that many of the adults that you invite who have children may not attend now because they can't bring their kids.
I don't think it's a problem to have kids at a wedding. It's supposed to be a big celebration. Kids often stick together and amuse themselves anyway.0 -
she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW0 -
she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW
I think anyone with a little bit of logic inferred she meant spank her kids.
Just because you don't believe in spankings doesn't mean the rest of us don't. My daughter is 2 and a half years old, and the most well behaved child you've ever seen. Yes, I spank her. However, since she knows when I say something I mean it, she RARELY gets spankings.
Consider this - "There is no such thing as bad kids or dogs. Just bad parents and owners."
All of you people with bratty and/or crappy kids (under age 10-12) you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Call me judgmental, but its true.0 -
We have a separate thread about spanking right? If we don't we really should. Can't remember if that was here or just in the main forums..
Anyway if the couple wants no kids that's their decision. Anyone who wants to dictate how someone else's wedding should be is incredibly rude, even if it's the couples own families.
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!0 -
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!
My thoughts exactly!0 -
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!
My thoughts exactly!
Out of town wedding, no kids allowed, held in the same building the rooms are in = insane crazy wedding0 -
Agreed, it's your day, your choice. Don't pay attention to those that feel the decision is about them, at the same time don't be offended by those that won't come because of the 'no kid clause'.
I got married in Vegas and some of my family had an issue with this...it was my day and my choice. They didn't come nor call on our day, and it's someone who should have made the effort.
I don't mind childless events, that means I get to get out without my kids!! They also have fun when they can go so it's a win-win for us, so long as we have a sitter around.0 -
The statement alone was gross. It was a very crude way to speak about a child, regardless of anyone's opinions on spanking. In most cases after three kids and almost twenty years of parenting I think spanking is usually ineffective and almost always a short term solution, and if one takes the time there is usually a much smarter way to discipline your child without making them afraid to step out of line.she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW
I think anyone with a little bit of logic inferred she meant spank her kids.
Just because you don't believe in spankings doesn't mean the rest of us don't. My daughter is 2 and a half years old, and the most well behaved child you've ever seen. Yes, I spank her. However, since she knows when I say something I mean it, she RARELY gets spankings.
Consider this - "There is no such thing as bad kids or dogs. Just bad parents and owners."
All of you people with bratty and/or crappy kids (under age 10-12) you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Call me judgmental, but its true.
Not to mention many children develop at different times, at 1-2 you may not even realize that your child has a developmental problem that causes or exacerbates their behavior issue.
And if you're still relying on spanking when your kids are 10-12 you (general you) really don't have much of an argument in favor of spanking. Its also funny that you would use a quote like that (about the dog) since most people who beat their dogs just have fearful (or mean) dogs. I rescued a dog that was beat, when it did something naughty it would piss on my floor out of fear. Yep. Bad (pre)owner.We have a separate thread about spanking right? If we don't we really should. Can't remember if that was here or just in the main forums..
No worries, I was just popping in to put my calories in, I am off for the day in a few minutes. I will not derail this thread any further. I am not 100% anti spanking, but I think speaking that way about a child is gross. Which is what I was commenting on. (not spanking per say)
To get back to the OP. Do what you like, its your wedding.0 -
its not your problem how she speaks to her kid. anyway it just a phrase so chill out and have a beer
The statement alone was gross. It was a very crude way to speak about a child, regardless of anyone's opinions on spanking. In most cases after three kids and almost twenty years of parenting I think spanking is usually ineffective and almost always a short term solution, and if one takes the time there is usually a much smarter way to discipline your child without making them afraid to step out of line.she knows she'll get her *kitten* beat if she even attempts to act crazy so she doesn't even try anymore.
WOW
I think anyone with a little bit of logic inferred she meant spank her kids.
Just because you don't believe in spankings doesn't mean the rest of us don't. My daughter is 2 and a half years old, and the most well behaved child you've ever seen. Yes, I spank her. However, since she knows when I say something I mean it, she RARELY gets spankings.
Consider this - "There is no such thing as bad kids or dogs. Just bad parents and owners."
All of you people with bratty and/or crappy kids (under age 10-12) you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Call me judgmental, but its true.
Not to mention many children develop at different times, at 1-2 you may not even realize that your child has a developmental problem that causes or exacerbates their behavior issue.
And if you're still relying on spanking when your kids are 10-12 you (general you) really don't have much of an argument in favor of spanking. Its also funny that you would use a quote like that (about the dog) since most people who beat their dogs just have fearful (or mean) dogs. I rescued a dog that was beat, when it did something naughty it would piss on my floor out of fear. Yep. Bad (pre)owner.We have a separate thread about spanking right? If we don't we really should. Can't remember if that was here or just in the main forums..
No worries, I was just popping in to put my calories in, I am off for the day in a few minutes. I will not derail this thread any further. I am not 100% anti spanking, but I think speaking that way about a child is gross. Which is what I was commenting on. (not spanking per say)
To get back to the OP. Do what you like, its your wedding.0 -
Plus if it's a wedding without kids you just know it's gonna get crazy!
My thoughts exactly!
Out of town wedding, no kids allowed, held in the same building the rooms are in = insane crazy wedding
I dunno, i've been to a couple 'casual, backyard, people bring a tent and party til they pass out or throw up' kind of weddings too. I like to play dress up so the hotel party sounds fun too.
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Definitely not rude it is your day. If you have the extra money hire a babysitter, that is what my parents friend did. Ordered pizza and kiddie movies and hired 2 babysitters (lol I was one of them, she paid me well) and the parents were happy!0
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Anyway if the couple wants no kids that's their decision. Anyone who wants to dictate how someone else's wedding should be is incredibly rude, even if it's the couples own families.
This, all the way. 0 -
It's up to the bride and groom. That said, you can't complain if some family and friends can't make it because you didn't include the kids. Not everyone can afford a babysitter - especially if travel is involved and the babysitting would have to encompass more than a few hours. I personally love having children at weddings - I think children are part of families, and weddings are the joining of two families, so it's a little odd to me when children are excluded. But, on the other hand, an evening, black-tie affair isn't something most children could appreciate or be comfortable at, so if I were going to a black-tie wedding, I'd probably opt to get a babysitter and enjoy a night out alone with my hubby. But for a more casual wedding, I really enjoy the energy having children there provides, and would feel like they were missed if they were excluded. Just my thoughts - it's always, only, the bride and groom's choice, though, because they are the ones throwing the party! 0
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I'm seeing a few people post that they feel a wedding is a celebration, and that they like having children there to celebrate. I'm going to be completely honest and say: I cannot stand most of my friends kids. In fact, I can only think of 3 couples that I know who have well-behaved children. It's hard having holiday parties at my house, since a lot of my friends have kids who have, in the past, disrespected our home, to put it lightly. "Picking and choosing" which kids can and cannot come didn't go over well with the parents of the children I've had liked to exclude. I cannot even imagine having to go through that kind of drama for a wedding. It's one reason I can't have a typical wedding. :ohwell: 0
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I'm seeing a few people post that they feel a wedding is a celebration, and that they like having children there to celebrate. I'm going to be completely honest and say: I cannot stand most of my friends kids. In fact, I can only think of 3 couples that I know who have well-behaved children. It's hard having holiday parties at my house, since a lot of my friends have kids who have, in the past, disrespected our home, to put it lightly. "Picking and choosing" which kids can and cannot come didn't go over well with the parents of the children I've had liked to exclude. I cannot even imagine having to go through that kind of drama for a wedding. It's one reason I can't have a typical wedding. :ohwell:
This is why my friends did "no kids". Some also have large families with 4-5 kids. Finances are a concern and you can not discriminate between small and large families. When you pick and choose is when people get offended...so it was all or none and they went with none.
Getting married in Las Vegas was the best thing we did! Still had approx 50 people and we actually did have my husbands godchildren in the wedding, but no other kids and they did not come to the reception suite. Children were not excluded, but everyone who attended had the common sense not to bring them to an evening wedding @ a Las Vegas hotel. Drama free the way it should be, and no children witnessed the drunken debauchery and some inappropriate behavior that went along with it
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I'm seeing a few people post that they feel a wedding is a celebration, and that they like having children there to celebrate. I'm going to be completely honest and say: I cannot stand most of my friends kids. In fact, I can only think of 3 couples that I know who have well-behaved children. It's hard having holiday parties at my house, since a lot of my friends have kids who have, in the past, disrespected our home, to put it lightly. "Picking and choosing" which kids can and cannot come didn't go over well with the parents of the children I've had liked to exclude. I cannot even imagine having to go through that kind of drama for a wedding. It's one reason I can't have a typical wedding. :ohwell:
I spent the entirety of my brother's wedding trying to control my niece. She's a monster. I didn't have a minute where I wasn't trying to get her down off something or dance with her to keep her from screaming. My gf was mad at me later because we never got a chance to dance.
Sigh. I need more men in my life. Women of any age require entirely too much attention. 0 -
My wife and I had this discussion not to long ago. Both of us were raised that weddings were this huge family function, that insane kids running around the banquet hall were just part of the deal. To me, I prefer having the kids. I enjoy celebrating as a whole family unit like. It's one of the few times adults and children can cut loose together in a real celebration......however, I do admit the first time I went to a childless wedding, it was nice to get away from our two small children for the night.0
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I don't think it's rude at all. If you don't want children at your wedding, it's not fair for people to expect you to pay for them to attend. Save-the-dates and invitations get sent out months in advance - that's plenty of time to find a sitter.
If and when I do get married, my wedding would be child-free, which might ruffle some feathers for my family, but honestly if they can't spend one evening away from the kids, then maybe there are some deeper issues there. I find that once the guests get there, they wind up having more fun than they would chasing Junior around all night.0 -
There's no way in hell I'd bring my 2 kids to a wedding. I want to be able to relax and have a good time celebrating the wedding, not having to supervise my kids and ignore everyone else.0
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This kind of thing is why we eloped. Srsly0
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