So I might be getting dumped.
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I gotta say, it sounds a lot like he's preparing for a break up - and this is one of those rare times that guys DON'T say what they mean, or what they are thinking. If he is preparing to break up with you those reasons are what he has come up with to justify it to you. There's probably another reason entirely that won't come to light. It could be legitimate, it could not, and you may never know either way.
Sucks though, hope I'm not just projecting my experiences and that he snaps out of it :<0 -
(((hugs)))
I hope it all works out for you0 -
It's been a long time since I've been through the dating thing...just getting out of a 20 year marriage. And looking back on THAT there were a lot of red flags I *should* have paid attention to.
In theory, when I do start dating again, I would like to pay better attention...but figuring out how to be in balance is hard. I think you are paying attention. It seems like he is planning his exit strategy. And we can parse everything he said and interpret what we think he means, or even disagree with his logic...but what he is saying is he thinks your difference are insurmountable.
This sucks because you seemed really happy. But, I know you know you deserve to be with someone who really appreciates what a catch you are.
{{{hugs}}}0 -
I'm so sad. I feel so mopey and haven't eaten today. I still haven't cried or anything but just feel awful.
We confirmed dinner plans earlier and he sent me my usual lunch text.0 -
I'm so sad. I feel so mopey and haven't eaten today. I still haven't cried or anything but just feel awful.
We confirmed dinner plans earlier and he sent me my usual lunch text.
I highly recommend working out. *hug*
Also, when I feel down, I google pictures of baby animals. It reminds me that no matter how awful I might feel there's still adorability that can make me smile
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I don't want to feel like I'm at his mercy. Hell no! I mean, I have freaked out before and he's reassured me and I was fine. But he isn't emotional like me and he seems to be the type that once he's made up his mind, it's made up. I'm more indecisive so he had wiggle room in my freak outs.
I don't want to be the "ooh pick me, pick me" chick. He knows I'm a good woman and that I treat him well and if he passes that up than he's just not that into ME apparently.
I like what you're saying, here. I also think it's fantastic that he has the balls to have a grown-up conversation about it... not that there is anything at all in my past that would be influencing that opinion. *cough*
I totally disagree that families aren't important... I would be less concerned about whether our two families get along than I would be if either family actually disliked one of us, but I'm quite close to my immediate family and spend a significant amount of time with them-- and value their opinions very much. I think it's just a very personal thing that is going to vary as much as sizes and hair colours. Personally, I kinda get it.
It's always such an amusement park ride, isn't it? I don't know what might make you feel better... but me? I'd probably watch a movie or something mindless like that. Hooray escapism!
:flowerforyou:0 -
I asked him why, so that is why he told me. I mean he started it by saying "I'm not sure if I see us together in the long run because of our differences".
Granted he looked torn. He said he was afraid to make a mistake by not giving it a chance. But then again, he was probably torn if he was trying to break up with me and I didn't cry and just sit there. I asked what was going on since I had no suspicion anything was wrong.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Another poster referred to me a dating guy named Evan Marc Katz. One thing he says is when you first start dating, keep it light, and don't confess secrets. For example - let's say you have a third nipple or a huge scar somewhere. Some people think it is their duty to warn people, and practically shout it from the rooftops. However, he says if you wait and tell the person later, they will be into you enough that it won't matter. But if you were to tell them right away it might be a dealbreaker. He was referring to this in the case of the person being a virgin, but I can see it being the thing with the family. Maybe if you wait to tell things like this, later it won't matter. You can't go back but you can make your future with him better by keeping things light in the beginning.0 -
{{{{{{{{huuuugs to my lady}}}}}}}}}}
This all sucks.
I know how much you like him. I hope things work out for the best.
Which they will. If you guys do break up, you know you'll be alright. Especially since you have us. :flowerforyou:0 -
I had a similar conversation with my bf a week ago. It was a bit of a role reversal from your situation.
I started the conversation by saying, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore” as an attempt at breaking up. He convinced me otherwise, but I still have those issues in the back of my head.
He is white and I am Hispanic. He was in LTR with another Latina, and I’ve dated other white guys before, but I never really saw myself in a LTR with someone who is not Hispanic. It feels like a compromise. There are aspects of my culture that he won’t be able to fully understand. Smiley might feel like it is a compromise and a deviation from what he had envisioned for his future. It shouldn’t be a deal breaker, but something he has to work on accepting.
I also feel like we are moving to slow when it comes to emotions and love. I told him that I don’t think we are meant to be and I feel that something is missing. I don’t want to waste his time or break his heart in the future. It seems like Smiley feels the same way. My bf said that the best relationships are those that move slowly. I admit I am a bit of a pessimist and have commitment issues, and my bf called me out on that ****. Does Smiley have them too?
It seems like he had a bit of a freak out like did, but those are real issues that need to be addressed and worked through. My bf was completely understanding and reassuring. If he freaked out and panicked, he didn’t show it too much. I am still not 100 percent sure if I really want to dump him or if I am having commitment issues. I don’t think I’ll ever know, but I am a bit younger than you guys and less experienced at listening to my feelings.
Good luck and hugs.0 -
How are things? 0
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I've given this some thought. If Smiley is confuddled, then this is a good thing. He needs to understand himself and know what a relationship with you is worth (and costs). Family, personality, and the rest be damned. You are worth his best.
I don't know him. I hope he's not a player.
Either way, you have been a brilliant GF to him. Hold your head up high!0 -
Diana, I'm so sorry :frown:
I'm hoping it's that he's fallen fast and is just a bit scared as he knows it could be long term, so is overthinking everything. I agree with Allan, you've given this your all despite being really scared at times, so have every reason to be proud of yourself. Be brave xx0 -
What happened this weekend? *poke poke* You okay?
:flowerforyou:0 -
Maybe he's just manstrating.0
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I will say I am damn proud of myself! I was scared the whole time and I still surrendered so to speak. I made mistakes and I regret them but I got back out there.
We spent the weekend together. The "stuff" wasn't brought up by him or I. Friday we ate at his, hung out with bro and the gf then had a good night. Saturday we got up, he was doing something to car so I went for a run with his dog then we showered and went to his old roommates house for a while. We agreed to come back to his place but to hang out at mine for a while. We did that and came back, he grilled burgers for me and had a good quiet evening. His old roommate invited us to go camping but he wasn't prepared so boo on that.
Sunday I had planned to come early but he declared a lazy day where we just sat around, went to breakfast and then watched tv and played video games! :bigsmile:
It was an okay weekend. At first, I felt I was doing the walking on eggshells type of deal but F that. I'm not doing that!! If I feel I need to be careful in all I do, I'm out. I won't put up with that.
On Saturday I came back from my run and he was already inside watching NASCAR. I told him he looked mopey to which he replied he had already told me, he just feels like crawling in a hole for a little bit. (he has)
So yeah, the night of our conversation, he kept saying he was confused, he didn't know, what a dumbass he was being, kept putting his head down and rubbing it with his hands, and he said a couple of times how he wanted to crawl into a hole for 6 months. When I asked why he just said he was very stressed. I know he has an interview today with a new company. I know he's been unhappy for a while with his job. 2 weeks ago he lost in this big competition thing he had been working on in school. He took it very hard. I showed up with a 12 pack and just hugged him for like 10 minutes straight. I mean, he was pretty low. Then his finances suffered for almost a month during a stressful time (he's moving). He said this has made him very unhappy and he feels pretty miserable about not having money.
I do remember that night also, I told him if he was pushing me away permanently (breaking up with me), that I wasn't going to wait around for him. I offered him space and understanding, but if he were to break up with me, I probably wouldn't get back with him. He asked "ever??" I said "no". Maybe that was a mistake but I've done nothing wrong AND I've told him a couple of times that I'm there for him broke or not. I don't mind hanging out, cooking, renting a movie. About 2 weeks ago, he even assured me (I didn't ask) that it wasn't forever.. just give him some time to which I gave an awesome gf answer.
Anyway, we were playful, we talked and then there were quiet moments but instead of me freaking out, I just enjoyed being with him and sure enough, he'd come around. I'm not playing games per say but the couple of times I was quiet (because I'm always talking!), he would ask me what was I thinking.
We'll see. Of course, now I feel he's bursted my bubble and I'm looking to see if this is what I want as well. I like him but he has his flaws and I guess I'm just weighing out the pros and cons now as he obviously has/ is.
Last night I told him let's just see each other once during the week so he wanted Tuesday but I wanted Wednesday so Wednesday he's coming to mine. I'm taking it a whole notch down and only seeing him once during the week and then we'll see how the weekend goes.
What do ya'll think?0 -
Sounds like you're doing everything right. If he's that stressed out it's probably not a bad idea to give him some time to himself. I know usually with me, if things start out hot and heavy and then go really fast I usually freak out a little bit. Relationships can be a lot of work, and when you're preoccupied with other things it can all get very overwhelming very quickly if you're not used to it. Especially once the honeymoon phase wears off and you develop real feelings for that person.
There have been plenty of times where I've felt like crawling into a hole too. But you can't really do that when you're in a relationship because there are other peoples feelings at stake.
Does he work out at all? See if you can get him to go for a run with you. I know sometimes when I fall into a funk it's usually when I haven't worked out in a while. There are some days that just feel like the worst day of my life for no particular reason and then I'll go for a run and feel literally a thousand times better. So the best thing you can do is be supportive, but not overwhelming, so it sounds like you're doing it right.0 -
Sounds good to me hun. He needs some space, so you're giving it to him. And you're looking after you're own interests too :bigsmile:
It's a shame the bubble has burst, but hey, that's what always happens at one point or another, it just depends if you both stick around to blow another one!!0 -
It sounds to me like you are both progressing beyond that first blush of infatuation to a deeper and maybe eventually more mature and committed relationship. 0
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It sounds to me like you are both progressing beyond that first blush of infatuation to a deeper and maybe eventually more mature and committed relationship.
We shall see. I don't think it's happening yet but if I start feeling like he's taking notes on my every move or what I say then I'm calling it quits. Maybe I'm jumping into assumptions. For now, I'm okay. I'm calm and taking it a day at a time. Yesterday we were talking like normal and making plans for the future such as wanting to go watch a NASCAR race in November or going to his dads (whom I haven't met yet) to shoot.
I kind of wanted to tell him to go hide in his cave and then call me when he wants to come out! I'm just not sure if that's a smart thing to do. I just don't want to be another reason for stress (he suffers from anxiety) and honestly when I look back, I have been at times. At the same time, I'm not going to sit here and blame myself. All I can do is work on today by being present and being wise. In the end, if that's not enough, I'm just not the one for him and vice versa.0 -
Yeh .. you just have to be you. If he can't handle it .. then he can't. Definitely relationships are about compromise .. and you can certainly be more aware when you need to be, but you can't change the core of who you are.
Everything happens for a reason ..0 -
It sounds to me like you are both progressing beyond that first blush of infatuation to a deeper and maybe eventually more mature and committed relationship.
We shall see. I don't think it's happening yet but if I start feeling like he's taking notes on my every move or what I say then I'm calling it quits. Maybe I'm jumping into assumptions. For now, I'm okay. I'm calm and taking it a day at a time. Yesterday we were talking like normal and making plans for the future such as wanting to go watch a NASCAR race in November or going to his dads (whom I haven't met yet) to shoot.
I kind of wanted to tell him to go hide in his cave and then call me when he wants to come out! I'm just not sure if that's a smart thing to do. I just don't want to be another reason for stress (he suffers from anxiety) and honestly when I look back, I have been at times. At the same time, I'm not going to sit here and blame myself. All I can do is work on today by being present and being wise. In the end, if that's not enough, I'm just not the one for him and vice versa.
lol, nascar, not even once.
I hate that damn "sport".0 -
It sounds to me like you are both progressing beyond that first blush of infatuation to a deeper and maybe eventually more mature and committed relationship.
We shall see. I don't think it's happening yet but if I start feeling like he's taking notes on my every move or what I say then I'm calling it quits. Maybe I'm jumping into assumptions. For now, I'm okay. I'm calm and taking it a day at a time. Yesterday we were talking like normal and making plans for the future such as wanting to go watch a NASCAR race in November or going to his dads (whom I haven't met yet) to shoot.
I kind of wanted to tell him to go hide in his cave and then call me when he wants to come out! I'm just not sure if that's a smart thing to do. I just don't want to be another reason for stress (he suffers from anxiety) and honestly when I look back, I have been at times. At the same time, I'm not going to sit here and blame myself. All I can do is work on today by being present and being wise. In the end, if that's not enough, I'm just not the one for him and vice versa.
lol, nascar, not even once.
I hate that damn "sport".
Um hello? I didn't even know it was considered a sport. I asked him about it yesterday during breakfast and he explained a lot of it to me. Seems pretty cool. (see what a great freaking gf I am?!?!)
I just like going to events where the crowd is rowdy/ crazy!0 -
It sounds to me like you are both progressing beyond that first blush of infatuation to a deeper and maybe eventually more mature and committed relationship.
We shall see. I don't think it's happening yet but if I start feeling like he's taking notes on my every move or what I say then I'm calling it quits. Maybe I'm jumping into assumptions. For now, I'm okay. I'm calm and taking it a day at a time. Yesterday we were talking like normal and making plans for the future such as wanting to go watch a NASCAR race in November or going to his dads (whom I haven't met yet) to shoot.
I kind of wanted to tell him to go hide in his cave and then call me when he wants to come out! I'm just not sure if that's a smart thing to do. I just don't want to be another reason for stress (he suffers from anxiety) and honestly when I look back, I have been at times. At the same time, I'm not going to sit here and blame myself. All I can do is work on today by being present and being wise. In the end, if that's not enough, I'm just not the one for him and vice versa.
lol, nascar, not even once.
I hate that damn "sport".
Um hello? I didn't even know it was considered a sport. I asked him about it yesterday during breakfast and he explained a lot of it to me. Seems pretty cool. (see what a great freaking gf I am?!?!)
I just like going to events where the crowd is rowdy/ crazy!
It's boring. No point in watching until the last 5 laps or accidents. Left hand turn. Over and over. And over. And over. My roommate watches it. I'd rather watch dog crap dry.0 -
It's boring. No point in watching until the last 5 laps or accidents. Left hand turn. Over and over. And over. And over. My roommate watches it. I'd rather watch dog crap dry.
I agree!0 -
I was thinking about you this weekend. Sounds to me like things went well and he's just scared. He has a right to be scared. Us girls that are outgoing and know what we want can be scary.0
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It's boring. No point in watching until the last 5 laps or accidents. Left hand turn. Over and over. And over. And over. My roommate watches it. I'd rather watch dog crap dry.
I agree!
1-2 years ago it wasn't as boring as it is this year. There a lot of strategies that have been taken out of it. And it is a sport it takes a lot of hand/eye cordination along with a lot of muscles used. This isn't like driving your car at 200mph. Some drivers have worn HRM during and their average HR for over 3 hours is 170. It is more of a sport then golf is.0 -
I am glad things went well, and it sounds like you did exactly what needed to be done - give him his space. That is really all you can do for him at this point and just keep being yourself.
He would for sure be a fool to let an amazing woman like you go!0 -
It's always been boring. Especially on TV.It's boring. No point in watching until the last 5 laps or accidents. Left hand turn. Over and over. And over. And over. My roommate watches it. I'd rather watch dog crap dry.
I agree!
1-2 years ago it wasn't as boring as it is this year. There a lot of strategies that have been taken out of it. And it is a sport it takes a lot of hand/eye cordination along with a lot of muscles used. This isn't like driving your car at 200mph. Some drivers have worn HRM during and their average HR for over 3 hours is 170. It is more of a sport then golf is.
The only thing challenging about Nascar is holding your pee for 5 hours.
It's not a challenging sport at all.
Golf, is much more of a sport, for many, many reasons.
But, we'll agree to disagree.0 -
It's always been boring. Especially on TV.It's boring. No point in watching until the last 5 laps or accidents. Left hand turn. Over and over. And over. And over. My roommate watches it. I'd rather watch dog crap dry.
I agree!
1-2 years ago it wasn't as boring as it is this year. There a lot of strategies that have been taken out of it. And it is a sport it takes a lot of hand/eye cordination along with a lot of muscles used. This isn't like driving your car at 200mph. Some drivers have worn HRM during and their average HR for over 3 hours is 170. It is more of a sport then golf is.
The only thing challenging about Nascar is holding your pee for 5 hours.
It's not a challenging sport at all.
Golf, is much more of a sport, for many, many reasons.
But, we'll agree to disagree.
Yeah I tried to watch it one time. Fell asleep. Soccer/Futbol is more my speed.0 -
I wasn't aware he suffered from anxiety. This puts things in a difference spin. Obviously like you pointed out he has a lot going on, and when someone has anxiety that can make them feel like the rest of their life just isn't working out, lead to panic and sometimes terrible decisions all while trying to just get things back on track. The best thing to do is to let it figure itself out, quietly be supportive and positive. No amount of rationale or reassurance will make this stop before he figures it out on his own. Distraction is a much more effective technique.
On that note, not many people can tolerate someone that has anxiety disorder. Just the same as you might not want to date someone with chronic depression, bipolar disorder or any other number of problems, it doesn't make you a bad person if you can't/don't want to handle it. Look at your relationship now, this is a down and it's going to happen again. And again. And again. Sure there is some management through therapy or medication but that isn't a cure and there will be relapses.
I'm not saying every time he suffers anxiety he's going to question your relationship, I think this one is the current target because it's all still so new and there's all these other things coupled with it.
What you have to examine is if this is something you can, or want, to handle. Can you make it through this patch? Can you see yourself making through it again? Are the high points enough to make up for the low?
Of course, I am also basing this on the idea that he actually has anxiety and not just a bad month. I could have misread.0
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