How to be a good girlfriend and more questions...
La_Amazona
Posts: 4,855 Member
Men, what's a good girlfriend consist of? So far, I'm impressed in myself but I've also slipped up here and there... Here's the good girlfriend list so far:
Smiley was as sick as a dog last week. I took care of him 2 days in a row. He absolutely appreciated and I overheard him telling his brothers twice at the party about how I waited on him as he was "dying". He was grumpy towards the end because he just wanted to get better and I just kept my cool.
I'm usually bubbly although, PMS was rough with me these last few days and he saw a side of me that he didn't know existed. But happy La_Amazona is back and he sure is glad. But he has a bubbly happy girlfriend.
I have started to treat him on our dates. Last night, he helped me move all my heavy boxes after helping his brother move in. I took him out to dinner in appreciation.
I'm adventurous. He loves this. I'm not a gal that's going to love whatever my bf loves but I'm open to trying new things. He's introduced me to a new sport, new music, etc etc... I'll be honest if I don't like it too.
He sees that I take care of myself physically. He knows I work out and try to eat well. He also knows I'm a girly girl which he very much appreciates.
Our sexual chemistry is explosive even w/o actual sex. Seriously. It's hot. He gets hot over me soooo easy it's flattering.
I compliment him and encourage him whether it's how he looks, his football skills, his kissing, cooking, whatever. I like to make him smile.
Okay now the bad things.. ahem. :blushing:
I've been super duper emotional. I hate it. Part of it is PMS, and seeing that we've only been official for 2 weeks, yeah, he got to see me in my worst state very early on. (I pms is for 3-4 days before and about 2-3 days after the start of my (.). I'm not using this as an excuse but I'm also not on birth control which when I was, it'd help with my PMS)
The other part is all this new territory. I've done a lot of healing on my own, I got into therapy when I was contemplating a divorce to help me decide and then with the transition and conquered being happily single. Being vulnerable again scares the crap out of me. I've had a couple of freakouts where I want to run away and hide in a shell and just be single because it's THAT scary to me. I really like him and the more I do, the scarier for me. He's been patient but I never want him to think he's cleaning up a mess that isn't his... it's just all these new emotions are scary. I've told him this and he says he understands. He's scared too.
When I would share my feelings with the ex, I'd get shot down or he'd just stare at me with a blank cold look on his face. I think because of this, I'm scared each time I share with Smiley. I immediately think I'm being too dramatic and maybe I shouldn't be so open with him. I guess I'm not sure where the line is.
A friend told me to start our relationship with communication. Be open with him but don't tell him everything. This is hard because I'm one to not talk about feelings. I never blab my business. But I want to stop letting fear control me and be open with those I love and trust.
So guys, when is a girl TOO emotional??
That's all the bad I can think of.
I've learned... I'm a confident girl but being vulnerable shakes me.
Smiley was as sick as a dog last week. I took care of him 2 days in a row. He absolutely appreciated and I overheard him telling his brothers twice at the party about how I waited on him as he was "dying". He was grumpy towards the end because he just wanted to get better and I just kept my cool.
I'm usually bubbly although, PMS was rough with me these last few days and he saw a side of me that he didn't know existed. But happy La_Amazona is back and he sure is glad. But he has a bubbly happy girlfriend.
I have started to treat him on our dates. Last night, he helped me move all my heavy boxes after helping his brother move in. I took him out to dinner in appreciation.
I'm adventurous. He loves this. I'm not a gal that's going to love whatever my bf loves but I'm open to trying new things. He's introduced me to a new sport, new music, etc etc... I'll be honest if I don't like it too.
He sees that I take care of myself physically. He knows I work out and try to eat well. He also knows I'm a girly girl which he very much appreciates.
Our sexual chemistry is explosive even w/o actual sex. Seriously. It's hot. He gets hot over me soooo easy it's flattering.
I compliment him and encourage him whether it's how he looks, his football skills, his kissing, cooking, whatever. I like to make him smile.
Okay now the bad things.. ahem. :blushing:
I've been super duper emotional. I hate it. Part of it is PMS, and seeing that we've only been official for 2 weeks, yeah, he got to see me in my worst state very early on. (I pms is for 3-4 days before and about 2-3 days after the start of my (.). I'm not using this as an excuse but I'm also not on birth control which when I was, it'd help with my PMS)
The other part is all this new territory. I've done a lot of healing on my own, I got into therapy when I was contemplating a divorce to help me decide and then with the transition and conquered being happily single. Being vulnerable again scares the crap out of me. I've had a couple of freakouts where I want to run away and hide in a shell and just be single because it's THAT scary to me. I really like him and the more I do, the scarier for me. He's been patient but I never want him to think he's cleaning up a mess that isn't his... it's just all these new emotions are scary. I've told him this and he says he understands. He's scared too.
When I would share my feelings with the ex, I'd get shot down or he'd just stare at me with a blank cold look on his face. I think because of this, I'm scared each time I share with Smiley. I immediately think I'm being too dramatic and maybe I shouldn't be so open with him. I guess I'm not sure where the line is.
A friend told me to start our relationship with communication. Be open with him but don't tell him everything. This is hard because I'm one to not talk about feelings. I never blab my business. But I want to stop letting fear control me and be open with those I love and trust.
So guys, when is a girl TOO emotional??
That's all the bad I can think of.
I've learned... I'm a confident girl but being vulnerable shakes me.
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Replies
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Stop over thinking it. Go with the flow & happiness will follow.0
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Just be yourself,that is who he has fallen for.
If you hate parts of your character (too emotional) then work on dealing with that but first try talking to him about it.
He may like that part of you and it will be a good chance to have a mature,honest and open discussion about where things are headed.0 -
That's what he said! He says I think too much. I can't help it. I've gotten so good looking for "red flags" that I'm hyper aware and have 20 eyes open looking for one in him. It's annoying and frustrating.0
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I'd say your 100% normal and don't change yourself in any way. You've acted naturally, he's still there. Take that as a compliment and ENJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY it, you're overthinking things way too much.
I think every guy on here will be able to relate to a woman being a little bit off at her times of the month etc, that's just normal anyway, if you're emotional then fine because he seems to accept it as long as you communicate well which you have been doing everything will be fine.0 -
That's what he said! He says I think too much. I can't help it. I've gotten so good looking for "red flags" that I'm hyper aware and have 20 eyes open looking for one in him. It's annoying and frustrating.
So, stop.
You're seriously over thinking this. If something comes up, let it come up and deal with it then. Don't make problems that can be avoided.0 -
Last night we talked about reassurance which he said I shouldn't need it in words so much. He said.. "you should know by my actions, by me wanting to help you move, by me always wanting to see you even when I'm tired, by me showing you just how much I like you, more so than any words I can say".
It makes sense.
Then I cried. I CRIED. God he probably thinks I'm nuts. I told him I've been through a lot and though I've picked myself up.. I'm scared. He hugged me and told me he liked me a lot.
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"What does a good girlfriend consist of?" is a difficult question to answer, and it is also a subjective one. If I tried to answer it, I might miss some details, and I like to be thorough.
@Amazona-The way you describe your current situation, things seem fine. You've been seeing each other about a month now, it seems like he wants to keep seeing you. The best way to gauge the early part of a relationship is if the other person wants to keep seeing you.0 -
Thank you boys.
Does a girl crying freak you out? Seems Smiley is okay with it but we were in the dark in bed, for all I know he could have been rolling his eyes, laughing at me or giving me a deer in headlights look. I doubt it.. but I've always heard a woman crying makes a guy freak out.0 -
You boys are being no help. lol.
I have the same FEAR that you have. I hate pushing that onto him because it is nothing that he did or even would think of doing .. but when you burn your hand on a stove .. you don't touch it again ... it is a learned behavior. Everyone has had something happen to them that changes the way they view things.
I am very emotional as well .. and change my mind at the drop of a hat .. in fact .. last weekend I said something and then like an hour later I said never mind .. I don't think that .. then like 2 seconds later I changed it back and he goes .. wait did you just change your mind in 2 seconds ... lol .. I laughed so hard !!!! It was rediculous. I know I am a complete pain in the *kitten* .. but it's me.
My thought is the more real you are now .. the more you show him of you .. the better. That way he knows EXACTLY what he's getting into!! lol
But .. on a serious note .. how do men feel about dealing with the crap left behind by another man.0 -
But .. on a serious note .. how do men feel about dealing with the crap left behind by another man.
It depends on what the crap is. After about age 20-22 or so, it is difficult to date someone that hasn't had some sort of difficult breakup. Everyone has some sort of crap to deal with.
Most men aren't particularly keen on raising the child another man created. That's why we had yesterday's chat about men not wanting to date single mothers.0 -
Thank you boys.
Does a girl crying freak you out? Seems Smiley is okay with it but we were in the dark in bed, for all I know he could have been rolling his eyes, laughing at me or giving me a deer in headlights look. I doubt it.. but I've always heard a woman crying makes a guy freak out.
It depends on a number of factors. I wouldn't automatically saying that crying freaks me out, but the context matters. And crying early on when you are in the courting phase and supposed to be on best behavior (let's face it-both sides are exhibiting their best behaviors in the first few months or so until the comfort factor is there) isn't the best way in general to create endearing feelings. But, there is a time and place for it.0 -
See, I've also realized, I'm not scared of Smiley cheating on me, I don't think. He's given me no reason NOT to trust him and this is HUGE for me. I've always came into relationships with the "you have to earn my trust" and with him, I've decided to trust him (to a certain point as trust will grow as we grow) because he deserves a clean slate.
I'm just scared of getting hurt again.. which in retrospect I was hurt because I was cheated on but it was more the betrayal, the lies, etc. I've told Smiley to always be honest with me. No matter what. I've also told him if he simply isn't interested in me anymore one day to just tell me, he asked the same from me.
I agree that we all have our "baggage". But I purposely never want to make him pay for my ex's cheating. On the other hand, he is dealing with fears from that cheating/ hurt.0 -
Thank you boys.
Does a girl crying freak you out? Seems Smiley is okay with it but we were in the dark in bed, for all I know he could have been rolling his eyes, laughing at me or giving me a deer in headlights look. I doubt it.. but I've always heard a woman crying makes a guy freak out.
It depends on a number of factors. I wouldn't automatically saying that crying freaks me out, but the context matters. And crying early on when you are in the courting phase and supposed to be on best behavior (let's face it-both sides are exhibiting their best behaviors in the first few months or so until the comfort factor is there) isn't the best way in general to create endearing feelings. But, there is a time and place for it.
I agree. Okay no more crying. (see now I'm overthinking about how I cried last night)
STOP STOP STOP.
He's helping me move again tonight. I make a vow with you all single peeps that it will be fun and 'light'. No heavy emotional pms'y talks. Thankyouverymuch.0 -
I feel the need to jump in here at this point...I have also made that agreement in past relationships. Unfortunately, from my experience most people can not bring themselves to just say Ive lost interest in this relationship, its not headed in a direction I would like to go. They seem to try to push the other person away and make them unhappy enough that they think they will say it for them!0
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Thank you boys.
Does a girl crying freak you out? Seems Smiley is okay with it but we were in the dark in bed, for all I know he could have been rolling his eyes, laughing at me or giving me a deer in headlights look. I doubt it.. but I've always heard a woman crying makes a guy freak out.
All depends on what you're crying about.
If you're crying because you're emotional at that TOM and upset about something, no it doesn't freak me out. If you're crying because I can't take another episode of Lifetime, then, well, suck it up sweetheart
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Thank you boys.
Does a girl crying freak you out? Seems Smiley is okay with it but we were in the dark in bed, for all I know he could have been rolling his eyes, laughing at me or giving me a deer in headlights look. I doubt it.. but I've always heard a woman crying makes a guy freak out.
It depends on a number of factors. I wouldn't automatically saying that crying freaks me out, but the context matters. And crying early on when you are in the courting phase and supposed to be on best behavior (let's face it-both sides are exhibiting their best behaviors in the first few months or so until the comfort factor is there) isn't the best way in general to create endearing feelings. But, there is a time and place for it.
I agree. Okay no more crying. (see now I'm overthinking about how I cried last night)
STOP STOP STOP.
He's helping me move again tonight. I make a vow with you all single peeps that it will be fun and 'light'. No heavy emotional pms'y talks. Thankyouverymuch.
Don't make the vow w/ us. Make it w/ him lol0 -
If you're crying because I can't take another episode of Lifetime, then, well, suck it up sweetheart
Are there really women who do that?
I understand the hormonal crying. As a woman, I know that sometimes it just happens, with no warning and for no reason.
But crying because you didn't get your way ... that sounds a little bit completely insane to me. Maybe I'm just cold-hearted though. When a guy pisses me off, I don't yell or cry (unless it's something really traumatic, like I caught him cheating on me). I just get really silent, maybe give him an evil look or three. And eventually I'll get over it.0 -
Be honest and true to who you are, what you do, and what you say.
A sandwich and some Gentleman Jack now and then too!0 -
If you're crying because I can't take another episode of Lifetime, then, well, suck it up sweetheart
Are there really women who do that?
I understand the hormonal crying. As a woman, I know that sometimes it just happens, with no warning and for no reason.
But crying because you didn't get your way ... that sounds a little bit completely insane to me. Maybe I'm just cold-hearted though. When a guy pisses me off, I don't yell or cry (unless it's something really traumatic, like I caught him cheating on me). I just get really silent, maybe give him an evil look or three. And eventually I'll get over it.
Well, I mean, like if it's that TOM and you cry for simple stuff like that.0 -
Yeah crying for no apparent reason is just weird. I no I dont get hormonal like that so I dont know what its like. In that situation, I will generally console the girl but honestly Im rolling my eyes thinking... "wow, really??". I had a girlfriend like that, whom would do it quite often.... It got really old after a while.0
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Be honest and true to who you are, what you do, and what you say.
A sandwich and some Gentleman Jack now and then too!
Best. Answer. Yet.0 -
Well said! We can deal with the once a month random crying or yelling, but any more than that is kind of a red flag.Thank you boys.
Does a girl crying freak you out? Seems Smiley is okay with it but we were in the dark in bed, for all I know he could have been rolling his eyes, laughing at me or giving me a deer in headlights look. I doubt it.. but I've always heard a woman crying makes a guy freak out.
All depends on what you're crying about.
If you're crying because you're emotional at that TOM and upset about something, no it doesn't freak me out. If you're crying because I can't take another episode of Lifetime, then, well, suck it up sweetheart0 -
I don't know if anyone watched Everybody Loves Raymond, but there was an episode where Ray saw Debra sobbing, and it turned out she just liked to cry sometimes. It's true! Sometimes if I'm particularly sad, I will just think of sad things and make myself cry, because it feels good - it's like yelling or screaming or talking it out with someone. So if your girlfriend is that type, ask her periodically how things are going and allow her to talk openly to you about it! I bet the crying episodes will decrease.0
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I didn't want to jump in until I thought about this. A good girlfriend earns her quirks. You can cry, PMS, snore or even pee standing up. But you have to make us overlook all that with the way you look at us, the way you talk to us, the way you talk about us, the things you do for us, the things you let us do for you, etc. Earn your quirks!0
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I didn't want to jump in until I thought about this. A good girlfriend earns her quirks. You can cry, PMS, snore or even pee standing up. But you have to make us overlook all that with the way you look at us, the way you talk to us, the way you talk about us, the things you do for us, the things you let us do for you, etc. Earn your quirks!
this is a great answer.......actually makes total sense 0 -
I didn't want to jump in until I thought about this. A good girlfriend earns her quirks. You can cry, PMS, snore or even pee standing up. But you have to make us overlook all that with the way you look at us, the way you talk to us, the way you talk about us, the things you do for us, the things you let us do for you, etc. Earn your quirks!
Awwww. That is cute.0 -
I didn't want to jump in until I thought about this. A good girlfriend earns her quirks. You can cry, PMS, snore or even pee standing up. But you have to make us overlook all that with the way you look at us, the way you talk to us, the way you talk about us, the things you do for us, the things you let us do for you, etc. Earn your quirks!
This is good!!!!!0 -
Smiley came over yesterday to help me move. We ended up hanging out for about an hour just talking and playing around. I brought up the whole PMS/ crying thing. He said we were fine but that he thinks sometimes I'm too sensitive. (Ya think?!? I'm bleeding and cramping SMILEY) But I heard him out and then I talked about how he seems to not be very expressive sometimes. I guess we're just getting to know each other and it's interesting. I love it but at times I guess I'm just trying to figure it all out. He says he's not expressive with negative feelings. He usually just ignores them and then forgets about them. I'm more "let's talk about my negative feelings". Maybe it's a woman/ man thing... but we talked it out, laughed and then he cried (haha mocked me). Then we wrestled and made out. We talked about kids, family, Christmas, and whatever intimate subject came up. It was nice.
OMG! So I don't know if I told ya'll that he asked about FL the day before last.. He asked how we met. I don't remember how FL came up but he did. Anywho, Smiley says "you met online huh?" I about choked and said "what? what do you mean?" He said "you met online on the dating thing" He said he put 2 and 2 together (whatever that means). I was honest and told him how we met through POF and dated for a week or 2 but then we decided to be friends and that's all we had been since.
So last night, FL comes up again... I'm not sure if Smiley is really jealous or bothered by him or if he's teasing me but FL was on my FB yesterday here and there. Plus he had texted me earlier to which Smiley saw it was FL. I have no reason to hide who I'm talking to so it's all in the open. So last night, Smiley asked me if I had ever kissed FL. WTH? I turned red and asked him why would he ask me that. Smiley is easy going and calm. I just think he's really curious. So I told him it really didn't matter because we're friends and that Smiley is who I want. I told him nicely to please stop bringing up FL (and apparently I need to stop casually talking about him but I talk about all my friends.. he just so happens to be the only guy one) because I'm giving him way too much attention in my relationship. Plus, we're going to see him on Saturday and I don't want to feel awkward. FL is cool, Smiley is cool... should be no awkwardness. Smiley just smiled and I told him he had no reason to ever worry about FL- ever!
3 minutes later we're talking about something else. I then call SMILEY by FL's NAME. I didn't even realize until Smiley said "WHOA WHOA WHOA.. WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?" Then I realized it and turned so red and apologized. I said we had just been talking about him and the name must have slipped out. I kept saying how sorry I was.. and he had turned a bit red. It was horrible.
:sad: He was fine but I was so embarrassed.0 -
I didn't want to jump in until I thought about this. A good girlfriend earns her quirks. You can cry, PMS, snore or even pee standing up. But you have to make us overlook all that with the way you look at us, the way you talk to us, the way you talk about us, the things you do for us, the things you let us do for you, etc. Earn your quirks!
NO! You have to love ME FOR ME! YOU'RE the one that's supposed to be PERFECT! I am allowed to be flawed!
/satire
Seriously I love this.0 -
3 minutes later we're talking about something else. I then call SMILEY by FL's NAME. I didn't even realize until Smiley said "WHOA WHOA WHOA.. WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?" Then I realized it and turned so red and apologized. I said we had just been talking about him and the name must have slipped out. I kept saying how sorry I was.. and he had turned a bit red. It was horrible.
:sad: He was fine but I was so embarrassed.
OMFG. O.M.F.G. OMG. That is horrifying. BUT .. you probably made him panic a little and that always makes a person want you more when they think there is a chance they may lose you. Not that he does, but it doesn't hurt.0
