You are absolutely correct. I just wish I knew how. Nice thoughts for a therapist in training huh?

They don't seem to be a dime a dozen. At least for me.

Most "problems" take as long to undo as they do to develop but we tend to think they should fix instantly...they don`t.
Not asking you to share your lifes details but take some time to reflect,so much good can come from it if done honestly.

Prior relationships,failures and successes,what went wrong and why,how to do differently plus realizing that there was always someone who no matter what did care about you and I bet very often new ones somewhat regularly.

If things don`t work out with this fellow then shrug and really just say next.
Life is a sorting out process,be happy for NO`s as that is one less person to worry over and waste time on.
Maybe`s suck (where you kind of are here with this guy) and a yes when it comes along will be a beautiful thing.

Not sure if this is necessary anymore, since they are smarter people than me 'round these parts! But here...

If I were going to be completely honest, which I will be, it is because I expect to be rejected. I expect to be hurt. I do not feel like I am worthwhile enough for someone to love me. Especially since, at the moment, I don't particularly love myself.

First, I was looking at your pics earlier (on my own, in my bedroom, what happened next is my secret...) and I think you're hot.
Plus I'm stalking you (yep! your own personal stalker how cool is that?), so I now know you like metal so you've just won +5 hotness bonus points!

Not sure why you don't particularly love yourself... But surely you're doing something about it by coming here. Better than me who is now pretty much only trolling the singles forum at the moment. :laugh:

So does anyone thing she should ask him about being on POF so she can clear this up? If so, how?
(I personally never figured out the right way to do this w/o the guy getting angry)

Once, I got caught by a girl while on POF... I disconnected quickly (yeah, that's how I solve my problems, I run away) but I received a message five seconds later saying "Hey! How are you?"... Damn! Spotted! :embarassed: Well not really embarrassed in fact, I think I just copied and pasted my first message to her as a reply like we're just talking for the first time :laugh:

from what you wrote you are not exclusive with him just sexually. Even if he said it is just one on one he still could be looking for a relationship on POF.

I would personally yep. I still want my own real girlfriend!

You are absolutely correct. I just wish I knew how. Nice thoughts for a therapist in training huh?
They don't seem to be a dime a dozen. At least for me.

If you tell me (in PM) what worries you my little metal-loving-therapist-in-training, I can give it some thought. If you're worried about your "hotness level", then we've sorted that out in our first paragraph haven't we? :laugh:

And yep, event though there are many men, they aren't necessarily that many "good" (suitable) men. But that's why you need to be on top of your game when you've got an opportunity. If you met the perfect man tomorrow, would you be able to grab that opportunity?

'No, I'm not talking to anyone else'....then why the HELL are you browsing POF?

I like to look at women's profiles personally, read their crap, try to get in their heads, and have a laugh. Even without a current date/relationship, I barely contact one woman a week anyway... So when I'm with someone I absolutely can't be aRSed to send a single email.
So I know my POF browsing sessions are free of naughty thoughts, just really do it out of curiosity, a bit like looking at women in the street or pedestrians when I'm sitting at a bench. Yeah, I'm a creep. :glasses:

I'll tell you what though (in general, not in this particular case), you really need to trust your "partner". Because POF is only one of the places where the person can meet someone, but really why don't you then start stalking him at work, at the pub, etc?
So if you can't trust them enough to hope they're not going to jump on the first girl they meet, then your life becomes pretty much a nightmare.

You are right and I absolutely am. If I were going to be completely honest, which I will be, it is because I expect to be rejected. I expect to be hurt. I do not feel like I am worthwhile enough for someone to love me. Especially since, at the moment, I don't particularly love myself.

If a random guy doesn't want to have a relationship with you, that says nothing about you. He doesn't know you. The problem with guarding against rejection by anticipating it is that it messes up the relationship so you never really know what could have been. At this point I would tell him that you thought you wanted a fwb but find it's not for you, so if he is interested in getting to know you as his girlfriend then he knows where you are.

No judgement...but I feel like you should working on loving yourself instead of some man. They are a dime a dozen. I promise. :flowerforyou:

You are absolutely correct. I just wish I knew how. Nice thoughts for a therapist in training huh?

They don't seem to be a dime a dozen. At least for me.

Therapists in training are human too, you deserve the same chance that everyone else has to seek support to make your life a happier one. Please seek it now. As you probably know, training of this nature is very demanding on an emotional level and so it helps to sort any problems of this type out early. I'm a therapist and have treated other therapists, it's more common than you may think that they may need help themselves. If you'd like the link for a good online course (CBT) for self esteem please let me know. Take care :flowerforyou:

bump

So yeah, he just texted me and said that he saw his ex last night and he is going to try to make that work. He said it isn't fair to have a fwb he can't dedicate any time too.

Seems to me those are two separate issues and he was just trying to get out of seeing me again. I don't know why I am upset but I am. That rejection thing I guess. It appears that I am the girl that guys just want to *kitten* and nothing more.

You are doing the drawing a conclusion based on your feelings rather then facts again hon (sorry :flowerforyou: )

It sounds like a reasonable and honorable thing for him to do both in texting you as well as in trying to make a relationship work over or worse yet along with a FWB.
Now do I know he is telling the truth?...of course I don`t but until proven otherwise take it for what it is.
He saw you as sexually desirable,that is not a bad thing nor is he abnormal to...you are.
He tried to be fair to you rather then string you along so obviously you built a level of respect in his eyes.

Does that make it feel any better given you "fell" for him?...No,it doesn`t but it also in no way whatsoever means you are somehow unattractive,can`t turn a guy on or don`t deserve respect.
Just the opposite is what it proves.

I am so sorry everyone. I am obviously a mess.

We all are honey. Every single person in the world has their insecurities and hang ups. No one is normal. Think about it this way though you have an experience to learn from. Each person we meet changes us in some small way and helps redefine our life. Its always good no matter how akward it is at the time.( Man I must be in some kinda mood today) :flowerforyou:

I am a good, reasonably attractive, intelligent person. I am deserving of someone like me.

^^^^ Agreed :happy:

Thank you.

I now realize that a fwb is not what I need or what. I am a good, reasonably attractive, intelligent person. I am deserving of someone like me.

Yes, yes, yes, you deserve so much more! :flowerforyou:

Thank you.

I now realize that a fwb is not what I need or what. I am a good, reasonably attractive, intelligent person. I am deserving of someone like me.

The best part is that you're honest with yourself. I've made my mistakes and the whole sleeping with FL sometimes plays in my mind as a regret because of my stupid feelings but in the end, I smile because my mistakes are MINE. I own them and you know what? I'm learning from them. Truly. That's amazing to me. I'm learning about myself. I now know I cannot handle a FWB. I can't sleep with someone whom I have feelings for and just be "cool". That's just not me. And trust me, I won't be doing it again.

You're learning about yourself as you go. That's gotta be a good feeling!!

You get to set the standards for YOU. Mine might be different than yours. It doesn't make me the bad guy or vice versa. Only we know ourselves and only we get to decide what's best for us. So keep reflecting, keep observing yourself and above all, keep being honest with yourself. :flowerforyou: