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what are you thinking while binging?

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  • shana_phoenix83
    shana_phoenix83 Posts: 98 Member
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    I try to shut my brain up as much as possible and not think at all, because my brain is staying "Stop this! You know better!"
  • b3kah5
    b3kah5 Posts: 280 Member
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    it's not really ME thinking those things. It's the monster. ;) The Binge monster takes over and no matter how you try to beat it down, it is the dominant one. The last few binges I have really tried to pause and evaluate. And also to think about them the next day to try and figure out what is going on.

    On a side note, I tried reading Geneen Roth's book about Breaking free from Emotional Eating. About half way through I realized from her writing that she was still struggling with it?!!! Kind of hard for me to take advice when it looks like she hasn't really found the answer for herself. Just saying...

    This ^^^^ I don't think I think until after and then it's misery.
  • BAtobe
    BAtobe Posts: 93 Member
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    Just found this group. Sometimes I justify it. "Had a bad day", "it's better than alcohol", "If I just eat everything now, I can't eat it later" Other times it's the "Wow, this is gross, why can't I stop?" thoughts. :grumble:
  • kelbelzz
    kelbelzz Posts: 92 Member
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    i've thought either "well i've ruined my day, might as well keep eating" or "i hate myself, i hate myself, i hate myself."
    lol, or possibly a combination of the two :P
  • DTBurroughs
    DTBurroughs Posts: 21 Member
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    This is a great thread. Well, not great in a yay hurray sense, but it is comforting to read some of these posts and not feel alone.

    I think the thing that best describes my mindset during a binge is "seeking." I am trying desperately to fill some emotional need with food, and on some level I feel like if I can just find the right combo of food, or the right amount of food, or something, I can fill up the empty spaces. Of course it never works because what I need isn't food and in the end I just feel even worse. It's like a junkie chasing the dragon.
  • MJ7910
    MJ7910 Posts: 1,280 Member
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    This is a great thread. Well, not great in a yay hurray sense, but it is comforting to read some of these posts and not feel alone.

    I think the thing that best describes my mindset during a binge is "seeking." I am trying desperately to fill some emotional need with food, and on some level I feel like if I can just find the right combo of food, or the right amount of food, or something, I can fill up the empty spaces. Of course it never works because what I need isn't food and in the end I just feel even worse. It's like a junkie chasing the dragon.

    i think it is absolutely about filling a void. because what i am thinking is about how good things will taste and when i'm done eating them i think "oh, it's over now" and then i want to keep recapturing that feeling and that taste. it's so much like a drug addiction. that is why they have OA (overeaters anonymous) because i really do think it's in the same line of thinking. we use something to fill a void. it doesn't fill the void. we try it again. whether that is food, sex, drugs, gambling, or whatever, it is still trying to fill a void.
  • sncmaddie
    sncmaddie Posts: 37 Member
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    I think, "This will make everything better. This will make the pain go away. This is better than other addictions like drugs and alcohol." It's totally a fill a void kind of thing.
  • bearsfanchick
    bearsfanchick Posts: 22 Member
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    I keep thinking MORE, MORE, MORE! If that skinny girl over there can eat a double cheeseburger, why can't I? It's just so delicious and I don't want it to go to waste....
  • meggasaurusrex
    meggasaurusrex Posts: 3 Member
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    The strange thing is that for me binge eating is almost a way of turning my brain off, not thinking anything, and just feeling comforted. I'm almost sure though that some subconscious part is saying "you'll never achieve a healthy body anyway, so you may as well..."
  • leesee88
    leesee88 Posts: 54 Member
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    Right after I shut down the computer (no more access to MFP)
    -DONT! STOP! KEEP WALKING! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!
    -just a few bites, i have 50 calories left today!
    - i worked out a lot, im sure I burned more than the calories i recorded
    - well, going over by 100 isnt going to ruin the whole day
    -omg that tastes so good
    -impossible to stop
    -you suck, you fatass, you loser
    -ugh my stomach hurts
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -now my stomach really hurts.
    -hate hate hate hate hate
    -well i got that out of my system.... so...tomorrow.... tomorrow i will have control. tomorrow is a new day.

    basically I start with trying/ pretending to have self control, then i justify what i am doing, then i get so mad at myself, then i keep eating because i feel like a lost cause.
    I alternate between sweet and salty type foods... not sure why thats just the way the cravings come on.
    After really being angry and hating myself, somehow i always feel so strong for the next day, and I cant wait to wake up and have another chance.
    Generally, i screw that up too.
  • shimmergal
    shimmergal Posts: 380 Member
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    Right after I shut down the computer (no more access to MFP)
    -DONT! STOP! KEEP WALKING! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!
    -just a few bites, i have 50 calories left today!
    - i worked out a lot, im sure I burned more than the calories i recorded
    - well, going over by 100 isnt going to ruin the whole day
    -omg that tastes so good
    -impossible to stop
    -you suck, you fatass, you loser
    -ugh my stomach hurts
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -now my stomach really hurts.
    -hate hate hate hate hate
    -well i got that out of my system.... so...tomorrow.... tomorrow i will have control. tomorrow is a new day.

    basically I start with trying/ pretending to have self control, then i justify what i am doing, then i get so mad at myself, then i keep eating because i feel like a lost cause.
    I alternate between sweet and salty type foods... not sure why thats just the way the cravings come on.
    After really being angry and hating myself, somehow i always feel so strong for the next day, and I cant wait to wake up and have another chance.
    Generally, i screw that up too.

    You summed up well for me. This is exactly how I feel. I don't binge regularly. But, when crisis strikes (feeling the void), it the exactly what you described above. How did you overcome this out of control behavior ? I am still struggling. I want to lose 20lbs to get to my goal weight. This binging is negating all my hard work.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Usually that I will have to purge it afterwards, once I get past a certain point.
    Or, that I might as well finish all of it to get it out of the way, and cease buying it in the future.
  • rabetts
    rabetts Posts: 31
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    Right after I shut down the computer (no more access to MFP)
    -DONT! STOP! KEEP WALKING! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!
    -just a few bites, i have 50 calories left today!
    - i worked out a lot, im sure I burned more than the calories i recorded
    - well, going over by 100 isnt going to ruin the whole day
    -omg that tastes so good
    -impossible to stop
    -you suck, you fatass, you loser
    -ugh my stomach hurts
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -now my stomach really hurts.
    -hate hate hate hate hate
    -well i got that out of my system.... so...tomorrow.... tomorrow i will have control. tomorrow is a new day.

    basically I start with trying/ pretending to have self control, then i justify what i am doing, then i get so mad at myself, then i keep eating because i feel like a lost cause.
    I alternate between sweet and salty type foods... not sure why thats just the way the cravings come on.
    After really being angry and hating myself, somehow i always feel so strong for the next day, and I cant wait to wake up and have another chance.
    Generally, i screw that up too.
    Exactly.
    I'm so surprised that others go through this, too. I've never actually met someone who understands. Most people think it's as easy as 'quit eating'. It's not. I used to smoke. I quit smoking....that was easy compared to this. I've been struggling with food my whole life.
  • deniseselah
    deniseselah Posts: 225 Member
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    so many of these postings echo what I think. I think all these contradictory things! ...

    - this is soooooo good
    - this crap is awful - why am I eating it?
    - I suck
    - I'm soooo full
    - I'm ashamed
    - I love being full
    - I can't let this go to waste
    - I'll never lose weight so I might as well enjoy this
    - I'll always be alone so I might as well enjoy this
    - I'm full but it tastes too good to stop eating
    - I should just purge or take a laxative (things I used to do, but don't do any more)
    - if I finish it now it won't be around to tempt me tomorrow
    - my day sucked, so I deserve this (I was nice and sweet to people I wanted to punch in the face; I did crap I hate doing, etc)
    - eating like this will kill me - why am I doing this??

    ... all while thinking of the next bite - and usually either watching TV or driving.
  • leesee88
    leesee88 Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    Right after I shut down the computer (no more access to MFP)
    -DONT! STOP! KEEP WALKING! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!
    -just a few bites, i have 50 calories left today!
    - i worked out a lot, im sure I burned more than the calories i recorded
    - well, going over by 100 isnt going to ruin the whole day
    -omg that tastes so good
    -impossible to stop
    -you suck, you fatass, you loser
    -ugh my stomach hurts
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -something salty
    -something sweet
    -now my stomach really hurts.
    -hate hate hate hate hate
    -well i got that out of my system.... so...tomorrow.... tomorrow i will have control. tomorrow is a new day.

    basically I start with trying/ pretending to have self control, then i justify what i am doing, then i get so mad at myself, then i keep eating because i feel like a lost cause.
    I alternate between sweet and salty type foods... not sure why thats just the way the cravings come on.
    After really being angry and hating myself, somehow i always feel so strong for the next day, and I cant wait to wake up and have another chance.
    Generally, i screw that up too.

    You summed up well for me. This is exactly how I feel. I don't binge regularly. But, when crisis strikes (feeling the void), it the exactly what you described above. How did you overcome this out of control behavior ? I am still struggling. I want to lose 20lbs to get to my goal weight. This binging is negating all my hard work.

    i really wish i could say i overcame this.... i thought i did. Through 14 months of WW this behavior completely disappeared for me. it came back and I am so ashamed. honestly, I am quite happy in my life (or so I think) so I cant really point the finger at the usual suspects (stress, unhappiness, lonliness, etc). if I ever figure it out though, i will definitely share!
  • leesee88
    leesee88 Posts: 54 Member
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    Exactly.
    I'm so surprised that others go through this, too. I've never actually met someone who understands. Most people think it's as easy as 'quit eating'. It's not. I used to smoke. I quit smoking....that was easy compared to this. I've been struggling with food my whole life.

    ive wished so many times that eating wasnt actually necessary so i could just avoid it all together. one bite can open the door to disaster.
  • Jip333
    Jip333 Posts: 4
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    I can't find the quote anymore but someone described trying to be conscious and mindful about what she was eating. She raised such a good point.

    Mindfulness, this is exactly where I would like to be! being mindful and conscious about everything I eat (and do, but that's a different issue ;-)). Do you have any tips on how to get there though? because food just seems to automatically appear in my mouth!
  • Jip333
    Jip333 Posts: 4
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    [Geneen says in her book (I really like her books, but that's just me) to become conscious and mindful when eating and I've been doing this...it helps to see when I'm in binge mode and then I can decide to continue or stop. If I'm going to binge, I might as well enjoy the food or all I'm doing is torturing myself. This actually has helped me a lot. I torture myself enough after a binge, I don't need to torture myself during it as well.

    here is the quote by Greekygirl. It sounds like you're giving yourself a choice which sound slike a good start. Does that mean more control?
  • TimmyTriedTooHard
    TimmyTriedTooHard Posts: 11
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    Wonderful responses... definitely a bunch of people here who "get it." Love the person who wrote about salty/sweet... that's so me! I tend to be mostly unconscious... once I've given in I don't even bother trying to stop. How about this one... have you ever microwaved something that was gonna take a few minutes... and HAD to have something while you waited for it to be done?
  • wingednotes
    wingednotes Posts: 279
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    Painful and comforting to read this thread.
    I think about everything everyone said.
    Also - I'm so sad and anxious as the food of the moment is coming to an end. I never want the binge to end. It tastes so good - and feels so good. When it ends its like an emptiness and sadness mixed with guilt and self hatred. I know its coming, but if I can just keep eating, I can put it off.

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