What does a relationship mean to people now adays?
Replies
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Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
Ditto, if something pisses you off leave the FWB, don't get all mighty on the dude and tell his fiance... not your place.0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
That is what I am trying to say too.0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
That is what I am trying to say too.
I also don't think though your FWB should be using you while cheating on his significant other and not let you know. It's one thing if you know and don't care but it's another thing if they lie or withhold information...just because you're only having sex doesn't mean you deserve to get treated like s**t and be a pawn in someone else's game. I'd like to know if I'm helping to aid a cheater.0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
I am not defending the guy as a paragon of virtue but unless an expressed and agreed upon stipulation that neither party see anyone else while maintaining the FWB situation I also fail to see justification of outrage.
Not necessarily, it all depends what kind of 'arrangement' you have!
The OP said this:. I have had one guy where we have been fwb for 3 years. If one of us gets into a relationship, we have always told each other and stopped.
In such an 'honest' set up, where both parties are in it on a level, I really dont see why the guy has to lie to both his fiance AND his FWB!!! To me, that's a proper douche!0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
This completely.0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
That is what I am trying to say too.
I also don't think though your FWB should be using you while cheating on his significant other and not let you know. It's one thing if you know and don't care but it's another thing if they lie or withhold information...just because you're only having sex doesn't mean you deserve to get treated like s**t and be a pawn in someone else's game. I'd like to know if I'm helping to aid a cheater.
So if he isn`t married but has another or several other ladies he is FWB with or seeing as a casual relationship it changes it?
All I am saying is if you are going to enter into a non conventional sexual relationship then everyone needs to be damn sure of the terms up front and not feel they were misled later.0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
That is what I am trying to say too.
I also don't think though your FWB should be using you while cheating on his significant other and not let you know. It's one thing if you know and don't care but it's another thing if they lie or withhold information...just because you're only having sex doesn't mean you deserve to get treated like s**t and be a pawn in someone else's game. I'd like to know if I'm helping to aid a cheater.
So if he isn`t married but has another or several other ladies he is FWB with or seeing as a casual relationship it changes it?
All I am saying is if you are going to enter into a non conventional sexual relationship then everyone needs to be damn sure of the terms up front and not feel they were misled later.
You shouldn't lie about it though - that's the thing. You would think the man would want to be faithful to his girlfriend/wife/fiance - the one he is committed to. A FWB is totally different than someone you've committed yourself to. If you want to have a few FWB big deal, but if you have a girlfriend or wife? You're cheating on them because unless you've stated you have an open relationship, you are to be faithful to them - otherwise why bother being in a relationship?0 -
I think the part that gets me is that he was complaining about some other person who was cheating on their SO but he was doing the same thing.
If they had an honest FWB relationship as was stated he should have told her that he was involved with someone and if he was engaged with someone more then likely he has been in a relationship with that person for awhile.
I would not tell the finance anything but just tell the guy you found out he was engaged and don't want to see him any more and to have a nice life.0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
That is what I am trying to say too.
FWB is absolutly no strings attached... We see each other, do our thing, and carry on. I could care LESSSSS if he is engaged... but I don't want to be a mistress or homewrecker. He could have other FWBs (as I do to) and I am careful and use protection with all. But when it comes to sleeping with someone man (who is in a "committed" relationship) I want to know so I can end things. I don''t need some lady calling me up because I didn't know he was engaged/married!
I also don't think though your FWB should be using you while cheating on his significant other and not let you know. It's one thing if you know and don't care but it's another thing if they lie or withhold information...just because you're only having sex doesn't mean you deserve to get treated like s**t and be a pawn in someone else's game. I'd like to know if I'm helping to aid a cheater.
So if he isn`t married but has another or several other ladies he is FWB with or seeing as a casual relationship it changes it?
All I am saying is if you are going to enter into a non conventional sexual relationship then everyone needs to be damn sure of the terms up front and not feel they were misled later.0 -
I guess I have a different definition of FWB than most women because I just don't agree that your "friend" in the FWB scenario owes you any explanation at all about what goes on when he is not with you. That's what FWB is, in my opinion. You are not entitled to details about the rest of his life. You are not entitled to get pissed at him because he's in an actual relationship with someone else and didn't tell you. FWB is keeping your legs open and your mouth shut. Again, my opinion.0
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According to Facebook, I'm gay and in relationship with myself (which actually might be truer than I think...).Anyyyways, after he left, I decided to see if he is on FB.... low and behold, he was! AND now he is ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From someone who made a big deal about his friends cheating on his wife... and how we used to always call our fwb off if we were in a relationship with someone else, I'm shocked!!!
Oh yeah and I'm an Oompa Loompa working at the chocolate factory too.0 -
I guess I have a different definition of FWB than most women because I just don't agree that your "friend" in the FWB scenario owes you any explanation at all about what goes on when he is not with you. That's what FWB is, in my opinion. You are not entitled to details about the rest of his life. You are not entitled to get pissed at him because he's in an actual relationship with someone else and didn't tell you. FWB is keeping your legs open and your mouth shut. Again, my opinion.
Very well put, but at the same time screwing around with another misses man= not cool. But agreed, we don't know much about each others personal lives.0 -
:laugh: Love this!.... FWB is keeping your legs open and your mouth shut...0 -
I guess I have a different definition of FWB than most women because I just don't agree that your "friend" in the FWB scenario owes you any explanation at all about what goes on when he is not with you. That's what FWB is, in my opinion. You are not entitled to details about the rest of his life. You are not entitled to get pissed at him because he's in an actual relationship with someone else and didn't tell you. FWB is keeping your legs open and your mouth shut. Again, my opinion.
And a correct opinion it is.
It's about sex. No details. No kissing. No emotions.0 -
It's about sex. No details. No kissing. No emotions.
No kissing? WTF? Are you serious? And yes, that is a serious question. Does nobody kiss their FWB? I highly doubt it.0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.
That is what I am trying to say too.
I also don't think though your FWB should be using you while cheating on his significant other and not let you know. It's one thing if you know and don't care but it's another thing if they lie or withhold information...just because you're only having sex doesn't mean you deserve to get treated like s**t and be a pawn in someone else's game. I'd like to know if I'm helping to aid a cheater.
agreeing to be a FWB is agreeing to not BE or GET involved.0 -
I guess I have a different definition of FWB than most women because I just don't agree that your "friend" in the FWB scenario owes you any explanation at all about what goes on when he is not with you. That's what FWB is, in my opinion. You are not entitled to details about the rest of his life. You are not entitled to get pissed at him because he's in an actual relationship with someone else and didn't tell you. FWB is keeping your legs open and your mouth shut. Again, my opinion.
And a correct opinion it is.
It's about sex. No details. No emotions.
careful now... I said this and everyone explained I was a cold heartless person to sleep wth0 -
This may ruffle some feathers, but I think there are a ton of women who use the FWB label because it's a less bitter pill to swallow than "We're just sleeping together because that's all he wants from me." FWB implies that "sex only" is a mutual choice, and that makes the whole thing seem less pathetic than secretly hoping you are entrenching yourself in the guy's life by having sex with him whenever he wants it.
I don't do the FWB thing because I can't do casual sex. I know that about myself, so I avoid it like the plague. I do not pass judgment on those who enjoy it. Live, and let live. And actually, I have more respect for people who are honest about the fact that sex is all they want. At least those people are giving you the option to take it or leave it. Saying you're okay with sex only, followed by massive hand-wringing over whether or not that person is involved with someone else is all sorts of fake.0 -
Saying you're okay with sex only, followed by massive hand-wringing over whether or not that person is involved with someone else is all sorts of fake.
i love you0 -
This may ruffle some feathers, but I think there are a ton of women who use the FWB label because it's a less bitter pill to swallow than "We're just sleeping together because that's all he wants from me." FWB implies that "sex only" is a mutual choice, and that makes the whole thing seem less pathetic than secretly hoping you are entrenching yourself in the guy's life by having sex with him whenever he wants it.
I agree with this - and having sex with a guy whenever he wants it is not a way to get him.0 -
This may ruffle some feathers, but I think there are a ton of women who use the FWB label because it's a less bitter pill to swallow than "We're just sleeping together because that's all he wants from me." FWB implies that "sex only" is a mutual choice, and that makes the whole thing seem less pathetic than secretly hoping you are entrenching yourself in the guy's life by having sex with him whenever he wants it.
I don't do the FWB thing because I can't do casual sex. I know that about myself, so I avoid it like the plague. I do not pass judgment on those who enjoy it. Live, and let live. And actually, I have more respect for people who are honest about the fact that sex is all they want. At least those people are giving you the option to take it or leave it. Saying you're okay with sex only, followed by massive hand-wringing over whether or not that person is involved with someone else is all sorts of fake.
I have never had nor know if I could do the FWB thing but am rather stunned today by how few ladies seem to understand or accept what it means and that is simply getting an itch scratched with both in agreement to the terms,not some sort of second level boyfriend.
It is no wonder so many come out hurt.
I said on another thread that I didn`t think 90% of women should ever consider it and that was because I thought they couldn`t abide by the rules.
Now I am more inclined to say the same but because they know the rules and choose to ignore them.0 -
Now I am more inclined to say the same but because they know the rules and choose to ignore them.
I think you are right about this. Most women know that FWB is only about sex in the man's mind. But, sadly, there are still too many women who think sex is their foot in the door to a relationship, so they agree to sex-only because they think the guy will change his mind. And when he doesn't, he'll be the jerk who just used her for sex, guaranteed.0 -
This may ruffle some feathers, but I think there are a ton of women who use the FWB label because it's a less bitter pill to swallow than "We're just sleeping together because that's all he wants from me." FWB implies that "sex only" is a mutual choice, and that makes the whole thing seem less pathetic than secretly hoping you are entrenching yourself in the guy's life by having sex with him whenever he wants it.
I don't do the FWB thing because I can't do casual sex. I know that about myself, so I avoid it like the plague. I do not pass judgment on those who enjoy it. Live, and let live. And actually, I have more respect for people who are honest about the fact that sex is all they want. At least those people are giving you the option to take it or leave it. Saying you're okay with sex only, followed by massive hand-wringing over whether or not that person is involved with someone else is all sorts of fake.
I have never had nor know if I could do the FWB thing but am rather stunned today by how few ladies seem to understand or accept what it means and that is simply getting an itch scratched with both in agreement to the terms,not some sort of second level boyfriend.
It is no wonder so many come out hurt.
I said on another thread that I didn`t think 90% of women should ever consider it and that was because I thought they couldn`t abide by the rules.
Now I am more inclined to say the same but because they know the rules and choose to ignore them.
I have in the past but I realized a long time ago it was not something I could handle. Since that experience I learned that's not what I want. Some people can handle it and in that case if you are a FWB it should be just that... sex. Once that becomes something that you can't handle emotionally then you need to move on.0 -
I definitely think you should just cut off your FWB agreement and whether you mention his fiance to him or not is up to you. I do however think that even in a FWB arrangement each person still needs to be honest if they are sleeping with other people or attached. This gives you the opportunity to continue the agreement or not based on what you're comfortable with, plus I cannot imagine if you were blind sided and confronted by his fiance if she found out and you hand no knowledge he was even dating someone. Not cool at all and it sounds like he may need to grow up.0
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This may ruffle some feathers, but I think there are a ton of women who use the FWB label because it's a less bitter pill to swallow than "We're just sleeping together because that's all he wants from me." FWB implies that "sex only" is a mutual choice, and that makes the whole thing seem less pathetic than secretly hoping you are entrenching yourself in the guy's life by having sex with him whenever he wants it.
I don't do the FWB thing because I can't do casual sex. I know that about myself, so I avoid it like the plague. I do not pass judgment on those who enjoy it. Live, and let live. And actually, I have more respect for people who are honest about the fact that sex is all they want. At least those people are giving you the option to take it or leave it. Saying you're okay with sex only, followed by massive hand-wringing over whether or not that person is involved with someone else is all sorts of fake.
I have never had nor know if I could do the FWB thing but am rather stunned today by how few ladies seem to understand or accept what it means and that is simply getting an itch scratched with both in agreement to the terms,not some sort of second level boyfriend.
It is no wonder so many come out hurt.
I said on another thread that I didn`t think 90% of women should ever consider it and that was because I thought they couldn`t abide by the rules.
Now I am more inclined to say the same but because they know the rules and choose to ignore them.
I have in the past but I realized a long time ago it was not something I could handle. Since that experience I learned that's not what I want. Some people can handle it and in that case if you are a FWB it should be just that... sex. Once that becomes something that you can't handle emotionally then you need to move on.
I am not sure I would go as far as saying it has to almost be cold but always took it that it was what the name implied,two people without any relationship feelings having the benefit of sex and then walking away.
I don`t think I could do it without some kissing and pretty much what having sex entails...holding etc,some don`t want that and fine for them.
Gosh ladies...understand a guy takes the concept literally and not some abstract.
You can save yourself a lot of angst.0 -
This may ruffle some feathers, but I think there are a ton of women who use the FWB label because it's a less bitter pill to swallow than "We're just sleeping together because that's all he wants from me." FWB implies that "sex only" is a mutual choice, and that makes the whole thing seem less pathetic than secretly hoping you are entrenching yourself in the guy's life by having sex with him whenever he wants it.
I don't do the FWB thing because I can't do casual sex. I know that about myself, so I avoid it like the plague. I do not pass judgment on those who enjoy it. Live, and let live. And actually, I have more respect for people who are honest about the fact that sex is all they want. At least those people are giving you the option to take it or leave it. Saying you're okay with sex only, followed by massive hand-wringing over whether or not that person is involved with someone else is all sorts of fake.
I have never had nor know if I could do the FWB thing but am rather stunned today by how few ladies seem to understand or accept what it means and that is simply getting an itch scratched with both in agreement to the terms,not some sort of second level boyfriend.
It is no wonder so many come out hurt.
I said on another thread that I didn`t think 90% of women should ever consider it and that was because I thought they couldn`t abide by the rules.
Now I am more inclined to say the same but because they know the rules and choose to ignore them.
You two are cracking me up!! :laugh: You keep casting aspersions about FWB when you haven't had any personal experience with a FWB???? :huh:
Why is it that people pick the worst case scenario and then deem it the norm??
Let me repeat:
1. Nobody said anybody had to be emotionless! Some people choose to be, but that's not a rule, that's a defense mechanism!
2. Nobody I know has sex without kissing!! First I ever heard of that was on this forum.......ewww!
3. You can make up any rules you like as long as you both agree to them! From a wham bam thank you man once a month, to a stay over with dinner and breakfast 3x per week!
4. An exclusive FWB can be a rule if you both agree!!
Notwithstanding liars and cheats, which is what this thread is about, the arrangement can work fine for both involved.
The last thing I would say is that it certainly does NOT represent cold hearted sex!!! (although it might do for some!) What a FWB is, for a lot of us, is someone we dont want to commit to/have a relationship with! Those reasons can be because you've been recently hurt, you've had enough of the domesticity involved in a 'relationship', the person is younger or older than you, you have had a relationship but you've found out you can't live with each other, but still pretty much like each other........................etc.
There can be all sorts of reasons you fall into a FWB situation, cold sex and 'scratching an itch' just being at one end of the scale.
Like I said, it doesnt suit everyone, but it can work fine if people just stick to their mutual agreement :flowerforyou:0 -
It's about sex. No details. No kissing. No emotions.
No kissing? WTF? Are you serious? And yes, that is a serious question. Does nobody kiss their FWB? I highly doubt it.
You know what I mean. Romantic kissing under the stars type stuff.
No kissing after breakfast, etc.0 -
You two are cracking me up!! :laugh: You keep casting aspersions about FWB when you haven't had any personal experience with a FWB???? :huh:
Why is it that people pick the worst case scenario and then deem it the norm??
Let me repeat:
1. Nobody said anybody had to be emotionless! Some people choose to be, but that's not a rule, that's a defense mechanism!
2. Nobody I know has sex without kissing!! First I ever heard of that was on this forum.......ewww!
3. You can make up any rules you like as long as you both agree to them! From a wham bam thank you man once a month, to a stay over with dinner and breakfast 3x per week!
4. An exclusive FWB can be a rule if you both agree!!
Notwithstanding liars and cheats, which is what this thread is about, the arrangement can work fine for both involved.
The last thing I would say is that it certainly does NOT represent cold hearted sex!!! (although it might do for some!) What a FWB is, for a lot of us, is someone we dont want to commit to/have a relationship with! Those reasons can be because you've been recently hurt, you've had enough of the domesticity involved in a 'relationship', the person is younger or older than you, you have had a relationship but you've found out you can't live with each other, but still pretty much like each other........................etc.
There can be all sorts of reasons you fall into a FWB situation, cold sex and 'scratching an itch' just being at one end of the scale.
Like I said, it doesnt suit everyone, but it can work fine if people just stick to their mutual agreement :flowerforyou:
I get what you are saying but the issue I am talking about is entering one not being honest about abiding to the rules.
Those that understand and agree dishonestly have no one to blame but themselves for what happens.
The point came up because by definition unless stipulated otherwise it is a have sex,then you go your way and I will go mine.
If the exclusivity was stipulated then the person has a right to be mad,if it was assumed then you risk being burned.
I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept that it would be okay if it was known or if it was not a married situation.
Perhaps I misunderstood that though.0 -
It's about sex. No details. No kissing. No emotions.
No kissing? WTF? Are you serious? And yes, that is a serious question. Does nobody kiss their FWB? I highly doubt it.
No kissing during sex would be like hovering over the toilet to take a crap... can be done, but not easily perfected.0 -
It's about sex. No details. No kissing. No emotions.
No kissing? WTF? Are you serious? And yes, that is a serious question. Does nobody kiss their FWB? I highly doubt it.
You know what I mean. Romantic kissing under the stars type stuff.
No kissing after breakfast, etc.
I didn't actually know what you meant but I'm reassured a little bit...I guess.0
