I know how you feel. I was severely overweight. I'm still overweight but not as bad anymore, I used to get so upset at my smaller friends who would say 'im so fat' etc etc but everyone has to remember that just because we think other people are happy with their bodies doesn't mean they are!
I think from what you have said you'd benefit more from toning rather than losing lots of weight, but you do only want to lose a few kgs. Its a hard one really, because only you know when you are going to be comfortable or what is going to help pick your self esteem back up. And who knows maybe you're just not a bikini person? I know some very toned thing women who just would never touch one but they've definitely got the body to suit!

I dont know if any of that helped, but I guess what I am trying to say is, do what makes you happy and what gives you a confidence boost!

hey I know exacly where you are coming from. It can be really hard when you feel like everyone around you thinks you are not good enough. But what helps me is remembering that the altimate goal is not to loose weight, but to FEEL HAPPY AND HEALTHY ; whether that is at 60 kilos and 65 or 70. in the end there is no point in loosing all that weight if you're still not happy with yourself. Another thing that helped me is finding a fitness buddy to help to out with acheiving my goals. They can be so supportive and help keep you motivated. Maybe that is what you need to do as well; find someone that you can talk to who is in the same situation as you.

Just on a side note I have gone through the same roller coaster ride as you. I was told that I was chubby by my parents since year 6/ And felt the same about my girl friends when they were much, much thinner than me and still wanted to be skinnier. But I've learnt to get past all that negative talk and just listen to what my body wants, and not what everyone else wants me to be. Hope you can get there too.

Hi there, I (and can assure you, many many others) can completely relate to how you feel. Case in point - see my profile pic? That's NOT what I look like right now ... it's a photo from a few years ago and I use it now as motivation to get back to where I want to be.

However - I can remember that day. I remember HOW self concious I was sitting with friends at the football thinking "oh i'm so fat, I shouldn't have worn these shorts and man, what was I THINKING about wearing a white top that shows everything??! Ugh I'm disgusting!!!" Now, a few years and 25-odd kilos later and I think I just about looked the healthiest I've ever been! No, I'm not stick thin in that pic ... but I think I look pretty darn good just the same! I actually have that same outfit in my cupboard and I've promised myself that the moment I fit back into it is the moment where I am no longer allowed to think or say "I'm fat".

I guess my point is, our mind can play some mean tricks on us! I know it's hard, but when your mates tell you that you look great, try to take that on board and know that they are telling you that because they geniuinely feel that way when they look at you. If that is a recent pic of you there in your profile pic, I think you look pretty amazing too! As one of the other girls said, maybe toning up will make you feel much better in yourself? Exercise, even if it's just a walk, always makes me feel leaner - even if my weight and measurements are exactly the same. It's like that mental thing that if you are eating well and exercising you just automatically feel stronger, leaner and happier in yourself in general?

I don't know if any of the above has helped or even made any sense lol ... but I do know exactly what you mean about self esteem/confidence issues - so anything we can do to support each other on this is a very good thing!

I don't know how much this means to you coming from a guy, but...

If you feel like you need to lose a couple of kilos or redistribute your weight a little to have more muscle and a bit less fat, then go for it. Don't let anyone tell you you can't or shouldn't.

Just be sure to do it for the right reason - that is for you and you alone. And above all else, do it healthily!

PS For what it's worth, I don't think you need to be overly self conscious about your body, I think you're gorgeous as you are (in a totally non-creeper, faithfully married guy way of course!)

I can totally relate to this thread.

I was always a bigger girl. All my Iife I felt fatter and larger (I'm 170cm and taller than most girls I know) than everyone else. When I was 16 I developed an eating disorder and dropped to about 50kg, and, in hindsight, looked absolutely revolting.

Then when I got better, I always felt fat, but had resolved never to go back to starving myself again. I look at pictures of when I was 21-23 and think how healthy I looked, even though (like Carissa above me said) I felt fat at the time. What I would give to be as "fat" as I was then!

And then for the last couple years of my life I think I was in kind of a denial about my weight. Years of inactivity and overeating (depression-related) led me to where I am now. Before I started this weight-loss journey I had a BMI of over 40. But I still remember times even last year when I would look at myself and think "yeah I look ok, I carry weight well". It took a few doctors telling me flat that I was dangerously overweight and on the path to diabetes and other serious health issues, that I decided to stop kidding myself.

So, I've actually managed to be on both sides of the spectrum. Seeing myself as both fatter AND thinner than I really am.

My advice would be to get proper medical advice on your body and how you feel. I don't think there is anything wrong with working out and toning up a bit, but you might want to get a doctor or nutritionist's advice on if you need to/how to alter your eating/calorie intake.