I'm 5' 6" and fairly muscular (I was an athlete growing up) and have gotten down to 125 twice in my adult life (I normally sit at about 135). The first time, I got there with purely anorexic tendencies. I was eating one roll of 6 powdered Hostess donuts a day. I was 16, unhappy with my body and couldn't figure out how to get "skinny" thighs like the popular girls. I was working out 4+ hours a day, 5 days a week. I thought "hell, if I'm working out so much I guess the only way to get skinny is to starve yourself." So I did, for a while. Then I got a boyfriend and got in a healthier place with his support.

Fast forward to age 21, started packing on some 'college' pounds. My was feeling really low and my mom offered to pay for a few sessions with a trainer to get my started. He had me lift weights and I finally started to get more of the body that I always wanted. I always, always had belly my whole life and it finally started to go. I combined his workouts with a low-fat and low-carb diet I again lost weight (this time as low as 118) but felt like crap all the time and was tired because I didn't have enough nutrition. My hair and nails suffered also, not shiny and brittle. I was hardly eating any fat, which is not good for a woman's body.

Fast forward to now (age 25). Joined MFP in November 2011 at 142. Feeling fatter than ever and not able to wear a single pair of my jeans I was not happy. After a lot of trolling on the forums, I found a female friend- she is 5' 6" and weighs, dun dun dun.... 150, but she looks HOT! I mean super sexy in a bikini, and not masculine at all. She was my same height, but wearing smaller sizes even though she weighed more. How could this be possible I was thinking? Then the concept of skinny-fat clicked with me, and I started to focus on getting strong, and forgetting the scale. I always wanted that magical 125 number, but now I realized it's not really the number I'm after, it's really a particular body I'm trying to mold. Now I focus on fueling myself properly and getting the right workouts for my goal. My body is changing even though I'm not really losing much weight and I can almost fit into all of my jeans again. I've only lost 6 pounds and I'm still at 135 today, but a much better looking 135 than a year ago. My arms are thinner, waist smaller, and it's all because I have more lean muscle mass.

Honestly, no one ever knew I was starving myself so much back then, I completely hid it from my friends and family. I share my journey with you because it's real, and I want more women who are just trying to "lose that last 5 pounds" to feel empowered that the number on the scale doesn't matter so much. We all just want to look good in our clothes right? So who cares what the scale says? Who cares what the number on your driver's license is? I challenge you not worry so much about the number, and ask yourself what your real goal is. To look good in a bikini this summer? To fit back into your old pants? One term you should search is "body recomposition"- basically the concept of reshaping your body with muscle instead of fat. Now after 7 months on this site I feel stronger than ever (yes, even stronger than when I worked out 5 days/week for 4 hours, now I only do 3-4 days/week for 1 hour), I have more endurance, my hair is shiny, and my nails don't break! I get good nutrition and am developing a strong body. I want to keep this up for the rest of my life.