Agree with all of the above other then in 2012 I would say that texting/email has become an accepted norm for life,business,friendship and relationship so best not to be overly judgmental on that issue...we are not going back to 1980.

Having said that it has been my experience that when it comes to online meeting people a lady regards a phone call as being some sort of a "next step" to a relationship rather then casual communication.
In other words they are cool with texts and emails but actual personal,vocal communication is more then casual getting to know a person.

Agree with all of the above other then in 2012 I would say that texting/email has become an accepted norm for life,business,friendship and relationship so best not to be overly judgmental on that issue...we are not going back to 1980.

Having said that it has been my experience that when it comes to online meeting people a lady regards a phone call as being some sort of a "next step" to a relationship rather then casual communication.
In other words they are cool with texts and emails but actual personal,vocal communication is more then casual getting to know a person.

LOL I have had a few bad experiences with texting, especially because of auto correct and not reading back what I have written. So when I want to get my point across I would much rather talk on the phone. With texting you can't read their mood, or tone and that is very important when you are builing a relationship.

No doubt and real communication at some point is a must.

I don't think guys are turned off my financial independence unless you make enough more money that you expect activities and a lifestyle the guy cannot afford to maintain. No one wants to go broke in the course of building a relationship. Some of your post has me wondering how emotionally independent you are though. Are you really that frustrated that it takes 2-4 hours to return a text? Part of the advantage of a text over an actual call is that you can respond at your convenience while continuing with other activities. Additionally, why are you waiting for him to make a decision about going on a 4th date? Ask him on a date. You've gone out 3 times already and stated that you don't go beyond a first date if you don't see something coming out of it. If you keep waiting on others to do things to make you happy, you're going to be waiting a long time and are very likely to be miserable for most of the wait.

Well, it is frustrating since he doesn't like to call (I call him since I can't stand his texting) and when we are verifying plans it is very frustrating since it is just a short conversation. No, I don't think dinner and drinks is very expensive (I offer to pay too and he won't let me).

Never believe a guy when he says he doesn't like to call. That's code for "I'm not that into you, so if you want to talk to me, you have to call me, and I'll either answer or I won't, depending on my mood and whether or not I'm banging some other chick at that moment."

Granted, most men don't like to talk on the phone for an hour at a time, but if he really likes you, he WANTS to talk to you. Texting is for 12-year-olds and guys who are trying to manage multiple women at once.

If I were you, I would stop calling AND texting these guys who won't call you. You're only prolonging the inevitable. I'm not saying you can never call a guy you're seeing. What I'm saying is that if HE never calls YOU, there's a reason for it, and it's not simply that he doesn't like to call.

OH when I saw this I was like (ALL CAPS IN MY HEAD) YOU'RE NUTS, I hate talking on the phone, with a passion. The kind of passion that makes you despise a certain smell or feeling that lingers on painfully. Like a really bad perfume that seems to absorb itself into your nasal passages so deep you cut your nose hairs and when that doesnt work you wonder if they make a nasal scraper like those gag-able tongue scrappers the halitosis people need.

Wait, where was I. Oh yeah. She's right.

As someone that cringes when I hear certain ring tones, I still want to talk to a girl I like. And even though I'm like 4 - 12 yr olds in age, I'm a texting fiend, but not necessarily for the reasons she mentioned.

Also, I had a woman once tell me I was "too accessible" and she never had a chance to "miss me". This confounded me since I've been in the collaboration technology business for many years. It just goes against my nature not to reach out or respond even when I feel that acid reflux volcano bubble up to the top of my stomach as my finger moves to hit send in slow motion.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I'm an especially good dater actually. I move too fast, expect too much too quickly, and burn through things like a pile of phosphorus. Just a really bright and violent flash that dissipates rapidly.

what the hell am I doing trying to help.

I'm outta here.

I refuse to have a conversation with a man I'm dating via text message, and I don't care what year it is. Texts and e-mails are not the same thing as realtime, unedited conversation with an actual human being. I realize this limits my dating pool, but I'd rather be single than date a guy who thinks he's going to manage me with his BlackBerry like I'm any other random chick on his contacts list.

It's not about having "rules" that a man needs to live by. I'm the last woman in the world who is going to tell a grown man to do X, Y, or Z. But I do take my cues about how a man feels about me from his actions. And if he never wants to pick up the phone and hear my voice because it's "easier" to text ... he can't be all that interested in me.

So many restrictions.

First off, who uses blackberry outside Canada these days?

actions do speak louder ESP when the tv is on mute. I'm personally the type that waits, nay, pushes a woman to go first in front of me at all times. I open most doors and carry all the heavy stuff too. And I always pay the tab Don't believe me? Ask Becky 3) I'd be happy to send you a voice memo if you want to hear my voice. I usually lay it down with some background music to accentuate the mood or just the sound of the shower. Isn't that the same?


Kidding. People have their own thing. For instance, a billion points of contact is not welcome if things aren't going well. Each message just becomes a "ugh" then a " Ooof" then a "wtf. Seriously!"

So ms jq2121222111221212. What if you wanted to send a quick HI?! Do you call and when he doesn't answer you get peeved because "I know you have caller I'd and even if you don't I know my number is saved in your phone because I put it there and I even put my pic in there with the green shirt that I know you love so betta answer. I'll just call back " two snaps in the air.

I refuse to have a conversation with a man I'm dating via text message, and I don't care what year it is. Texts and e-mails are not the same thing as realtime, unedited conversation with an actual human being. I realize this limits my dating pool, but I'd rather be single than date a guy who thinks he's going to manage me with his BlackBerry like I'm any other random chick on his contacts list.

I like your point of view. I feel the same way about texting now. I'm a little bit more lenient in my point of view on emails and Facebook messages, simply because those forms allow for more long form writing.

If someone is only accessible by text based communication, that's a bad sign. I can manage some of my friendships with my guy friends on text msg and Facebook, but that's not appropriate in a dating relationship.

I refuse to have a conversation with a man I'm dating via text message, and I don't care what year it is. Texts and e-mails are not the same thing as realtime, unedited conversation with an actual human being. I realize this limits my dating pool, but I'd rather be single than date a guy who thinks he's going to manage me with his BlackBerry like I'm any other random chick on his contacts list.

I like your point of view. I feel the same way about texting now. I'm a little bit more lenient in my point of view on emails and Facebook messages, simply because those forms allow for more long form writing.

If someone is only accessible by text based communication, that's a bad sign. I can manage some of my friendships with my guy friends on text msg and Facebook, but that's not appropriate in a dating relationship.

I suppose sex text (or sext) is out then!! :laugh:

tbh I've never met a man that only communicates through text. Men usually phone. But I do love a man that can express himself in text. Something about the written word, the spontaneity, the thought............Mmmmm :bigsmile:

Hey DM, love the new pic! Nice and smiley :flowerforyou:

Thanks Anna.

Texting has a purpose, but it is a rather limited purpose. I think it is better used in terms of relational maintenance rather than relational development, and also can work well for simple exchanges, and in crowded, noisy environments.

The written word is a good thing. But I like longer form written word formats than the text message.

But this is really all tangential to the OP and the subject of whether independent women are off putting.

OH when I saw this I was like (ALL CAPS IN MY HEAD) YOU'RE NUTS, I hate talking on the phone, with a passion. The kind of passion that makes you despise a certain smell or feeling that lingers on painfully. Like a really bad perfume that seems to absorb itself into your nasal passages so deep you cut your nose hairs and when that doesnt work you wonder if they make a nasal scraper like those gag-able tongue scrappers the halitosis people need.

Wait, where was I. Oh yeah. She's right.

I absolutely despise the phone as well. Primarily due to if there is any sort of background noise, like music or other conversations or the TV I can have a hard time making out what the person is saying and I hate saying "What?" or "Repeat that please" every 30 seconds in a phone conversation.

And I think the phone is just as impersonal as text or email.

That said, if I do like a girl I'll call provided I have something to discuss.

One reason I hate text conversations (not texting itself, but trying to have an actual conversation) is that you are pretty much at the mercy of the other person. I have a friend who hates talking on the phone, so whenever he wants to talk to me, he texts me ... and keeps texting me for an hour at a time. It drives me freaking nuts. If he would just pick up the phone, the whole conversation could be over and done in 5 to 10 minutes, but instead I have to keep checking my messages and keep responding until he's done talking, or else he'll think I'm ignoring him and get all pissy about it.

Also, I don't understand not having anything to say. I completely agree that it's annoying to get a phone call from someone who doesn't have anything at all to talk about. I am no more a fan of spending an hour on the phone just shooting the breeze than any of the rest of you. But if you don't have something to say to a person you are interested in, that's not a good sign. I have never had trouble holding an interesting, meaningful conversation with a man I liked.

I understand if you're in a relationship with someone, maybe you live together or otherwise see each other every day, then perhaps you really don't have a reason to talk on the phone much. But in the early stages of dating when you don't live together and you don't see each other every day, I think a phone call shows more interest than a text message.

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"I agree with this!!! I just want to add that I think independent women give off this impression that the don't NEED a man. I think every man wants to feel like they are needed. If it isn't financially, then it could be to open the pickle jar. I just know that if you want to EVER have a working relationship with a man, they need to feel important and needed in your life. If you don't do that, and don't make them a big priority, then I would have to say that independence is a turn off. I am independent, but I always make sure to let the guy I'm with know that I want him and need him in my life."
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I think we all need to feel important to the person we love...Not so much that you need a man there, but make him know you WANT him to be in your life!

It is too dangerous to create these huge generalities....sorry.
If the guys you meet are intimidated by you, then do you really want to go out with them anyhow? There are lots of guys who are very comfortable with who they are and who you are. The challenge is finding the right match!

Oh, and on texting....I am a little older but for the life of me I can't understand how a series of texts equates to a conversation. At least in an email some feelings can be conveyed but texting???

Sheesh I sound like a b....! lol!