When guys are TOO nice..
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La_Amazona
Posts: 4,855 Member
Okay before the men jump on me (ahem), I will say I can admit that women are complicated. Sorry ladies but we are!
Men, do you start piling on the compliments right away? Do you even compliment?
I'm not sure if any of you read a post I posted over in the chit chat board about how I don't trust people right away. In dating, I seem to be leary of guys who start slopping on the compliments right away. Of course I want someone to compliment me. It's nice to hear them but I'm not sure why I feel like it's an act if you start right away. For example, this guy I'm going out with tomorrow keeps telling me he can't wait to meet me, he hopes there's a connection and how pretty I am... and all I keep doing is rolling my eyes lol. Why am I like that? Am I jaded?
At the same time, I won't fall for a guy just because he talks sweet nothings. I'm smarter than that but where is the line?
On the contrary, I've been with guys who don't ever compliment and it's frustrating as well.
What do I want? What do women want? Ahhhhh.
So too nice and too many compliments (early on) freak me out... where as no compliments make me think they're not very expressive (emotionally unavailable) and maybe not into me although they're dating me so they must be?
Men, do you start piling on the compliments right away? Do you even compliment?
I'm not sure if any of you read a post I posted over in the chit chat board about how I don't trust people right away. In dating, I seem to be leary of guys who start slopping on the compliments right away. Of course I want someone to compliment me. It's nice to hear them but I'm not sure why I feel like it's an act if you start right away. For example, this guy I'm going out with tomorrow keeps telling me he can't wait to meet me, he hopes there's a connection and how pretty I am... and all I keep doing is rolling my eyes lol. Why am I like that? Am I jaded?
At the same time, I won't fall for a guy just because he talks sweet nothings. I'm smarter than that but where is the line?
On the contrary, I've been with guys who don't ever compliment and it's frustrating as well.
What do I want? What do women want? Ahhhhh.
So too nice and too many compliments (early on) freak me out... where as no compliments make me think they're not very expressive (emotionally unavailable) and maybe not into me although they're dating me so they must be?
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I can see that for sure. I know that I have a hard time complimenting women as I always feel like a phony saying it even though I may really mean it. And in person it is nearly impossible for me to say more than you look nice or good or something. On here I try to say what I mean even or nothing at all.0
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What you need to understand, is that while you may find too many compliments a "flag", the next girl finds them endearing.
And where does someone find the criteria for "too many" compliments? That's highly subjective, and very personal.
I don't like a spineless woman, but lots of guys want to call all the shots. Who's wrong, who's right? Both and neither. Just stick with what you're comfortable with. :flowerforyou:0 -
I say what I mean, and mean what I say. If I complement you, or even flirt with you, yes, I mean it. I stopped playing games a long time ago. I stopped worrying about rules a long time ago. I live, I enjoy, I know who I am, I know what I like.
Am I too nice. Yes. But if that's a problem, move on and find your drama. That's all I'm gonna say about that.0 -
I blush really easily, so I've always been weary of someone that compliments excessively.
But, right now I'm dating someone that almost never compliments me. We've gone out dozens of times and he has only said I look 'nice' one time! It's a bit disheartening. I put a lot of effort into getting ready and some acknowledgement would be 'nice'. I'm just asking for a happy medium between the two extremes.
I've also learned that compliments are not always a marker of a nice guy. Sometimes it's the players and creeps that are best at sounding nice. The guy I'm dating is the nicest guy I've dated, despite his lack of compliments.0 -
I say what I mean, and mean what I say. If I complement you, or even flirt with you, yes, I mean it. I stopped playing games a long time ago. I stopped worrying about rules a long time ago. I live, I enjoy, I know who I am, I know what I like.
Am I too nice. Yes. But if that's a problem, move on and find your drama. That's all I'm gonna say about that.
Damn, well here I thought we were going to dance on that pole.
That's true about how everybody will perceive things differently. I've researched too much on stupid crap because of previous experiences that now I feel like I'm so aware of potential red flags and sometimes don't even trust myself.
Okay, I'll just enjoy the ride and enjoy being adored. HA!0 -
We will dance in any way you choose. I can be nice and naughty. They aren't mutually exclusive.0
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Okay before the men jump on me (ahem),....
I will say I can admit that women are complicated.....
Of course I want someone to compliment me.....but I'm not sure why I feel like it's an act if you start right away.....
What do I want?.....
^^....maybe start here and answer you're own question....
ETA: It doens't have to be "complicated"...0 -
My compliments are genuine. If I say I like this, or enjoy that, or that I find the other thing pleasant, I will say it. Here's the problem with trying to meet YOUR expectations....I'd have to be YOU to meet them. If we match well, then the amount of compliments I give will be "just right" for you. I don't need to change. I don't WANT to change. I just want to be accepted (just like you do).
Then, there's the "what" he is complimenting. He is telling you that you are pretty on the outside because that's all he really knows about you. He doesn't know "you" yet.
Accept the compliments graciously. Say 'thank you', and leave it at that. Have fun on your date... besides, it's not like you are getting married. It's just a date. You don't have to go out with him again if you don't like the person that he is.0 -
Okay before the men jump on me (ahem),....
I will say I can admit that women are complicated.....
Of course I want someone to compliment me.....but I'm not sure why I feel like it's an act if you start right away.....
What do I want?.....
^^....maybe start here and answer you're own question....
ETA: It doens't have to be "complicated"...
You have this way of blowing my mind.
I think it comes down to fear. I fear falling for the wrong words and not falling for the right ones. There. Thanks for making me dig deep.0 -
It is an unanswerable question and perplexing to a guy because as past discussions have gone here women say they want a decent guy but not a push over (just don`t push disagreeing too much experience has taught me
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There have been threads in the chit chat forum where dozens of ladies will actually take offense if complimented "wrong".
It seems as well that most ladies admit to over analyzing every word and deed yet the majority also want and expect a guy to take the lead in beginning and building a relationship.
Believe me,I am not a woman hater or chauvinist,you will have to look long and hard to find any guy that has and treats ladies with the respect that I do.
I am stating this from a mans perspective knowing we have our own faults but in the context of the thread am not addressing those.
I think open communication about things and all partys being willing to be reflective and soul search can make relationships better for each.
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Generally I don't compliment much. Not to just anyone, anyway. I'm kinda shy. I usually reserve that to those I really like. 0
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what is this place you speak of?-TyTy0
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If I had never met the guy, effusive compliments would probably put me on edge a little. In general, though, I tend to chalk it up to nervousness prior to and on the first date. Some people are overly talkative when they're nervous, and they try to be pleasant or funny or nice, and they overdo it.
It only bothers me if a guy says something that is obviously not genuine. The last first date I went on, the guy spent the first 15 minutes of dinner talking about himself, never asked me a single question about me, and then, out of the blue, says "Well, I'm really glad we met, and I hope you feel the same connection that I feel." That's not flattering. That makes me feel like I must have the word "stupid" tattooed on my forehead.
Guys who never give compliments ... it depends on whether or not they express themselves in other ways. If a man makes me feel beautiful and sexy, I can live without verbal affirmation. In fact, I prefer the former to the latter. But it's always nice to have both.0 -
I usually feel the same way...but this guy ..ahem..is very expressive, which im not used to, and it freaked me out at first. But now i love it and feel like there is something wrong if he isnt. Lol. I swear men can't win.0
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hell if i see something I like ... I'll let it be known in a nice way and try not to come off as being rude. Just because I say something nice doesn't mean I'm hooked looks are just part of a bigger picture even tho I will admit I tend to like a more b!tchy woman but that doesn't mean I'm about to take any *kitten*. I'm an openly big flirt but I let it be know but hell if I can't find something nice to say yeah then you can be one of the hommies lol :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
So if a guy says he likes your smile he might mean it .. if he says you look good take it for what it is ... and once he gets to really know you and tells you he likes your @ss thats still a nice thing in guy talk it means hes thinks your sexy that and he well he likes your @ss!
So i flirt.. I'm nice ... a bit of an *kitten* at times with the person I really like but that's just how I normally act.
To my friends if I complimented your boobies its just because well face it they are nice and guys like boob$ :devil:
That's my 2cents on the subject0 -
. "Just because I say something nice doesn't mean I'm hooked"
This I think is HUGE. This is what causes I think some of the annoyance with boys being "too nice" .. I think if he is complimenting me then he wants to marry me. lol.
I have learned over the years to take people the way they are and if someone is nice to me .. then they are a keeper. There are too many that aren't.0 -
I say what I mean, and mean what I say. If I complement you, or even flirt with you, yes, I mean it. I stopped playing games a long time ago. I stopped worrying about rules a long time ago. I live, I enjoy, I know who I am, I know what I like.
Am I too nice. Yes. But if that's a problem, move on and find your drama. That's all I'm gonna say about that.
Frickin this^^^^.
Dude. We could be brothers!0 -
I think it comes down to fear. I fear falling for the wrong words and not falling for the right ones. There. Thanks for making me dig deep.
This ^^. You like compliments when you know they are genuine, but sometimes you think he is saying what he thinks you want to hear in order to play you. On the other hand, you don't want to dismiss a guy who genuinely likes you just because he's not made you feel adored.
My advice: for the former, trust your instincts - there are a lot of users out there. For the latter, don't worry about it, if you don't feel adored at the outset then it's not likely to get any better.0 -
I think it's kind of a gut feeling. You want a compliment from someone you feel chemistry with/for, but if that isn't there that's when you question why they are saying it.
Personally, I enjoy complimenting men in a flirty way because it really boosts their ego. Kind of amazing how you can see them 'puff up' (get your minds out of the gutter people!) when that happens. Then again, all my compliments are always genuine. No point in saying anything I don't mean.0 -
Personally, I enjoy complimenting men in a flirty way because it really boosts their ego. Kind of amazing how you can see them 'puff up' (get your minds out of the gutter people!) when that happens. Then again, all my compliments are always genuine. No point in saying anything I don't mean.
Same here. It makes my day to compliment a man because it's written all over his face that you just made him feel like a million bucks.0
