Guys, please don't...
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
... ask me if I remember how we met and would like I like to go to dinner...
when the way we met was you were dating my friend for months and were talking about possibly settling down. Two months ago.
when the way we met was you were dating my friend for months and were talking about possibly settling down. Two months ago.
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Replies
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WOW! :noway:0
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hahaha oh geez!0
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yikes!0
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So you're not into guys with poor short term memory? It should make it easier to tell if they are lting to you.0
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Noted....0
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... ask me if I remember how we met and would like I like to go to dinner...
when the way we met was you were dating my friend for months and were talking about possibly settling down. Two months ago.
The reason why men run so many lame lines and try to "date" you even if they have slept with your friend, sister , cousin etc., is there are SO many women who go for it and embrace it. For every scumbag guy tryin to get you to stoop to his level there are two women out there ready to jump down in the gutter with him0 -
The reason why men run so many lame lines and try to "date" you even if they have slept with your friend, sister , cousin etc., is there are SO many women who go for it and embrace it.
Yeah. The weaker (lonely) women ruin it for all of us.0 -
Oh, and I just got another email today... from a guy on Match that was "separated." I told him I don't do married guys.
He wrote back, "Apparently no one else does either. It might as well be called Rejection.com."
Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?0 -
Oh, and I just got another email today... from a guy on Match that was "separated." I told him I don't do married guys.
He wrote back, "Apparently no one else does either. It might as well be called Rejection.com."
Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?
He should have did what I did on match when I was separated 6 years ago . Lie. #Godaintthruwithmeyet0 -
... ask me if I remember how we met and would like I like to go to dinner...
when the way we met was you were dating my friend for months and were talking about possibly settling down. Two months ago.
Or when I was dating your friend a few short months ago... Worst and yet funniest drunk dial of all time:
"I know your're my best friend's ex-girlfriend, but... You can do better! I'm so much prettier than he is!" No joke. Oh boy.0 -
Oh, and I just got another email today... from a guy on Match that was "separated." I told him I don't do married guys.
He wrote back, "Apparently no one else does either. It might as well be called Rejection.com."
Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?
LOL.. thats gold.
Gotta give both these guys A+ for effort! funny stuff.0 -
Gotta give both these guys A+ for effort! funny stuff.
It’s funny you wrote that, because yesterday I emailed the separated guy back, said too bad but that his correct usage of some rare word combinations (he wrote rather eloquently- though I can’t remember what he said exactly) had to at least count for something. He wrote back this morning offering me a free meal and exquisite conversation. Lol. Gotta admire his persistence. And his diction.
(DICTION, guys. I said DICTION…as in word choice, lol!)0 -
Oh, and I just got another email today... from a guy on Match that was "separated." I told him I don't do married guys.
He wrote back, "Apparently no one else does either. It might as well be called Rejection.com."
Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?
He's not married. You can't hold someone back b/c of their past.0 -
Gotta give both these guys A+ for effort! funny stuff.
It’s funny you wrote that, because yesterday I emailed the separated guy back, said too bad but that his correct usage of some rare word combinations (he wrote rather eloquently- though I can’t remember what he said exactly) had to at least count for something. He wrote back this morning offering me a free meal and exquisite conversation. Lol. Gotta admire his persistence. And his diction.
(DICTION, guys. I said DICTION…as in word choice, lol!)
It is a sad comment on our society that correct spelling and grammar combined with impressive diction are attractive qualities instead of assumed qualities. Sad, but oh so true.0 -
Oh, and I just got another email today... from a guy on Match that was "separated." I told him I don't do married guys.
He wrote back, "Apparently no one else does either. It might as well be called Rejection.com."
Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?
He's not married. You can't hold someone back b/c of their past.
Separated is still married. It's the legal process of living apart to justify whether or not you want to get divorced or try to fix your marriage. Until those divorce papers are signed, filed, and processed, he's still married in my opinion.0 -
He's not married. You can't hold someone back b/c of their past.
Separated is still married. It's the legal process of living apart to justify whether or not you want to get divorced or try to fix your marriage. Until those divorce papers are signed, filed, and processed, he's still married in my opinion.
Um, yeah. Married isn't like body size where "average" in the eye of the beholder. Either you're married or you're not. I get it that lots of people date while “separated.” I’m just not one of them.0 -
Oh, and I just got another email today... from a guy on Match that was "separated." I told him I don't do married guys.
He wrote back, "Apparently no one else does either. It might as well be called Rejection.com."
Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?
He's not married. You can't hold someone back b/c of their past.
Separated is still married. It's the legal process of living apart to justify whether or not you want to get divorced or try to fix your marriage. Until those divorce papers are signed, filed, and processed, he's still married in my opinion.
ahhh, technicality. that's what I'll call it. If you're to that point, then it's all but final (99% of the time). But you still can't count someone out. Sure, you don't have to get super serious, but what's it gonna hurt to at least try?
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I dont know if this is just the case here (in UK) but some couples take YEARS to get officially divorced, if ever!! I know a couple of friends of mine aren't divorced after 10 years, and both are with other partners now. I think its a 'can't be bothered' or 'cant afford it' issue.
You can't even get divorced, without naming reasons, until you are 2 years separated?
Therefore, as long as a guy is 2 years apart from his ex wife/LT ex I feel ok about dating him. Any earlier than that and I think he's still emotionally attached and on the rebound.0 -
Most states the longest you would have to wait is a year...and honestly if your marriage has been "over" for less than a year? You're not ready to be dating in most cases, at least not ME. If you can promise to love someone forever and move on that easily how am I supposed to trust you?0
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Personally, I won't date anyone that went out or fooled around with any of my friends. Once I see 'her' with one of my bros, she is pretty much tainted for life.0
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The two times I dated separated women I later found out that papers hadn't been filed and they still lived with their husbands.
I understand safety concerns, but at some point early on I make a point of picking them up at their home or meeting some of their friends.0 -
Personally, I won't date anyone that went out or fooled around with any of my friends. Once I see 'her' with one of my bros, she is pretty much tainted for life.
This is part of the bro code... Unless she is really really hot.0 -
Sure, you don't have to get super serious, but what's it gonna hurt to at least try?
Because the last guy that I dated, who told me he was separated, and agreed to be was "just friends with" never got around to actually getting divorced.
And because, while I'm cool with “just being friends,” and I give separated guys that opportunity, somehow they turn around and get offended that I only want to see them in FRIEND environments... such as football gatherings, singles group dinners, etc.
Also, I'm not looking for guys who say "it's just a piece of paper, means nothing." Because to me, it means something. It means that there are very serious consequences for ignoring issues and ignoring each other’s emotional needs.0 -
Sure, you don't have to get super serious, but what's it gonna hurt to at least try?
Because the last guy that I dated, who told me he was separated, and agreed to be was "just friends with" never got around to actually getting divorced.
Not to be a jerk but if you follow this reason to absurdity, you shouldn't date single men with the intent of finding a marriage partner because the last single guy you married didn't turn out too well either. Or perhaps you should just give up on marriage all together since it didn't work out well.
There are plenty of reasons not to date a seperated guy, such as he is probably on the rebound and isn't really ready for the type of relationship you want, etc. However, having a bad experience with the last one and assuming they are all bad is a logical fallacy. I was robbed at gunpoint by a black man. Should I assume all black men are criminal thugs?0 -
Not to be a jerk but if you follow this reason to absurdity, you shouldn't date single men with the intent of finding a marriage partner because the last single guy you married didn't turn out too well either. Or perhaps you should just give up on marriage all together since it didn't work out well.
There are plenty of reasons not to date a seperated guy, such as he is probably on the rebound and isn't really ready for the type of relationship you want, etc. However, having a bad experience with the last one and assuming they are all bad is a logical fallacy. I was robbed at gunpoint by a black man. Should I assume all black men are criminal thugs?
Don’t agree with your logic. We can always agree to disagree on this.
There’s a REASON most dating advice sites say avoid the “separated” man. Because the woman often wants to be married. And more often than not this guy is not gonna be the one to marry you. You are gonna be a rebound at best or an affair at worst. And then he’ll marry (or get into a LTR) with someone else. Doesn’t mean it won’t be fun. Doesn’t mean you can’t get to know someone.
Not the same as racial stereotyping.
My personal code is not to engage in romantic behaviors with other peoples husbands. If I’m awesome enough to someone that he really wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he will respect that, even if he doesn’t agree. What’s one year waiting for your paperwork to clear when compared to the next 40-50 we might have together? Honestly. Most of these guys pushing to get into a relationship immediately after the marriage falls apart probably aren’t ready for a relationship anyway.
I formed my opinion on watching my coworkers seduce countless women while TDY talking about how their wife doesn’t understand them and he’s leaving her when he gets home (NOT!). This opinion was reinforced by the guy I allowed myself to get attached to (in a “friend” environment, btw but still should have never happened)...who is still, 2.5 years later MARRIED... and the let's count 'em 6 in my Match.com folder who said something like “Ok we can just be friends until my divorce is final” but then dogged me out for inviting them to friend-style events (where we’re not alone)…Or how about the 3 guys who approached my friends over the last year, saying they’re separated, but are still married (no papers filed).0 -
I agree with you JJ.
It's not saying that seperated men (or women) are bad folks. But there's a healing that needs to take place. Hell, I still feel I'm healing and my marriage was dead since 2007. I had fallen out of love with my ex since then. Just because you make that decision to end things, doesn't mean it ends right there. There's a rollercoaster. For me, since I didn't have feelings for him, it was more fear of being alone, of the unknown, etc. This is something you need to work on before you get involved with someone else. I have.. but even then, it still pops up in my new relationship, hence the overthinking.
I wouldn't date a seperated man. With that said, when I first got seperated, my rebound was also going through a divorce. It was a hot mess. Gah. Broken attracts broken was right on in that "relationship".
Never again.0 -
Not to be a jerk but if you follow this reason to absurdity, you shouldn't date single men with the intent of finding a marriage partner because the last single guy you married didn't turn out too well either. Or perhaps you should just give up on marriage all together since it didn't work out well.
There are plenty of reasons not to date a seperated guy, such as he is probably on the rebound and isn't really ready for the type of relationship you want, etc. However, having a bad experience with the last one and assuming they are all bad is a logical fallacy. I was robbed at gunpoint by a black man. Should I assume all black men are criminal thugs?
Don’t agree with your logic. We can always agree to disagree on this.
There’s a REASON most dating advice sites say avoid the “separated” man. Because the woman often wants to be married. And more often than not this guy is not gonna be the one to marry you. You are gonna be a rebound at best or an affair at worst. And then he’ll marry (or get into a LTR) with someone else. Doesn’t mean it won’t be fun. Doesn’t mean you can’t get to know someone.
Not the same as racial stereotyping.
My personal code is not to engage in romantic behaviors with other peoples husbands. If I’m awesome enough to someone that he really wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he will respect that, even if he doesn’t agree. What’s one year waiting for your paperwork to clear when compared to the next 40-50 we might have together? Honestly. Most of these guys pushing to get into a relationship immediately after the marriage falls apart probably aren’t ready for a relationship anyway.
I formed my opinion on watching my coworkers seduce countless women while TDY talking about how their wife doesn’t understand them and he’s leaving her when he gets home (NOT!). This opinion was reinforced by the guy I allowed myself to get attached to (in a “friend” environment, btw but still should have never happened)...who is still, 2.5 years later MARRIED... and the let's count 'em 6 in my Match.com folder who said something like “Ok we can just be friends until my divorce is final” but then dogged me out for inviting them to friend-style events (where we’re not alone)…Or how about the 3 guys who approached my friends over the last year, saying they’re separated, but are still married (no papers filed).
Those are all valid reasons but that is not what you said. What you said was:Because the last guy that I dated, who told me he was separated, and agreed to be was "just friends with" never got around to actually getting divorced.
I am sure I also said most of what you alluded to in your post quoted above by stating:There are plenty of reasons not to date a seperated guy, such as he is probably on the rebound and isn't really ready for the type of relationship you want, etc. However, having a bad experience with the last one and assuming they are all bad is a logical fallacy. I was robbed at gunpoint by a black man. Should I assume all black men are criminal thugs?0 -
Those are all valid reasons but that is not what you said. What you said was:Because the last guy that I dated, who told me he was separated, and agreed to be was "just friends with" never got around to actually getting divorced.
Dude... really? You know how much I can type. If I gave every single reason for why I believe something, my posts would be so long no one would ever read them. I threw out one reason, a very poignant example that I suspect resonates more clearly with most of the women reading this board than going into the intellectual and psychological reasons behind it ;-)
I’ve come to expect a higher level of argument from you…. Please don’t disappoint me
I am sure I also said most of what you alluded to in your post quoted above by stating:There are plenty of reasons not to date a seperated guy, such as he is probably on the rebound and isn't really ready for the type of relationship you want, etc.
Yes. On that we agree.0 -
sorry. I guess I am in more of a pissy mood than I realized this morning.0
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sorry. I guess I am in more of a pissy mood than I realized this morning.
aww... that's too bad!
OTOH, your pissy mood has effectively helped me use up some extra energy so thanks.
:flowerforyou:
ETA: PS... I might be in an over-reactive over-emotional mood myself. But if I was, like any woman I probably wouldn't admit it. Lol.0
