what are you thinking while binging?
MJ7910
Posts: 1,280 Member
well i've ruined my day, might as well keep on going
this will taste so good
this will taste good too, might as well have it
oh, i have been eyeing this for so long, will just have 1... ok maybe 2.
this will taste so good
this will taste good too, might as well have it
oh, i have been eyeing this for so long, will just have 1... ok maybe 2.
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Replies
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it's not really ME thinking those things. It's the monster.
The Binge monster takes over and no matter how you try to beat it down, it is the dominant one. The last few binges I have really tried to pause and evaluate. And also to think about them the next day to try and figure out what is going on.
On a side note, I tried reading Geneen Roth's book about Breaking free from Emotional Eating. About half way through I realized from her writing that she was still struggling with it?!!! Kind of hard for me to take advice when it looks like she hasn't really found the answer for herself. Just saying...0 -
The food I'm not eating yet....like its never enough.0
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I sometimes just even zone out...and often try to tell myself to stop, that I will hate myself in 5, 10, 30, 60 minutes. And then I spend 10 times that amount of time actually hating myself.0
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while im binging im generally NOT thinking at all. In fact, i'm pretty sure i'm using food as a tool of distraction FROM thinking. Total zone out--out of body type experience. Like my hand just keeps putting the food in my mouth and my brain is not controlling it.0
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it's not really ME thinking those things. It's the monster. The Binge monster takes over and no matter how you try to beat it down, it is the dominant one. The last few binges I have really tried to pause and evaluate. And also to think about them the next day to try and figure out what is going on.
On a side note, I tried reading Geneen Roth's book about Breaking free from Emotional Eating. About half way through I realized from her writing that she was still struggling with it?!!! Kind of hard for me to take advice when it looks like she hasn't really found the answer for herself. Just saying...
yeah i noticed that too. but i think it's good for us to see that. because it means that this is something we have to deal with for life. food may always cause triggers in us... just like we think of AA being an ongoing thing for alcoholics. we are probably going to have triggers for binges. but we can figure out strategies to deal with it and have a good support group of people. i think her continuing struggle makes me feel like i'm not alone. it's not that all these people went out and "conquered" and there are never any binges or temptations. it's just that they have better ways of coping now.0 -
The food I'm not eating yet....like its never enough.
totally this^^^^ i think "well i ate that, was it enough?" no, it wasn't. i guess i'll eat this... after a while i get to the point where i'm like "well, there is really nothing else to eat because nothing is really going to satisfy me" and i think in a way that's a good realization. if i could only start the binge knowing "none of these foods are going to satisfy me, so why am i engaging in this behavior?" maybe i will start making that my new mantra.0 -
My new mantra is "If you bite it, write it" (my friends are going to get sick of hearing this from me). And someone posted in a different thread about logging BEFORE you binge, or DURING, not after. That way, you're forced to see what's happening IN REAL TIME. I'm prepared to do this. I think it will help me a lot.0
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A lot of times I'm just trying not to think... and I "zone out". And I'm thinking about what the next food I can put in my mouth is.0
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Everything thats been posted, I too have thought.0
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it's not really ME thinking those things. It's the monster. The Binge monster takes over and no matter how you try to beat it down, it is the dominant one. The last few binges I have really tried to pause and evaluate. And also to think about them the next day to try and figure out what is going on.
On a side note, I tried reading Geneen Roth's book about Breaking free from Emotional Eating. About half way through I realized from her writing that she was still struggling with it?!!! Kind of hard for me to take advice when it looks like she hasn't really found the answer for herself. Just saying...
yeah i noticed that too. but i think it's good for us to see that. because it means that this is something we have to deal with for life. food may always cause triggers in us... just like we think of AA being an ongoing thing for alcoholics. we are probably going to have triggers for binges. but we can figure out strategies to deal with it and have a good support group of people. i think her continuing struggle makes me feel like i'm not alone. it's not that all these people went out and "conquered" and there are never any binges or temptations. it's just that they have better ways of coping now.
I agree with this. I think this is a lifelong battle and I don't know that anyone completely stops forever and recovers and never has a problem with it again.
Geneen says in her book (I really like her books, but that's just me) to become conscious and mindful when eating and I've been doing this...it helps to see when I'm in binge mode and then I can decide to continue or stop. If I'm going to binge, I might as well enjoy the food or all I'm doing is torturing myself. This actually has helped me a lot. I torture myself enough after a binge, I don't need to torture myself during it as well.
Anyway, to answer the original question, when I'm in complete out-of-control binge mode, I'm thinking "I don't care" and "I'm not fat so it's ok" but I DO care and I know I will gain weight if I continue to be out of control and I don't want that. I also have the feeling of fear that the food I'm going out to buy won't be enough (I don't keep bingey foods in my house). I hate that feeling...0 -
I think I've had all these thoughts you've all posted!
In some ways I almost dare myself to give in to a binge because I expect that I’m going to fail and give in. I challenge myself not to knowing full well that I’m going to give in then when I do it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and an affirmation that I am, in fact, the failure I think I am.
Once I give in to it and it becomes imminent the most prominent thoughts before the binge are along the lines of “I have to get 3 (or 5 or 10 depending what it is) because eating 1 isn’t enough and I can’t run out before I’ve had enough.” and “I NEED to have THAT (whatever I’m craving at the time) taste in my mouth" now and constantly until I’m sick of it. At first it tastes SOOO good but then it doesn’t even taste good or I don't really taste it at all anymore but I’ve got it so I I have to eat it. I have to.
I think I also feel like I need the whole hand-to-mouth thing . . . Often when I'm driving (which I do a TON) I feel somehow empty if I don't have something to satisfy that hand-to-mouth urge. Some of the time I don’t even need to DO it as long as something is there to satisfy it . . . of course most of the time if it’s there I eat it.
During the binge I can’t stop thinking about how disgusting it is and asking myself “Why are you even doing this? Why can’t you just stop?” all the while stuffing my face. I'm not even sure I actually taste it after the first few bites. It kind of just take on a life of its own. Then when it's over I go back to thinking about how I KNEW I would give in to it yet again and sure enough I did. I didn't have the willpower to stop it and proved myself a failure yet again. :frown:0 -
I feel like it is a total Jekel and Hyde thing!0
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i need to get all this yummy food in me. yum yum yum
i can't stop eating. why is this so good
few minutes later..
im so full. * keeps eating*
few more minutes later...
im gonna burst * keeps eating*
and then i finish when the food is gone/ bag is emptied/ box is gone/ carton is emptied/ etc.
i hate binges so freaking much. it ruins my life, my digestive system, my confidence, and it always makes me sleepy and lethargic.0 -
I need a break. Thats my thought.0
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I think I've had all these thoughts you've all posted!
In some ways I almost dare myself to give in to a binge because I expect that I’m going to fail and give in. I challenge myself not to knowing full well that I’m going to give in then when I do it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and an affirmation that I am, in fact, the failure I think I am.
Once I give in to it and it becomes imminent the most prominent thoughts before the binge are along the lines of “I have to get 3 (or 5 or 10 depending what it is) because eating 1 isn’t enough and I can’t run out before I’ve had enough.” and “I NEED to have THAT (whatever I’m craving at the time) taste in my mouth" now and constantly until I’m sick of it. At first it tastes SOOO good but then it doesn’t even taste good or I don't really taste it at all anymore but I’ve got it so I I have to eat it. I have to.
I think I also feel like I need the whole hand-to-mouth thing . . . Often when I'm driving (which I do a TON) I feel somehow empty if I don't have something to satisfy that hand-to-mouth urge. Some of the time I don’t even need to DO it as long as something is there to satisfy it . . . of course most of the time if it’s there I eat it.
During the binge I can’t stop thinking about how disgusting it is and asking myself “Why are you even doing this? Why can’t you just stop?” all the while stuffing my face. I'm not even sure I actually taste it after the first few bites. It kind of just take on a life of its own. Then when it's over I go back to thinking about how I KNEW I would give in to it yet again and sure enough I did. I didn't have the willpower to stop it and proved myself a failure yet again. :frown:
I feel the same. Like I see I coming all day, especially on weekends, but I will set myself up in the living room right. near. the. kitchen. It's so backwards. Then, when I fail to have control I feel bad enough to not go out, which would have prevented me from binging of I'd just been happy and social in the first place. Food takes over my brain... Like I'm a processed bread zombie.0 -
I'm thinking..."I have no control. It's as good as eaten already." Once the thought to binge is in my head, I feel helpless against it. This week has been a testament to that. It gets old quickly, though. It's such a desperate, unhappy place to be. I eventually get to the point where I hate food and wish I never had to SEE it again, let alone eat it.0
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I think I agree with just about everything everyone has said! Especially the Jekyll and Hyde thing!!0
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I am inevitably going to to fail again, so I might as well do it now while I have "bad" food to do so on.
I can start again tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day.0 -
Then- I'm tired of trying so hard. This isn't working fast enough. This food is going to fill this void. More bread, cheese, chocolate, etc. MORE
Now- my tummy hurts. :ohwell:0 -
When I binge I think:
"this is the last time, i swear. just enjoy these cookies (or cake, or this jar of frosting, or this jar of peanut butter, etc) because once you're done you're never going to do it again."
or
"One more handful. One more handful. After this box is empty."0 -
I try to shut my brain up as much as possible and not think at all, because my brain is staying "Stop this! You know better!"0
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it's not really ME thinking those things. It's the monster. The Binge monster takes over and no matter how you try to beat it down, it is the dominant one. The last few binges I have really tried to pause and evaluate. And also to think about them the next day to try and figure out what is going on.
On a side note, I tried reading Geneen Roth's book about Breaking free from Emotional Eating. About half way through I realized from her writing that she was still struggling with it?!!! Kind of hard for me to take advice when it looks like she hasn't really found the answer for herself. Just saying...
This ^^^^ I don't think I think until after and then it's misery.0 -
Just found this group. Sometimes I justify it. "Had a bad day", "it's better than alcohol", "If I just eat everything now, I can't eat it later" Other times it's the "Wow, this is gross, why can't I stop?" thoughts. :grumble:0
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i've thought either "well i've ruined my day, might as well keep eating" or "i hate myself, i hate myself, i hate myself."
lol, or possibly a combination of the two :P0 -
This is a great thread. Well, not great in a yay hurray sense, but it is comforting to read some of these posts and not feel alone.
I think the thing that best describes my mindset during a binge is "seeking." I am trying desperately to fill some emotional need with food, and on some level I feel like if I can just find the right combo of food, or the right amount of food, or something, I can fill up the empty spaces. Of course it never works because what I need isn't food and in the end I just feel even worse. It's like a junkie chasing the dragon.0 -
This is a great thread. Well, not great in a yay hurray sense, but it is comforting to read some of these posts and not feel alone.
I think the thing that best describes my mindset during a binge is "seeking." I am trying desperately to fill some emotional need with food, and on some level I feel like if I can just find the right combo of food, or the right amount of food, or something, I can fill up the empty spaces. Of course it never works because what I need isn't food and in the end I just feel even worse. It's like a junkie chasing the dragon.
i think it is absolutely about filling a void. because what i am thinking is about how good things will taste and when i'm done eating them i think "oh, it's over now" and then i want to keep recapturing that feeling and that taste. it's so much like a drug addiction. that is why they have OA (overeaters anonymous) because i really do think it's in the same line of thinking. we use something to fill a void. it doesn't fill the void. we try it again. whether that is food, sex, drugs, gambling, or whatever, it is still trying to fill a void.0 -
I think, "This will make everything better. This will make the pain go away. This is better than other addictions like drugs and alcohol." It's totally a fill a void kind of thing.0
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I keep thinking MORE, MORE, MORE! If that skinny girl over there can eat a double cheeseburger, why can't I? It's just so delicious and I don't want it to go to waste....0
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The strange thing is that for me binge eating is almost a way of turning my brain off, not thinking anything, and just feeling comforted. I'm almost sure though that some subconscious part is saying "you'll never achieve a healthy body anyway, so you may as well..."0
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Right after I shut down the computer (no more access to MFP)
-DONT! STOP! KEEP WALKING! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!
-just a few bites, i have 50 calories left today!
- i worked out a lot, im sure I burned more than the calories i recorded
- well, going over by 100 isnt going to ruin the whole day
-omg that tastes so good
-impossible to stop
-you suck, you fatass, you loser
-ugh my stomach hurts
-something salty
-something sweet
-something salty
-something sweet
-now my stomach really hurts.
-hate hate hate hate hate
-well i got that out of my system.... so...tomorrow.... tomorrow i will have control. tomorrow is a new day.
basically I start with trying/ pretending to have self control, then i justify what i am doing, then i get so mad at myself, then i keep eating because i feel like a lost cause.
I alternate between sweet and salty type foods... not sure why thats just the way the cravings come on.
After really being angry and hating myself, somehow i always feel so strong for the next day, and I cant wait to wake up and have another chance.
Generally, i screw that up too.0
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