Your Family and weight loss
ElizabethObviously
Posts: 380 Member
It seems like alot of people have family issues when it comes to our families...either we have a sister who has never gained a pound regardless that she can eat an entire pizza in one sitting. Or we have a mother that thinks we "could do soooo much better if we tried".
So get your family issue vents off your chest.
For me...I have a mother who was anorexic bulimic when she was 17. She thinks the less you eat the more you will lose. And while this is true to a point, you do HAVE to eat. Food is the energy that aids in you exercising. She once told me, so proud of herself, that she had only eaten 400 calories that day and the majority of that was in her coffee creamer. No she is not a sickly looking stick. She probably weighs about 220. But she is stubborn. She will NEVER listen to what you say about anything even though there is published material on it. It makes me sick that she does this. That she really believes she is right and if you don't do what she does, then you aren't trying hard enough and you are lazy. She used to walk about 3 miles a day, no matter the weather. She once went when it was cold and raining and used an umbrella...now combine that with her 400 calories a day...guess what...she got sick...
So get your family issue vents off your chest.
For me...I have a mother who was anorexic bulimic when she was 17. She thinks the less you eat the more you will lose. And while this is true to a point, you do HAVE to eat. Food is the energy that aids in you exercising. She once told me, so proud of herself, that she had only eaten 400 calories that day and the majority of that was in her coffee creamer. No she is not a sickly looking stick. She probably weighs about 220. But she is stubborn. She will NEVER listen to what you say about anything even though there is published material on it. It makes me sick that she does this. That she really believes she is right and if you don't do what she does, then you aren't trying hard enough and you are lazy. She used to walk about 3 miles a day, no matter the weather. She once went when it was cold and raining and used an umbrella...now combine that with her 400 calories a day...guess what...she got sick...
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I'm fortunate, my family is very supportive. My daughter is very healthy and is so happy with my weight loss and the changes in my eating habits. My son is also supportive in a "that's cool" kind of way. No one ever tries to goad me into eating something I don't want nor do they try to tempt it. So, it has made my journey much easier.
I am much more successful when I tell others what I'm doing. So I have told as many people as possible about trying to lose weight. I want ALL of you to hold me accountable so I can hit my goal and maintain it.0 -
Getting my family issues off my chest!
I have one side of my family, the maternal side, that is lovely and has never once mentioned my weight. They love me as I am and figure that I can make my own weight loss decisions. They are great people and I am closest with them.
The other side of my family, the paternal side, has instilled within me this horrible idea that I am fat and will always be fat. My paternal grandmother told me when I was 4 years old that if I got any fatter I wouldn't fit through the door. I remember being ashamed and only being able to look down at my dirt covered sandals. Over the years my step-mom would make comments about how she was putting me on a diet, at 7. Later my half-brother was born and he would call me fat. I was hardly overweight as a child. I did have baby fat but I did not look obese whatsoever. Slowly, I did gain weight. I was told I was fat so I thought I was fat. Later I hit puberty and lost all of it. I didn't know how adorable I was because in my mind I was fat and always going to be that way. My paternal grandfather commented that he was happy to see me getting taller and not wider. His comment only made me feel smaller inside and bigger on the outside.
Now the paternal side has stopped making comments because I'm an adult and I guess they think you don't comment on another adults weight. Whatever. I am always asked why I don't come see them more or visit on the holidays. I don't know why they wonder.
My sister, who is only a year older, is much smaller than I am. She always has been and she can eat or drink anything and not gain the weight. Her figure is great and she has curves in all the right places. I got more flack for my weight because my sister, my near twin, is so much smaller. People automatically think I've eaten myself into this body but the truth is my sister and I have very different genetics. I am built like my maternal German side and she is built like the beautiful Italian paternal side. I don't blame her and I'd never switch positions with her, body wise. I would never want her to feel the way people made me feel. She's a good person.
The last few years of my life have gone awry and it's depressed me. I've gained about 60 lbs, believe it or not. I'm just coming to terms with things and wanting my life to change. Here goes. Thanks for creating a platform for me to tell my family/weight loss story
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Thanks for sharing ladies - it's giving me the courage to lay my story down as well.
I have a mix of supporters and enablers in my life. Some are more aware of others in their roles and some think they are one when they are really the other.
My mothers (biological and in-law):
I think growing up in the eras that they did really screwed them over. Fat was the big bad evil and no one will be sexy with an extra kilo or two. If you weren't a perfect 10 you were not worth anyone's time. Both mothers with HUGE food and body image issues. They projected this onto their kids and not one of us kids have a healthy relationship with food. Unfortunately I look outsde of my mothers for advice on food and weight loss.
My in-laws and that side of the family:
I married into a family of doctors and health professionals. My hubby is an academic doctor, but all the aunts and uncles are all medical somethings. So when I came along I was seen as this project. By his parents (Dad is a GP and mom a trained, but not practising nurse) and his extended family. Let's just say that they do not like the fact that I am overweight and are vocal about it. Never outright nasty, but sometimes I just want them to say it all and get it over with. They are always sweet and supportive, but in a "oh shame" kind of way. "Oh, your backache will be better if your boobs were smaller". "You will become a diabetic if you do not lose weight". "Your pregnancy will be a very difficult one if you do not lose weight". So here I am - with no medical anything - feeling like I am in front of a tribunal at every family gathering. "Oh no, we cannot have dessert, because we want to support Lizzy." So now I'm the bad guy that's taking the pleasure of dessert away from everyone.
Or "so when are you losing the weight now? We want grandchildren" - this one came along from the 2nd year my husband and I have been together - 6 years ago. So to say they are helpful in a harmful way is an understatement and I just want to tell them to **** Off! Sorry for my language, but this is a major thorn in my side.
My parents and that side of the family:
I grew up being loved and controlled with food. Ever have the "clean-plate" thing wth your parents? Where they dish for you and make you clean your plate? Or the "look at all the work your mother put into the food - you have to show her you love her by finishing it all". So fat baby, fat child. Then when I hit my teenage years I was told I can be so much prettier when if I'll just lose the weight. "Suck in your stomach!" or "Suck in your cheeks - see how much prettier you are?" or "You can't wear that - you're too fat". So yeah - not a good base at all. Yes, my parents screwed up big time wrt food and their kids, but at some point I adopted the behaviour and before I knew it I had carried the ways into adulthood. At almost-30 I am doing to myself what they did to me. So now it's on my shoulders - I cannot blame it on mommy aymore. At some point I have to take responsibility for my own eating habits.
I come from good old Afrikaans stock. The sturdy farmer build. My family has major issues with food all around and most of them are overweight. There is little to no awareness of healthier eating and they have just accepted that a short life with medical issues is the norm. There is so many health-related diseases on that side - I thought it was normal to die before 65 growing up. I was doomed from the start - hahaha (sarcastically). My father has become more aware over the years and has taken control of his own eating habits. It was a quiet and under-the-radar change, but it's paying off. I am proud of him for that. My mother just doesn't eat. One meal a day if she feels like it. She drinks herself full on alcohol (a whole other discussion there). I have basically made peace with the fact that my mother will die before seeing her grandchildren graduate high school. It's a sad but definite truth. My brothers are both fitness fanatics and refuse to pick up weight. They'll pinch their tummy skin ad declare how fat they're getting. I guess beign healthier is better for them - but their relationship with food is also a messed up one. Grandma from Mom's side is morbidly obese and was put on an emergency diet last year - the doctor gave her a couple of months. She is not happliy making the changes needed, but she is making them and that's what counts.
My husband:
This one is a deep one. He loves me with curves, but wants me healthy. I want the same thing, but the journey is harder than he knows. He's naturally thin and only really started picking up weight in the last couple of years. He'll pick up a kilo or two, adjust his eating and exercise and lose it again in no time. To him it;s a willpower thing. When he sees I am struggling, he goes into cop mode. He watches what I eat and even regulates it. This is something I hate and rebel against by eating all kinds of "evil" stuff behind his back. This off course makes him not trust me and out comes the cop again. We are working on this and am seeing a therapist to see how we can change this dynamic. He wants to help, but the way he is helping is harmful. I want him to help but do not accept his methods. I am very hopefult that we can work something out. He is my main cheerleader and the love of my life - this is one relationship around food I want to have fixed ASAP.
My role model:
I have an aunt that I love dearly and she is my role model. Eating to life and getting enjoyment out of an active lifestyle is so engraned in her it's not even a "thing". It's just her lifestyle. I look up to her and appreciate her never making me feel less than with extra weight. She never tries to regulate or influence me - so off course I listen to her more often. I initiate most conversations around weight-loss and healthy eating with her.
So there you go - beans spilled. So ultimately I was taught all the incorrect things around food and now I want to re-educate myself.0 -
For the most part, my family isn't there with my weight loss one way or another. With the exception of my mom. She's bi-polar when it comes to me talking about it. (I don't mean to offend anyone with this remark but that's how I see it). Yesterday for example--I was talking about how I've lost 8 lbs in the past 2 weeks from running at least 4 times a week plus some elliptical work. And she's all like "well what good does it do you? Once you get where you are you'll still have to do all that work just to stay there." And only 2 weeks ago she was complimenting me on my work outs because she was seeing the results I was having! I know why she does it---this September will be 4 years that she had a double bypass heart surgery. In those 4 years she's gone from looking like a toothpick with an olive for a head to weighting over 200 lbs (she's 4'11" tall) She's done and spent A LOT of money trying to lose weight. (I have her $500 elliptical in my living room right now!) She loses 10 lbs then gains it right back.
The only person I have in my life that actually supports what I am doing is my husband. But he also works out. He does a **** ton of weight training and running. It started out for him because of his job (police officer) and now he does it also for his health. He always says he wishes we could go back 10 years and tell ourselves to start then!!0 -
Hopefully this is the place to share my issue with food.
Growing up in the 60's I had to eat what was placed before me no questions asked. I had to drink milk and sometimes was still sitting at the table at 7:30pm with that half glass of warm milk sitting in front of me while everyone else was off playing or watching TV. I hated it then and I'm not really fond of it now.
I understand my parents were raised during the depression and they only knew not to waste food so they didn't let their kids waste. But I'm the stubborn one in the family and hated being told what I had to eat.
The liver, cooked carrots and chop suey that I was forced to eat as a child have stuck with me into adulthood and although I don't have a huge weight issue, I'm seeing a few extra pounds stick around my middle. I figure now is the time to deal with it and hope to get the support of others.
Dad's been dead 34 years now and I still am not over the force feedings yet.0
