I'm Very Pretty
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Bah.Can someone explain to me how a guy acting like a douche,which is a tangible thing (words,actions etc) but has some abstract and arbitrary quality that we will call "confidence" is desirable in either the short or long term?
Simply because "a relationship" is often preferable to "no relationship" when you're a stupid young girl (generally found in the less than 30 y.o. slice tbh, probably early 20s), with self esteem issues. Men around you are shy, inexperienced and don't ask girls out.
Then the douche comes out, ASKS YOU OUT (first time of your life!), you feel like you're worth something and you just stick with the man for years even though he doesn't care about you.
Most of the time, the only thing the douche does is asking the girl out, and from then on promising he will change, and the ladies are sentimental so they like this kind of crap (you know, stories of redemption, the happy endings and stuff) and so they stay around until they realise this is the real world and the guy is - in fact - doomed.
Then they become bitter old women and start posting here that they don't like douches.0 -
I think there is just a tendency to assume that a really confident guy is hard to get, so if he wants you, it lures you in for a bit. Then you realize what a douche he is, and you walk away (if you have any self-respect at all). I think it's the same thing with men and really attractive women. Even if they are total witches from the minute you meet, if they're really hot, you'll get enough of a high that you'll hang out for a bit before realizing you can't put up with her crap forever.0
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Can someone explain to me how a guy acting like a douche,which is a tangible thing (words,actions etc) but has some abstract and arbitrary quality that we will call "confidence" is desirable in either the short or long term?
I don't think the two mean the same thing. At least not in my eyes. With my exhusband .. he drove a hot car .. he wasn't available all the time .. had alot of friends .. he wasn't all clingy and needy .. made me feel like he would be just fine without me .. so I wanted to make him NOT fine without me. lol. It is all about the chase .. about making him choose me. So when he admitted feelings every now and again, I felt like the king of the world. The thrill of the chase "hid" the fact that he was a douche. lol. I only saw the good things he showed me every now and again .. that is what I focused on. After we were married is when I realized .. oh hell .. what did I get here? lol. When that stuff wasn't attractive anymore.
After we were married .. I wanted him to be the "nice" guy. So, if one can look past the excitement of landing the bad boy and realize that the nice guy is what they want as an end game ... the nice guy will win. Make sense? lololol.0 -
Then they become bitter old women and start posting here that they don't like douches.
Harsh dude. lol0 -
I think there are a lot of assumptions that people are douche bags... sure if you write some stupid horny message I think you get the title of being a douche bag. But in single peeps, I see many of the gals getting overly excited about 1 or 2 dates thinking he's the greatest guy ever and then when dude isn't interested he is an instant douche. I'm just going to throw this out there, the word douche bag is so overly used by woman that I'm just going to assume you're a douche bag for using it.... BLAH.0
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Simply because "a relationship" is often preferable to "no relationship" when you're a stupid young girl (generally found in the less than 30 y.o. slice tbh, probably early 20s), with self esteem issues. Men around you are shy, inexperienced and don't ask girls out.
Then the douche comes out, ASKS YOU OUT (first time of your life!), you feel like you're worth something and you just stick with the man for years even though he doesn't care about you.
Most of the time, the only thing the douche does is asking the girl out, and from then on promising he will change, and the ladies are sentimental so they like this kind of crap (you know, stories of redemption, the happy endings and stuff) and so they stay around until they realise this is the real world and the guy is - in fact - doomed.
Then they become bitter old women and start posting here that they don't like douches.
Story of my life.. except he wasn't the first guy to ask me out.. but he was the first guy like HIM to ask me out.0 -
Confidence to me is being comfortable in your own skin, going after what you want and having a back bone to stick up for yourself and those you care for. Douche is going after girls/guys because you think you deserve to have them but you don't care enough after the chase to actually put the energy into the relationship and make it grow.
Does that make sense?
Oh and both guys and girls can be douche bags but girls usually get called b!tch instead.0 -
But in single peeps, I see many of the gals getting overly excited about 1 or 2 dates thinking he's the greatest guy ever and then when dude isn't interested he is an instant douche. I'm just going to throw this out there, the word douche bag is so overly used by woman that I'm just going to assume your a douche bag for using it.... BLAH.
Us girls.. we like to talk. You know this and this group is proof that WE can talk. So in the real world, I talk to my friends about guys/ dates/ etc and yes I'd call guys *kitten*, *kitten*, jerks, etc if they pissed me off.. Maybe you see a lot more women on here talking about "douches" because we just talk/ vent more on here?
I'm not generalizing but I'm sure when boys are with the boys they talk about women/ dates/ etc using other words than "lady" or "woman". I'm not saying everybody but I have overheard many conversations between men at happy hours, restaurants, bars, parties, etc...0 -
THIS!!! my clothes will stay on. i do have a new 90 day goal, started yesterday, that is having an back that is worth of topless pics. but, it will be of my BACK!!!! i won't ever post a pic of me in a bikini, underwear, or anything close.
i have no opinion on the word douche. it's something women are not supposed to do. that's all it means to me. :-)I think he was just covering his *kitten* and really thought you were the pretty one. lol
This is exactly why I don't post any pictures of my progress that aren't fully clothed.0 -
. So, if one can look past the excitement of landing the bad boy and realize that the nice guy is what they want as an end game ... the nice guy will win. Make sense? lololol.
Yes, but unfortunately the "nice guys" aren't interested in the "nice girls." I, myself, prefer “nice guys.” They always enjoy my company, but pine away for the spicier/sexier/mean/psycho girls.0 -
Can someone explain to me how a guy acting like a douche,which is a tangible thing (words,actions etc) but has some abstract and arbitrary quality that we will call "confidence" is desirable in either the short or long term?
I was in a relationship with this guy for 2 and 1/2 years. His confidence is what attracted me to him. The first year of our relationship he was really sweet. The rest of our relationship he was mentally abusive towards me so that is why I associate confidence with a guy acting like a douche. I stayed with him for so long because of how good the first year was but eventually I just got sick of his actions. It also why I am bitter.0 -
I see many of the gals getting overly excited about 1 or 2 dates thinking he's the greatest guy ever and then when dude isn't interested he is an instant douche.
Funny you say this... b/c when I tell women on here not to judge a guy as awesome because of a few nice dates, I feel like a lot of people jump on me for being a kill joy.0 -
my girlfriends and i used a phrase in high school. it was aimed at this ONE particular guy that was cocky and hot, but truly a jerk.
jerk cancels out cute.
so, for me you could be this totally confident, hot, alpha male, but if you come across as a jerk ( at all) i'm not going to be the least bit attracted to you......... cuz jerk cancels out cute. :-) that's how it works in my world.Can someone explain to me how a guy acting like a douche,which is a tangible thing (words,actions etc) but has some abstract and arbitrary quality that we will call "confidence" is desirable in either the short or long term?
His "douche-ness" cancels out the attraction of his confidence and brings his desire factor back to zero. At least for me it does.0 -
I am kind of depressed that I don't get the creepy messages. Maybe I need a blonde wig.
Don't worry, I don't either.
I am also one who doesn't get any messages...0 -
No wonder women hate men.
Every bad guy negates ten good guys.
These things aren't true for me or most (of course not all) of the women I know. 'Course, I choose to surround myself with certain types of people... but anyway. Sane, intelligent people don't attribute the characteristics of one to the masses. And I say this having dated my share of j*ckoffs.
I got a message recently that opened with "You have a beautiful smile." Which is true, actually, but I'm not smiling in my picture so how the crap would he know? :huh: Compliments are great... when they make sense.0 -
I see many of the gals getting overly excited about 1 or 2 dates thinking he's the greatest guy ever and then when dude isn't interested he is an instant douche.
Funny you say this... b/c when I tell women on here not to judge a guy as awesome because of a few nice dates, I feel like a lot of people jump on me for being a kill joy.
People don't like honest, they want to hear what they want to hear. 1 or 2 dates is nothing to get excited about, make it 2 months and we'll talk.0 -
I am kind of depressed that I don't get the creepy messages. Maybe I need a blonde wig.
I can send you some of my creepy ones lol then you wont wish anymore lol0 -
People don't like honest, they want to hear what they want to hear.
Not true of all people, my friend. Lots of them, sure. It's why I'm so selective.
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My take on the Nice guy vs. Confident guy:
1. You can find both
2. What I have learned from here is, nice guys get old after awhile.
3. Maybe when you find the right confident guy he will also be nice, because he is very much into you!
4. A lot of crying on here today... mount up soldiers!0 -
I see many of the gals getting overly excited about 1 or 2 dates thinking he's the greatest guy ever and then when dude isn't interested he is an instant douche.
Funny you say this... b/c when I tell women on here not to judge a guy as awesome because of a few nice dates, I feel like a lot of people jump on me for being a kill joy.
People don't like honest, they want to hear what they want to hear. 1 or 2 dates is nothing to get excited about, make it 2 months and we'll talk.
Hey I get excited for a date because I haven't had one in ages but I don't call the guy a douche if it just didn't work out.0 -
Never used anything but Ladies (capitalised please!) and Women.I'm not generalizing but I'm sure when boys are with the boys they talk about women/ dates/ etc using other words than "lady" or "woman". I'm not saying everybody but I have overheard many conversations between men at happy hours, restaurants, bars, parties, etc...
:laugh:
(Actually I always use girl regardless of everything - chick when I'm in PUA mode)0 -
You are pretty, in a manly sort of way...0
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