My name is Lola, and I am trying to mae a change.
lolamwest
Posts: 40
This is my first post on this site, and I will start by saying that posting about having bulimia on a public forum is like giving a speech in front of a large crowd while wearing nothing but a bright pink feather boa. My insecurities are not a new sensation though, and I have become so used to feeling displaced that I suppose it is time to step up and talk about it.
I am a 24 year old female who has suffered from bulimia since I was 14 years old. Looking at me though, you would never know it. I am a curvaceous woman who struggles internally and externally with my weight, body issues, and insecurities. Sometimes I feel like I am in control of my disease ( I call it a disease because it plagues me night and day, and for me at least, it is not a switch or feeling i can turn on/off). When I am in control, I can go weeks without purging, and at those times, I feel like Rose standing with her arms outstretched on the bow of the Titanic. Other times, my disease takes me on a wild and crazy ride, and before you know it, I have vomited six times and I going down with sinking ship.
I am not bold enough to speak for all people who suffer from an eating disorder, so I will only speak from my own personal experiences. I am at war with myself every day and would love nothing more than to throw up the white flag and surrender. My name is Lola, and I am trying to get better. I have spoken up about my problem and It is no longer a secret hiding within me, waiting to escape and embarrass me in the crowd. I want to live a long happy life, and be strong enough to enjoy it. So staring today, I AM MAKING THE CHANGE.
I look at all the happy smiling faces on people who have used this website to change their lives, and I am hoping that in the months to come I am wearing a happy smiling face too, not because i am thin and sexy (though that would be nice too), but because i am content enough with myself to say, I am better now.
Thank you MFP.
I am a 24 year old female who has suffered from bulimia since I was 14 years old. Looking at me though, you would never know it. I am a curvaceous woman who struggles internally and externally with my weight, body issues, and insecurities. Sometimes I feel like I am in control of my disease ( I call it a disease because it plagues me night and day, and for me at least, it is not a switch or feeling i can turn on/off). When I am in control, I can go weeks without purging, and at those times, I feel like Rose standing with her arms outstretched on the bow of the Titanic. Other times, my disease takes me on a wild and crazy ride, and before you know it, I have vomited six times and I going down with sinking ship.
I am not bold enough to speak for all people who suffer from an eating disorder, so I will only speak from my own personal experiences. I am at war with myself every day and would love nothing more than to throw up the white flag and surrender. My name is Lola, and I am trying to get better. I have spoken up about my problem and It is no longer a secret hiding within me, waiting to escape and embarrass me in the crowd. I want to live a long happy life, and be strong enough to enjoy it. So staring today, I AM MAKING THE CHANGE.
I look at all the happy smiling faces on people who have used this website to change their lives, and I am hoping that in the months to come I am wearing a happy smiling face too, not because i am thin and sexy (though that would be nice too), but because i am content enough with myself to say, I am better now.
Thank you MFP.
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Replies
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Lola, so glad you are here...welcome to EM2WL:flowerforyou:0
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so glad you came here Lola:) the people here are wonderful and very supportive0
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Huge welcome Lola, you will find extremely supportive friends here. I'm hoping someone who has travelled your road will be able to guide you through this part.
Rach:flowerforyou:0 -
Hi Lola! This is obviously a brave first step for you so welcome to this amazing group! You'll love it here!!!0
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Yay you checked it out.
Look at all the stickies and keep asking question.
But I feel I need to add ... From personal experience I would really super strongly suggest you talk to a therapist/ councillor. It took me about 7 years to get what felt halfway better cos initially I didn't have the right professional support and I ended up having to repeat a year at uni and missed out on thing in my 20's I need not have because of my own internal war. In the end a combination of self education from recovery books, a councillor and cognitive behavioural therapy,and some time on antidepressant meds helped me start to live fully again... And they plus time got me to where I am now. I admit I have 6lb or so vanity lbs that I would like to lose but I'm actually lighter and a million times happier now than I was at the peak of my illness and am eating lots and enjoying cooking and most of all mental peace with food on the whole.0 -
THank you all for making me feel Welcome!!! My mind feels a little lighter already
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Yay you checked it out.
Look at all the stickies and keep asking question.
But I feel I need to add ... From personal experience I would really super strongly suggest you talk to a therapist/ councillor. It took me about 7 years to get what felt halfway better cos initially I didn't have the right professional support and I ended up having to repeat a year at uni and missed out on thing in my 20's I need not have because of my own internal war. In the end a combination of self education from recovery books, a councillor and cognitive behavioural therapy,and some time on antidepressant meds helped me start to live fully again... And they plus time got me to where I am now. I admit I have 6lb or so vanity lbs that I would like to lose but I'm actually lighter and a million times happier now than I was at the peak of my illness and am eating lots and enjoying cooking and most of all mental peace with food on the whole.
Yes, I took your advice. Thank you very much.
I hope to be as happy and as balanced as you are some day. I do hope to see a professional one day, but for now my budget is a bit tight, and I am hoping to try to cope through a few changes. Sometimes i find that if i make too many changes at once, I become overwhelmed and have difficulty following through with any one thing. Hoping for strenth though. 0 -
Welcome to the group Lola. It sounds like you've managed to take a huge step in posting here. You have my admiration.0
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