I don't have the support system in my day-to-day life to make it easier. I would like to find that in a relationship... but at the same time, I think it keeps me from pursuing a relationship.

How do I fix it?

Physical attraction is not, however, purely based on waist size. Although it does help tremendously, I agree, nobody will get past your waist size indeed if this is all you have to offer to people (I know this isn't the case!).
But it seems you lack the confidence to show those others things that could interest some men by thinking nobody will go past the size anyway so why bother.

Anyway, you can look into things like fashion/make-up, accessories, sexyness (dress yourself up until you feel sexy), body language, understanding the male mind (working on your signals/asking men out), humour/theatre, chit-chat/how to respond properly in the first minutes, etc. while you wait for the weight to drop.
There are about 50 different ways you can improve the way you attract people and they all take a bit of time to learn.

Physical attraction is not, however, purely based on waist size. Although it does help tremendously, I agree, nobody will get past your waist size indeed if this is all you have to offer to people (I know this isn't the case!).
But it seems you lack the confidence to show those others things that could interest some men by thinking nobody will go past the size anyway so why bother.

Anyway, you can look into things like fashion/make-up, accessories, sexyness (dress yourself up until you feel sexy), body language, understanding the male mind (working on your signals/asking men out), humour/theatre, chit-chat/how to respond properly in the first minutes, etc. while you wait for the weight to drop.
There are about 50 different ways you can improve the way you attract people and they all take a bit of time to learn.

Yeah, I agree with this.

You can make yourself feel more attractive by being more attractive!! Turning the negative into a positive. Dress, make-up, attitude, personality all play a big part in attraction.

My sister has always been about your size, and she is one of the most beautiful people I know. She has THE most beautiful smile and always uses it. I dont know anyone that sees her fat! Least of all her boyfriend! Go look up some plus size models and see how they exude confidence.......

You always strike me as a bit down on yourself OP. Your posts are usually loaded with self deprecation. That kind of thing needs to stop! Look in the mirror every day and say "I am beautiful, I love myself" And then walk down the road with a spring in your step, chest out, head up and smile on your face :bigsmile:

I assume is purely based on my looks/body at the time because we never even got a chance to sit down and get to know each other!

I don't have the support system in my day-to-day life to make it easier. I would like to find that in a relationship... but at the same time, I think it keeps me from pursuing a relationship.

How do I fix it?

I agree with the other posters, but this here I have to say is not the line of thinking to success. You have to not look to anyone else for support and instead start looking to yourself for it. You have to not hope for a relationship to happen that will be supportive to help you get to your goals because that may not happen. Health and physical fitness are personal and a commitment to yourself and you have to go into it thinking "I'm doing this for me."

First - there is a huge difference between support and motivation. I'm not looking for motivation, I have plenty of that. I'm not looking for a relationship as reason to get healthy. Support is a totally different issue entirely.

How do you fix it? Start lifting heavy weights. You'll start losing body fat and feel the most results the quickest. For support join the female weight lifting groups on here (New Rules of Lifting for Women or StrongLifts 5x5) and take a look at the "eat more to weigh less" for diary help. Once you get into a good routine with weights you'll be sleeping like a baby.

I didn't ask how to fix my body, I asked how to fix the mental image issues. Your assumptions are outrageous, btw. I do lift. I also do cardio. My workouts have nothing to do with my sleep issues. (BTW, my sleep issues are schedule problems, not quantity problems. I get 7-9 hours, they're just between 3 am and noon...)

Also - I have NO problem talking to guys. I'm an engineer, that just comes with the territory. I spend more time surrounded by testosterone than any woman should. I do understand the way men think better than most; my mind tends to run along the same paths. I live in the zone balanced between practical logic and gutter-mindedness. I also logically know that I can appeal to guys in a way most women would never begin to compare to. That's a whole different problem, though. I tend to become "one of the guys" and my flirting is just shrugged off as humor, unless I do something majorly outrageous... and then you get the whole friend zone discussion... but that's another thread.

While I don't wear makeup (I consider it a waste of money, honestly, and I don't need it), I do fix my hair and dress up on a very regular basis. Me walking into a class campus in a blazer, skirt, and heels is not at all unusual. The security guards have even memorized the clip-clop of my heels and know it's me before they see me. Some of the under-grad classmates assumed I taught in another department. I'm 5'8 to begin with, in heels I'm closer to 6'. I can command a class room, walking the fine balance between humor and seriousness, confident that I look decent and know the material I'm lecturing on. Honestly, my bigger concern there is being too intimidating... but that's, again, a discussion previously held in another thread.

I don't think you necessarily have to think any differently about yourself. I think that your choice of words matter though. I had a professor that would ask me how I am today. My standard response was "okay." To which he would say, "Just okay? It's such a wonderful day. Why are aren't you doing any better than okay?" He pretty much conditioned me to say "I am doing great." or "incredible" or "excellent", etc. To this day I still answer like that. You would be amazed how many conversations come out of "Excellent! How are you today." as an answer to "how are you?" People here "okay" and it kills any conversation. Who wants to follow up on being okay today?

Short story here in response. When I was a teenager, I would refuse to tell my parents (or anybody for that matter) that I was "fine." Fine had a different meaning for teenagers of that era (beautiful, sexy, etc) which my parents didn't get... and I never felt I met that description. Being 20lbs overweight in HS resulted in torment by the other kids and the beginning of some very negative physical self-image problems which, obviously, I haven't conquered yet.

I want to stress... this is NOT the reason I'm losing weight, and honestly, I really don't think losing weight is the answer. I have had body image issues since I was a size 14 in HS, at 20 lbs overweight. As a result, I tend to treat my body as a vehicle, not as a part of my "self"... and that's not healthy. I'm working on fixing that... was just looking for some tips.

Also, for those of you who think I'm always down on myself... I've been through a lot of schitt in the last 6 months. I failed a thesis defense, lost a relationship, lost my job (within the same week, btw), my grandparents divorced, lost a pet, and I moved. I also achieved a 3.5 in my Spring classes; passed the entrance exam to PhD and was given a fellowship to stay on; I payed off my < 3 yr old vehicle, and re-established my independence by getting a place w/o roommates. My celebrations have had little to do with this group, so they don't get expanded upon here. Some of those stressors do, and have. When I have successes that impact my "single-tude" you'll hear about them. They're just few and far between.

Forgive me I don't know how to do the cool writing between quotes, but I need clarification between the difference between support and motivation? Or at the least if you have all this motivation why aren't you making it happen?


As for the weight lifting .... Great call by running dirty. We cannot tell you are lifting weights because you have zero exercise logged in your diary save a 45 minute walk. S to the peeps here who look to make constructive criticisms it looks like you don't do squat to help yourself. When we point out you don't do any exercise and your posts are often self deprecating or outright bashing yourself you then appear offended and lash out at us!?! I don't get it but it does kind of piss me off

... would it ever have occurred to you that I don't like the way MFP logs exercise, so I track that elsewhere? Also, what makes you think I'm not making weight loss it happen? You don't know where I started this journey.

Motivation: providing with a reason, inducement, or incentive
Support: to sustain a person's mind, spirits, courage, etc. during trial and stresses

As for lashing out... insinuations that I'm a lazy fat *kitten* who needs to actually TRY to lose weight, yeah that rather hits a nerve, too. I may have been born white trash, but I've come a long way from there. If you were observant enough to note that I'm a bit self-depricating, you should have also observed that I'm working on a PhD in Engineering. If the answer was obvious or easy, I wouldn't be asking the question.

That said, none of this has been lashing out. I'm not angry... a bit disappointed maybe... but not angry.